SASS AND BASH? MORE LIKE DUMB AND DUMBER
Narrator: Bea asked me to lead into her comments for her upcoming match at Climax Control 273 by having the Network show a surveillance video of an incident that took place at the Cruse Crossing Kroger Grocery Store on Herrington Road in Lawrenceville, Georgia. She asked this be shown to give everyone an idea how tough she is.
We open with a scene of Bea Barnhart coming out of the Cruse Crossing Kroger Grocery Store located on Herrington Road in Lawrenceville, Georgia. We don’t know when this particular event took place but we know it is surveillance camera video of an incident that happened about a year ago.
Bea comes out of the Kroger Grocery Store pushing one of the large shopping carts that is full of the items she purchased. When she arrives at her car she opens the trunk and starts loading her purchases into the trunk. We see two large men run up and attack Bea and try to steal her purchases. Since Bea was leaning into the trunk when the two men attacked she didn’t see them coming but she felt their presence. Realizing she was in danger Bea grabbed a tire iron that was in her trunk and when one of the men grabbed her, and the other tried stealing her groceries, she swung the tire iron back behind her and whacked the man holding onto her in the ribs, then she turned toward him and kicked him in the groin, and the man drops to the pavement. She turns around and swings the tire iron at the head of the second man which knocks the man unconscious and he drops her grocery bags as he collapses to the pavement. Apparently one of the other customers called 911 as several Gwinnett Police vehicles came into the parking lot and arrested the two men.
The video is done playing and the scene shifts to Bea Barnhart at the room at the Saxon Hotel where she and Bill and Iris are staying. She is dressed casually in blue jeans, a pink pullover shirt, and pink athletic shoes. Bea is sitting on a chair next to the couch and she looks into the camera and begins her comments.
Bea: The Narrator told me ahead of time what what video he was going to show you on the screen. I didn’t want it shown but now that it is public I will talk about it. When someone f*cks with me they get f*cked with in return by me. When two men tried to kidnap me and steal my groceries and possibly my car I f*cked them up and they’re still in prison to this day.
Bea lets out a loud sigh.
Bea: *SIGH* I was able to take out two men who were larger and heavier than me. It isn’t the size that matters it is how you handle yourself that counts. At Climax Control 273 me and Bill, as a Mixed Tag Team, face off against the team of Sass and Bash consisting of Malachi and Bella Madison. Apparently the wrestling gods have a major sense of humor by creating you two and then getting you to combine as a Mixed Tag Team. Maybe instead of the name Sass and Bash maybe you could have called yourselves Dumb and Dumber. But since that was a title of a movie maybe Lame and Lazy would be a more appropriate name for your team.
Bea laughs for a bit.
Bea: I heard rumors that you two immediately whined to Management to demand to know why you got assigned to me and Bill in a Mixed Tag Team match instead of getting a shot at the Mixed Tag Team Championship. I heard you claimed it wasn’t fair that the King for the Day, Jack Washington, made a non-title match for you against us. I also heard that the King for the Day put you in your place and told you to shut the hell up. If you’re so great that you feel you should be handed a shot at the Mixed Tag Team Championship you would have received that match. But you didn’t receive that match because you don’t deserve it. Hopefully the winner of our match, me and Bill of course, will receive a shot at the Mixed Tag Team Champions for our win. But that decision is with Management and the two of us don’t run around demanding shots at Championships like you do. We earn what we get.
Iris, Bill and Bea’s English Bulldog, walks into the room and she walks by Mommy Bea and looks up at her then continues walking until she is out of camera range.
Bea: Bella let me focus on you for a moment since in our Mixed Tag Team match it is female wrestler versus female wrestler and male wrestler versus male wrestler. You know the rules of the match Bella. If we are the legal wrestlers in the ring and one of us tags our partner into the match then both of us need to leave the ring to the men. If the two men are the legal wrestlers in the ring and one of them tags their partner into the match then both male wrestlers must leave the ring. No male on female or female on male thing. Hope that wasn’t overly confusing for your pathetic little pea brain but at least you can’t claim you didn’t know the rules of the match.
Bea gives two thumbs up into the camera.
Bea: To be honest with you Bella I hope the majority of the match is with us two as the legal wrestlers in the ring. With Bill having a height advantage over Malachi of six inches and a weight advantage over Malachi of 65 pounds having Bill and Malachi as the legal wrestlers in the match means we would have an extremely short match before we are declared the winners. Bill would defeat Malachi so quickly he would break the Sound Barrier and cause a sonic boom in the process. But with us two as the legal wrestlers in the ring we are more evenly matched, not in wrestling abilities, but in height and weight, so at least we are closer in size and weight than Bill and Malachi are. We’re the same height but I have five pounds more weight. Therefore the advantage is that I have outstanding wrestling skills, I’m quick in the ring, and I love to make opponents submit. Good luck, girl, you damn sure gonna need it!
Bea stands up from the chair and walks closer to the camera so they can get a close shot of her face.
Bea: While I get along well with Bill as his Tag Team partner and he with me I don’t see where you two have much in common except an attitude of bragging about something you don’t possess. You two simply don’t mix. You two don’t meld together. You two are like polar opposites and that will cause your demise in our match. There are other things that also don’t mix. Oil and water don’t mix. Metal forks and electrical outlets don’t mix. Bathtubs and toasters don’t mix. Your face and a wall don’t mix. Super glue and your fingers don’t mix. The list goes on and on but at the top of the list is that Malachi and Bella don’t mix. Thanks to everyone who tuned in today to hear my comments on my upcoming match. Bye!
With the cue from Bea that her comments are over the cameraman cuts his camera feed. He did it so quickly that the Network was caught off guard and the screen goes black. It takes the Network about 30 seconds to switch over to a commercial break to fill the air time.
