IT ISN’T ALWAYS THE BIGGEST IN A FIGHT THAT WINS
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We are taken back to when Bea Barnhart lived in the Philippines. This, of course, is well before she met and married Bill Barnhart, as she was still a teen at the time. Since her family lived outside of the city of Manila they had to travel long distances to obtain food, water, and other needed items. Most of the kids where Bea lived tried to get all their stuff in one trip. When they loaded everything to bring it back to their home the load was so heavy and unstable they ended up dropping most of the items along the way because they tried to carry too much in one trip. They couldn’t walk fast as they were carrying such a heavy load. Having to stop and pick up the items they dropped, and readjusting their heavy load numerous times, then stopping many times to rest and regain their energy, then reload items to try to carry them in one trip again, caused them to take four to six hours to accomplish the task.
Bea had to travel the same distance to and from the stores to get the same items as the other kids but she had a different approach. Instead of trying to get all the items from her shopping trip to her home by attempting to carry everything at once, causing her to drop stuff and have to rest numerous times, Bea separated the items into smaller, lighter loads which allowed her to walk, and even run, with her items so that she was able to bring the same amount of items home as the other kids but in less than half the time. Where it would take the other kids from four to six hours to get everything home, due to dropping items and resting a lot, Bea could get the same number of items home in less than two to three hours.
The moral of the story is that sometimes breaking large heavy things into smaller and lighter items which are easy to control and manipulate is the way to be successful and win.
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Narrator: Although Bea Barnhart to be giving up 110 pounds of weight to Bobbie Dahl, and some of you may consider this a difficult challenge for Bea, you need to know it isn’t always the biggest or heaviest in a fight who wins the fight.
The scene changes to the hotel room of Bea Barnhart which she shares with her husband Bill Barnhart and their English Bulldog Iris. Bea is casually dressed in blue jeans, a light blue pullover shirt, and white athletic shoes. She is sitting on a chair next to the couch for her presentation and next to her chair is a table with a hot cup of coffee on it.
Bea: I’m in our hotel room by myself. Bill and Iris are out walking around the hotel to get Iris some exercise. I’m here to talk about my upcoming match against Bobbie Dahl. Bobbie I’m not taking you lightly as you’ve accomplished a few things in the sport of wrestling. One of your accomplishments is to show how you can eat four times as much as everyone else at the all-you-can-eat buffet. There’s no doubt the owners of those all-you-can-eat buffet restaurants lose money when you eat there. Yeah, okay, I’m sure many watching are screaming at their televisions that I’m being insensitive to someone who is challenged by her immense weight. Nah! I’m not being insensitive to the fact you’re an inch shorter than me but carry 110 pounds more weight than I carry. Items such as blimp, whale, and Hippo, come to my mind but I won’t mention them as some might think I’m being insensitive about your weight problem again.
Bea reaches to the table next to her, picks up the cup of coffee, and takes a few sips.
Bea: Ahhh! Love my coffee! Let me start by totally destroying the concept that a taller and heavier wrestler always has the advantage. Since I’m contracted to Sin City Wrestling I’m not allowed to mention names of wrestlers from other Federations but I can give clues who I’m talking about. In one of the most infamous wrestling federations one of the smallest wrestlers defeated one of the tallest and heaviest wrestlers in that federation. A very long time ago there was a wrestler out of Georgia who weighed in at 600 pounds and he often got defeated because his weight was not an asset but a liability. I could list dozens of large and heavy wrestlers who couldn’t get the job done due to dragging around too much weight. Bobbie let me try to give you a mental image of how we match up. I’m like a heavy duty pickup truck, with great suspension, a powerful engine, and I’m rated for hauling heavy payloads and a towing capacity to tow heavy items. You, on the other hand, are like a Smart Car that is trying to carry a ton of cargo. Damn! Like that will never happen even in your most vivid drug-induced dreams!
Bea lets out a sinister laugh then sips more coffee,
Bea: So, Bobbie, every wrestler has something that causes them to get distracted during a wrestling match? With that in mind what distracts you during a wrestling match? A quick-moving opponent to your slow overweight waddling self? The fact that I’m stunning in my looks and body shape and when you go out for a walk, assuming you are able to carry so much weight further than from your front door to your mailbox, people have been known to call the Zoo to report an escaped Hippo. I’m sure it’ll be easy to distract you during our match. How you ask? All I have to do when we are wrestling is to pull out a chocolate bar and toss it on the mat and you’ll dive on it and nearly cause the ring to collapse in the process. Yeah, okay, I’m being sarcastic but rightly so. You may have been able to throw your weight around, although not very far as there is so much of it, with other wrestlers but you’re not going to get away with that with me. Always remember the classic saying that It isn’t the size of the dog in the fight. . .It is the size of the fight in the dog. I may be the smaller dog in our fight by reason of weight but I’m the dog with the biggest fight you have dealt with to date. I have no intention of losing a wrestling match to someone who even a weight loss center has turned away as being beyond help. I’ve proven myself to be dedicated to the sport of wrestling and at Climax Control 270 I’ll prove I’m better than you.
Bea’s cell phone rings and she excuses herself to take the call.
Bea: Sorry but this call is from my husband Bill. He might be having an issue with Iris on their walk so I need to take the call. While I’m on the call some videos I gave to the broadcast studio, in case of a situation like this, will run and when I get back we’ll go live with my comments again.
A segment from Animal Planet runs and we see a Wolverine dragging a Deer carcass into the bushes to hide it so they can eat it later. The Wolverine walks off after hiding the Deer carcass. A short time later a Grizzly Bear walks into view and sniffs out the Deer carcass and starts to drag it off. In a flash the Wolverine runs into view and confronts the Grizzly Bear. You would think a huge Grizzly Bear would take one swipe at the Wolverine and totally annihilate the it but the Grizzly doesn’t do that. The Wolverine violently confronts the Grizzly bear and the Grizzly bear is intimidated and runs out of camera range while the victorious Wolverine snarls over their victory.
The next video is an underground video released by someone who was at dog fight event. One of the dogs in the fight is a good size Pit Bull mix and the other dog is half the size and looks to be a mixed breed but we cannot make out what it is mixed with. Everyone at this dog fight is betting on the larger dog and anyone watching will conclude the smaller dog will end up defeated. As the fight gets intense, and the crowd is cheering for the larger dog, the smaller dog slides under the larger dog and starts biting the sensitive areas of the other dog’s stomach and groin. When the larger dog reacts from the pain the smaller dog bites the legs of the other dog and then runs hard slamming into the larger dog knocking the larger dog over. The smaller dog latches onto the throat of the larger dog and the owner of the larger dog immediately calls off the fight admitting defeat. Both dogs survived this fight but the larger dog in the fight was never the same again after being defeated by a smaller opponent.
In the next video we see a Tarantula Hawk Wasp attacking a Tarantula. The Tarantula is about five times larger than the Tarantula Hawk Wasp. Although the larger Tarantula is aggressive in trying to fight off the Tarantula Hawk Wasp we see the Wasp has no fear of the Tarantula and repeatedly attacks it and paralyzes it. Then the Tarantula Hawk Wasp drags the paralyzed Tarantula to her nest and lays her eggs on the Tarantula. When the baby Tarantula Hawk Wasps hatch they dine on the paralyzed Tarantula proving, once again, that just because you are bigger than your opponent doesn’t mean you’ll win the battle.
The next video shows a high powered motorcycle meant for racing and next to it is a Moped. The person before them drops the flag and both take off with the motorcycle taking a commanding lead and reaching the finish line quickly. It takes several minutes before the Moped manages to limp across the finish line.
Bea’s phone call with Bill is done and she returns into camera view.
Bea: Thanks for watching the videos while I talked with Bill. He didn’t have a problem with Iris. He just wanted to let me know they’ll have food delivered to the hotel room and he wanted to know what I wanted. I’d like to talk about those videos you watched and see how they relate to my match with Bobby Dahl.
Bea holds up one finger to indicate she will compare the first video to her match against Bobbie Dahl.
Bea: The first video pitted a Wolverine against a Grizzly Bear in a dispute over a Deer carcass that belonged to the Wolverine. When the Wolverine saw the Grizzly Bear stealing the Deer carcass the Wolverine went on the attack. When you consider that a Wolverine weighs about thirty to forty pounds and and Grizzly Bear weighs about three hundred fifty pounds, the assumption is with one swipe of their paw the Grizzly Bear could have won the fight. However proving the saying that it isn’t the size of the dog in the fight but the size of the fight in the dog the Wolverine kicked the ass of the Grizzly Bear that was ten times the weight and size and it won the fight over the larger opponent. That’s how I’ll win our match Bobbie. You’re like that Grizzly Bear who thought because they were larger than their opponent they had an easy win. Tell that to the Grizzly Bear that quickly backed down to the Wolverine after the Wolverine kicked their ass.
Bea holds up two fingers to indicate she will compare the second video to her match with Bobbie Dahl.
Bea: Thankfully in the dog fight video a lot of it was blurred out as I cannot stand to watch violence perpetrated on animals. Enough of the action was not blurred out to prove that the smaller dog in that fight had more fight in them than the larger dog in the fight. Bobbie I hope you’ll still have enough sense to submit and end the match quickly when I disable you and go in for the finish. If you remain defiant and refuse to submit to me then any damage you receive is on your shoulders. I may be the smaller opponent in this match in the weight category but like that smaller dog in the dog fight I have more fight in me than you’ll ever have.
Bea holds up three fingers to indicate she will compare the third video to her match against Bobbie Dahl.
Bea: Everyone will admit that a Tarantula is an aggressive, dangerous, and successful predator. But, alas, as large as a Tarantula is a smaller creature came along and kicked the Tarantula’s ass. I’m talking about the incident between a Tarantula Hawk Wasp and a Tarantula from the video. Even though the Tarantula was at least five times larger than the Tarantula Hawk Wasp the Wasp was more agile, more aggressive, totally aware of what the Tarantula was doing, or trying to do, and in the end the Tarantula Hawk Wasp stung the Tarantula and paralyzed it. After that it dragged the Tarantula into a hole, laid her eggs on it, and when the babies hatched they dined on the paralyzed Tarantula which was helpless to prevent the assault. Bobbie I’m the Tarantula Hawk Wasp to your Tarantula. I’ll dazzle you, amaze you, out-maneuver you, and stun you into submission.
Bea holds up four fingers to indicate she will compare the fourth video to her match with Bobbie Dahl.
Bea: So, Bobbie, I hope you enjoyed the video of a Moped trying to out-race a high performance motorcycle. That’s a perfect depiction of us for our match. I’m a high performance wrestling machine and you’re a pathetic moped trying to keep up. When you crash and burn in our match are you going to do a Pee Wee Herman impersonation? You know the one I’m talking about so don’t act stupid. Then again maybe you’re not acting? The scene is from the movie Pee Wee’s Big Adventure where Pee Wee Herman was riding his Moped and wanted to show off to the kids watching him. He wasn’t watching what he was doing and his Moped crashed into the curb and Pee Wee went flying and did a face plant in the grass. He then stood up, looked at the kids, and uttered I MEANT TO DO THAT! and the kids, realizing Pee Wee is a fool, laughed at him. That, Miss Dahl, is the best representation of the two of us in our match. I’m going off the the starting line full speed while you putt along like a pathetic Moped. After I win you’ll still be dragging your fat ass toward the finish line only to realize you lost the match to me five minutes ago. Then when the Referee informs you that you lost you’ll utter the famous Pee Wee Herman line I MEANT TO DO THAT! To which I’ll reply to you concerning my sound defeat of you in our match that I MEANT TO DEFEAT YOU! The fans will laugh at you and ridicule you for your incompetence like those kids laughed at and ridiculed Pee Wee Herman for his incompetence.
Bea informs the cameraman she is going to make closing comments so he calls into the Network to let them know as soon as Bea is done with closing comments he will cut his camera feed.
Bea: I wish to inform you, Bobbie, that although you’re a large person that you being obese doesn’t make you a better wrestler. It obviously makes you a better eater though. All kidding aside being larger than me doesn’t mean you are better than me. Being an inch shorter than me but carrying a hundred and ten pounds more weight than I do is a major factor working against you. I’ve proven to be a great wrestler and most of my wins were by submission. The biggest advantage a wrestler can have is to have opponents that allow themselves to get distracted. How could I see you getting distracted? As I mentioned earlier in my presentation I feel it would be hilarious for me to toss a chocolate bar across the ring and watch you get distracted and dive on top of it. Or how about if they have a roving food vendor selling hotdogs and sodas calling out GET YOUR HOT DOGS HERE! SODA! ICE COLD SODA! Without a doubt that would get your attention and I’ll take advantage of your distraction. The saying goes that you are what you eat. With that in mind that means you are a combination of Twinkies, cupcakes, ice cream, candy bars, chocolate, and soda. Honestly, Bobbie, I’d ask you to admit that you’re in over your head in our match but I don’t expect you to be honest and admit you know you’ll lose to me. That’s okay Bobbie. Not everyone is as truthful and honest as I am.
Bea snorts out a laugh.
Bea: I feel I’ve laid down the law, explained the truth to you, let you know that I’m superior to you, so I’ll make my final comments so you can run to the store and buy some comfort chocolate to stuff yourself with. Here’s the way I see our match Bobbie. You cannot escape me. You could roll out of the ring but for sure carrying so much weight it would take you longer than the Referee’s ten count before you could get back into the ring so you would be counted out. For sure you can’t move fast enough to prevent me from applying holds and executing moves on you. However there is one possible way you might be able to escape me long enough to remain viable in our match for a few minutes longer. Considering the massive amounts of junk food you must be eating to maintain your immense weight perhaps if, during our match, you are profusely sweating, that slimy sweat may be enough to keep me from properly applying maneuvers and holds on you. Bobbie I hope you enjoy your freedom leading up to Climax Control 270 because when our match takes place on Sunday, May 24, 2020, you‘ll no longer have your freedom as you’ll be a captive of my superior wrestling abilities.
The moment Bea is done with her closing comments the cameraman cuts his camera feed and the Network switches to regularly scheduled programming.
