[Mark Ward]

 All roleplays for this match go in this thread.

Limits: 1 roleplay per week, per character. 10,000 word limit.

Good luck!

[Andrew]

 SENOR VINNIE IS NOT GOING TO LIKE THE OUTCOME OF OUR MATCH

OFF CAMERA

STARBUCKS COFFEE VERSUS BREWING AT HOME WITH A KEURIG BREWER

Narrator:  Someone went off on Bill Barnhart recently about why he will not go to Starbucks to purchase coffee because he brews his own coffee using his Keurig 425 brewer. Bill is really fired up so if you are not ready for some in-your-face comments you are welcome to tune out now.

The scene opens with a shot of a Starbucks coffee location. We are not sure if this is the one located on Sugarloaf Parkway in Lawrenceville, Georgia, or if it is a generic image.



The camera pulls back and we see Bill Barnhart standing in his kitchen next to the Keurig coffee brewer. The look on the face of Bill is enough to tell us he is about to launch a verbal ass kicking.

Bill Barnhart:  I am upset and I am going tell you why. I drink two to four cups of coffee per day and I brew each cup individually using my Keurig 425 brewer. I insert a K-Cup into the brewer, press the button, and a minute later I have a freshly brewed cup of coffee. No coffee grounds to clean up. No wasting coffee that had to be brewed in a drip coffee maker at four to eight cups only to throw most of it out. I am loaded with money so throwing stuff away is not going to bankrupt me but the real issue is that I hate wasting money. I know you want to know who got me upset, and why, and I will tell you in a moment.

Bill places a K-Cup of Donut Shop Blend coffee into his Keurig and he presses the button to start the brewing.

Bill Barnhart:  One of my friends, I will not mention his name but they know who they are, bitched me out why I do not go to Starbucks like he does to purchase coffee instead of brewing my own with my Keurig. I told him the reason and now he is so upset at me he will not talk to me. He is not upset that I will not purchase coffee at Starbucks. He is upset because he realized he is wasting his money for nothing. Some people cannot accept the truth.

The Keurig is done brewing the Donut Shop Blend coffee K-cup. Bill opens the lid on the Keurig, removes the used K-cup, and tosses into the trash. He picks up the coffee cup from the Keurig, takes a sip, and looks into the camera.

Bill Barnhart:  Here is why my friend is upset. I told him since I drink a minimum of two cups of coffee per day, and sometimes four, that purchasing coffee at Starbucks is a waste of my money. I told him that an average cup of coffee at Starbucks is $4.00 and if I am drinking a minimum of two cups of coffee per day that comes to around 730 cups of coffee I would be purchasing at Starbucks per year. At $4.00 per cup that is $2,920 per year! Seriously? I purchase K-Cups from Wal-Mart, Kroger, or Ollies Discount Warehouse, and the cost per K-Cup is 25 Cents each. Do the math. If I drink 730 cups of coffee per year, and it only costs me 25 Cents brewing each cup myself with my Keurig, I am spending only $182 per year using my Keurig. That saves me $2,738 per year over purchasing coffee at Starbucks. If anyone has a problem with saving money in this manner it means they refuse to accept the truth and they are an idiot.

Bill drinks his coffee and places another K-Cup into his Keurig to brew another cup.

Bill Barnhart:  I do not hold back when I am right and others are wrong. I told my friend, who has an annual income of one-fourth what I make, that wasting over $2,700 per year to purchase coffee from Starbucks for $4.00 each, and that it probably costs Starbucks around 25 Cents to brew each cup, that he is wasting money and that makes him an idiot. He took offense that I called him an idiot, even though he IS an idiot, and he turned and walked away and has not talked to me since. Due to the fact that my friend was a jerk I would like to say SILENCE IS GOLDEN! Har har har!

The second cup of coffee Bill brewed in his Keurig is ready so he removes his coffee cup and starts sipping it.

Bill Barnhart:  I forgot to mention that my friend also tried to justify his expensive coffee purchasing by claiming Starbucks can customize your coffee however you want. I told him I can also do that by using sugar, creamer, flavorings, etc., and it still saves me over $2,700 per year. I then went off on him by telling him I do not need to go to Starbucks, and have to endure listening to him and other customers, order the most ridiculous concoctions.

Bill stops talking to take a few more sips of coffee.

Bill Barnhart:  They order stuff like a Caramel Macchiato with Hazelnuts, Cinnamon, whipped cream, breast milk, Fairy dust, and Unicorn piss, so that, their claim goes, they can have a fantastic coffee experience. I do not need all that stuff in my coffee. I am one of those people who wants my coffee straight up, high octane, black, no creamer, no sugar, no Unicorn piss, no Fairy dust, and no breast milk, to enjoy my coffee. I do not want a cup of coffee that smiles at me, greets me good morning, and tries to give me oral sex. I want  cup of coffee that growls at me, greets me with a kick in the nuts, and slaps me so hard I see stars. So if my friend does not want to talk to me that is his right to be an asshole and I am enjoying not having to listen to his foolish talk. Oh yeah let me mention this one. My Keurig 425 brewer cost me $150. So if it is allowing me to save $2,700 per year over purchasing coffee at Starbucks then I am way ahead of the game financially. I have owned my Keurig since April 2016 so been almost four years. Yeah I made one hell of a great investment!

Bea walks into the room.

Bea Barnhart:  What investments are you discussing?

Bill Barnhart:  My investment in the Keurig 425 brewer. It saves me over $2,700 per year over purchasing coffee from Starbucks.

Bea Barnhart:  Okay.

END OF SEGMENT

ON CAMERA

The scene shifts to the dressing room of Bill and Bea Barnhart located in the Yuengling Center  in Tampa, Florida, where we get a shot of Bill and Bea, and their English Bulldog Iris, inspecting the dressing room to ensure it meets their standards. The cameraman informs them they are live broadcasting so they turn toward the camera.

Bea:  Bill I am going to check out the rest of the dressing room to ensure everything is in place. Since this is your air time I do not wish to get in your way.

Bill:  Thanks. I would like to jump into my comments concerning what happened at Climax Control 259 where I lost to Alex Jones. What happened is we had a great back and forth match and either of us could have obtained the win. During the match I noticed something going on at ringside. What I saw was Pete the Cactus, who belongs to Senor Vinnie, slip a bowl of food toward Iris to entice her to eat it. Not knowing what the hell was in the bowl of course I was concerned for the safety of Iris. Thinking that Pete the Cactus, and Vinnie, may try to harm Iris I was distracted and that is when Alex Jones got the win over me. I cannot fault Alex Jones for what happened but I can fault Senor Vinnie and Pete the Cactus. Yeah, okay, many are claiming that Vinnie had nothing to do with what Pete the Cactus did. I call bullshit on that claim. Senor Vinnie has been on a losing streak lately and I believe he had a feeling he would get assigned to me in the near future so he wanted to mess up my chances at a Championship at My Bloody Valentine 3. Well Vinnie was successful in preventing me from obtaining a Championship match but he did not eliminate me from facing him at My Bloody Valentine 3 so I can enact revenge upon him.

Bill pauses his talking as he watches Bea stroll around the dressing room checking things out.

Bill:  Now, Vinnie, we do not have a Contendership spot up for grabs in this match. We do not have a Roulette wheel spin to decide what type of match we will have. From what I see we have a Standard Rules may the best man win match and I am damn sure gonna win this match. I know you will try to get out of taking responsibility for what Pete the Cactus did but that is to be expected from a coward like you. Just as I am responsible for Iris being at ringside so you are responsible for Pete the Cactus being at ringside. If Pete decides to interfere in our match I will not take responsibility for any actions me or Iris take upon you.

Bea comes through the dressing room again and stops next to Bill.

Bea:  Everything is fine in the dressing room. Even Iris loves it and she is a very particular dog.

Bill:  I am glad we all like our dressing room. But, Vinnie, I wish to inform you that you will not like the outcome of our match. I will win and destroy you and Pete the Cactus may also be taken out if he gets in the way. Say what you want Vinnie but we have all seen you use Pete the Cactus as a weapon against your opponents so we know what you are willing to do in a match. If you and Pete try illegal stuff during the match both of you will be hurt badly. Looking forward to seeing you two at My Bloody Valentine 3.

The cameraman calls into the network to inform them this segment is over and they cut to a commercial break.

[Goth]

 Senor Vinnie productions presents…..: What a cactus wants…..

Starring:

Senor Vinnie as Senor Vinnie and Cactus Pete… Well you catch the drift.

We are in Tampa Florida, Senor Vinnie is walking around a local zoo. He is wearing flip flops and white knee high pants. Furthermore he is wearing a buttoned open white shirt and black sunglasses as he is talking to his wife on the phone.

Senor Vinnie: Si Amor, I will do something very romantic for Valentines day. Even though you are at work and I am  here in Tampa, I will make you very happy. Also, at my Bloody Valentine I shall make you very happy when I take down Bill and his little….

Vinnie stops midsentence, he sees Pete sitting a few steps away from him while watching the Hyena’s. Vinnie sighs as he tells his wife that he will call her back later tonight as he walks over towards his friend.

Senor Vinnie: Como Estas Pete???

Pete doesn’t twitch, his gaze is upon a young female Hyena and then asks Vinnie something that only Vinnie can hear.

Pete: ……….

Vinnie nods his head as he sits down next to his friend the cacti, he looks at the Hyna in question and then shakes his head.

Senor Vinnie: Sorry Pete, but I just cannot see the similarities of that Hyena and the dog of Senor Bill named Iris. I….

Just before Vinnie can finish his sentence it is Pete that starts to hobble around in his pot as some dirt falls out of his pot signaling that he is not happy with the answer of Vinnie.

Senor Vinnie: Relax…., chill. I mean only the physical similarities Pete. I mean seriously, Iris has I believe blue eyes…

Pete: …..

Senor Vinnie: That’s what I said brown eyes and she has that fat ass

Pete stars to jump even higher as he is now really upset

Senor Vinnie; Fine!!! She is just big boned!! I didn’t knew you would get so upset over this…. dog!! I mean seriously Pete, you went from Belinda Simone to Iris??? I have to ask you amigo, did you just lower your standards???

Pete silences for a moment before throwing some vines at Vinnie who catches some in his arm and hand as he protects his face.

Senor Vinnie: OUCH!!!! Okay!! Okay!! I guess you love dogs!! Excuse me!! But back in Tijuana, the only thing that you could talk about was my maid Juanita. Whom I had to fire after I caught her stealing your cousin Jimmy.

Pete lowers its head after being reminded of Vinnie’s old maid, causing Vinnie to face palm himself out of stupidity

Senor Vinnie: GAH!! I forgot that she was hypnotized by Jimmy. You had nothing to do with that, but it got out of hand Pete. You have to understand that I cannot have any weird stories going around that would make the remake of Dynasty look like Good Morning Tijuana .

Pete looks up at him

Senor Vinnie: I know that you are not a morning person…. Err cacti, but it is a show where you watch them talk about the news while eating breakfast. Very interesting to see. I….

Pete jumps up and down once more, mentally screaming towards Vinnie that only he can hear.

Senor Vinnie: Relax!! I promised you next time that Megan Fox is there I would tape it for you. You never told me that you were such a Transformers fan? You hated Starscream!!!

Pete: …..

Vinnie rolls his eyes after hearing the answer of Pete.

Senor Vinnie: FINE!!! I do admit that you would look so cool in that yellow Volkswagen beetle that is Bumblebee. I….

Pete: …..

Senor Vinnie: I thought he turned into a beetle in the cartoons???

Pete: …..

Senor Vinnie: They made a movie from the Transformers???

Pete suddenly silences, he looks up at Vinnie and after a few moments of waiting he bursts out in anger. Jumping up and down his pot, almost causing him to fall off the ledge of the wall that he stood upon overlooking the Hyena’s. Vinnie catches him and sighs.

Senor Vinnie: Forgive me Pete, but I do not care about movies of Robots…

Pete:…..

Senor Vinnie: Fine…., Transformers changing into cars or airplanes or whatever they are. I ma the one that prefers real life stories being placed on screen, or art movies and

Pete:…..

Senor Vinnie sighs.

Senor Vinnie: Why do you always have to bring up Hannibal?? I thought it was an autobiography being shot about the leader of the A-Team. Who to this very day is one of my biggest heroes of the television screen.

Pete jumps up and down

Senor Vinnie: Stop it!! I am not going to start an argument about a mant hat is no longer around us, but he was not a creation of my imagination!! He wrote me every time that I send him fan mail!! He is… or I should say… was just as real as people believing that you capable to talk!!!

Pete:….

Senor Vinnie: I know!! It’s ridiculous!! But it’s true1 So understand where I come from alright?.

There’s silence, even for Vinnie. Who is looking on in amazement that he is clearly not hearing Pete “talk”

Senor Vinnie: Pete???

He rolls his eyes as he suddenly hears Pete “talk”

Senor Vinnie: Why did you just trick me Pete?? You made me wonder whether the rumors were true?? That I am delusional in pretending that I could hear you talk.

Pete:…..

Senor Vinnie: You are truly indeed evil Pete….

With that the shot ends with the two talk with each other while the Hyena had walked off.

Senor Vinnie vs. Bill Barnhart

Senor Vinnie can be seen sitting at the zoo’s aquarium while looking at an Octopus. He is staring at it as the creature is being fed by the zoo keeper and smiles as the octopus grabs a fish with it’s tentacles and feeds itself with it.

Senor Vinnie: Look at that, isn’t that an interesting sight?? It’s apparently feeding time and this little Octopus is hungry to sink it’s mighty jaws into a helpless victim.

He notices the camera and winks as he continues

Senor Vinnie: Hello folks, this is Senor Vinnie and his version of the wild life of our beloved planet. Today we are going to be talking about animals feeding habits and what you perhaps could do to prevent it.

He chuckles at that final statement

Senor Vinnie: Animals are funny creatures aren’t they?? Some feed to survive, while others they just feed because they don’t know any better. Can you tell me what kind of animal eats like crazy???

That’s right, it’s those nasty dogs. Now before you dog lovers are going to send me death threats and poop messages, I love the dogs too. I just can’t stand their disgusting habits of eating and farting all the time. And can you blame me?? I mean, I had to deal with Bill’s dog for quite some time, but unlike Bill. I accepted the whole

He stops talking as his face suddenly turns into a disgusted one as he was unable to finish the sentence

Senor Vinnie: Whole love fest scenario that is unveiling before my eyes of Pete and Bill’s dog. I mean seriously, I have asked Pete. I have talked to Pete. Hell I even send him pictures of other cacti, in the hopes that it was just a dream of his. But sadly, the dream has become a nightmare. A nightmare that now has to evolve into me facing the dogs owner. I mean seriously???

That’s right!! Seriously??? I said it correctly, no spelling errors. No delusional assumptions that it was just a thought of imagination. And now I am partially blamed for a Bill’s loss?? Now this is where I draw the line okay!!!

He stares at the Octopus who has wrapped it’s tentacles all over the helpless fish. Who has already choked to death due to the might that are in those tentacles as it is now slowly feasting upon the animal

Senor Vinnie: But I know what is truly going on inside Bills head, he is just a typical dog owner who just doesn’t allow others to enter his domain as a dog owner. His dog besides his wife are the only important things in life, whereas yours truly?? I allow diversity, I allow people to convince me otherwise. I allow the moon to be a myth and the sun to be as flat as a pancake until proven otherwise. But Bill?? Oh no…, he is just…. How do I say….

He is frustrated as he looks at his hands, trying to create an image before his watchful eyes as he cannot find the right words.

Senor Vinnie: I guess in his case the best thing is not to say anything at all!! But sadly, I am not being paid to be a mute!! So I have to look at his Octopus and it made me realize how similar the brain of Bill is that fish and I am that Octopus. Whereas I will be squeezing the life out of any hope of being victorious against the former World Champion.

Bill is the typical dog, he is only focused upon himself and his pack. That’s right, dogs have a pack you know?? Where there is one who is the leader and the others just sniffle each other’s backsides…. Now before you three start to lift your tail in my direction and fart the entire arena to a disgusting and filthy odor of your backsides. You have to realize that I am right, that I am the smartest man alive and that’s quite an accomplishment of a man that that talks to a cacti.

You see Bill, you blame me for something beautiful. And why?? Because you lost, you lost to a man that I have beaten so many times that it makes my ears bleed just thinking about his crying and bitching. But it’s love Bill, you know. That one thing that you proclaim that you share with your wife and your dog??? It’s love that you got distracted by, not because of the food… but because you weren’t the one in iris mind. You just got jealous and blame the loss upon us???

Oh how ironic to think that a dog pack leader is not in control of his own destiny. Because you only were looking for a big bone to pick didn’t ya?? The big bone of challenging for a title… and you…. well… you lost didn’t ya??? And when you look back at it all, the only thing that you could remember in your short memory brain was a bowl of food. How interesting.

He looks at the Octopus hiding back in his hole as it normally would do in the wild and wait for an unsuspecting victim

Senor Vinnie: Your greed and hunger for success cost you the match Bill, you are just a hungry dog and by the seize of your stomach I am surprised you have not exploded yet. While yours truly, I am a predator that only feeds when it is hungry, when it is needed to be fed. When it sees an opportunity and reaches out and choke the life out of the one that stands in my way of success. You are the one that stands in my way this time Bill, sadly your funny jokes are slowly going to find a way into the tentacles of the Mariachi…. Who knows, I may make a serenade to my wife and tell the world that once again… I am victorious… where you failed….

He grins.

Senor Vinnie: Just make sure that keep that dog away from me Bill, you thought that Pete was bad?? Wait until you get a look at me.

With that the shot fades

[Andrew]

 SLOW DRIVERS AND A MENTALLY SLOW OPPONENT IN SENOR VINNIE

OFF CAMERA

SLOW DRIVERS

Narrator:  If there is one thing Bill Barnhart cannot stand it is slow people. His number one pet peeve consists of slow drivers. His second on his list of pet peeves is a customer who get up to the checkout counter only to run off to get another item while everyone behind them in line are waiting for them to return.

We switch over to a scene of Bill Barnhart in his car driving around Lawrenceville, Georgia, and he has a cameraman in the car with him to record the events of today. Bill quickly glances into the camera then back to watching the road ahead of him.

Bill Barnhart:  Thanks for joining me. As most of you know I have a major problem with slow people. Stuff like slow people in store checkout lines, people taking fifteen minutes to order one coffee at Starbucks and, most importantly, my number one pet peeve concerns slow drivers.

As Bill makes those comments they approach a stop light that is red so the traffic in his direction stops. The car Bill and the cameraman is in is the third car in line. While they wait for the light to change to green Bill continues his comments.

Bill Barnhart:  Iris and Bea are not with me today. Having Iris in the car while I am driving is distracting as she is not smart enough to know not to disturb me while I am driving. Bea stayed at home with Iris since Iris wants attention from her when I am not home.

The light turns green and the two cars ahead of Bill just sit there and do not move. After ten seconds Bill toots his car horn. After another ten seconds of the two cars ahead of him not yet moving he lays on the horn for a long time. Finally the cars slowly begin to move across the intersection on the green light.

Bill Barnhart:  *sigh* See? That is what I am talking about. Everyone here has a license to drive and they know what the traffic laws are. The light turns green and these morons in front of me just stare at the green light, admiring how pretty it is, and just sit there. I do not have time for this bullshit! I have places to go and sitting here for a long time without these boneheads moving is at the top of my list of pet peeves! Sheesh!

As the cars ahead of his car slow down Bill passes them and makes sure to flip them off appropriately as his car passes them.

Bill Barnhart:  This is a great analogy moment. Just as my top pet peeve concerns slow drivers my other pet peeve concerning wrestling is that most other wrestlers are slow, both physically and mentally, and I have low tolerance for them and absolutely no respect for them or their wrestling career.

Bill again approaches cars ahead of him, that are going slower than the posted speed limit, and again he hits the gas and drives past them flipping them off as he passes. A short time later Bill again comes upon traffic that does not move when the light turns green. Again he lays on the horn and then drives around the slow drivers ensuring he lets them see the appropriate hand gestures.

At this point the cameraman cuts his feed and the Network goes into a commercial break.

ON CAMERA

The scene changes to a shot of Bill Barnhart in his Hotel room which is near the Yuengling Center in Tampa, Florida. We see Bill sitting on the couch and there is a potted Cactus plant on the coffee table.



After a short time of the camera focused on the bottle of Roundup weed killer we switch back to a shot of Bill Barnhart.

Bill:  Oh how I would love to try to bring down Pete the Cactus for what he tried to do to Iris recently! But I have to tell you I have been spraying this potted Cactus in front of me for days and there has been no reaction so I am thinking a Cactus plant may be more resilient than I thought. I may just let Iris take care of Pete. If Iris cannot bite Pete then one of her horrible toxic farts would surely put him out of business for a time.

Bill picks up the potted Cactus and walks to the door of his hotel room where he opens the door and places the potted Cactus in the hallway. Bill shuts the hotel room door and returns to speaking into the camera.

Bill:  You are extremely predictable Vinnie. I will grant you the fact that you defeated Austin James Mercer for the Heavyweight Championship and you held it for five months. But you, being predictable, you lost the Heavyweight Championship to Ben Jordan recent. Then you lost other matches since that loss. Yes, Vinnie, just as it is predictable that the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West so it is predictable you will lose to me at My Bloody Valentine 3. Just as it is predictable that there are 60 seconds in one minute so it is predictable you will lose to me at my Bloody Valentine 3. Just as it is predictable that you and Pete the Cactus will cheat and do whatever it takes to cheat me out of a win you will still lose to me at My Bloody Valentine 3.

Bill hears noises in the hallway so he walks over to the door and cracks it open enough to peek out. He then shuts the door and continues with his comments.

Bill:  I appears someone called the Front Desk and told them there is a trash potted Cactus in the hallway and they need to remove it and throw it in the trash. When I looked in the hallway there were some members of the Housekeeping crew there along with a few members of the Maintenance crew. Looks like that potted Cactus is destined for the junk pile and maybe, just maybe, they will run it through a grinder and grind it up to make mulch. Bwaa haa haa!!! What? Oh I can imagine Senor Vinnie and Pete the Cactus watching my comments and screaming at their television at the thought of a Cactus being shredded to make mulch. Ask me if I give a damn if you are traumatized by that image. Go ahead and ask me! Damn hell no I do not give a damn if you are upset. After you tried to poison my English Bulldog Iris I could care less if you end up at mulch. After you, Vinnie, put Pete the Cactus up to trying to poison Iris to cause me to be distracted and lose my match to Alex Jones I also do not care if you also end up as mulch!

Bill chuckles at his comments.

Bill:  Ah, Vinnie, you are in denial that you are behind the antics of Pete the Cactus. You are in denial that you pull the puppet strings and put words into the mouth of Pete. You are like Geppetto who pulled the puppet strings on Pinocchio to get him to move. You are in denial that you talk to Pete the Cactus like he can hear you and then you believe you can hear Pete the Cactus talk to you and that you understand what he is saying. You two are something out of a twisted horror movie. You are also in denial that you lost the Heavyweight Championship to Ben Jordan and have not been able to rack up wins since that loss. What are you going to do when I defeat you at My Bloody Valentine 3? Oh, probably go into denial that you lost to me, right? No matter how I end up defeating you I will have to endure minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months, of you whining and complaining that I cheated you out of a win. Do what you must do Vinnie. When our match begins I will do what I must do. See ya!

Bill waves into the camera and the cameraman takes the signal that the presentation from Bill is over so he calls into the Network and they cut to a commercial break.

[Goth]

 Valentine’s Day Explained

Starring Senor Vinnie

We are at a local theatre where Senor Vinnie is participating at a talent show along with his friend Pete. Both of them are wearing some lederhosen as he is watching someone else doing a tap dance act.

Senor Vinnie: Do you really think this was such a good idea Pete?? I mean seriously, a talent show?? Why?? I am already talented… I…

Pete: …….

Senor Vinnie turns quiet for a moment or two, he realizes that the ventriloquist act that he had spoken off is not the way he had expected it to turn out to be.

Senor Vinnie: You want to be the ventriloquist?? But….
   
Pete: …….

Senor Vinnie scratches his head, he notices the tap dancer getting a standing ovation of the 10 person crowd that had endured his act. He knows that there is only five more minutes before his act is next

Senor Vinnie: So uhm Pete?? I am a fair man, I give you the opportunity to explain yourself how you want to pull this off? Because you don’t have any legs for me to sit on, you don’t have an arm that supposedly is directed to hold me and move my mouth and eyes etc. Nobody has ever heard you speak besides me!! How in the hell are you going to pull this off??

Pete is clearly upset, he starts to shake around in Vinnie’s hands before he starts to “talk” to him

Pete: …..

Senor Vinnie: Okay, so if I get this straight. I am going to place you on a table on stage, that table is connected to a button that you push in that is attached to a device that rocks an rocking chair that I am going to be sitting in???

Pete: …..

Senor Vinnie: And you had my nephew Pepe record some tape with questions that I have to react to?? Making Pepe become your voice???

Pete umps up and down in joy as it believes that this is the scheme of the century as Vinnie continues to scratch his head.

Senor Vinnie: What if we get caught???

Pete: …..

Senor Vinnie: What do you mean nobody has ever been caught, so won’t we?? Ever heard of Milli Vanilli???

The cactus remains silent for a few moments

Pete: ….

Senor Vinnie slaps his face with his hand, shaking his head while taking a deep breath for a few moments.

Senor Vinnie: What do you mean you never heard of them?? One of the biggest acts in the eighties, that were just two guys who play=backed everything others sang for them?? The duo that got caught in Chili as the tape of their biggest hit kept repeating the same sentence over and over and over again???  Ultimately ending the entire group when one of the two committed suicide?? Does that ring a bell Pete?

Pete: …..

Vinnie is about to say something when the stage hand emerges and calls for him.

Stage hand: Pete and the dumb Mexican are up next!!!

Senor Vinnie looks bewildered over what he just heard.

Senor Vinnie: Pete and the dumb…. Mexican?? Oh you have got something to explain alight afterwards!!!

The two walk up to the stage as already four of the ten people has left and the other six are bored while looking at their phones or tablets. Vinnie sits down in the rocking chair, clearly annoyed about the idea that Pete had for him. Suddenly we hear the tape play as Pepe’s voice can be heard

Pepe: One… two… is this on???

Whatever, let’s get this done so I can watch TV once more. Okay… let’s see… Stupid Mexican, say hi to the people.

Senor Vinnie: HEY!!! Err… Hi people

The six people do not react to Vinnie as Pepe’s voice can be heard once more.

Pepe: Thank you for the applause, but this Mexican isn’t worth the time of night. I am Pete the cacti, the man that feeds, teaches this idiot and dresses him.

Vinnie turns his head to the cactus with an angry look on his face, but remembers that he doesn’t want to ruin the “act”

Pepe: Stupid Mexican, what do you think about Valentines Day??

Senor Vinnie: It’s a wonderful day.

Pepe: I agree stupid Mexican, it is a stupid idea that society has ruined.

Senor Vinnie gets a spine thrown into his back by the cacti for not giving the right answer

Senor Vinnie: HEY!!!

Pepe: People spend money to give their loved ones gifts, but it should be the other way around!! Shouldn’t we spoil our partners the entire year???

Senor Vinnie: I agree. I…

Pepe: What do you mean you don’t agree? Stupid Mexican!!!

Senor Vinnie: But….

Pepe: Silence!!! Or else I am going to slap you across the back of your head!!! You are clearly not a Mexican that believes in love huh?? I guess that’s why you remain a virgin Stupid Mexican.

Senor Vinnie: DAMN YOU PEPE!!! I am married!!!

The remaining people start to boo Vinnie as Pete sends a few more spines into his back as the tape continues

Pepe: Stupid Mesican!!!

This continues for a few more moments as the shot goes into a break.

The commercial has ended as we see Senor Vinnie sitting down without Pete by his side.

Senor Vinnie: Just to think people would actually buy the idea that there are Mexican’s that are stupid?? I mean nobody is el stupido enough to play a puppet for a caxcti. I was just nice enough to play along, but Pete had his ass whooped by yours truly in comparison to you fat kids actually to adults. I mean seriously, I am a responsible Mexican adult and I…

A few mre spines are being send into his back as Vinnie groans.

Senor Vinnie: Come ON!!!! Can’t you guys stop being so ignorant??? I am preparing to talk about my opponent for crying out loud!!!

I mean seriously, Senor Bill went there?? You actually went there Senor Bill? And I can hear you think about where he would go?? And I understand, he is such an ignorant idiot from Georgia that it is unbearable!! I am sure tha the does not even know the words to Georgia, my Goargia. Not even believing that the song lyriscs are in English because he is el stupido??

There is silence

Senor Vinnie: Senor Bill, I am a good and kind man. I am someone that has had the entire world in the palm of my own two hands. And what have you done for me lately?? Because that is what the entire world evolves around isn’t it?? For what have you done for me lately???

That you have had a wonderful career in many federations is something I respect senor. But that’s the whole point. I respect it, but I sure as hell do not have to like it. I sure as hell should not be the road that already you are taking that I should follow you into as well. I am the greatest of all time coming from Mexico, while you?? Well let’s say if it wasn’t for Ray Charles…, then there would still not have been anything that this wonderful state of Georgia could have been proud of.

He chuckles

But instead of doing something that would make an average citizen of the state of Georgia sit back and think to them selves that they have forgotten to milk the cows. I am here to tell you that being world champion is far more interesting as listening to a promo of yourself. I mean sure, I enjoy the failed attempt to educate us with your stinking promos. Apparently you have forgotten that there’s something simple as the internet to educate the youth into not making the same mistake whatever it is that you have made.

Five months Bill, I was the champ for five stinking months. I educated the world about what it is like to brush your teeth without having to worry about whether Pete is in love with a dog. Or the fact that I had no idea that you would take an inter species relevant so you could have bought yourself a can of water.

In other words Senor Bill, I could care less what your idea of pleasuring your stupid mind with an orgasmic sensation of believing that you are right?? Whether we should just dump the entire state of Georgia underneath See level. Or the mere fact that you are just yesterdays news. I mean you lost to freaking Alex Jones senor??? How embarrassing to proclaim that he actually beat you fair and square???

And don’t talk about how Pete’s hormonic lifestyle ruined you match, you shouldn’t have brought that mutt to the ring to the first place.. that and your dog of course. Because if you hadn’t, you would have probably have found your tooth brush and got rid of the infection that was Alex Jones.

I am the proud owner of one of the few that are a part of the 100 days club of being champ Bill, yet 100 days plus wasn’t as hard and difficult than to sit through two weeks of having to deal with your nagging. I am sure that after I am done with you, I have done Pete and Iris and the remainder of the world a huge favor. A favor that started in never even having to listen to you in the first place.

Griffin Hawkins senor, I beat someone that only a few have done so far. The man that wanted me to be a stepping stone to a bigger career. Something that you can only have wet dreams over to begin with… and sadly, I have to throw in some paper tissues to stop the sticky substance that comes out of your hole of shooting blanks. I am going to beat you senor and then I am going to show you what it is really like to be at home with Valentine’s Day because some idiot doesn’t understand true love.

Until Sunday amigo…, until Sunday.