ALEX JONES. . .AGAIN
Narrator: Most of you know. . .some of you are about to know. . .and the rest of you are morons so you will never know. . .that Bill Barnhart is one of the most accomplished wrestlers in the sport of wrestling that he has been referred by the term BAD TO THE BONE for a long time. Without further delay I turn you over to Bill Barnhart for his comments on his Roulette Championship match against Alex Jones at Climax Control 299.
When the scene changes we see Bill Barnhart standing near a wrestling ring. We are not sure where the ring is located but we hope Bill will inform us where he is broadcasting from. But if he doesn’t reveal the location that’s okay. Bill has not yet been informed that they are broadcasting so without an introduction or comments Bill launches into song from a well-known musical.
Bill:
There's a bright golden haze on the meadow
There's a bright golden haze on the meadow
The corn is as high as an elephant's eye
And it looks like it's climbing clear up to the sky
Oh, what a beautiful mornin'
Oh, what a beautiful day
I've got a beautiful feeling
Everything's going my way
The camera person interrupts Barnhart’s performance to inform him that he forgot to tell Bill that they were already broadcasting. He lets them know his singing the opening of OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING from the musical OKLAHOMA was broadcast to everyone watching.
Bill: That’s okay. I’ve nothing to hide. When you think about it getting this Roulette Championship match against Alex Jones is a fun gift given to me. When I was presented with the Climax Control 299 card and saw that I was facing Alex Jones for the Roulette Championship all I could do was bust out with the song OH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL MORNING from the musical OKLAHOMA. At that time I was thinking yes it is a beautiful morning. . .yes it is a beautiful day. . .and yes I’ve got a beautiful feeling that everything’s going my way. Being handed a special match like this just weeks before Into The Void X is not only fun for me it will prove that Alex Jones is a chump champ when I defeat him.
After Bill’s comments the cameraman gets a shot of the announcing table at ringside. We notice sitting on top of the announcing table there is a Karaoke machine. It appears we are about to be blessed with a performance by Bill. When Bill is told by the camera person they are live broadcasting Bill launches into his comments.
Bill: Thanks for joining me today. I’m at an event location that hosts sporting events which is the reason you see a wrestling ring and announcing table. No it is not at the Saxon Hotel where Climax Control 299 will be held. I often keep these locations unknown as there are a lot of jerks, both wrestlers and fans, who act violently and attempt to attack wrestlers they don’t like. I figure since damn near everyone is upset that Bea told the truth about the backstage coffee incident with Sam Marlowe that these mentally ill wrestlers and fans might want to attack me to get on Bea’s nerves. So for now don’t concern yourself on where I’m broadcasting from. Just pay attention to my comments.
BAD TO THE BONE
Bill walks over to the announcing table and points to the Karaoke machine.
Bill: This is a Karaoke machine. Most of you know what it is, and I don’t need to explain what it is to those of you who know what it is, but I have to be very specific for the benefit of those watching who have low IQ numbers and have a hard time comprehending simple concepts.
Barnhart bursts out in loud laughter then he regains his composure to continue his comments.
Bill: I’m going to perform a song that all of you, except the most ignorant of you, know very well. I feel it is the perfect song for me to present just how BAD ASS I am. It is BAD TO THE BONE by George Thorogood. Ready. . .set. . .go!
Bill presses the play button and we hear a familiar song introduction and we watch as Bill launches into his presentation of the song.
On the day I was born
The nurses all gathered around
And they gazed in wide wonder
At the joy they had found
The head nurse spoke up
And she said leave this one alone
She could tell right away
That I was bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone
I broke a thousand hearts
Before I met you
I'll break a thousand more, baby
Before I am through
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone
Bad to the bone
B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-Bad
B-B-B-Bad
Bad to the bone
I make a rich woman beg
I'll make a good woman steal
I'll make an old woman blush
And make a young girl squeal
I wanna be yours pretty baby
Yours and yours alone
I'm here to tell ya honey
That I'm bad to the bone
Bill is finished with his Karaoke performance of BAD TO THE BONE. He takes a bow then turns the Karaoke machine off.
Bill: Yes, Alex, I’m BAD TO THE BONE! Yes, Alex, I’m gonna whup your ass and earn the Roulette Championship from you. Yes, Alex, I’ll defeat you so soundly that you’ll cry for days. Do you think I give a shit if you lose the Roulette Championships to me and you get knocked out of the Roulette Championship match at Into The Void X then you cry yourself to sleep for weeks over your loss? No, Alex, I don’t give a damn about you. . .I don’t care how you feel. . .I don’t care if your feelings get hurt. . .and I don’t care if you get physically hurt during our match. Why? Because I’m not here to make you feel good. I’m here to destroy you and become the next Sin City Wrestling Roulette Champion. And, Alex, if you think that any of the stipulations the Roulette Wheel can land on to determine the details of our match will benefit you in the match then you’re extremely deceived.. The Roulette wheel can land on a slot with the stipulation that BILL BARNHART MUST HAVE HIS HANDS AND FEET TIED WITH ROPES AND HE HAS TO WEAR A BLINDFOLD AND A STRAIGHTJACKET in the match but even if that were a possible option on the Roulette wheel I’d still kick your ass! That, Alex, is what BAD TO THE BONE is about!
Bill roars with laughter again.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU’RE DOING?
Bill: To prove I know what I’m doing, Alex, I’ve researched and found that you are somewhat accomplished in Sin City Wrestling. I see you held the Heavyweight Championship from August 23, 2020 until September 27, 2020. Maybe you think a title reign of a few days over thirty days is great but I feel a short title reign like that is pathetic. I see you held the Mixed Tag Team Championship with your partner Johanna Krieger from February 26, 2020 until August 2, 2020 when you lost it to Sass N Bash. I will give you credit for this title reign since you managed to keep the Championship for a little over five months but I’m sure it was more due to Johanna’s performance in the ring as your Tag Team partner than it was due to your performance in the ring. Next I saw you and your tag team partner, Devona, managed to get to the finals in the Blast From The Past Tournament but someone else won the Tournament. Runner-Up doesn’t mean you won anything in the Tournament. The term Runner-Up is just a polite term for LOSER. You found out there are no trophies awarded for second place. And, now, you hold the Roulette Championship which you obtained on March 28, 2021. Sorry to be the wrestler who will defeat you and earn the Roulette Championship away from you just five weeks after you obtained it. Sorry to be the wrestler who will knock you out of the Roulette Championship match at Into The Void X. However, Alex, I’m not sorry enough to back off on you in our match at Climax Control 299 and let you win. Yes, Alex, you heard me correctly. My words are prophecy that will come true on Sunday, May 2, 2021.
Barnhart presents two thumbs up into the camera.
Bill: Do you know what you’re doing Alex? I damn sure know what I’m doing. I know you’re going to get in front of the camera to try to convince everyone that you can defeat me. Hmmm. Shall we investigate that claim? Let me take you back to Climax Control 255 on December 1, 2019. I defeated you by applying my Barnhart Shoulder Breaker Flying Hammer Lock. You cried like a little kid that fell and skinned their knees. You begged me to release my Flying Hammer Lock on you but I refused until the Referee ordered me to release you. So, Alex, do you still believe you can defeat me? You’re 0-1 against me and you’ll go 0-2 on May 2, 2021, AND you’ll be handing the Roulette Championship to me!
Barnhart steps away from the announcing table to walk to the wrestling ring where he climbs the steps, walks along the ring apron, then ducks through the ropes into the ring where he walks over to the ropes and looks into the camera.
FREAKING OUT OVER NOTHING
Bill: Alex I have a neighbor who, although she’s intelligent, she’s dumb. Let me tell you about an incident that happened two months ago with her. I was taking my English Bulldog Iris for a walk around our neighborhood. We crossed paths with Danielle during our walk. I needed to ask Danielle a question about the type of work she does since she works from home. I was on one side of our street and she was on the other side so it was hard to communicate when we were fifteen to twenty feet apart. I took a step toward her to be sure she could hear me and she nearly jumped out of her skin, backed up, and didn’t want to get close to me even though we were still far apart from each other and it was difficult to hear each other. Neither of us wear a mask when we take walks in our neighborhood as we’re never close to other people during these walks and a mask is supposed to protect you and others when you are close together. This reaction from Danielle surprised me because since she moved here from San Francisco six months ago she has made trips to Mexico, Ecuador, Panama, Bolivia, Peru, and Brazil. If you can make that many trips in a short period of time you can talk to me across the street for two minutes without acting like you’ll contract the Corona virus.
Bill gestures with his arms in the air like WTF then he continues.
Bill: Although Danielle’s fear reaction was stupid and unjustified, considering her many trips I mentioned, your reaction to our match will be real fear. Alex you need to fear me. Alex you need to worry that I might end your wrestling career. I’ve defeated you in a dominating manner before and I’m going to do it again. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter who you pay to interfere in our match, I’m going to win, I’m going to earn the Roulette Championship, and you’re going to run off into retirement!
BE AWARE WHAT IS GOING ON AROUND YOU
Bill: I’m trying to help you understand things, Alex, so that when these things happen you’ll not be able to use the excuse that you were caught off-guard or that you were uninformed. Let me relate a recent incident concerning my wife’s friend, Juliet, who is also a Filipina. Juliet is one of those people who claims to know everything but she is dumber than a rock and always gets caught short. Juliet has a daughter who is seven years old and afraid of dogs but Juliet thought it would be nice to purchase a dog for her as a pet. Instead of talking to friends who have dogs with puppies, contacting a store that sells dogs, or contacting the Humane Society to adopt, she went on Facebook to the Marketplace and looked for a dog there. She likes Iris, my English Bulldog, so she searched and found a man in Atlanta who said he has an English Bulldog puppy that he can no longer keep and he wants to re-home the dog to a loving family. He was asking $500 for the dog but he asked that Juliet transfer $200 to him to hold the dog until she can pick the dog up. After Juliet transferred the $200 to this man he told her he lied to her and he never had a dog. He just wanted to scam her. Juliet tried to make a huge deal out of it on Facebook claiming it wasn’t right for that man to scam her. Bea bitched Juliet out asking how she could be so damn stupid to try to obtain a dog that way when there are dozens of pet shops in our area, plus the Humane Society, and of course we have mutual friends who have dogs who end up having puppies. Bea told Juliet that she has no right to call out this scammer and complain out him on Facebook when she could have done a dog purchase the correct way to now allow herself to get scammed.
Bill grins a huge grin.
Bill: So, Alex, why did I tell you Juliet’s stupid experience and her getting scammed? Because she never listens to anyone. Then when we tell her what would happen and it does happen she gets upset and blames the scammer instead of blaming herself for allowing them to scam her. How does that relate to you Alex? You also don’t listen. You have people telling you that you’ll lose the Roulette Championship to me and that I’ll go on to Into The Void X to defend the Roulette Championship against Caleb Storms and Milo Kasey but you refuse to listen. When you lose to me, like Juliet lost to the scammer, don’t whine, don’t complain, don’t demand stuff, don’t go on Facebook and Twitter to whine about it, just accept your loss and get the hell out of my sight! When I win the Roulette Championship from you I’ll use one of my favorite four-word phrases: I TOLD YOU SO!!!
Barnhart exits the ring then walks to the announcing table where he takes a seat. The cameraman gets set up to keep focused on Bill.
THE PERFECT OPPORTUNITY
Bill: What we have here Alex is what I call a perfect opportunity. Well a perfect opportunity for me anyway. For you it is a perfect nightmare. We’ve had one match together and I defeated you by submission. I know that decisive submission loss to me haunts you to this day. You thought you had several weeks off before Into The Void X before you would have to defend the Roulette Championship and then the next thing you know you’re facing me at Climax Control 299 with the Roulette Championship on the line. You thought you would walk into Into The Void X as Roulette Champion and maybe, just maybe, you would be able to defeat Milo Kasey and Caleb Storms but now you’re beginning to realize you’ll enter Climax Control 299 as Roulette Champion and you’ll leave Climax Control 299 as the FORMER Roulette Champion.
Bill waves his fists into the camera for the benefit of Alex Jones.
Bill: Alex you can purchase all the good luck charms you want and you’ll still lose to me. You can find witch doctors and Voodoo people to attempt to put curses on me and you’ll still lose to me. You can hire all the interference you want but with Senor Vinnie, Bea, and my English Bulldog Iris, watching my back all your paid-for interference will get beat down and sent back to the trash dumpster. I’m not in this match to hand you a win. I’m in this match to hand you a loss and a damn hard loss at that. This is a Roulette Rules match and I’m hoping the wheel lands on the most outrageous, hard, dangerous, violent, and evil, type of match anyone can imagine. I want my win over you to be so amazing, so brilliant, so overwhelming, that the fans, reporters, and other wrestlers, will be talking about my win over you for decades. Please enjoy your free time leading up to our match on Sunday because after our match, when you are crumpled on the mat bruised, broken, and bleeding, there will be no more enjoyment in your life.
Bill informs the camera person he is done with his comments for this presentation and they cut their camera feed and our screen goes dark.
