Ever had that moment that you would see a different world upon you? Just by closing your eyes and see things you have never seen before?? I haven’t slept for days… hearing the words creep inside my brain as if there was another person, trying to infiltrate you??
Sadness creeps inside my mind as I have dwelled through darkness so many weeks, so many months. Wishing upon an ending upon my own. An ending that I never thought I would feel once more…. A thought of death is upon me…
Death….
Not the way you would know it…, it is too easy to reflect an ending of ones life inside a coffin or burned to crisps in a lake of fire. These are the mere thought of ending something by removing it from your existence for once and for all… giving space to others, giving a chance to blossom as if you were a flower. Grow into something that would turn a bug into something much more than it really is. You people have grown into a life of lies and stupidity that has made me wish upon an ending. An ending that suits me so much more than merely to listen to your moaning and bitching.
Silence comes over my thoughts for a moment as if there is rain pouring down upon my face, it sooths me as it takes away my stress that I have gone through. Stress as for what? To be liked in this world by all of you?? I fought for recognition and I ended up even more empty handed than I was when I was a child. Broken dreams, broken wishes and a list of names that were scratching away at my dignity. Do I even know what is going on?? Do I even have a realisation of what these thoughts are pointing me towards?? It is as if I hear Black Sabbath all over again, what is this… that stands before me. Figure in black that points at me….
When I was a kid, these words often made me wish to pray harder for being saved from the Devil. I was a good Christian boy, you know the type that did nothing wrong… raised in a fashion that would have made everyone proud…. Never got into a harms way, being taught by respecting others that you would be respected also… how long do I need to remind myself that these words are as hallow as that of Santa coming downt he chimney and tell the world that you like to hear a ho ho ho….
Darkness is filled with a dry mouth talking these words that are complicated to be understood, clearly a troubled soul talking out his mind of what has been going on inside of him. A face emerges finally, a hardly shaved beard can be seen around the mouth. Lips show clear signs of being dry, cracks have emerged upon it that would indicate that it would be ripped open if he would speak.
Sins has kept me awake since day one, getting me out my sleep in a puddle of sweat. I have looked into the eyes of death for years. Often wandering what I have done to deserve this, wondering why I have not gotten any further of salvation upon my soul. I have not gotten the friendship that I deserved, used for money. Used to break me down mentally, people stating the fact that they loved me… love?? Who are they to kid themselves with uttering four letters they don’t even understand the meaning off.
The face lifts up, showing the eyes of the figure that is talking. Bloodshed is clearly visible for the camera to watch.
Is it obvious that the world is ready for my departure? Is it obvious that the world never gave a shit about a man that was Goth? Is it obvious that you hate me?? Is it obvious that whatever I do in life, I will forever be remembered as a joke? You damn right, I’ve been used since day one and none of you people seem to give a shit. Why?? Because the world evolves around everyone’s own little persona except mine. because I dare to be different, I dare to be a human being that does not want to be remembered as one of the masses… is that my sin??? If that’s the case, just let me die….
February 2014, New York City.
Goth can be seen sitting in his luxury chair, overlooking a balcony that is closed by the doors that leads towards it. He is drinking wine as his eyes never leave the sky that he is watching
I guess it is all coming back again. The countless times that I have faced this idiot and never seemed to be victorious. One way or the other, I just never could… and now I have to all over again. Does history has a wish upon repeating itself when it comes to me and him?? It sure seems like it
His eyes are closing as he takes another sip from his wine before putting the glass down beside him.
Despayre…. I have uttered your name a thousand times. Has it become a deathwish upon myself?? Or has it just been a curse that seems to be flowing through my veins as something upon me that makes me reconsider resting these old bones.
The fact that I hate you never seems to amaze me… or is it merely the fact that I am jealous?? A mere sinful thought that has gotten under my skin. The skin of countless and countless nights watching you. Trying to figure out the sanity that has deleted your mind from eternity. I never thought one thought that I could take upon you that what was mine.
And now I have to face you and your tag team partner, a task at hand that I need to go through… the question remains… can I?? or is it merely the fact that I mmust?? Time will only tell as I am this close of taking down everything that I have worked for and wondering whether it was all worth it…
I do not know….
