Tarren Mill, a vast landscape replete with green foliage aplenty, clear blue skies, rolling hills, a quiet stream, and a pair of enormous Tauren warriors wielding axes every bit as large as their own behemothic frames. They stare at each other, silently sizing the other up as a diminutive Blood Elf Mage looks on silently, her curled blonde locks bouncing as she yawns with disinterest. A squirrel scampers between them as a duel flag drops. A lull breezes through as one of the warriors, a dark haired oxen-like humanoid contemplates the challenge.
“Well..?” the Mage asks. “Are you going to accept or just stand there staring at the flag all day scratching yourself?”
“Shut up you dumb broad! I’m thinking”, the Tauren fires back.
“Do you two always talk to each other like that?” The first Tauren, an older looking grey haired beast asks.
“Only on good days”, the little Mage replies.
An announcement in bold yellow font appears in the center of the screen reading…
Duel starting in 5…
4…
3…
2…
1…
Suddenly the two mammoths charge, colliding with one another with a bone rattling clang of steel. Furiously they trade colossal blows each giving as much as they appear to get. The man beasts circle each other rapidly, engaging in a whirring symphony of destruction. The older Tauren leaps forward creating space between the combatants and then quickly fills the gap by charging into the dark haired warrior stunning him. Several more blows are landed during the three second stun by the first before he looses a mighty roar which blows the darker one back stunning him a second time and allowing him to freely reign down more bone jarring blows and then suddenly, it’s over. The dark haired Tauren drops to a single knee clasping his hands in capitulation as another announcement appears,
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Ok..,” The tiny Mage announces standing up. “You’ve had your duel, and got your ass kicked. Can we go now?”
“Shut up!” The defeated Warrior shouts. “I want another duel”.
“Sure”, Pwnzone replies, sitting down to eat. “Just lemme get my cool downs back up”.
Rokk does likewise, seating himself on the grass and eating a loaf of bread to replenish his health pool while his Mage friend jumps about the scene, twirling around, and her hair spinning with her body.
“Try to lose faster this time ok?” She says, “I need to work on my herbalism”.
Another duel flag drops and the two warriors again charge into each other with thundering ferocity. They trade blows recklessly as an intruder stalks into their zone. A large mountain lion pounces on Pwnzone but is dispatched by the quick thinking Mage with an ice bolt.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
“Damn man,” Rokk says sitting down to eat. “You’re good”.
“Thanks,” Pwnzone replies. “I get a lot of practice”.
“Wannna go again”? Rokk asks.
“Yeah, sure”, says Pwnzone.
“Like hell!” The Mage cries out. “We’re supposed to work on my herbalism, remember?”
“Felony, if you don’t shut up, I’m gonna put your ass over my knee!” Rokk says sternly as a third duel flag drops.
“Fine, whatever!” the Mage relents while summoning her bright pink hawkstrider mount. “I’ll go do it by myself so you can get your head stomped in a dozen more times”. She trots off into the distance as the clang of whirling steel resonates throughout the valley. “Stupid thick headed cow”, she mutters.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Riding for several Minutes, Felony notices a small yellow dot on her mini map indicating the presence of a Golden Sansam flower. She quickly dismounts and begins looking for the floret on foot happening across it at the base of a large rock embedded into the side of a hill. Upon picking it she looks off into the distance, taking advantage of the view provided by the slope and notices a pair of Orc females traveling on immense wolves, one black and the other brown. Looking closer she notices their names in green hovering above their heads, Chanelle and Torielle and below that their guild name Azz N Class.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
“You’ve gotta be kidding me”, she mutters. Summoning her mount she decides to follow the duo. Hopping off of the rock she breaks into a full stride and gives chase as the Orcs appear not to notice their blood elf shadow. They travel south along the lazy stream, their mounts darting in and out of the water as they head towards the ruins of South Shore.
Once a vibrant human dominated community, South Shore served as a central hub for travelling alliance adventurers on their way into the northern reaches of the Eastern Kingdoms. Rivalled only by Tarren Mill, a similar hub for Horde players it boasted an Inn, vendors buying and selling wares of all types to appease the often bloated bags of explorers, and a flight master to provide quicker access to destinations, for a small fee of course.
Given its close proximity to Tarren Mill and the opposing Horde faction South Shore and the valley it shared with Tarren Mill became known for some of the most explosive, and enjoyable player vs. player battles. Battles which often started randomly and more often than not reaching epic scales with hundreds of other players swooping in to join the action. Such events were commonplace occurring almost daily with no clear cut winners or losers, just mindless violence to satiate the whims of the combatants. This was until the arrival of Deathwing the destroyer, a massive genocidal dragon bent on the destruction of humanity. Turning against his fellow Dragon kin Deathwing was ultimately defeated and banished to an elemental prison in Deepholm which lay deep beneath the surface of Azeroth. That was until his accidental release where he then sought to reclaim Azeroth unleashing an event known as the Shattering. Slicing a swath of destruction across both, the Eastern Kingdoms and Kalimdor he tore into the lands of the Alliance and Horde alike reducing towns like South Shore to smoldering remnants of their former selves.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Since the events of the Shattering South Shore has become home to new inhabitants including a territorial tribe of Murlocs, a race of bipedal amphibious humanoids that prefer to dwell along the coastlines in amply populated settlements. Their bulbous bodies are accentuated by elongated limbs, large mouths lined with rows of sharp fangs, and appear to be something of a hybrid between a frog and fish. Ranging in coloration from turquoise to darkish grey and in heights from three and a half to six feet, Murlocs have consistently proven to be the most dangerous menace to new players beginning their adventures in the World of Warcraft.
The little Mage Felony hops off of her pink hawkstrider having noticed her quarry doing the same. She follows them from a distance, her eyes darting warily back and forth as she trails Chanelle and Torielle through the ruins of South Shore and towards the shoreline where Murlocs aplenty rummage about through the wreckage of ships and other scattered debris. She tucks herself in between the steps of the burned out inn and cranes her neck to see around a charred pillar which formerly held an overhead in place. She watches quietly as Chanelle, an Orc Warrior and Torielle, an Orc Shaman round up a group of roughly a dozen Murlocs and proceed to chop them down. Chanelle’s oversized double edged axe blade doing the dirty work with Torielle dropping a healing stream totem to help keep her partner’s health pool replenished. With one group down they pause for a moment to loot the bodies. Not a word is spoken between them leaving Felony the Mage to surmise that they must be communicating through either guild chat, private message or over a team speak server. Finished with the bodies Chanelle draws her axe and charges into another group, spinning around in a whirling blade storm of fury, attracting even More Murlocs. Torielle dutifully keeps her partner healed through the maelstrom of violence.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Hearing the guttural final gasps of several dying Murlocs Felony finds herself wondering if this pair of Orcs could possibly be the actual team of Chanelle Martinez and Torielle Jackson. It is certainly possible she surmises. After all World of Warcraft enjoys a subscriber base of more than 10 million people, people from all walks of life happily burying the stress of the real world beneath their avatar of choice much like she and Rock Rose. She has heard and read stories many times over of various celebrities professing an affinity for the fantasy world offered by Blizzard Entertainment although nearly all of them have chosen character names to shield their real identities. Felony Fontana and Rock Rose being obvious exceptions although Rose had initially insisted on creating unique names Felony reasoned that the player base would assume they were simply fans of the actual wrestlers. Now she watches intently as the ‘tag team’ of Azz n Class tears into another group of Murlocs. Their grating gurgles of alarm filling her headset as they are ruthlessly torn asunder by the shining blade of Chanelle.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
“What the hell’s going on?” Rokk exclaims upon seeing the sudden flood of server announcements indicating her defeat once more at the hands of her Tauren counterpart Pwnzone. “I just sit down to recoup my health and see this”, she growls.
“It’s probably just a server hiccup”, Pwnzone offers, joining his new friend for a snack. “You’re getting better at this”, he observes.
“Thanks, I need all the practice I can get. I got a match this weekend”.
“An arena match,” He asks, “against whom?”
“Me and Felony are a team, we’re going against Azz N Class”, Rokk says not picking up on his use of the term arena in his question.
As a side game for its players World of Warcraft offers up various forms of games within the game to keep them occupied. One such game is team player vs. player battles staged in a variety of settings such as open field battle grounds, closed in buildings and, of course, arenas. Arena matches are kept segregated from battle ground matches by only allowing teams of two, three and five to compete whereas battle grounds start with teams of ten and range upwards to 40.
“Chanelle and Torielle”, Pwnzone says in recognition. “I know of them, I’ve had a number of matches against them”. Rising to his feet and flexing his enormous arms he adds, “They never could beat me”.
“You know how to beat them?” Rokk asks, also rising to his feet. “Can you teach me how?”
“Sure,” he replies. “I can show you how Chanelle likes to fight. Drop a duel flag and I’ll teach you. She’s a warrior like us”.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
“Really Rosie, suck much?” Felony sighs in disbelief at yet another announcement. Looking on through her screen she watches as Azz n Class rounds up another group of feisty Murlocs and whittles them down to a rasping heap of chum. She fails to notices a large, green blob of gelatinous ooze slowly sliding across the charred floor of the inn and onto the balcony towards her. Fortunately her use off the game’s onscreen combat log alerts her to its presence.
Gelatinous ooze hits you for 379 dmg.
Gelatinous ooze hits you for 532 damage (Critical).
Gelatinous ooze hits you for 348 damage.
“What the hell?” she puzzles aloud at the strange numbers suddenly appearing on her monitor. Panning the camera to the left she finally sees the slimy blotch of lime green sludge slowly biting away at her through the wall courtesy of a line of sight mechanics glitch. “Oh shit!”
She blinks away from the muck, utilizing a class specific spell allowing her character to teleport 25 yards ahead to safety and freezes it in place by use of another spell called frost nova. She fires an ice lance, an instant cast spell which hurls a bolt of ice towards the target. It is a spell which promises a critical strike when hitting targets frozen in place and does not disappoint, obliterating the slime with a single shot ending the fight as quickly as it had begun.
“Hello”, the words appear on her screen typed by someone else.
Felony spins her character around finding her face to face with the Orcs, Chanelle and Torielle, Azz n Class. Startled by the unexpected appearance of her targets Felony backs her character up but is restricted by the remains of a brick barrier behind her.
“Hi,” she replies. “I was just checking this place out. I haven’t seen it since the Shattering”.
“That’s cool,” Torielle says. “We were just killing Murlocs for a rep quest. Man, those drop rates suck”.
Rather than beating around the bush in an effort to find a roundabout way to ask her questions, Felony quietly sizes up the beefy Orc women and realizes that being from the same faction, they could not kill her character so their only options would be verbal chastising or dueling so she would simply ask them outright.
“Are you guys the real Azz n Class?” she asks.
“Lol No”, Chanelle replies, the acronym triggering an in game emoticon prompting her character to let out of throaty guffaw. “We’re just big wrestling fans, and they’re our favorites. What about you?” she asks, directing the same question at the Blood Elf.
“No, I’m a big fan too lol. I always loved Felony and Rock Rose”. Although she hated referring to herself in the third person Felony did not want to divulge her true identity and elects to play it our as she had suggested to her partner when creating their characters. “They have a big match against your team this weekend”.
“Yeah, I know,” Torielle says flatly. “We have tickets to see them at the Crawford Hall in Irvine, I can’t wait. Are you going?”
“No”, Felony answers with a bald faced lie. “I can’t make it so I have to watch it on television”.
“That’s a shame”, Chanelle says. “Well if you do manage to score some tickets we’ll be seated in the third row, seats 17 and 18. Look us up so we can talk trash! Anyway, we’re gonna go turn in these quests,see ya”.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pulling away, Chanelle and Torielle summon their over-sized wolf mounts and lumber off in the direction of Tarren Mill as Felony is alerted to an incoming private message by way of a chime and an onslaught of purple text suddenly bloating her chat window.
“Felony get your ass back here! This guy is the master and he’s been teaching me how to beat Azz n Class! He wants to duel you so he can teach you too, hurry”!
“Rosie, you do realize that this is a video game, right?” She answers curtly in matching purple text. “Even you can’t be so dumb as to think the secret to winning this match lays in the World of Warcraft”.
“Then how come he never lost to them?” Rokk demands. “Now if you don’t hurry your ass up you’re going over my damned knee, got it?”
“Fine, whatever,” Felony relents and begins to summon her mount. The bright pink Ostrich-like Hawkstrider suddenly appears in a cloud of smoke and a loud chirp announcing its arrival. Felony quickly points the bird in the direction indicated on her mini map showing the location of her friend and takes off. “I should have known better than to get you playing this game,” she types while continuing to guide the darting the mount. “One minute alone and you think you’ve found the ancient hidden master holding the secret to success in SCW. Your nickname sure is appropriate, you’re every bit as dumb as it suggests. Besides, isn’t Gene supposed to be preparing us for this match instead of your pixel master, right?”
“Stop typing and get your damned ass moving!” Rock Rose’s thunderous voice bellows through the makeshift hallway of the tiny single bedroom studio apartment assaulting Felony’s ears. “Besides, this dude knows shit even Geno don’t”.
“Damn it you gargantuan orangutan, I’m riding as fast as I can!” she yells back ignoring the keyboard and instead using her own voice.
Recalling her meeting moments ago with the two Orcs, Felony surmises that Rock Rose’s new friend Pwnzone has had player vs. player encounters with Chanelle, the Orc warrior and Torielle, the Orc shaman, and is referring to those battles. Rosie was somehow confused – no difficult task – she muses while continuing her journey over the rolling greenscape leading from the outskirts of South Shore towards the duel site; into believing that he was referring to the actual wrestlers rather than the in-game avatars.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
Pwnzone has defeated Rokk in a duel.
“Jesus Christ Rosie, “Felony exclaims under her breath. “I’ll be there in just a moment”.
“Another server hiccup?” Rokk asks.
“Probably”, Pwnzone says while sitting down to eat. “Somehow these hiccups always happen right after weekly maintenance. They must be doing inverted repairs lol”.
Looking over the hills, Pwnzone notes the slender blood elf avatar of Felony as it appears over the ridge, its blonde ponytail swaying from side to side in sync with the movements of her mount. Rising to his feet he jumps once and turns to face her, making sure that his health is fully replenished and his ability timers have all expired. Looking on, Rokk also rises to his feet as Felony closes to within speaking distance and dismounts upon approaching the duo.
“It’s about damned time”, Rokk says. “I thought I was gonna have to carry you”.
With a chuckle Pwnzone faces the petite Mage and drops a duel flag. “Before we get started I need to see what you got”, he says. “So don’t hold back on me”.
Suddenly Pwnzone charges but having anticipated his opening charge Felony blinks 25 yards ahead to safety, free from the would be three second stun. Pivoting quickly on her feet she spins around to face him, having summoned a water elemental to aide her efforts. She commands the aqua toned globule to execute a frost nova freezing him into place as she fires off an ice lance followed by a frost bolt. Pwnzone breaks free after having absorbed a pair of nasty critical strikes and charge, effectively stunning Felony but she counters by throwing up an ice barrier. The frosty personal shield fully absorbs the brunt of his incoming strikes allowing her time to frost nova him in place a second time blink clear of his attack as its timer expires. She follows with a pair of Ice Lances which are accompanied with a barrage of frost bolts fired from the elemental and suddenly Pwnzone is on one knee clasping his hands in capitulation.
Felony has defeated Pwnzone in a duel.
“Damn Fel,” Rokk says in a state of shock. “You’re still at 92% health!”
“Wow, you’re good!” Pwnzone says sitting down to eat. “I don’t think I’ve ever been trashed like that”.
Suddenly the trio is ambushed by five Alliance players, two Worgen Rogues, a feral Druid in cat form, a Draenei Paladin and a Night Elf Hunter. The Worgen, the Azerothian version of werewolves strike first accompanied by the Druid as all three take advantage of class abilities that allow them to prowl about the landscape stealthy while the Hunter quickly follows, appearing out of his own type of stealth, an ability known as camouflage. Night Elves are similar to Blood Elves only serving the Alliance rather than the horde in addition to being considerably larger and they are often referred to as cousins in the lore of the game. The Draenei quickly closes in on his mount which he drops off of to enter the fray. Draenei are space travelers from a distant world known as Outland, having arrived in Azeroth after their vessel had crash landed in the woods of Teldrassil, near the Night Elf capitol. Equal in stature to the mighty Tauren, the Draenei were aided upon their impromptu arrival in the world by the Night Elf race and thus swore their allegiance to the alliance. The Paladin uses his own healing abilities to keep his team up as they tear into Pwnzone, killing him quickly and then Rokk, who is also felled with dispatch.
The tiny Mage looks on as she is surrounded by the five imposing figures, appearing to be hopelessly out matched. She does not strike first however; instead she patiently waits for one of them to mage the first move. The Hunter obliges, sending in his pet to attack only to see it frozen in place by the water elemental. Blinking clear of the melee favoring Rogues and Druid, she quickly polymorphs the hunter into a sheep and then turns her attention to the Paladin, silencing him before he can remove the spell. The Paladin is suddenly frozen in place and treated to a flurry of ice lances followed by an area of effect spell known as blizzard which strikes to re-stealthed rogues and druid bringing them back into view. Blinking away from them she focuses on the healer, whom she spell steals a self-heal from and blasts with a trio of ice lances as he is frozen in place by her elemental killing him. The Druid and Rogues converge on her but she activates her mirror image ability, effectively splitting her character into four. While the clones focus their attention on the Rogues and Druid she turns her attention to the Hunter, shielding herself from his pet’s attacks she assaults him with a rapid fire barrage of ice bolts, her character continuously moving throughout the encounter. The Hunter feigns death dropping her targeting of him but she quickly re-targets him and freezes him into place finishing him off. The mirror images disappear, their timer having expired leaving Felony to contend with the remaining three with only her elemental as aide. Glancing at the corpses of Pwnzone and Rock she notices that their names are no longer displayed above their characters indicating to her that they have released and are likely running back to the action from the graveyard. The Druid shifts from Cat Form and into his humanoid form, Targeting his Paladin ally attempting to resurrect him but he is silenced by the mage and force fed a massive pyro blast followed by a frost nova by her elemental and another barrage of ice lances, killing him. The Rogues are given the same treatment but they activate their cloak of shadows, an ability which grants them temporary immunity to spells. Felony runs to maintain distance from the pursuing worgen counting under her breath the five seconds the ability is programmed to last. Suddenly one of the Rogues shadow steps directly behind her and stuns her with a kidney shot. Felony answers by activating ice block which removes the effects of the ability while providing full immunity to incoming attacks. She waits for the ice block to fall and then blinks clear commanding her pet water elemental to freeze one Rogue in place as she jump spins to fire off an ice lance which critically strikes the Rogue killing him. The final Rogue gives chase but is easily fended off by the quick thinking skillful Mage and is killed, his body falling near those of his companions.
“Holy shit,” Pwnzone cries finally arriving back to the scene. “You took five of them in the time it took me to run back!”
Felony greets her arriving partner Rokk with a dance seeming not to notice the fresh corpses littering the landscape around her feet.
“Hey Rosie”, Felony calls out from the living room loud enough for Rock Rose to hear from the bedroom. “Who is the master now?”
