WHAT? I’M FACING A MCDONALD’S SANDWICH?
Narrator: Good day and thanks for joining me. I’m Bill Barnhart’s Narrator and I’m here to provide opening comments leading up to Bill’s match against Mac Bane at Climax Control 281. To start off you’ll be taken back to November 14, 2008, which was Bill’s 25th birthday, to watch an annual event that happened between him and another entity. Pay attention as you might learn something.
BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU WISH FOR. . .YOU MIGHT JUST GET IT
The scene takes us back to November 14, 2008, which was Bill Barnhart’s 25th birthday. Bill is relaxing at his home while Bea and their English Bulldog Iris are out shopping for gifts for him. There is a knock at the door and when Bill answers the door he lets out a huge sigh. . .
Bill: *SIGH* You again? Aren’t you tired of losing to me? Since I turned 18 years of age you have come to me every year to try to win my soul away from me for eternity and you’ve failed all six times. Why have you shown up again? Do you honestly feel that seven is a lucky number and you’ll finally win my soul from me? Get the hell out of my face!
Satan: Gee, Bill, funny you should tell me to get the hell out of your face when you know I own Hell. You know I have come to you annually, on your birthday, for the past six years since you turned 18 years of age, to try to earn your soul for eternity. This year is the year I win and your soul will belong to me forever!
Bill: Something you said is key in you knowing, without a doubt, you will lose to me again. You said that you want “to try to earn your soul. . .” which tells me you are not sure, after six failures, that you can win my soul on the seventh try. You really are a pathetic piece of. . .
Satan: Don’t say it Bill! I will make eternity hell for you. You know I will do that because I own Hell. Enough of the small talk. We need to get down to this year’s contest. I will make it interesting for you. I will let you choose the contest where we will compete against each other with your soul on the line. When I win your soul belongs to me for eternity and I will torture you beyond anything you can imagine. If, and that is a huge IF you can win against me I promise to never come to you again to bother you about anything including trying to take your soul away from you. Is that a deal?
Bill: Hell yeah! I’ve already defeated you six times in a row so defeating you a seventh time will be easy!
Satan: Not so fast Billy boy! You haven’t heard who is judging our contest.
Bill: Before you get over-confident let me tell you what our contest will be and then you tell me who will be judging the contest.
Satan: Please amuse me with a fantastic contest Bill as this will be your last time, for eternity, to challenge me.
Bill: What? I’ve never challenged you! You’re the one who is always challenging me and losing to me! We’ll both have to do a dance to the song SHAKE YOUR BOOTY by KC and the Sunshine Band. The person with the most votes from those judging our dancing is declared the winner. That winner will be me of course.
Satan: That’s it? Something as simple as doing a dance? Deal! The judges for the contest will be 100 of my demon minions. The winner of our dance contest is the person who gets 51 votes or more. Fair enough?
Bill: Sure but I have one more request.
Satan: You don’t get any requests Bill. You must dance first then I get my chance to out-dance you. With you going first you are at a disadvantage.
Bill: That’s what you think! Remember I’ve won many dance contests over the years and I’m going to win this one also.
Bill places the CD into the player and selects SHAKE YOUR BOOTY by KC and the Sunshine Band. When the music hits Bill launches into his dance routine. Bill puts on the moves and we can see the excitement on the faces of the demon minions who are there to vote on who wins the dance contest. When Bill is finished he takes a bow, points to Satan, and tells him to give it his best shot. Bill starts the play of SHAKE YOUR BOOTY and Satan does his dance. When Satan is done both he and Bill take a seat and wait for the vote count to be delivered.
Satan: Ready to lose your soul to me Bill?
Bill: Never in your wildest drug-induced dreams!
The demon minions have come to the final count of their votes. The senior demon minion walks over and stands between Bill and Satan to deliver their decision.
Senior Demon Minion: We have come to our final vote count on who wins the dance contest. I have to be honest that this vote wasn’t even close. Our final vote count is 80 votes for Bill Barnhart and 20 for Satan. Sorry Boss! You lose!
Satan is shocked that he lost the dance contest and can never again challenge Bill for his soul, or anything else, for eternity. Bill is laughing so hard he’s having a hard time taking breaths.
Bill: HAR HAR HAR!!! *BLEEP* you Satan! You tried to cheat and you lost again and this time for eternity! Get the hell out of my sight, you loser, and don’t ever get near me again!
Satan poofs himself and his 100 demon minions out of Bill’s life. Bill walks into the kitchen and pulls out a few beers and downs them and the scene of what happened on November 14, 2008, on Bill’s 25th birthday ends.
WHAT? I’M FACING A MCDONALD’S SANDWICH?
The scene changes and we see Bill, along with his wife Bea and their English Bulldog Iris, relaxing in their hotel room which is located near the Cox Pavilion in Las Vegas, Nevada. The two are sitting on the couch in front of a coffee table and Iris is running around sniffing out the room. Bill is in his normal casual attire consisting of blue jeans, a black pullover shirt, and black athletic shoes. Bea is wearing her trademark blue dress she wears while serving at ringside as Bill’s Manager. Iris, as always, is wearing her pink diamond-studded dog collar.
Bill: What in the hell is going on? I got a call from Sin City Wrestling and it appears they’ve assigned me to a Roulette Rules match to wrestle a McDonald’s sandwich called a McBane!
Bea: Ha ha ha!!!
Bill: And what, my dear wife and Manager, do you find funny?
Bea: You’re not facing a McDonald’s McBane sandwich. You’re facing a wrestler named Mac Bane.
Bill: Ohhhhh!!! Excuse me for a few minutes while I research my opponent, I mean my victim, out.
When Bill gets on his laptop computer to take a look at the information sheet on Mac Bane the Network cuts to a commercial break. After several minutes of the commercial break the Network returns to the live broadcast of Bill.
A ROULETTE RULES MATCH IS NOTHING COMPARED TO WHAT I’VE BEEN THROUGH
Bill: I’m back. Now that I’ve had a chance to review the Climax Control 281 card, and the information sheet on Mac Bane, I’ll continue with my comments. I’d like to start with the definitions attached to the word BANE. They include HARM, RUIN, DESTRUCTION, WOE, and POISON. Mac you are none of these things but even if you were then you would still be only about ten percent of the violent wrestler my half-brother Chris Shipman was and I defeated him over seventy-five percent of the time. *YAWN*
Bea: So that everyone is informed Bill obtained the definitions for the word BANE on the Merriam-Webster Dictionary website.
Bill: Mac you may think you have the advantage since wrestlers in a Roulette Rules match do not know what type of match they’ll have until the Roulette wheel spins and lands on a spot to decide the match type. Listen carefully because what I’m going to tell you will make you understand that you made a mistake, a HUGE mistake, signing this Roulette Rules match against me. When I had to face my half-brother Chris Shipman in matches, for many years in Asylum Wrestling Alliance, all our matches were so brutal, violent, disgusting, and evil, that most of those types of matches are banned until the end of time. That means there’s nothing our Roulette wheel can land on that I can’t easily handle. I won the majority of my matches against my half-brother and those matches were more than they’re allowed to put on the Roulette wheel in Sin City Wrestling.
Bea: I wish to discuss the three Roulette Rules matches Bill has participated in here in Sin City Wrestling. September 15, 2019, at Climax Control 247, Bill defeated Caleb Storms in a Rock and Street Fight Roulette Rules match that Bill won by pinfall.
Bill: Caleb talked about how effective he is in Roulette Rules matches but I proved him to be ineffective.
Bea: Bill then faced Griffin Hawkins for the Roulette Championship on October 20, 2019, at High Stakes IX. Bill came close to winning but with Hawkins being a great Roulette Champion he was able to pull off the win by pinfall in that Steel Cage Match.
Bill: Having that match against Griffin Hawkins was on my list of dream matches I wanted in Sin City Wrestling.
Bea: The third Roulette Rules Match for Bill was against O’Malley on August 16, 2020, at Climax Control 276. Bill came close to winning but O’Malley was able to get the win over Bill by submission.
Bill: I vowed to avenge that loss to O’Malley and with my win over you, Mac, at Climax Control 281, I’ll advance and the likely wrestler to face O’Malley for the Roulette Championship at High Stakes X. If that match takes place I’ll avenge my previous loss and become the new Roulette Champion.
Bill excuses himself to get some snacks from the kitchen. He returns carrying a plate of pepperoni pizza slices in one hand and a six-pack of Classic Coke in his other hand. He sets the pepperoni pizza and Classic Coke on the coffee table and he and Bea start in on the food and drinks. Iris is quick to get up and get between Bill and Bea to beg for pizza. Bill appeases Iris by handing her a slice of pizza on a large paper plate to avoid spillage and Iris is happy.
I WIN. . .MAC BANE LOSES
Bill: Mac let me level with you. I do research on all my opponents, except the ones I’ve already faced, as it is nice to know what new opponents think of themselves. Normally they always think more favorably about themselves than I think about them. So your name is Mac Bane eh? I say your name is Mac Bullshit. I’ve heard the crap you’ve spread around prior to our match being scheduled. I know the comments all my opponents will make. In your case you’ll most likely claim you have a height and weight advantage and that puts me at a disadvantage. Nice try but. . .FAIL! I’ve defeated wrestlers up to twice my weight and up to a foot taller than me and I defeated them. When I soundly defeat you then you can take the bullshit you’re throwing my way and return to the country farm and till the bullshit into the ground to serve as fertilizer. If Satan, and my half-brother Chris Shipman, were not to defeat me then why the hell do you think you have a chance?
Bea: I’ve heard rumors that over your wrestling career both your knees have undergone surgery. That makes a prime target for a Figure-Four Leglock or other leg-punishing maneuvers Bill wishes to dish out upon you.
Bill: Brag all you want Mac. I don’t see how a Four-Way, or other multi-wrestler match, is something you should brag about just because you won the match. In multi-wrestler matches you can have most of the wrestlers beating each other senseless while one wrestler cowers in the corner waiting for the other wrestlers to get tired from beating each other down. Then they step in and take advantage of the already worn out wrestlers. Gee if that’s all you can brag about then when you face me at Climax Control 281 you’re going to be shocked when I easily defeat you.
Bea: Have a great time leading up to your match with Bill as you’ll be having a horrible time after Bill pounds you into submission.
Bea motions to the cameraman they are done with their comments for today. The cameraman cuts his feed and the Network switches to a commercial break.
