*The struggle within*It’s We are on the plane where Goth can be seen seated with Janet, his psychiatrist. Goth is clearly annoyed, not wanting to discuss his entire problem with her but realizes that he cannot escape from it. His face is looking through the airplane window next to him while listening to what Janet has to say.
“I have the conclusion that something from your past is trying to tell you something Gerrit.” He mentally rolls his eyes, not buying a single thing that she is saying but politely nods to keep her happy. He is thinking back upon the moment in the hotel restaurant where he caught her smiling at him for some reason, to this day he still could not conclude why she did that or what it meant. He shrugs his head as he turns his attention back towards Janet, who is holding up a picture of a young Goth back in the day of the Global Wrestling Alliance.
“Where did you get that picture?” He asks as he frowns, staring at a picture where he won the top title for the second time in his career when he won the legendary Psycho Circus match as the young Goth is clutching his arms around the championship belt. His eyes remain upon the picture for several moments before lifting them back up towards Janet, who is writing something down upon her notebook before turning her professional attention back towards him.
“I asked Jonathan Porter, I…”“Why in the hell did you get him into this???” His eyes are burning with anger, only to lift his hands upwards in an apologetic fashion, realizing that he reacted in an over aggressive fashion. He leans his head back against the headrest of his seat, closing his eyes as he lets his memories of him and Jonathan Porter pass him by as he lets out a long sigh.
“I am sorry, I just haven’t spoken to him in quite some time now. So I just wondered how in the hell you got this picture from him??” He feels ashamed, ashamed for his aggressive nature as of late. He has accepted that this is a way to survive in the wrestling industry, but people like Janet do not deserve that aggression even if they do annoy him. He anticipates for her to lash out towards him, but notices after a minute that she is rather silent.
“Janet??” He asks softly before reopening his eyes, staring at his psychiatrist, who has her legs crossed while staring at her fingers before looking up towards him with a sly smile upon her face. Causing Goth to to close his eyes and shake his head before looking back at her with a puzzled look as he notices she is writing upon her notebook before looking up towards him.
“What’s wrong Gerrit??” “Why did you smile at me??” She lifts an eyebrow as she places her notebook upon her lap, he notices that her legs aren’t crossed anymore like they were a moment ago. She takes off her glasses as she pulls out a cloth to clean them before turning her attention back towards him.
“Look Gerrit, I don’t know what you are implying. I don’t mind you nodding your head in some fake agreements if that is what you think will solve your problem. But to suggest that I am flirtatiously smiling at you?? That is where I draw the line, I…”Goth stops her by extending his hand to stop her from getting up while she wanted to finish her sentence, this causes her to stop as Goth reaches over and places both hands against his temples as we can see wrinkles emerging upon his forehead as he lets out a sigh.
“I started to see things where I am just unsure whether it is the reality or whether my mind is playing tricks upon me.” He says while letting out a large sigh, he is too ashamed to even look at the woman who slowly decides to sit down again. She lets go off the handle of the purse that she had grabbed beside her seat and places the notebook back upon her lap. She stares at him with an intriguing look on her face as she finally responds.
“How long has this been going on Gerrit??” He remains silent for a few minutes, thinking back to the restaurant a few weeks ago. Thinking back to every moment where he believed he had seen someone or see someone behave differently towards him than what he was used to. Only to let out a sigh as he looks back up at her for the first time since his revelation.
“The first time I noticed something was at the restaurant, I thought I had seen you smile at me after I shared that vision. But Melissa dismissed it, making me believe it was just my nerves. I have not slept well ever since that moment Janet, so I may just imagine things.. I…”“Did these smiles looked familiar in any possible fashion??” She suddenly asks him, causing to stun him as he stops in midsentence. Causing him to look bewildered towards her before starting to think back to the moment in the restaurant and just right now. His wrinkled forehead reemerges as he digs deeper into his memories, trying to remember a similar experience but draws a blank.
“I can’t….”“Do smiles have a specific importance for you Gerrit??” [/color]
“I…”He doesn’t finish his thought, again he thinks back. Do smiles have a more specific meaning to him besides sharing a happy memory with someone?? He digs deeper into his thoughts, taking the thought of happy memories and wonder who he had shared the most wonderful memories with. Suddenly realizing that his mouth had dropped with shock, seeing flashes of old memories of him and his first wife sharing wonderful memories. Reliving the memory of him and her in that car, just like the distorted vision had presented him beside the weird changes.
“Chantal….”He lifts his concerned look towards Janet, but comes face to face with the smiling face of his dead wife as he had remembered her from his memories. Shocked hi pulls back, but she grabs his hands, sharing a sudden scared look as he notices her face age with every passing second. Her youthful looks that he remembered her off turn into wrinkles of an elderly lady as her skin turn yellow before vanishing.
“CHANTAL!!!!” He screams out in agony, wanting to reach out for her as if he could revive her eternal youth.
“Gerrit!!! Get your hands off of me!!!” Goth snaps his head, the surroundings around him has changed back to him and Janet staring each other in the eyes as he stands all over her. The look on her face shows one of utter fear as his mouth is inches away from her as he starts to shake of stress before dropping back to his seat, he grabs his head as he cries out of frustration s he realizes that his eyes were betrayed once more.
There’s a moment of an awkward silence, Goth is digging his fingers into his flesh as the sensation of his tears is burning into his flesh. He feels hands touch his shoulders while shaking out of fear, the soft touch causes his body to suddenly tense before releasing all the built up emotions as he sinks down into his seat. Ten seconds later he reopens his eyes, staring into the loving yet concerned look of his wife Melissa. She is saying something towards him, but it seems as if he is inside a void as he cannot hear what she is saying. He feels sweat pour from the pours of his face, sensing his body temperature seemingly heating up as he starts to scream out an animalistic fashion. His body is shaking inside his seat before…
“Gerrit…., I miss you….”He snaps his head to the left, witnessing his first wife running towards him in a dark tunnel as light is shining bright behind her. She seems miles and miles away from him, unable to reach him as the surroundings slowly start to close in around her.
“Chantal NO!!! don’t leave me….”He extends his arm, but it is too late as the tunnel has closed around her as he hears a scream of fear and pain before there’s nothing left for him to hear. He feels tears escape his eyes, feeling as if he has failed her once again. He lowers his head as he feels nothing but a void around him.
“GERRIT!!!!” He feels two hands grab him by his shirt, shaking him around with desperation and fear in the voice of Melissa as he snaps out of his predicament.
“SAY SOMETHING!!!” “Wha??” Melissa had nearly pulled him out of his seat as he notices his body being limp, she must have believed that he had a shock or something as her reaction is one of utter fear and concern. He notices her tears flow upon her cheeks, completely wasting the makeup that she was wearing. He wraps his arms around her waist as he pulls her body closer towards him into a tight embrace. He feels her arms around his head as he hears her whispering how much she loves him.
“I love you too Melissa, forgive me… I don’t know what’s wrong with me….”He whispers back into her ear, he feels her soft kisses upon his cheek before finding his mouth as the two kiss tender. She lifts her head away from his as the two stare at each other with concern upon their faces.
“Whatever it is Gerrit, we will overcome this..” She grabs his hands into hers, holding them close to her heart as she does not take her eyes off of his.
“And you don’t need to apologize for anything sweetie, you haven’t done anything wrong.” He smiles, he needed to hear these words even though he wasn’t sure whether they were based upon truth or just because he yearns for it. he looks towards Janet as he lets out a sigh.
“I am sorry Janet, you were right. I was trying to play along in the hope of somehow deal with this problem myself, I hope we can start all over again? This time I will cooperate. She stares at him, not convinced about his explanation as she lifts her notebook upwards once more.
“Know what you are asking Gerrit, because I intend to dig until I have found the essence of the problem. And that could turn out to be very nasty.” Goth swallows, admittingly having second thoughts for a few moments as he look over towards his wife who looks back at him.
“You have seen what it is doing to you sweetie, you can’t hold back anymore. This is killing not only you, but me as well.” She says as she cannot hold the tears back anymore, Goth swallows before gently lifting his hand towards her right cheek and wipes away the tear. Causing Melissa to lean into his hand as he caresses her face before finally turning his attention back towards Janet as he nods and sighs.
“I understand and I am fully committed to whatever it may take.”He turns his attention back towards his wife as the two give each other an intimate embrace, each of them whispering something in their ears as they are trying to find encouragement with each other. The camera slowly turns away from them and focusses upon Janet, who is observing the married couple with much interest before giving a sinister smile out of view of Goth and Melissa as the shot slowly fades.
*Your disappointment is mine*“It’s quite something to suffer inside the ring, but it is far worse to suffer on the outside” Whispers Goth as he sits in the corner of a church bench, gazing upon a small Jesus hanging against a cross that is prominently hanging upon the middle of a church wall. He then lowers his face as he runs his fingers through a small Bible that he had picked up from a table after entering the nearly empty building. Wearing black jeans that with black leather boots underneath who both have a steel tips. Above that he is wearing a black Motorhead shirt that is for 90 percent hidden behind his black leather jacket while wearing a silver chain that supports the letter M in a Biblical fashion. His eyes can be seen moving from left to right as he is reading the passages in the small book before he closes the Bible as he lifts his head upwards once more and notices an older woman approach him, stopping as she has a worried look on her face as their eyes meet before heading towards a few benches behind him. Goth’s gaze leaves that of the older woman as he nods his head towards her as she passes him before turning back towards the cross, it’s a moment that he has experienced many times throughout his career.
“I’ve been taught at a very early moment in my career that I should not bring my personal life into my professional life. Because that will show weakness, it gives an opening for those who only care for themselves. That they will use it to get ahead of others, because in this profession it to kill or be killed isn’t it??” His fingers rubs against the hard cover of the Bible, stopping at the gold like lettering that reads “Holy Bible”. He smiles, remembering his early years where he was too busy as a child to sit silent and patiently during a Church ceremony. Thinking back to all the times that his mother handed him a pocket sized Donald Duck booklet that fitted inside his Bible in order to contain him for a little while. He had heard the tales growing up from youth Bible studies that God sees and knows all, something he at that moment took at heart as he feared the almighty wrath of the Lord. But also later on be confused as he learned that it was an all forgiving God, often questioning the acts of compassion in comparison of the acts of mass destruction.
He had often wondered how a God could be forgiving to many as he had flooded the world as an Arch sailed the never ending ocean containing all different kinds of animals consisting of two each, always been taught that God had its reasons to do so as HE has plans for each and everyone of us. He had lost his ways later on in his teens as he had come in contact with the wrong people, who taught him everything that God had forbidden his children to do. But he did not care, he was young and easily manipulated….
“It seems that every now and then the circle of life comes to a completion, only to start all over again isn’t it??” His voice is dry, giving a raspy edge to it as his eyes gazes on around him, noticing besides him and the elder woman that there were only a few more visitors that were either seeking answers or perhaps a moment of silence. He sighs softly, he asked him the same question of why he had entered this old church, hoping to find some answers to his daily nightmares and visions. Perhaps hoping for it to end as he is in God’s house. Only to start questioning his own sanity, asking himself whether it had been influencing his in ring career as well. And to add more fuel to the fire, wondering what area of his life he regretted most.
“But I am the type of guy that does not walk away from adversary, I instead face it head on to the best of my abilities. Does it mean I always win???” He shows a painful grimace, a grimace of remembering The Six Pack Challenge for the Vacated World Heavyweight Championship. An opportunity that ended when Carter eliminated him as he had eliminated the man he will be facing at this coming Climax Control Austin James Mercer.
“I know you will tell your side of the tale Austin, go ahead. Because I see things the way of two men that came up short that given night. Both of us believed we were destined to win the vacated world title didn’t we?? And both of us did not succeed in doing so…. Although I did cross off another name in thec process that I was told I could not overcome.”
“Not that it really matters now does it??” His face hardens as he swallows a few times, trying to not let his emotions get the better of him inside this Holy Church. The respect that he has been taught weights heavier than his pride and ego, but he cannot resist himself from balling a fist as fights his urges to let his anger run free.
“I have had to swallow my pride, I had to relisten all my words that I have spoken the weeks prior to that match Austin. I have rewatched every single second of this match, having to relive every painful second of being subdued to be nothing more than a spectator. While my clock is ticking Austin, I know I don’t have the time of an eternal youthful individual. I feel the pain every morning when I wake up, to stretch every morning before I do my thing as my body has endured so much. And yet, I know I am better than any of these so called superstars in this match…. Including yourself Austin.”
“Will you tell me otherwise?? Will you state the obvious that you should have won?? Or are you going to be kissing ass because you feel like that J2H deserved the monicker of once again wearing that title belt?? Oh and before you start to lose your mind and being delusional, I never said that he deserved it…. I just wanted it more… or at least so I thought.”
“And I cannot have this mental problem bothering me” He hisses between his teeth as his facial expression slowly turns dark as he inhales deeply to calm down.
“False memories… Visions…. Imaginary delusions… And if that’s not enough, I have to deal with YOU!! But at least you are a problem that I have no qualms of pushing myself over the edge for once in order for me to at least find some relief.”
“Relief Austin, relief from the dark delusions that has been bothering me…. Oh and don’t assume to think I have started to sing a different tune. Because I am still the chosen one that is destined to rule by hurting you and everyone else, because in order to be healed you need to suffer in a fashion that none of you have ever endured.” He closes his eyes, lifts his head as he inhales deeply through the nose, he whispers out a few lines of one of his favourite psalms in order to calm him down. He spreads his arms and places his hands upon the back rest of the bench as his fingers grip the fabric tightly as his skin turns into pale white.
“Oh of course I can just utter futile threats, assuming that I cannot back it up isn’t it?? I just hope you have the ability to think back to a few weeks ago, or even don’t have the issue of long term memory lapses as we both know that I ultimately decimated you. Taking something what you held dear to your heart ISN’T IT!!!” He notices through the corner of his eyes that some annoyed looks were directed towards him as he had raised his voice to something close to a frustrated scream. He makes an apologetic gesture towards the others, not that he assumed that they would accept it. But then again, he did not care as he turned his face towards the ground as his hair falls down beside his face.
“Isn’t it Austin?? Because you are the type of man that I respect, as you cherish every possible title reign that you have ever had. As if it is just an obsession to clean up the believed underserved title reign of your predecessor, to the point that it became a mental obsession that you could not upset an Spanish speaking clown with a talking plant.”
“But don’t worry, I’m not here to bash your past missteps as I have had even more in my career then I dare to forget. Verbal humiliation of things that I have not done to you isn’t my thing, I prefer to relish in the act of mentally drop you harder than you have ever experienced in your entire life. And seeing how the mental state of instability that I am going through is driving me insane, making it impossible for me to make promises whether I wish to hurt you for the mere desire to harm you…. Or whether I wish to simply heal you for all the mistakes that you have made.” He turns silent for a moment, nods his head towards someone with a collection bag before doing a donation. Watching the man walk off towards the next church visitor as he shakes his head.
“To receive you need to donate, at a young age I never understood the passage where it was said that you need to done all of your possessions away to be purified.., who the fuck I am?? Robin Hood?? I am done giving to the world that I made possible for people like you, I am done giving my love, sweat and tears for the likes of you to have a career. Like I said a few weeks ago Austin, I have always respected you. But right now I just feel that there’s a change coming, I feel that it is the moment for me to TAKE instead of to GIVE. Because I don’t see it that you are a deserving heir to my throne when I finally decide to retire. And why would you?? You aren’t a member of the Saviors, you aren’t a Peter Vaughn. YOU are….”He bites upon his lower lip when the older woman passes him, looking fearful over her shoulder as Goth sees the fear in her eyes. Goth lets out a sigh and nods his head, shows an attempt towards a kind smile. But frowns his forehead once she turns her head and quickly exits the church.
“You are a pretender to what you have attempted to tell everyone how many times Austin? The only advantage you may dig with fingernails inside your brain is that I have predicted miracles as well and failed, but you have been failing how often Austin?? How often did the doubt creep in your mind late at night when you crawled upon your hands and knees towards your bed, the doubt of how to change your entire existence to better your pitiful life.”
“You are big, you are powerful. But you are as ignorant as fuck, to think that the same gimmick that you have used upon your hay day will be a golden ticket to success. You need to take risks Austin, you need to get your stinking head out of your ass and realize that you haven’t grown a damn thing since the days that you lost that world title. Of course I could have mentioned those mixed tag titles that you lost to me and Mercedes Vargas, but the spotlight of shame isn’t shining upon me fool. Because the arrogance isn’t in my heart, the egotistic nature of who has a hunger for success and all the riches that comes with it.”
“And who am I to judge anyone for what drives you to success, just another one syllable name that will be forgotten in twenty years or so. But I am YOUR biggest threat right now Austin, I am the one that is YOUR crossroad between a passage back upwards the ladder to content J2H or fall on your back. Because I allow MY FATE to direct me to wherever I need to travel!! I will accept either the glory or punishment of what my destiny will be. Can you Austin?? Will you? Don’t bother wasting my time and energy, because I already know the answer.” He reaches inside his back pocket of his jacket, pulls out a picture as he stares at a picture of a young Goth back during the early 2000’s
“You see that face Austin? What does that tell you??” He smirks as he turns the picture towards him for a few moments, studying the days of where he painted his face as a skull before wrecking it as he closing his hand into a fist. Enjoying the sound of the picture being crushed into a pile of nothing.
“It probably tells you nothing, just like you are clueless of your own direction. Clueless why you aren’t a dominating force, clueless why your power isn’t putting you over established names like myself. Clueless like I was at one point, because I was fighting against the establishment in order to survive. Clueless because I wanted to be rebel, clueless because I did not belong. Clueless because I have come from a bad environment and did not know how to ask for help to get out of it…. That’s why I painted my face, that’s why I accepted the emo remarks from those who thought I was a true Goth… HELL I even played along for a while, enduring the remarks while I crushed name after established name underneath my boots. Does that sound familiar Austin?? IT SHOULD!! Because I have been doing this for 20 years!! You on the other hand??” He shakes his head as his fist clutches even tighter around the picture that is nothing more than a wrinkled mess before dropping it on the floor as he places his boot on top of it.
“I am not looking back Austin, I am looking ahead. I look forward to wrestle you, because that’s what I do. I will take every blow that you will dish out against me, I will accept it if you kick out some teeth out of my mouth! Because I know it will only weaken you in the long run Austin, you are at your best when you face someone that is just as powerful as you. You are at your best when you can put your strength to the test, while I turn your strength into your own weakness. Because I know what makes you tick after facing you several times now, it is as if I am facing my own ignorant self that is underneath my damn feet”. He says as he refers to the old picture that is underneath the sole of his feet while leaning back against the backrest of the bench and closes his eyes to collect his thoughts.
“I will be facing Mac Bane in a few days Austin in a different company, I will be facing the man that brought in the Saviors to this company. A man that targeted the entire company to come out of their own shell, to step outside the comfort zone that people like you preferred to hide your head behind an imaginary skirt. You can tell me that I am wrong, but I am not. Because I was like that for YEARS!!! I was stuck in limbo, I was stuck in my own deprived thoughts. Hell, I was already accepting my role to be a wrestler that would put young talent over in their attempts to succeed in bigger things. But no more Austin, this version of me is that presents two options to ANYONE I face. You either accomplish in beating me and can tell your grandchildren after growing old, or fail and live in shame. There’s no in between for me, no more pat on the shoulder and telling people that they done well. Because well isn’t good enough to be on top of this company”
“How many people do you see that rather wish to reside in the Roulette or Internet title division? How many people do you know have already accepted that they will never be in line for a world title shot. Because the pathetic nature of our business has changed for the worse, something that you cannot hide behind any longer Austin. Because this coming Climax Control I will provide the world with the incapability to compete at the highest level, I will prove to them and more importantly towards you that when I beat you that I will turn my back upon you and never look back again. Because history has already proven the point that it is no longer IF but WHEN. I will alter your career that when you are in you are at the point of my career that you will fear looking back at old pictures, because it will remind you of what you once was…. And make you resend who you have become, but remember this Austin… There’s nobody you can blame but yourself, I am merely the one that will drag you further into your own misery, taking away all that you had taken away from others and make you watch me crush your career underneath my feet as if you were just an far and distant memory.” With that Goth stands up, looks into the camera for a final time before turning his attention towards the cross. He nods his head in respect before leaving the church as the shot fades.
The End.
