A HELLUVA WHAT?
Narrator: What in the world do we have here? A match between Bill Barnhart and Helluva Bottom Carter for Climax Control 340 that’s what. Carter is at such a huge disadvantage in height, weight, wrestling ability, and overall talent, that this match probably won’t even last ten minutes before Bill wins the the match.
HAVING TO DEAL WITH DUMB ASS PEOPLE
The scene opens and we see Bill and Bea Barnhart sitting at a table in the Jai Da Dhaba restaurant which is very close to the Rock Garden Outdoor Amphitheater in Chandigarh, India, where Sin City Wrestling is holding Climax Control 340. They are informed that a camera person has arrived to broadcast their comments for Bill’s upcoming match. Bea instructs the camera person to set up their equipment and let them know when they are live broadcasting. When the camera person is set up, and they give the signal they are live broadcasting, Bill and Bea begin commenting.
Bill: Many of you already know I have a low tolerance for stupid people, sales people, and noisy neighbors. This low tolerance of those morons does play a part in my wrestling career where I have a low tolerance for wrestlers who are stupid, who cheat, who lie, who try to sell you that they are a good wrestler when they suck in the ring, and they try to solicit you for things they already know you detest.
Bea: Start with the neighbors a few houses down from us who always blast music and yell and scream all the time.
Bill: I don’t know the names of the neighbors but I know where they live and what their address is. At least five times per month they hang out in their backyard blasting music, yelling, screaming, and other things, but they know. . .or at least they should know. . .that the noise ordinance in Gwinnett County is that you have to shut the f*ck up at 10 p.m. Five or more times per month they hang out in their backyard with thumping music that shakes our house and windows. They yell and scream and they think that is okay. Nope! Not okay and I’ve called the Police on their sorry asses every time they go beyond 10 p.m. with their bullshit.
Bea: Do you have a comparison to our moron noisy neighbors and the other wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling?
Bill: Bea I always have a comparison for everything. I compare Helluva Bottom Carter to be like our dumb ass noisy neighbors. They think they have to bother people in order to get attention but they fail to realize the attention they get for their bullshit is negative attention.
Bea: Tell the viewers how you feel about solicitors.
Bill: All solicitors who call on the phone or knock on my door are annoying shits. I tell them what I think of them and chase them off and tell them to f*ck off. The two worst ones are the ones who call and ask if we want to sell our home. I ask them since they work for a real estate company don’t they know my house is NOT for sale? When they answer YES I go off on them and tell them they are assholes and harassing us for asking us if we want to sell our home when our home is not on the market to sell. This usually gets them to get rude and start cursing but I honestly don’t give a damn. The other scammer harassing caller is the one claiming our auto warranty has expired and I need to renew it. When I ask them to tell me the make and model of the vehicle they claim I have that is out of warranty they tell me they cannot reveal that information. I reply that unless they can tell me the make and model of vehicle they think is out of warranty they can f*ck off! That elicits cursing and them issuing threats to me. Just more blocked calls added to my blocked callers list. This also relates to the other wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling as most of them are fakers who lie about stuff and try to get people to believe they are legitimate when they are nothing but fakes and frauds. Yeah, Carter, you are at the top of the list of scammer fraud wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling!
COMPARISON OF BILL TO OTHER WRESTLERS
The waiter brings the food and drinks to the table for Bill and Bea. The food looks fantastic and we are sure Bill and Bea are ready to eat but they are in the middle of a broadcast for Bill’s upcoming match so they have to wait a bit before they can eat.
Bill: I wish to now make a comparison between myself and other wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling specifically Helluva Bottom Carter. I start off with physical characteristics. I’m 6 feet 4 inches and 240 pounds while you, Carter, are 5 feet 9 inches and 172 pounds You’re giving up 7 inches of height and 58 pounds in weigh which is a huge disadvantage for you. I know you’re going to try to play those differences down but your attempt will be useless. Damn hard for a Chihuahua to try to brag how much better they are than a Pit Bull.
Bea: Tell them the other items you use to compare yourself against other wrestlers.
Bill: Carter a lot of wrestlers act like fools because they think that makes them look cool. Nope. It makes them look stupid. From what I’ve read about you it appears you enjoy acting like a fool. So be it. Your loss. Remember that acting like a fool doesn’t win wrestling matches. Performing well in the ring is what wins wrestling matches.
Bea: Are you going to tell the viewers, and Carter, the other comparison items on your list?
Bill: Nah! The list is very long and most of the idiots watching my presentation blank out mentally after a few minutes. I’ll just address my comments to Helluva Bottom Carter and hope the others can comprehend the things I say.
Bea: Good idea Bill. The food they delivered looks fantastic and I want to dive into it soon.
Bill: Too many wrestlers, like you Carter, think that gimmicks and acting silly wins matches. Too many wrestlers think that wearing makeup wins matches. Others feel that wearing funny clothing wins matches. Many wrestlers believe that having lame finishers wins matches. Carter, although you have all the items I just listed, none of them translate into winning a wrestling match. Listen carefully. Acting silly, wearing makeup, dressing in funny clothing, and having a lame finisher, doesn’t win matches. What wins matches is a combination of wrestling skills, ring presence, and the ability to get the job done. You, Carter, lack all those items that lead to winning matches. Therefore your loss to me is guaranteed.
PAUSE FOR A MEAL
Bill and Bea excuse themselves and let us know they need to eat their meal before it gets cold. They inform us they will return shortly. The camera person cuts their camera feed and the screen goes black.
About 20 minutes later the camera feed is back and we see that Bill and Bea have finished their meal and they are ready to continue with their comments for Bill’s match with Helluva Bottom Carter.
CLOSING COMMENTS
Bea: Oh…my…gawd!!! That food was amazing! If you visit Chandigarh, India, you absolutely need to eat at the Jai Da Dhaba restaurant! You will not be disappointed! Only Bill’s upcoming win against Helluva Bottom Carter is more amazing than the food at Jai Da Dhaba restaurant!
Bill: Let me tell you something Carter. I know you’ve held Championships in Sin City Underground and you want to brag about those accomplishments. Well another wrestler won numerous Championships in SCU and he isn’t winning Championships in Sin City Wrestling. That wrestler is Hitamashii. I see you like I see Hitamashii. Somebody who used to be successful and now somebody who is a fill-in for a match to ensure we have a full wrestling event. Now, Carter, please let me entertain you with my version of the song Another Brick in the Wall by Pink Floyd. I won’t mention the entire song lyrics but I will mention the lyrics most commonly known and I have edited them to fit you and me and our match. Hope you’re ready for my version of that song as I’m ready to present it to you.
Bill looks into the camera and begins singing his version of the popular lyrics to Pink Floyd’s Another Brick In the Wall.
I don’t need wrestling education. . .
Because I’m the best wrestler in the nation. . .
And if you think you’ve got it all. . .
Then you’re gonna take a horrible fall. . .
Yeah, Carter, you are gonna fall. . .
Because. . .
All in all you’re just another twit in the hall. . .
Bill is done with his version of Pink Floyd’s Another Brick In the Wall and a huge grin comes on his face.
Bill: Carter I want you to come to our match over-confident and positive that you’re going to defeat me. I want you to be the fool, like the hundreds of fools I’ve defeated before, who came into matches over-confident and I handed their asses to them. My only hope is that you try hard to act like a legitimate valid wrestler instead of a side-show act at the circus. See you on Sunday, August 21, 2022, as it is the day your wrestling career is proven to the world to be a scam. Please allow me to close with a term used by one of my favorite wrestlers when I was growing up. His name was Freddie Blassie and he called a lot of his scrawny opponents a PENCIL NECK GEEK. Please allow me to recite the ending of the song Freddie Blassie produced titled, of course, PENCIL NECK GEEK, as you fit the description.
Bill picks up a sheet of paper where the ending lyrics of Freddie Blassie’s song, PENCIL NECK GEEK, are written and Bill reads the words using his best Freddie Blassie voice.
They say, "these geeks come a dime a dozen."
I'm lookin' for the guy who's supplyin' the dimes
It's gonna be real hard times for all of these
Grit eatin', scum suckin'
Boot lickin', drop kickin'
Gut grindin', nail bitin'
Glue sniffin', scab pickin'
Butt scratchin', egg hatchin'
Sleazy, smelly, pepper bellied
Dirty, lousy, rotten, stinkin', freaks!
Nothing but a pencil neck geek
Pencil neck geek
Pencil neck geek
Pencil neck geek!!!
Bill is done with his impersonation of Freddie Blassie using his trademarked terms for Pencil Neck Geek Opponents and he looks into the camera and bursts out in loud laughter.
Bea gives the cut signal to the camera person and they cut their camera feed and our screen goes dark.
