Session Seven: Life of Adjustments
She closed her eyes and smiled. This session was going to be different, happier. All of them leading up to this dealt with pain, sadness, loss, anger and guilt. But, this one? This one made Alicia smile. This one held memories that uplifted her, made her proud of herself and the road that she had taken. Her hand reached out and picked up a picture. She looked over it, studying it as the memories flooded back. Dr Whitlow smiled as well, happy to see the difference in Alicia’s eyes and body language.
She handed the picture over and kicked up her legs laying back on the couch. Whitlow looked at it, she smiled even wider and gave a nod before placing the picture down on her desk. It was the gym. The “Lair of the dragon”. Alicia took a deep breath in and out closing her eyes. Whitlow clicked her pen, leaning to her left propping up her head with her hand as her elbow bent and leaned on the arm of her chair.
”It’s good when you find somewhere that you feel comfortable.” Alicia laughed and shook her head, opening her eyes, turning her head to look at her doctor. Her bright blue eyes shining as she looked right at her.
She clicked her tongue and gave a small wink. ”That’s just it Doc, I wasn’t comfortable. At all.”
”No?”
Alicia chuckled and moved her head back, clasping her hands together on her lap. ”Nope. And that’s what made it great.”
Summer in Japan was alot hotter than Alicia thought it would be, temperature wise it wasn’t much different than home. But the amount of people, the cramped spaces in the city. It made it suffocating.. The sweat dripped from her body as she held the pose. Her eyes straight ahead as she tries to control her breathing. Her head was aching, her neck was on fire, her back screamed in pain. But she was determined. She had been in Japan for two months. And every day she had learned a new lesson. Every day she got better, stronger.
But still, she had earned no respect from anyone. Not the other students, the trainers, the owner. They allowed her to train, to clean the gym and sleep on the floor in a small room out the back, her savings being used to buy tuna and rice and some bottled water. Enough to survive on. She could feel her legs shaking, she could feel her back giving way. Neck bridges were something new to her a few weeks ago, now they were a part of her daily ritual, like the others. As your body gave out, you would go and sit in a line in order of when you gave up. Or quit.
When this first started, the first time Alicia had done this, she lasted two minutes, and fell. She was laughed at, told to go home. Again and again she joined the line of students, day after day. But, her body became stronger, her neck flexible and slowly, through determination and a will to no longer be a victim, Alicia held on longer and longer. This time was different, sher could feel it, it was down to the final three. It was her, another student, a large man with neck muscles like a tree trunk and the instructor. Gyo. Alicia breathed deep, She heard it, a body drop. It was the other student. It was down to her and Gyo. But Alicia had no idea how long she could hold on. All the other students stared quietly. Sitting on their knees, backs straight, hands on their thighs.
She could hear her own heartbeat in her ears, the blood flowing through her body, she could feel the sweat pour down and pooling under her.
She was shaking, she was hurt and she couldn’t take it anymore, her body falling and hitting the training mats, she took a few breaths and shook her head before sitting up, she knew the routine, it was time to move back with the rest of the students. But, as she looked up she saw him. Gyo. He was kneeling to the side staring at her. He looked shocked, surprised, and confused. The other students had a similar look. But why?
Gyo stood up, he moved up and passed Alicia, taking his place, at the end of the line. He had fallen before her.
She took a deep breath in, moving around to face them all, sitting on her knees like them. They all got ready and bowed in unison, as they sat back up Alicia returned the respect. She could feel it in her stomach and her heart, the tears welled up in her eyes, but she buried it, held it in. Sitting up and swallowing hard and keeping her composure. Gyo gave her a small nod before dismissing them ”クラス解雇”
”You earned their respect.”
Alicia smiled again before sitting up, she pulled her knees back towards her chest and nodded slowly. ”Things started changing after that. She laughed to herself and shrugged. ”I was at least treated as one of them. The other female wrestlers welcomed me, the male ones started to treat me with respect. They realised I wasn’t there for some romantic idea….I wanted it.”
”You should feel proud of that moment. Hold onto it.”
Alicia laughed to herself and turned to face Dr Whitlow. ”The thing is….they weren’t wrong at the start, when I first got there...it was a romantic ideal, it was just...a lie…”
Dr Whitlow put her pen down and moved the clipboard. ”What do you mean?”
”I was doing the right thing for the wrong reasons….but I fell in love with it...it’s too bad I had to leave…” She trailed off and cleared her throat before standing up. ”But that’s for next time...I have a plane to catch…” She smiled at Dr Whitlow who gave her a kind nod in return. Alicia had a job to do...and nothing was going to stop her.
The Great Pretender
”This should be very tiring for all of you. Every single one of you should be sick and tired of hearing my voice. My accent, my arrogance. It should anger you. It should give you this insatiable drive and need to shut me up. It should make you all form a line and be coming for me, challenging me. But, I hear crickets. I went out and I earned a shot at Amber Ryan, I took her to the limit then gave her the respect she was duie and she had earned from me...but that doesn’t mean I won’t challenge her again. Shit, if I could I’d get in the ring with her at the next Climax Control..”
“Maybe then I’d actually be more excited about this match.”
She shakes her head. Alicia’s long blonde hair tied away from her face as her red painted lips twist into a snarl. Her arms folded over her chest.
”Back to my original point. Week after week, month after month I have matches and record promos for these matches, and I go over what I’ve done and what I’m going to do and I beg and plead for someone to step up and try and stop me. And the truth is, the last year or so I have softened on all of you. I looked at the roster and saw names of women who I knew could hang with me and I became complacent. I sat back, I took a rest but continued to do what it is I do. I kept going about my work, winning matches and being one of the best. I still have one of the best winning percentages in this company, and that is with the stiffer competition and the losses I’ve had.”
“And all it does is show that there is still a wide gap and margin between the best in this company, and everyone else. Now, that doesn’t mean there isn’t talent there or potential. Courtney Pierce has potential, but it’s potential she struggles to realise. Maki has potential, but she lets her personal demons cloud that. We have the list of former champions who have faded away like shrinking violets A list of women that Courtney had tried to say I was on. Despite all evidence to the contrary.”
“See, Roxi, Mercedes, Christina, they all pop back up and make an annoyance of themselves without staying at the same level they were at, and reclaiming the same glory. I have, I haven’t slowed down. But these so called legends haven’t been able to claw their way back to the top and stay there but instead just hang around and we’re unable to get rid of them. Kind of like a flare up of herpes.”
“With that being said, atleast they had their time in the sun and at one point made it count. I win matches and titles and make them matter, I win opportunities and make them matter. Keira Fischer-Johnson, she pisses away opportunities and still gets handed more and more of them and none of us can figure out why. I sit here and I rack my brain back and forth wondering how she continued to get opportunity after opportunity, time and time again to fail and every single one...except...against me…”
Alicia pauses and snarls, her top lip curling as she tries to keep it together.
”One good night Keira. That’s what you had. One good night. And at the time, I praised you for it, I gave you the respect you deserved because you finally climbed the ladder and got your hands on the title that had been oh so elusive to you through your whole career. You beat me. One on one. Think about that. It is still something very rare in this company and in this business to hold a one on one win over me. But, you have. So, I applauded it. I applauded it and you and celebrated you becoming the goddamn champion.”
“I did that because I was happy for you. I thought maybe you had turned that corner away from being the joke who was never able to win “the big one” I thought maybe you’d be able to step out of Roxi’s shadow. I even stepped back, I declined to have my rematch against you because I wanted the spotlight for you and showed you that respect. And how did you repay it Keira? A win over me, a title victory, all that momentum and feel good moment, everything in the pal of your fucking hand delivere dto you by me and how the fuck did you repay that?”
She pauses, snarling again, clearly becoming angry.
”By losing the title to Christina Zdunich-Hilton-Millar-Lite-Rose”
She throws her hands in the air.
”You took a championship from me that I had made mean something, that I loved, that I needed, you took that from me in an act of defiant glory and when you had the chance to be the champion you promised you would be, you fucking failed. You.Fucking.Failed. And hey, I could forgive that, I could look passed that Keira, I could move on if you hadn’t have done two things that got under my skin and pissed me off. First one, was call me a hypocrite and call my integrity into question.”
“Really?”
“The queen of posting insta-thot pics and caring more about telling us all about her relationship instead of her wrestling career wants to talk about my integrity? Because I called you out for failing and spitting on my legacy and the GIFT I fucking let you have?” A gift you squandered…”
“Wow.”
“That was the first one Keira. The first thing that makes me want to kick the shit out of you while your beanhead wife watches, but the second one?. The second reason is simple.”
She pauses and builds tension, good trick right?”
”You didn’t get back up…”
“You didn’t dust yourself off, stand up and get that title back. The fire you had when you faced me, the fire I saw in your eyes and that determination to shut everyone up who ever doubted you or tore you down was gone Keira. It vanished. And all that was left?....the woman you are now? I have no respect for. I have no time for. And I am being forced to face in a match, and that, well that should insult you.”
“I want to face the best of the best, I want to get back in the ring with Amber Ryan, I want to get back in the ring with Evie Jordan or Dani Weston, I want to face other women who have beaten me one on one, but...not you. Because this match doesn’t excite me, it doesn’t inspire me. And normally, I’d be begging you to prove me wrong, to get in that ring and beat me, to prove it to me and to yourself that you do belong...the only problem is…”
“I have no faith in you…..and never will..”
