March 10, 2020
“All I really want to know is why you hadn’t mentioned it before…” I told my father with a tone of curiosity as I sat alone in my Scotland hotel room. “It would have been nice to hear about it from you and not from Christina.”
“It’s… complicated…” my father tried to explain to me.
“What’s so complicated about the fact that you knew Christina’s father and even wrestled him back in the day?”
“I had no idea who her father even was until it was mentioned on television” my father said.
“Be honest with me dad…” I said in response. “Even if you did know… would you have told me about it?”
“What makes you think that I wouldn’t?” my father responded though I picked up the tone in his voice being that of annoyance as I already knew that he didn’t like the fact that I was prodding him over something that Christina Rose had shown me on the last Climax Control. I was already growing confused and asking myself why my father seemed so hesitant to talk about Christina’s father.
“Dad… there’s so much about my family that you’ve never told me about…” I said in response, Right away, I recalled what my brother had told me back in Flagstaff prior to my match at My Bloody Valentine. It was already chilling enough to learn that my grandfather had crossed the border to run away from drug cartels when my brother told me all about that.
“Like what?”
“I don’t know… something along the lines of the REAL reason why your dad crossed the border?”
“How did you… never mind… that’s… you’re not ready for that conversation, Andrea.”
“What’s so hard about telling me about Christina’s dad?”
“Her father and I were rivals, that much is true…” my father told me. “But if you want me to be real honest with you, I found him to be kind of a prick and I wouldn’t trust his daughter for the life of me. If you want to be friends with Christina, that’s on you but don’t come crying to me when she stabs you in the back.”
Even though I wasn’t trusting of Christina Rose just yet, I found my father’s comments to be annoying.
“She hasn’t done anything to me…” I reminded my father.
“No, but neither has Bill Barnhart…” my father retorted back. Just the mention of that name made me want to shudder and cringe. “...you were worrying about how he was going to stab you in the back and look at that, you won your first round match.”
“What the hell does Bill Barnhart have ANYTHING to do with this?”
“Alright… that’s enough sugar coating from me…” my father said. “You really need to get over yourself.”
This comment triggered anger in me right away because the moment I heard those words, I already began to think that my father was about to revert back to his old ways.
“You’re not having a good time with this Blast of the Past tournament, are you?” my father asked. “Don’t answer that.”
I didn’t know if I should be annoyed by the fact that he turned things around and dumped them on me or that he deliberately changed the subject to get away from Christina Rose… but either way… I wasn’t happy.
“The moment he was announced as your partner, you haven’t had a good time. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out. Let me ask you something… is it because you don’t trust him… or is it because you don’t like him?”
“Well I sure as hell don’t like him…” I admitted without hesitation.
“Why not?”
“You know that idiot grandfather that tries to be funny, but he winds up being annoying and far from entertaining? That’s him. Thank god neither one of my grandfathers were like that…”
“Right…” my father said with a hint of sarcasm in his voice.
“What? You don’t believe me?”
“Get to the real reason”
“FINE!” I said with anger in my voice. “On top of everything he just mentioned? Complete liability! I couldn’t have been paired up with Alex Jones? Or Griffin Hawkins? Or a Ben Jordan? You know… someone who’s actually SUCCESSFUL in Sin City Wrestling? You know… someone that can actually WIN in this company? I know that sounds shallow as all hell, Dad… but of EVERY reason that I hate being teamed up with the guy, his lack of winning ability is the BIGGEST reason at all. In fact… if Bella Madison had a better partner, I’m not even sure we would have won. That’s just…”
I paused, letting out a sigh. It gutted me to put down my own partner in the Blast from the Past tournament, but at the same time, honesty has always been one of my best policies… even if said honesty wasn’t exactly nice.
“...me being honest… I guess. He feels like such a big burden and an even bigger anchor…”
“You were that anchor once, Andrea…” my father said to my surprise.
“WHAT? I thought you were past treating me like that…”
“Not to me you weren’t…” my father responded. “Sorry, I should have worded that better. I’m talking about… Utopia…”
I sighed, hearing that word.
“Myra Lynwood felt you were nothing but an anchor, remember? She didn’t even WANT to work with you, remember?”
“That’s different…”
“No… it’s exactly the same thing. I’m not saying you have to like the guy… heck, I don’t like him either... but sheesh… give him a little more credit. He held his own, you know?”
“Even if the ending of that match was an annoyance…”
“So what are you saying, Andrea? That you’re too big of a star to team up with Bill Barnhart? Come on now!”
“I never said that…”
“Put yourself in his place…” I rolled my eyes, letting out yet another sigh. “You were there once. I know that you and Myra are very similar in terms of ability, potential, your career arcs and all that… but you don’t have to be THAT similar to her. I didn’t raise my daughter to be the narrow minded, shallow witch that she was… or still is rather. Maybe he doesn’t care personally… but it doesn’t sit well with me that you’re treating him the way Myra treated you.”
“What are you saying? That I should suck it up and deal?”
“Essentially yes…” my father said. “On top of staying humble of course.”
“So when are we going to talk about that family history you’ve been hiding from me, Dad?” I asked him, trying to change the subject of the conversation as quickly and as suddenly as he did me. However, he didn’t answer and next thing I knew, I realized that the phone call had disconnected and he had hung up on me. I put down my phone near the mirror of the hotel room and I tried to shake off the annoyance of the conversation that just happened. However… something stuck with me.
“How harsh…” I said of my father. “He thinks I’m acting toward Bill the way Myra did toward me. Then again, Myra did see me as useless…”
I took a pause… reflecting on that history…
March 2016 (FLASHBACK)
“Look… I don’t mean to bother you… but…”
I remember feeling worried when I had that conversation with Myra Lynwood. Chelsea was with me and she was looking concerned.
“I’ve busted my ass for a LONG time Myra… I’ve wanted this for even LONGER!”
Myra Lynwood just scoffed at me, proving to me right away that she didn’t care about my feelings.
“Did you not hear? I don’t want you… I want Chelsea! Chelsea has the LOOK of a major wrestling star. Rough around the edges in ring wise? Sure. Not the strongest desire to be a top not wrestler? I can work with that. She’s my new protege, I don’t want you… whoever you are… what’s your name again?”
“Andrea….”
“Listen… you’re an OKAY wrestler… you can fly like the wind…” Myra said in response. “But… here’s the thing… you’re not entertaining. You’ve got the charisma of drywall! You’re perfect for the Indies. You should stay in the Indies. I don’t see any reason why you’d even become a star whatsoever…”
Desperate to get out of the Indies having grown tired of being passed over by major promotions, I kept trying to do everything I could to get Myra to change her mind.
“I’ll do ANYTHING if you take me to GCW with you too…” I said out of desperation. “You may think I’m useless…”
“You ARE useless. You’d completely drag me down. This isn’t a conversation anymore… it’s Chelsea and ONLY Chelsea and that’s final…”
“Well, if you don’t let Andrea go with me, then I’m not going to GCW…” Chelsea suddenly interjected.
“WHAT? You can’t ultimatum me!”
“It’s either both of us, or none of us” Chelsea said. “And that’s FINAL! If you REALLY want me to be a protege of yours THAT bad, you’ll take us both.”
“UGH! FINE!” Myra said with annoyance. “But SHE…” Myra paused as she pointed at me “...I already know that taking HER on as a protege I don’t even want is going to be a real burden. She BETTER not fuck this up… but she probably will… I have no use for people like her… but since you insist…”
“I’ll show you how ‘useless’ I am when I prove you wrong…” I told Myra.
“If you ruin Utopia for me… if you drag us all down… I swear to god I will END YOUR CAREER… rule number one? Everything that goes wrong? It’s automatically your fault. Got that?”
Myra bolted from the scene leaving me in a happy state of shock. I was floored that Chelsea pulled off what she did to get me in the door in GCW, but at the same time I was feeling like crap because Myra didn’t see anything in me. She literally thought that I was going to drag her down.
April 2017
“I’ve had ENOUGH of this!!!!”
Over a year after Utopia’s formation and after months of dealing with her abuse… after a GCW show, I had gone off on Myra because she continued to push me and she continued to treat me as if she was a second class citizen.
“You blame me for EVERYTHING! You blame me for the fact that you lost the GCW Global Championship…”
“DUH! It IS your fault…” Myra snapped back. “My entire Global title reign… all you did was be so SELFISH and make it all about YOU and the way I treat you. You took from MY spotlight! You want to know what else was your fault? How about Sedona Sky losing the tag team titles?”
“CHELSEA was the one that ate the pin!”
“YOU could have stopped it and you DIDN’T… so that’s your fault.”
“From DAY ONE you’ve treated me like I’m nobody…”
“Andrea…” Myra paused and scoffed. “You ARE nobody! You’re only relevant because of ME! You’ve done nothing but waste the privilege of being mentored by a four time world champion!”
“Abusing me and blaming everything on me is MENTORING ME?”
“You could NEVER, EVER last in this business without me. You clearly don’t get the fact that… oh I DON’T KNOW… THAT I NEVER WANTED YOU TO BEGIN WITH?”
I just stood there and took it at that point, having nothing else to say.
“I NEVER liked you… never will… and I don’t like you because you’ve got no future in this business. All you are is a fast, flashy, DECENT… AT BEST… wrestler, Chelsea’s tag team partner and… that’s it. That’s LITERALLY IT! When have you EVER shown ANY star potential during ANY of the time that I mentored you?”
Tears began to fill my eyes at this point as I felt like nothing I ever did was ever going to make her happy.
“I hate you with the burning fire of 100,000 suns, Andrea… I resent you SO much you have no idea… the fact that I’ve had to stoop to something beneath me… the fact that I EVER even met you… it all disgusts me.”
“Kick me out of Utopia if you hate me so much then… if I’m THAT much of an anchor to you…”
“Nah…” Myra said with a scoff. “Torturing you and cruelly bullying and demeaning you is WAY more fun! I’m not going to make it that easy for you. You want out? Quit GCW. I’ll continue to bully you until you quit because you’ve never deserved to be a part of it in the first place. If Utopia ultimately dies… it’s all your fault. I couldn’t have asked for a worse member than you…”
A slap in the face later just to run up the score and Myra was gone. In the moment, I was just relieved that it was over. Remembering this… knowing where Myra and I are now… knowing that we’re at peace with each other even if we’re not exactly friends… and most likely never will be friends… has me thinking about the Blast from the Past situation a little bit more… from a different perspective…
Back to the present time…
“Damn…” I said to myself with a building guilty feeling. “...Dad has a point. I’d never treat anyone else the way Myra used to treat me. I’d never go to the level of abuse that she did. But… I guess I really have been treating Bill like an anchor. I don’t have to like the guy… and I don’t… but… I shouldn’t be acting like he’s a useless anchor that’s going to drag me down. Wishing that I got drawn with someone better isn’t going to fix anything… again, I just have to make due with what I got… even if it feels like such an uphill battle doing so…”
Seeing things from the perspective of the flashbacks that went through in my mind, I did feel like a bit of a dumbass for behaving the way that I’d been behaving ever since the draw for Blast of the Past came out.
“I’ll be better…” I told myself. “I won’t be so shallow about this anymore. I’ll suck it up and deal with it. I’ve already done what some of my Bombshell contemporaries in a similar situation failed to do already and that’s win in round one. I already have THAT in my back pocket. The last thing I ever want to be is that annoying piece of shit that can’t stop whining on Twitter. Thank GOD she’s suspended…”
At this point, I was over myself. The flashback perspective and the idea of turning out to be just like Bobbie Dahl caused me to cringe some in this weird combination of reliving old wrestling traumas and reminding myself of someone that made me sick and how I’d rather blow my knee out than ever be that person. Focus was the name of the game now. I’ve already won ONE uphill battle in a daunting war. Who’s to say that I couldn’t win another?
March 13, 2020
“So I’ve been doing some thinking lately…”
Once the cameras come on me, I let out a bit of a sigh. Coming to terms with something happening in my past isn’t exactly my way of developing a mindset going into a big match like the one that I have in front of me, but nonetheless I knew I was going into round two of the Blast from the Past tournament with a different mindset than I had going into round one.
“Maybe I’ve been just a little too standoffish with this tournament. In all honesty, considering how I’ve been keeping to myself for what seems like an eternity, I know it came as a surprise that I even signed up for this tournament to begin with but considering what's at stake here… considering that a world title shot isn’t going to just fall on my lap anytime soon… of course… I wouldn’t want that to be the case but still… I figured why not? I do want to note that I didn’t sign up for this to make friends. I signed up for this for the opportunity and the opportunity alone. It would have been nice to end up with a better partner for this tournament than the one that I ended up with but I have to be honest with myself and admit that I took my dissatisfaction with being paired up with Bill Barnhart a little too far. I should have been a little more professional two weeks ago and instead of being disgusted with the events that took place that led to the end of our first round match, I should have at least been happy that we won. I don’t like Bill… and I don’t have to. But I’ve got to be more open minded about this especially considering how there were a TON of people in round one that were bashing on their partners.
There were also a ton of people in that first round that had a partner that basically anchored them. I’ll even admit that Bella Madison got a shorter stick than I did when it came to who we were paired with as Chris Crippler was basically everything that I said he was going into that match. Then you have suspended bitches like she who shall not be named not only throwing their own partner under the bus, but also having this attitude of “I’m not even going to try, I’m not even going to bother. We’re going to lose anyway”.
Yeah, fuck that shit.
Maybe I did borderline act like the drawing going the way it did was a doom and gloom type of thing, but not once did I ever let my attitude sink so far because if there’s one good thing about my family and the history that they’ve had, it’s that they raised me to be better than that. Granted, they also raised me to be better than how I was acting going into round one but nonetheless, I have to focus here. Javi Gonzales and Kate Steele… or Diamond… whichever name she prefers these days… are going to be a much tougher out than our round one opponents. Chris Crippler was just child’s play, but Javi is a very formidable opponent in his own right even though he may not be as seasoned as some of the other folks that are in that tournament. Then again, there’s this thing called GRIME with him…
Sorry Javi, but you’re not going to have your SCU crew showing up and causing havoc at least while I have something to say about it. I know I won’t be wrestling you at all because of the mixed tag team rules and such, but I do want to call you out on the fact that you were one of those people that were quite unhappy with who you ended up with as a partner. Seriously? You can do SO much worse than Kate Steele as a partner. You could have ended up with someone like Bella Madison. Hell, in the worst case scenario, you could have ended up with big whining bitch that shall not be named. You two worked well together, I will give you that credit but the fact of the matter is, you’re probably going to go into this match with the same disdain for Kate while I’ll be going into this with a bit of a different perspective here about my own partner. On experience alone, even though I may not be a fan of the guy, I know that at the very least, Bill can still hold his own against you. I know that he doesn’t hold the same disdain for me that you do for Kate and perhaps that’s going to be the difference. You’ve got that youth and inexperience that’s going to keep your head in the clouds and that’s going to be the perfect opening for Bill to take advantage of. You’ll be a much bigger challenge for Bill than Chris Crippler could ever be, but even then? I’m not going to be counting him out… not like I was last time anyway…
Now then… let’s talk about the Internet Champion…”
I took a moment to pause and think about the exact words that I was going to say to Kate Steele slash Diamond.
“Impressive stuff there… with that Internet title victory and all… on the surface anyway… and yet, there’s something about it all that makes me skeptical of your big win at My Bloody Valentine. Don’t get me wrong, you’re a hell of a wrestler in your own right and you have certainly cemented yourself as one of the most notorious bombshells that this division has ever had. You certainly earned that Internet championship but I want to pose to you a few questions..
If Sierra Williams had more experience under her belt, would you have won that Internet title? I have my doubts.
What about if Mercedes Vargas was actually Mercedes Vargas and not the half-ass that we’ve been seeing out of her for quite some time? It sure would have been harder, for sure.
Hell, what if Sam Marlowe hasn’t been in this inexplicable slump that she’s been in lately? Were you truly better than her or did you just happen to catch her at just the right time when she hasn’t been Sam Marlowe lately? Sam Marlowe being Sam Marlowe is one of the toughest outs in the company.
What if Jessie Salco wasn’t Jessie Salco… the biggest, most consistent choke artist in the history of Sin City Wrestling’s bombshell division?
And finally… what if I was in that match? Would you have won that Internet Championship then? I’m not saying I would have won it… but I know it would have been THAT much harder for you to do so.
You talked about going HOW LONG without a championship? A few years? Your title drought was even running longer than that of even Jessie Salco for fuck’s sake and NOW you finally pull through? Is this Internet Championship win for you a harbinger of things to come or is it just some one off that took place because you caught the right five opponents at just the right time? You pulled through quite well in the first round of this tournament Kate, you beat a strong name in Dani Weston but again… you caught her at a time where she was coming back… when she’s just finding her footing again. I’ve always been impressed with the ability that you’ve always brought to the table here in Sin City Wrestling. But I’ve NEVER been impressed with the pedigree that you’ve built up here… or lack thereof. All the talent that you have and yet, you went HOW LONG without a title? All of that talent and you’ve NEVER been a world champion here?
I have a hunch that your title drought had far less to do with the amount of stacked talent that we have in this division and far more to do with the fact that maybe… just MAYBE… you’ve been complacent. I personally think that you’ve never won ‘the big one’ here because you’re stuck on the reputation that you’ve built up in somewhere else. Oh sure you won a world title in Turkmenistan Championship Wrestling and you’ve won another one in Madagascar Wrestling Federation or wherever the hell you’ve been… and yet, you’ve been unable to translate that to this company possibly… if not probably… because you’ve spent years having your own head up your ass! When I came to this company, I was asked which bombshells I wanted to be the most when it came to pedigree and success. Mikah was mentioned. Christina Rose was mentioned. Roxi Johnson was mentioned. You know who WASN’T mentioned? You. I didn’t come here to be Kate Steele.
I didn’t come here to pick up a non-world singles title every once in a while and only occasionally meet my potential. I didn’t come here to be the proverbial main event failure that can’t win that big match when it matters the most and I say that with as much respect as possible to your own abilities but I’m not going to hold back and I’m not going to sugar coat things and praise you for accomplishing what you did… even it was impressive at that… when I know that you’ve always had the talent and the potential to be so much better than what you’ve been in your entire career with this company. If you actually met said potential… you wouldn’t even have to worry about the people in this company that say that you “don’t take wrestling seriously”. You wouldn’t have to worry about answering to the people that criticize your marriage. You wouldn’t have that bloody chip on your shoulder that is making you want to GO OUT THERE AND PROVE THE HATERS AND CRITICS WRONG… and yet, every time you go out there and wrestle, that’s exactly what you have to do… every single match.
And that’s not anyone else’s fault but yours.
You’re no diamond Kate… you’re still the coal that has yet to survive that pressure to become a diamond even though you long should have become one by now. Your lack of ability to step up in pressure situations on a consistent basis is what opened the door for all the haters and critics telling you this and telling you that… have you ever THOUGHT about that? Or is your head too far up your ass to think about that too? You’re so insecure with yourself that Dani telling Sierra that she was the bombshell of the night got under your skin. That it’s “hurtful”.
Hurtful?
I’ll tell you what’s GOING to be hurtful and that’s you being out of this tournament. You’re extremely fortunate that your title isn’t on the line too by the way. What’s going to be HURTFUL is you having an opportunity at something greater than what you’ve shown yourself to be in this company and falling short YET AGAIN… and if it’s not this round of the tournament, I am almost positive it’s going to be this tournament at some point. THAT is going to be “hurtful”. For such a “diamond” mentality, you have a talc self-esteem. What Dani said is hurtful because why? It’s not you?
Because it’s undermining all the blood, sweat and tears you’ve put into something?
Tough shit. Take it from someone who’s been there… take it from the woman who in OCW busted her ass, raised hell and defied the grotesque, chauvinist pig, misogynistic culture every step of the way only for that company to constantly undermine everything I accomplished by giving all the praise and accolades to someone else. I get it… it happened to this TIER 4 WRESTLER too… but I never let it get to me because I knew I was proving them wrong and silencing them every chance I got and I became BIGGER than what they EVER wanted me to be because they NEVER gave me props no matter WHAT I did… all while they’re hyping up Joe Somebody as “the fastest rising star in OCW” when he was nothing but a vanilla flop who did nothing but pad his record by beating up weak competition.
And yet, despite all that, they never slowed me down and I continued to overcome their golden boys!
THAT is how you silence the critics… not by whining to Dani Weston that her giving props to someone other than you is “hurtful”.
Maybe you don’t really believe in yourself and maybe that’s the real reason why you’ve never won that big one.
Food for thought on that one… especially when Bill and I advance on your expense and ONCE AGAIN, the woman holding the Internet Championship does what she’s always done and that’s failing to take the next step.
Now get back to me on how “hurtful” everything I just said was… “Diamond”... it’ll only make your imminent loss that much more so when it happens…
I maintain a bit of a determined, angry glare in my eyes before I stand up and shut off the camera knowing I’ve got a tougher challenge ahead of me… but also knowing that I’ve got everything it takes to win this uphill battle just like the last one two weeks ago.
