”We need something fresh already? We are fresh!”
Jamie Staggs is seen on his cell phone, but not for long. He chucks the phone into a nearby pitcher of soda with a look of pure annoyance on his face. He pulls down his goggles, and adjusts the straps on the contraption he is wearing on his chest. Shaking his head, he works his way over to a table where his brother, Tommy, is sitting with a cast over his left wrist. Tommy’s girlfriend, Desiree, is sitting next to him as Jamie plops down in the empty seat across from their booth. The loud electronic noises surrounding them let you know that they are in some sort of an arcade. Children run around in circles around them, causing Jamie to lash out with some sort of awkward growling as he bares his teeth. The kids stop and slowly walk away, one of the little girls is crying.
Desiree: Wow, Jamie… Just wow. Did you really just growl at some 8 year olds in an arcade?
Jamie looks at her with his mouth gaping in an exaggerated display of surprise.
Jamie: Uh… yeah?! Do you have eyes, or is your face buried too far up Tommy’s ass to see?
Tommy: Not cool, bro. Not cool. It’s like… watching a clown cry. It’s awkward, funny, sad, and it makes you want to slowly creep toward the nearest exit. What is your problem?
Jamie: I’ll tell you what it is, Thomas! It’s all this SHUT UP that needs to be going on and isn’t. Booyah!
Tommy raises an eyebrow and then blinks as he tries to process his brother’s last statement, which he fails at miserably. Instead, he picks up his glass of Mountain Dew and begins sipping away at it. Jamie scoffs and then turns sideway in his seat, sticking his foot out to trip up the guy on roller skates who has a tray of food in his hand. Jamie smiles devilishly before gasping.
Jamie: Dude! I’m so sorry. I didn’t see you coming.
The guy gets up and flings off particles of onion rings, pizza, and chili dog all over Jamie, Tommy, and Desiree. He mutters curses under his breath as he disappears. Tommy tries his best not to laugh while he just stares at Jamie, who’s smile returns again.
Desiree: I can’t believe you just did that! That is so ignorant, Jamie… even for you! What has gotten into you?
Jamie: Shove it, Mini Misty!
Desiree: Ohhhh that’s it!
Desiree lunges over the table and wraps her hands around Jamie’s throat, knocking him over into the mess he made by tripping the waiter. Tommy quickly pulls her off of Jamie, doing his best to subdue her before anybody really sees what is going on. He glares at Jamie and they simply walk off. Jamie shakes his head as he lies on the floor. He picks up an onion ring and shoves it in his mouth, chewing it angrily. He picks another one up and dips it into the chili sauce on the floor and he eats it, thinking to himself that he has just received a free lunch.
Jamie: Spike woulda been more fun. We coulda argued, but Tommy’s gotta be the laid back one. But Spike is a dick…
Jamie murmurs to himself as he slowly peels off of the floor. The janitor comes over and begins cleaning up the mess. He notices the chili on Jamie’s lip and he cringes, audibly saying “Gross!” as Jamie walks away.
Jamie: I mean, who does a Tornado DDT to their brother during a football game? Wait… I would. But that’s different coz it’s me! He had better call and apol… Waitaminute…
Jamie pulls out his laser tag gun and walks over toward the “laboratory” entrance. As soon as he does, a buzzer goes off. The cheesy music is heard coming from within as the camera approaches it. We catch up with Jamie as the cameraman taps on Jamie’s shoulder.
**PLAYERS TAKE YOUR MARKS!**
**BEGIN!**
Cameraman: I’m sorry to interrupt, but you’re supposed to be talking to us about your match against “Wrestling’s Bad Boy” Matt Barnes, and…
Jamie looks back at the camera with annoyance as he stays ducked behind one of the walls. A preteen comes charging past him, and Jamie is quick to zap him in the back, snickering as the kid sighs and slumps over, his vest blinking white. He waves at the kid before the kid charges off.
Jamie: I wasn’t even looking. Call of Duty has done me proud… So Matt Barnes. Why do I need to talk about him again?
Cameraman: He called you legally retarded in his promo, and you have a match against him on Climax Control. Didn’t you get the memo?
Jamie lets out a loud laugh and then realizes he has given away his location. He quickly ducks and rolls across the hall, motioning for the cameraman to stay where he is at. Two kids come running over and Jamie quickly blasts them as they have their guns drawn at the cameraman. Jamie waves at them as he taunts them.
Jamie: Climax Control sounds like a cream for those guys who can’t last more than five minutes. Like you, or Matt Barnes. Sorry if I offended you, camera guy. How’s that for a witty comment?
Cameraman: It still leaves a lot to be desired. So, Matt Barnes, and go…
Jamie: Dude is the biggest douchebag in SCW. I can’t wait to kick his ass after he insulted me on Twitter… At least I think he did. I didn’t understand half of what he was saying because the words were so big.
**FIVE MINUTES REMAINING!**
Jamie looks around the corner and picks off a couple of the weak links shooting at each other in the center of the map. He is quick and precise like a sniper before ducking behind the wall again.
Jamie: That was like shooting fish with a barrel. Too easy. Yeah, but Barnes walks around here calling himself a bad boy when he is nothing but a rich, protected, arrogant jackass.
Cameraman: You resemble a couple of those yourself though, Jamie. The last two, actually.
Jamie: I might not be the sharpest crayon in the tool shed but I’m smart enough to know that Matt Barnes is a mockery of bad boys everywhere. Bad boys don’t bitch and cry when things don’t go their way. They use force to make things go their way. They don’t hide behind money like cowards. Have you ever seen a real bad boy on a golf course NOT blowing things up or hijacking the golf carts? No! I hate the word douchebag, but it is the only word that describes him. It’s like it was made just for him!
Jamie looks around, spotting another kid creeping around the corner. He closes his eyes, listening as the cameraman giggles. The kid aims his gun at Jamie’s back, but Jamie quickly turn around, lowers to one knee, and blasts the kid. He stomps off in anger before Jamie blows the barrel of the gun. He quickly checks both sides, looking to the upper level before dashing across the clearing and toward the steps. The cameraman follows with a jog as Jamie climbs the ramp.
**ONE MINUTE REMAINING!**
Cameraman: If you weren’t like a thirty year old adult, that would have rocked so hard, man…
Jamie: I’m only twenty-nine dork. It would be weird if I were thirty, playing laser tag… Anyway, Barnes… I really don’t even know what else to say about the guy. Oh! He’s a douchebag. It’s like…
Cameraman: You already said that.
Jamie: I did? Are you serious?
Cameraman: Yeah, like five times already.
Jamie thinks back on it, giving it serious thought. As he does this he tucks his gun under his arm. He blasts the trigger and catches yet another kid.
Jamie: Well, he is… And on Climax Control, I’m gonna go out there and put on a show for the fans like I always do. I’m going to have a good time, and kicking Matt Barnes’ ass will be purely co-accidental. He said a lot of things in his promo, but I’m going to be honest. I am only mad because I didn’t understand half of it. Pompous jackass with his fancy “college degree” and his big words…
Jamie makes air quotations and his voice shows some serious mocking tones as he flails his arms in the air. Just then, Jamie hears his vest beeping. He gasps and turns around to see Desiree standing behind him with her laser gun still pointed at him. The music stops as she mocks him by blowing the barrel of the gun, spinning it on her finger before tucking it back in her holster. Jamie clinches his jaw in anger.
**GAME OVER!**
Desiree: Halo, bitch! I’m like a surgeon with this gun, just like a shotgun in Halo, and now I just took the lead and ended your perfect game…
Desiree smiles and then sticks her tongue out at Jamie as she watches his face turn red with anger.
Jamie: No fair! I call a rematch! I wasn’t ready for you. Plus, this gun was like broken or something… It cheated!
Desiree: You mean you weren’t ready for the ass kicking of your life? Next time, you better think twice before you compare me to my sister.
Tommy looks inside of the exit with a wide grin on his face. Jamie clinches his fist, shaking it at Desiree. He quickly turns toward Tommy and begins chasing him across the arcade, spearing him onto a Skee Ball ramp as the scene fades.
