”Your FACE is stupid!”The camera pans around the outside of a television studio as Jamie waits around the dumpy motel he is staying at. Tommy looks stunned by Jamie’s sudden outburst, and tries to think of a logical way to argue with him, only to find himself even more flabbergasted. He looks over to Jamie who fidgets with his own fingers as he awkwardly looks up from the camera, back down to his feet, repeating this series for a few moments. Metalhead comes around the corner of the building giving a thumbs up. He shoots a quick rock star devil horn hand gesture and pierced tongue shot to the camera as he approaches it. The camera looks back to see Tommy shaking his head in dismay. Jamie bites his bottom lip and then he looks back to the camera for a more extended period. He breathes heavily through his nose as Metalhead pats his shoulder. And steps in front of the camera.
Metalhead: Jamie is feeling, like, wayyy overwhelmed right now brah. He gets the street cred of a real slacker, especially when you look at Spike Staggs. Spike, I love you like a real brother, but you might wanna turn this off for the next five minutes…
Metalhead motions as if turning a knob really quickly. His eyes dart around for a minute as he whistles a quick tune that is reminiscent of a “Please Stand By” message. It isn’t long before he cuts it out and then turns slightly. His deep brown eyes stare intensely into the camera.
Metalhead: So yeah… Like, um… Spike is the number one challenger in NWA right now, props brah, props… But past you from like seven years ago would probly blow your brains out looking at what you became now. Yeah, you woulda wished that Russian Roulette woulda killed you coz you are a Metal Head Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. All hype and entitlement. What have you done for SCW lately besides selfishly claim your gold lust is for the SCW fans? You’re a fan fucker, and you get all the creds while Jamie works two promotions.
Tommy: Dude, that’s harsh. Just shut up and let Jamie on with his promo.
Metalhead:[/.b] No brah, hear me out… It’s all relevant I promise… See, Jamie’s been working his balls off in SCW since before you even got here. He’s already held SCW gold, he flies between Sin City and New York and New Jersey and he isn’t even officially ranked in NWA. How fucked is that system? Sick brah…
Tommy shoves Metalhead as if to tell him to move on or get to the point. Instead, a small shoving contest ensues where testosterone flies to the beat of a Flogging Molly song. As it sizzles out and Metalhead gives a silent stare that says “Back off son!” Tommy glares on and then just looks away, offering one last slap across his face before dashing off. Metalhead shakes it off and then looks back to the camera.
Metalhead: No matter how hard he works and how good his record is, he is still the “Other” Staggs Brother. Dude is freakin’ out right about now coz he is getting ready to face Archie Gunn and Kimo Newton in BACW, then hop on a flight back to Las Vegas to compete in the Main Event. And that’s AFTER he hosts a Bombshell Swimsuit Contest. Check it! Dude’s got that, a web series, while Spike pisses on Twitter and sits on his ass.
Metalhead holds the devil horns up in front of his face as he raises an eyebrow that sports his brow ring. He then slowly shakes his head from side to side, almost going unrecognized as a negative response. Behind him, Jamie hammers away at his phone. Metalhead pulls the camera to focus on him solely for the moment.
Metalhead: So lemme go ahead and just throw this out atcha SCW people, and like… more specifically HarKore Warriors. Jamie Staggs might be the “Other” Staggs Brother, but don’t think he won’t wafflestomp you just as hard, if not harder than Henry Rollins stomps on a mouthy fan. Just coz he’s like not as hyped as Spike and stuff, that don’t mean he is an easy opponent. And have you seen that Raynin chick? Aye mamacita, eres muy sexy. Tienes los ojos más bonitos del mundo y una sonrisa muy Hermosa. Llámeme papi…
Metalhead puts on his suave Latin charm as if Raynin were right in front of him, and he quickly snaps back to reality with a very visible head shake. He smiles sheepishly before looking back to the camera.
Metalhead: I mean, former Bombshell Champion, and the toughest challenge in the Bombshell Division. Team that with Jamie Staggs, and you got a winning combination right there brah. Nobody, not even the HarKore Warriors can overcome that. So go on with your conservative Christian bullshit rhetoric about how we are heathens and anarchists, but just remember you are now in the City of Sin, were heathens rule…
Metalhead does a quick air guitar before stomping off as if headbanging to a heavy song. Jamie looks a bit stunned as he watches Metalhead go on. Jamie taps his chin as if trying to think of something intellectual to add to what the slightly more intelligent cohort of his had already stated. His eyes brighten up and he opens his mouth to talk, but is cut short again. He thinks for another second before nodding his head in approval of his own latest thought.
Jamie: Yeah, what he said, dorks! See you in the ring.
Jamie walks off toward the motel so that he can get ready for his interview at the local access network in Las Vegas. He flings his backpack over his shoulder as Metalhead opens the door in a gentlemanly gesture. After Jamie moves through the door, Metalhead shouts “Ladies first!: for the camera to hear before it fades out for a moment.
Odette Ryder
To help #PutHawkesOnTV I have asked @JamieStaggs1 if he can be the official beach towel / robe holder for the swimsuit contest!The message scrolls onto Jamie’s Android powered phone as he simply scoffs at it. He slides the phone back into his pocket with a smile spreading across his face. He shakes his head as he picks up a piece of pizza from his tray and he shoves as much as will fit into his mouth. He chews it obnoxiously as he looks around the food court at the mall. Tonight, it is mostly filled with disgustingly horny, sweaty, greasy teenagers, which makes Jamie almost instantly feels at home. He puts the pizza back down on the plate as a kid skateboards by. He skids to a stop and moves through a row of tables before shouting out to some people down the hallway.
Kid: Hey guys, it’s Jamie Staggs! The Dumbass University guy!
The kid pulls up a chair and sits next to Jamie, sitting on the chair backwards. His hair swoops down into his face as he is dressed nearly identical to Jamie otherwise. He flicks his lip ring as he tries to think of something not awkward to say to Jamie, who is simply staring at the kid and chewing. Jamie swallows prematurely, causing it to look almost as if he is choking for a split second before he takes a drink from his soda. After that, he simply stares at the kid, matching his starstruck stare with a hint of sarcasm in it. The kid has a bit of sweat on his brow.
Kid: So, you…
Jamie jumps up from his chair, causing it to skid back into the table behind him and he lets out an obnoxiously loud laugh that causes everyone in the food court to stop what they are doing and stare back at him.
Jamie: HA! You fuckin’ lose, noobcakes! I just owned your ass in that staring contest and it wasn’t even that hard.
The kid lets out an awkward laugh as he starts to stand up. He questions whether or not he should tell Jamie that it wasn’t a staring contest, but he decides against it. As Jamie gloats, the kids friend start to approach them. Jamie picks up the pizza and slides the last large chunk into his mouth as he takes a few steps back to add a crotch chop to salt the kid’s “wound”.
Jamie: What? Yeah, I know I totally went beast mode while you sat there like…
Jamie does an overly exaggerated expression that one might do if they had failed epically at something. He slams the table as he finally swallows his last bite of pizza.
Jamie: And then I was all like…
Jamie then flexes his less than stellar muscles, arching them outward, and pushing down. The kid starts to laugh with Jamie, as his friends come and stand next to him. He looks back to them and then they all stare at Jamie in awe.
Jamie: Oh you all want a piece? I’ll take on all of you little fuckers at once. One, two, three, and uh-go!
Kid: No, we aren’t trying to have a staring contest, we are trying to, like, say hi and stuff. We love your web shorts and you kick some serious ass in SCW and BACW.
Jamie: You little punks are trying to kiss my ass, huh? Well guess what? It’s working… Tell me more about what you like about me…
Jamie smiles and takes a seat as the kids look at each other, chuckling a bit and thinking of further ways to compliment him. He acts as if he is enthralled by them until he feels a buzzing in his pocket. He holds up a very pointed finger at them, and keeps it there while he scrolls through his Twitter feed.
James HH III
@odette_ryder @JamieStaggs1 sign me up! This woman is awesome, you should listen to her @SCWChristian and @SCWBossHS #PutHawkesOnTV Jamie smacks his forehead with a severe facepalm and he shakes his head from side to side. He stands up, and pats the kids on the shoulder one by one as he passes them up.
Jamie: Uhh, stay in school kids, even though I just found out it’s a crock of shit… Stay off drugs? Nah, sometimes they are fun… Wear a condom, because pulling out results in… me apparently.
Jamie isn’t paying much attention to what he is saying, but rather what he is typing away at his phone. He deletes and retypes several times, wanting to tell Hawkes to go do unsavory things to himself, until a brilliant (but not as brilliant as, oh say, a Swimsuit Contest) hits him. He snickers to himself as he quickly types his own brand of jibberish.
Jamie Staggs
@JamesHHIII onlee if u publicly say ur my bitch on sunday b4 the contezt He nods his head as he slides his phone back into his pocket. He looks across the hallway as he is walking away, and he notices a shining beacon of hope calling out to him like music from the heavens above. Gamestop… He quickly weaves through the late night crowd at the mall and walks inside like a kid in a candy shop, which is his next planned stop. After he literally spins around in a circle with his arms spread out, he trips on the carpet and crashes into a young kid in a plain black hoodie. His face sours slightly as he turns to the kid.
Jamie: Hey dork, watch where you’re going!
Hooded Kid: What? You bumped into me you disgustingly poor moron. Tell him he did… Tell him!
Jamie’s ears almost seems as if they are playing tricks on him until he watches the massive cue ball known around SCW as Simpson, the bodyguard to James Huntington-Hawkes (the third, mind you) approaches. He has a look that nearly rips Jamie to shreds. The kid pulls up the hood just a little as his eyes almost seem to tear up in frustration. Jamie simply smiles the signature smug Staggs smile.
Jamie: I was wondering where my bitch boy was at, and here you are! I see you are slumming it today buying stuff for yourself?
JHHIII: Shut up and read your Twitter. A poor person like you might find money more appealing than me telling everyone I’m your bitch.
Jamie’s smile widens as he pulls out his phone once more. He begins tapping away at it, causing Hawkes to stare at him, waiting for an answer. Jamie blinks a couple of times before sliding his phone back in his pocket in an attempt at being nonchalant, but failing miserably. Seconds later, Hawkes pulls his phone out and his face scrunches up as he stomps his foot three times as hard as he can. He wags his finger in Jamie’s face.
JHIII: You don’t have any integrity at all! You are disgusting beyond words, and you dress in Walmart brand clothes. You could use the money, I know it! You just want to embarrass me like I am one of your social class. Well I well you what, it’s not going to work, is it Simpson?
Simpson: No it won’t, master James.
JHHIII: No, and check your Twitter feed, you might find that offer a little more interesting.
Jamie’s phone buzzes and he pulls it out of his pocket. His eyes quickly search over it, and he begins replying again. Within a few short seconds, Hawkes looks at his phone and then he throws it against the Halo 4 display in a fury. He looks back over to Jamie with his fists shaking in anger.
JHHIII: Why are you tweeting at me when you are standing right there? I just offered to pay the rent on your gross little apartment for like five months! I’m James Huntington-Hawkes the Third, and I refuse to be embarrassed just to get onto television.
Jamie: No shit? You put a shirt on a teddy bear and you whore yourself out in the audience. Calling yourself my bitch would be like way less work to get on TV, and people will actually give a shit. I mean, they will see you around all of the hot… hot… bombshells and you would get noticed. Oh well, I guess I will see if Giani Di Luca wants the spot…
He pulls out his phone and begins tapping at it again when Hawkes picks up a limited edition of the nearest most expensive looking collectors edition game pack and waves it at Jamie as temptingly as he can. Jamie’s eyes widen and he nods his head. Hawkes brings it up to the register and foregoes the friendly banter with the guy at the register. He extends his hand out to Simpson, who hands him the proper credit card, and he swipes it. Once the item is in the bag, Jamie scoops it up. Hawkes extends his hand out to Jamie.
JHHIII: So, do we have a deal then? No claim of being your bitch, and I still get onto TV?
Jamie reaches forward for the handshake, but grazes the back of Hawke’s hand and then reaches back to slap himself on the rear.
Jamie: Now, I never said that, did I? Now if you will excuse me, I got a match to think about while I go play this… Thanks for the game bitch boy!
And with that, Jamie walks out of the store waving behind him to an angry Hawkes. Jamie tilts his head back with a maniacal laugh as he disappears down the hallway, and out of sight.
The last scene fades inside of the Aquarius Casino & Resort in Laughlin Nevada, just past the front entrance. The interior is fairly relaxed as we slowly start to make out way in the direction of the casino. After a few twists and turns, the VIP entrance is opened up. It is almost instantly that the sounds of the video machines, dealers calling, and glasses cheerfully clanking against one another intensifies in volume, and the good feeling soon takes over. It is here that we catch up with Ms Rocky Mountains, who is poised and ready to move on, decked out in a slim fitting golden sequin dress, and her flowing blonde hair blown back. She smiles brightly as they wander over just a few sections to find Jamie Staggs sitting at a machine with a glass of amber bach in one hand, and a cigarette and the lever balanced in the other. He is so enthralled in the game that he doesn’t even notice them there.
Ms Rocky Mountains: I am standing by with Jamie Staggs who is set to team up with Raynin to take on the very experienced team of the HarKore Warriors. Jamie…?
Jamie appears slightly annoyed as he pulls down the lever once more. He takes another drag from his cigarette, and chases it down with a few gulps of the dark lager. He then exhales the smoke and kicks the bottom of the machine.
Jamie: This machine is busted! It’s cheating me so hard right now, then you guys come over here and bother me for… who cares.
MRM: You asked us to meet you here… You said it would help build the tone for your message to…
Jamie pulls down the lever again, feeling a bit more intrigued this time. He opens his mouth as he is about to speak, but his eyes are clearly focused on the screen. His lips move as if trying to say something, but the dinging sound from the machine interrupts his train of thought. He clinches his fist and pulls back in excitement.
Jamie: BOOM! In your face bitches! Two hundred dollars go into my pocket. I just doubled my money and it feels great! Wait, what were we talking about before? Right, the dumbasses who don’t know how to spell… And by that, I mean myself and the HarKore Warriors. See, they coulda teamed me with anybody to face off with the HarKore Warriors, but they chose me. Now, who wants to bet me a hundred bucks that Weapon-X is going to say that a brawler don’t stand up to a technician? No one, because it’s a ninety-nine point nine nine nine percent chance he will. He said it about Bobby Cage last week like five times, and what does he get this time around?
Jamie hits the “Cash Out” button as the machine prints his voucher. He kicks back the rest of his glass, sticking out his tongue to soak up every last drop that pours out from it. Giving the glass a nice shake, he sets it right side up on a waitress’s tray as she passes by. Jamie begins walking off slowly as we follow him to another machine.
Jamie: He gets another brawler. But don’t mistake me for the same kinda fighter as Cage, coz I am a whole different kind of fighter. I am an extremist. I would leap off of the top of the Sin Tron if I thought I might hit you. I just don’t give a fuck, and I promise that if you think I will go down without a serious fight, then you got another thing comin…
Jamie vocalizes the guitar riff from the classic Judas Priest song while doing an air guitar motion. He sits down at this next machine and inserts his voucher while bopping his head to what is likely still the JP song.
Jamie: No joke. I went over to BACW and I nearly won their Grinder match. I integrated the SCW Tag Team Champions with a guy I defeated long ago, who hated my guts. The point is that I’m full of surprises. I even amaze myself sometimes…
MRM: Do you have any other predictions about what Weapon X might have to say about you?
Jamie: Probably something generic and also “non-offensive” ranting about how he feels sorry coz I’m stupid, or “mentally challenged”… An attempt at being politically correct, with epic failure written all over it. He might even talk about my lack of “good Christian morals”, like that would be any real news… Look around you? I’m ramblin’, gamblin’, drinkin’, fuckin’ cursin’, smokin’, and committing adultery with almost every woman in the room in my mind right now. Some together, some alone… What? It’s how I roll.
Ms Rocky Mountains takes a step back as if almost personally insulted, while giving Jamie a look that begs him to exclude her. Jamie licks at his thumb while nodding his head and mouthing a very slow “Oh yeah…” in her direction with a few hip thrusts that send her over the edge with a disgusted shudder.
Jamie: Your yakuza “street cred” is as impressive to me as my surprisingly perfect oral exam certificate that came with a lollipop. Mmm grape… Just remember on thing, X… I’m a genius. Not the smart kind, but the… Wait, is that the only kind of genius? Dammit! My point is that I’m gonna kick your ass as long as Raynin can stay out of my way and do her own thing like she is best at. I’m not afraid or intimidated by you coz you hide behind a mask. I got the balls to be me and do what I do best with no gimmick… That’s kick ass and put on a good show. So go on and repeat everything that I just said you would say. I’m no mind reader, I just know your type. Careful what you say though, beause it could be the difference between a handshake or a backhand…
Jamie waves off the camera as he goes back to his sinful actions. Pussy Willow simply shrugs her shoulders and turns to walk away. Surely, she feels like she needs a shower after being around Jamie for such an extended period of time. Jamie pulls the lever on the machine once more as the scene fades out.
