I will never accept life for what it is. I don't need an easy life. My road was meant to be hard because anything worth having in this world will take me to the very edge of myself. I will overcome everything I have ever gone through and will make my future the one God intended me to have. I will pick up the pieces of this pain and sculpt it into art. I am not ordinary and never was. I walk into my birthright as a queen with her head held high. I was born to do this!”
― Shannon L. Alder
Karma…
Atlanta, Georgia, January 5th 2020
She was furious. Not angry, not frustrated, not annoyed. Blind with unyielding rage. An emotion so pure it felt right in the moment. It numbed her to the pain. Her shoulder, already damaged the week before, now burned with it. But her mind flashed through the attack. Every moment, every step, every shot of anguish that etched itself on her face.
The vision of Bobbie Dahl standing over her, holding her sling up in the air like a trophy. It had happened moments ago but seemed like an old memory, she replayed it over and over. Trainers and medical staff moved around her talking to each other and also to her. But Alicia didn’t care. She didn’t even absorb the words. She didn’t answer questions. As stupid as they were.
Didn’t they see what happened?
She asked herself. Her bright blue eyes shooting sideways as a young trainer manipulated her shoulder up into a replacement sling. Alicia’s teeth ground together as she growled looking him dead in the eye. He swallowed hard and lowered her arm into the cloth that was tied around the back of her neck.
The ambulance was on its way to take her to a local hospital. She didn’t want to go, she knew she needed too but she didn’t want to. What she wanted to do was to get up off the bench, to walk out the door, turn right down the hallway to the women’s locker room. She wanted to drag Bobbie Dahl out by her hair and then do the one thing that would make her feel better.
Beat the shit out of her.
But she couldn’t. Not because she didn’t want to, or need to in some case. But because she was physically unable. And for someone like Alicia, that was worse than any other type of punishment. To have it taken away, her means of living, the thing that she loved. But also, her vengeance. And what was worse in all of this, as the people around her trying to give her the one thing she didn’t want, need and feared. Hope. Between management of SCW, the trainers and members of her own group. The hope flowed. But she knew it was empty, she knew that she was going to need to take time off from what she viewed as her purpose in life.
It hurt, physically and emotionally. It felt as if someone had stabbed her in the heart. And now minutes after announcing she wasn’t going anywhere and saying that she was going to go back after her title, she was sitting alone after pushing everyone away, with the rage in her heart and hatred in her soul.
She would not be broken by this.
But time was needed, time was against her. In Alicia’s mind she felt one truth. She would be forgotten. The realisation burned again as she pushed off the bench with her good arm to her feet, her hand clasping into a balled fist as she went to push away. She couldn’t breathe, the walls were closing in. The air suddenly felt thick, heavy. Less like a gas and more like a liquid, moving over her skin, through her hair, weighing her down and filling her lungs. She needed out.
Alicia burst into the hallway towards the back of the arena, out the door into the rear parking lot and loading dock. The air outside was cold and filled her lungs washing it away, there was no one here. She was alone. Here she could do what she needed. She heard a scream, loud and guttural. It came from her. She closed her eyes as tears started to fall. Hot down her cheeks to the concrete below. Alicia swallowed hard as she wept looking up to the night sky.
”why?” It was a simple question, asked of someone she never put much stock in. But now she had to voice it. A voice answered back. But it was not a savior or deity. This was closer to home.
It was low, with a slight Texan accent. ”I wouldn’t be asking him. He doesn’t know anything…” It was Alex, dressed in his street clothes, his long hair tied back in a bun, black jeans, a red wolfslair shirt and a leather jacket. He smiled and shook his head after saying what many would consider to be blasphemous. ”And if he did, well they say it’s god’s will, so really, if he does exist, he’s a dick and is responsible for that.”
She couldn’t help but laugh, her tears still hot on her cheek, her eyes now puffy and black as her eyeliner smudged and made her look like some kind of 80’s hair metal panda. ”Thanks, I needed that. I just...I don’t know what to do…” She shook her head looking down unable to even look at Alex, then she heard it, a scoff, she looked up to find Alex with his hands on his hips with a sneer.
He stepped forward tilting his head. ”You don’t?. Are you sure about that kid?” It had been years since he called her kid. It had been back in Japan, where they first met. Alicia couldn’t help but smile with a nod. Alex sighed deeply. ”You will get your arm fixed, listen to your doctors, do your rehab. And then...come back and reclaim your fucking crown.” Alex slowly smiled, it was that boyish but still evil smirk. His hand reached up to her good shoulder patting it slowly as the ambulance pulled up. Alex turned and led her toward it. Alicia took long deep breaths as she prepared to get in.
Hypocrites
”Is this what you wanted?”
Her voice was a whisper, her head straight down staring at the floor. Counting the tiles with her arms by her side. Alicia took a drawn out breath before smiling and shaking her head, keeping her eyes straight down. Speaking the line again, this time louder, like a yell.
”IS THIS WHAT YOU WANTED?”
She took another long, drawn out and deep breath. Her eyes closed as her head raised, then on an exhale her bright blue eyes opened. Behind her was black, complete darkness. But Alicia herself was illuminated by the light in front, it created a bright yellow circle that appeared in her pupils. Her iris instantly adjusted as if it narrowed.
”You know, it’s funny looking at how people view me. The nature of the beast in professional wrestling. People think they know you, make assumptions and run their mouths. And when you look at people and know what kind of personality they have and you understand them, it’s infuriating to not have it returned. And see, that5 is the problem. None of you understand what I did, what I was willing to do. None of you get it. You all became hate filled, jealous hypocrites. You all thought I was physically and mentally strong enough to ignore everything that was said about me or done to me. But the truth is, those two weeks stretching from when I lost my title, to when I lost my dignity...they broke me…”
“I sat backstage and felt something about myself that I never felt before and never hoped to feel again. Pity. Self, fucking, pity. And I sat there with this hatred and anger in my heart and stomach and I never had that before. I mean, I’m aggressive, I call people out on their bullshit and I tell people I am better than them, but it was all in a vain hope that the division would take pride in itself and raise up to my level. That feeling was replaced after I had felt pity in myself but also felt..bad about my own success…”
“That is what you all did. See, I am mentally strong but hearing you all read from the same book and the same broken record spin. It was nauseating and I started to believe it.”
“I started to believe I was “holding the title hostage” Do you all remember that little nugget of wisdom? That train started pulling out of the station and Crystal, Roxi, Andrea, Bobbie they all jumped on. They rode that steaming breakaway train right on down the tracks and in my mind I was tied with my hands and feet bound together waiting for that big ol locamotive to come and fucking run my ass down.”
Alicia’s nostrils flare, her eyes seem to well up and she clenches her jaw looking away for a moment, the light in her eyes disappearing, she slowly looks back and smirks, her eyes hitting the same angle again.
”I was beaten in a brutal match with five other women where I got injured and lost my championship. Not a bad way for a champion to lose, on her shield. Like a real fucking warrior. After having the most defences and longest single reign. Bringing the Bombshells title to heights that it had never seen before. Keeping it at the same level Dani Weston kept it at and then surpassing it to the point where I have been recognised on some hacks radio show as a “top five” bombshell. Yes, I DID THAT. Me.”
“But when I lost, all that I heard was “ding dong the witch is dead””
“So, before that Climax Control, the one in my hometown, I embraced that. I thought that maybe they were right, maybe I did hold the title hostage and that I was a negative for the division. Not a positive. That I had almost destroyed something I took pride in and maybe people were sick of me being the best, holding the title over my head and daring, begging, pleading for someone...ANYONE to raise up and take it.”
“And then...it happened…”
“Roxi Johnson did it. And while I can proudly say it wasn’t taken from me in a one on one match Roxi still beat me. And I have never disagreed with Roxi being one of the best. She has earned everything she had and part of me thought that in Roxi we had someone who would keep the title at the same level. And after she beat Bobbie, I gave a small nod. My faith had not been misplaced. Because Bobbie Dahlo did not deserve that title. So, before I get into what happened next and my other targets. Thank you Roxi. Thank you for stepping out of that match and the one against Bobbie as champion…”
There was a small sigh, Alicia then stepped forward and ran her hands up and through her long blond hair looking up at the ceiling.
”After that however. I have to ask, where did your heart go?. Crystal, or Christina beat you. And while I’m on the subject of that bitch, let me just throw this out there. We are all sick and tired of the different names and fake ass split personality bullshit. See Christina kissed my ass and almost begged, BEGGED me to be her friend and respect her. Then, well then after I had relented and showed her an inch, A FUCKING INCH or the respect and friendship she begged for, she then turned around and repeated the same bullshit about the title everyone else had said.”
“But I’m the bad guy right?”
“Amy Santino, Dani Weston, Seleana Zdunich. A handful of names. Women who I have faced who have showed me the proper respect and had it returned in kind. But now I’m expected to show respect to three women who took a championship I defended and bui8lt higher than anyone else had and dragged it down?. I’m supposed to respect Roxi because she’s a legend in SCW? It’s funny that everyone accuses me of living in the past when that is exactly what Roxi did the second she came back into SCW. But that was of nostalgia along with Roxi’s undeniable talent got her to a third SCW bombshells title.”
“And as title reigns go it wasn’t horrible. Made a little longer because of the christmas break but Roxi, you beat Seleana and Bobbie. I applaud that. But losing it to Crystal? That did damage to the title. Cause Crystal is like a dog chasing a car, she wants it BAD but when she catches it, well, she had no clue what to do with it. She dragged that title down which is why I fought so HARD for her not to take it from me. Then, first hill to climb..she loses interest and it ends up in Andreas hands…”
“And who knows, Hernandez might prove to be a great champion, she had that chance, she will face Evie Jordan in a great match. Meanwhile, I have my eyes set on making a successful return, then destroying Bobbie Dahl. But first, well...first Roxi Johnson...you and I have a date…”
Alicia shrugs and looks down at the ground, her eyes move along a line between the first and second set of tiles, a barrier if you will. Alicia stands behind it and puffs her chest out, as if begging Roxi to cross it.
”Look, no one can take away your three reigns, your defences or the comeback you made. Shit Roxi no one can say you don’t have guts. I mean, you asked for this. You went to SCW management and volunteered to be my first match back. And I get it, you know that bi’ll be rusty. You know I will be recovering and might even be worried with less confidence that takes time to build. The problem is Roxi, that I needed the time off.”
“Doing what I did?...it’s exhausting…”
“I needed to recharge my batteries. It’s damn hard to hold a title that long and defend it so many times. I mean...you wouldn’t know, but you can ask Mikah or me, we’ll both tell you. But, while I needed time off, because of burn out and being so very tired. It needed to be my choice. And Bobbie putting me out like that was obviously not my choice. So now, well, now I need to make a statement. And as good as you are, as good as your return run has been despite losing to me and acting like a depressed bitch, I need to come out and remind everyone who Alicia nLukas is…”
“I need to return with a bang and stamp my authority. And that’s what all this is isn’t it?. You still have it and are rolling the dice on a match with me, cause if you can stop my momentum before it starts it keeps you right there, close to the SCW Bombshells title and in prime position to maybe go after the winner of Evie and Andrea. And my goals? I come back strong, build myself back up, go after Bobbie and get my revenge before going after the winner of Andrea and Evie myself. But, I know you’re not thinking I’m easy pickings, despite the injury, the return, the fact I’ll be having my first match back without fans. I know you're not stupid enough to think I’ll be easy, or unprepared, or that I’ll look passed you.”
“I love facing you Roxi, I do. You’re a challenge, a legend, a champion. We may have differing opinions on how to conduct ourselves and we mix like oil and water. But we’re two gunslingers, with our hands by our sides, ready to go. Just waiting for the other one to twitch so we can pull, aim and shoot. And you better believe I’ll be aiming right between the eyes sister...and when I slide that six shooter back in my holster, and you fall to the ground...just know that the respect will always be there, despite outward appearances...despite your comments about me...may the better woman win Roxi...and good luck...cause the queen is back...and history...will...repeat”
