Happy Birthday to….me?
A few weeks ago
It had been a rough few days away. Knowing what was on the horizon for me. Knowing what weaker was and the fact there are some people who wouldn't let me forget. But all I had to do was avoid the phone calls from my family. My mother, my brother, both my sisters. I did love them I knew I loved them but at the same time this was something that I always hated every single year. Strangely, part of me believed that maybe, just maybe they had got it through their heads that I didn't want anything to do with this. Tasman was usually the first, the first one to call me or text me, the first one to try and send me a birthday present. But I had gotten nothing, there was a small streak of light at the end of the tunnel that made me believe that finally they were going to drop it.
I was tired, stepping off the plane and through the airport after flying back from the latest SCW show. But now I was back home, back in New York and ready to drive home, back to a place where I could walk into my room and shut the door behind me and drift off into my own little world. Eat some fattening snacks and watch television, that is honestly all I wanted.
Walking down towards the exit looking up and seeing Finn waiting for me, it made me happy, and made me smile that I tried to hide beneath my usual annoyed body language. I had grown tired of letting him know that seeing him made me happy, not just for me and my benefit but also for his. He didn't need to know that, he didn't need to see that I was physically excited and happy to just see him after hay had been away. It wasn't fair to him and it wasn't fair to me .But on this occasion I couldn't help it, I gave him a small smile and a nod as he reached down to take my bag, I followed him out towards his car not a word needed to be said between us. At least, not until we were comfortable and driving back from the airport in the horrible traffic and needing to entertain ourselves.
I sat down in the passenger seat and looked to my left, sitting in the center console was a can of lemon drop bang energy. I shook my head and smiled as Finn sat down and picked up his own can popping it open and taking a sip. ”You know me so well…” I gave him a small smile popping my own can open and drinking some down as fin started the engine, kicking it over he reversed and got out of the parking lot as fast as possible. He hates traffic as much as I do.
A few minutes pass, there is silence between us, but we have become so comfortable in our relationship that no words need to be said. Finn couldn't help but smile lightly as he turned looking at me as we came to a set of traffic lights. ”So, uh…Happy birthday.” I visibly winced, my heart sinking to my stomach as I felt sick. Finn noticed, clearing his throat with a cough.
”Thanks…”
I spat the word out, part of me meant it. Happy that he at least remembered and for some reason appreciated my birthday. It was a strange feeling, enjoying hearing those words come out of someone's mouth. But it was still awkward, it was still something that I didn't want to happen and I didn't need to happen. We sat in silence for the rest of the trip, moving into the parking garage underneath the large apartment complex. We came to a stop and before I was able to get out, Finn stopped me. ”Look, I….I know why you hate your Birthday and I get that….I really do…” He paused, I swallowed and looked away. ”I’m not going to make a big deal out of it…but I did get you something…” He reached into his pocket, pulling out a small box.
”You didn’t have to-” He put his hand up and shook his head placing it in my hand. I gave a small nod, I got it and I got why he was giving me this here, away from prying eyes. I opened the box and smiled. A small necklace, not too expensive or gaudy. Just a simple gothic cross. One I had been looking at before I left.
”You deserved something, hell you don’t even have to think of it as a birthday gift, just a welcome home gift.”
”Thank you…”
He smiled, moving back and opening his door as I followed. I still had a feeling of dread in my stomach, a strange pain that shot up through my body. We moved toward the elevator, all I wanted to do was eat and sleep. Forget about the day except for the few moments I just had. We raised up to the floor, moved through the small hallway and as Finn opened the door there was more dread boiling up from the pit of my stomach.
It was dark and silent. Confusing really considering the amount of people staying here. Finn grumbled and reached over turning the lights on. The sight in front of me making my heart stop.
I heard a gasp escape from Finn, time slowed. Balloons, banners, food and drinks, and people. Lots of people. Then a chorus of voices shouting at me.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY
I felt sick, feeling that level of sadness and frustration boil up from my insides caused my entire body to shake. I swallowed, my eyes welled up in tears and my hands closed into fists as I felt my nails dig into the palms of my hands to the point of bleeding. The seconds that I stood there felt like ours as everyone stared at me, waiting for some kind of answer. Everyone who knew Finn people who knew me, even my sisters who should have known better. They all stood in the kitchen around the counter staring at me. My feet slid backwards, before I knew it I was heading toward the door.
I saw her face, Emily, it was filled with happiness. She knew damn well what she was doing, she knew damn well what she accomplished, my total and utter embarrassment. I was almost impressed with the level of petty shit that it took for her to go against my wishes and fins wishes in throwing me a party .She'd overheard the conversation and somehow, someway fooled everyone into believing that she was doing it out of the kindness of her heart and that I would enjoy it.
I wasn't even that angry at her. Angry at those who knew me well enough to know that I would hate this, still agreeing to turn up and not even tell me about it beforehand. Finn looked over at me, his eyes filled with worry that I could understand. And if it were just that feeling, if it were just him being afraid of what I was going to do to all of these people and what I was going to say then I could handle it.But there was something else, something other than worry and fear that filled his eyes. Something that I couldn't and wouldn't abide by.
Pity.
He pitied me. He pitied what I had become and what I let myself go through. He pitied the fact that I could not enjoy my birthday all because of some horrible moment that happened to me 15 years ago. And while I understood it, while I could see the foolishness that letting the moment have power over me meant, I refused to allow him of all people to pity me. He stepped forward opening his mouth to say something.
”Kayla I-”
But it was too late, I wasn't going to listen to what he had to say, I couldn't. I couldn't listen to the excuses or any apologies. I couldn't listen to the reason why this happened and I would not stand there and be made a mockery of. I turned on my heels grabbing hold of my suitcase that still sat next to the front door. I moved through it and down the hallway toward the elevator, feeling the tears rolling down my cheeks I refused to look back as I heard footsteps behind me. They were not going to see me cry, they were not going to see the emotions that they wanted to. I wasn't going to give that satisfaction to that little blonde bitch.
I let the elevator doors close. And the second I was away from them, the dam broke. I felt myself lean against the wall and slide down to the floor, I was shaking, I was crying.
I was broken.
Which one are you?
There was a growl, under her breath. She was trying not to be angry. See, anger makes you unfocused. It takes over and pushes your boundaries away. In a game like this, the mental and physical game of professional wrestling, well, you need to be focused. You need to be in control
”So, where oh where have I been? I mean it’s not often that a champion just up and disappears. So, I suppose it would be fair to ask where the hell has the Sin city wrestling Internet champion been over the last month and some change. And, I think it’s fair for me to answer that. And, it;’s simple. I’ve been…”
“At home.”
“That's it that is the answer to the question. I've been at home. For the last month and some change I have been sitting on my well shaped arse at home watching and waiting. Waiting for what i'm sure a lot of you are asking yourselves. Well waiting for a phone call, waiting for an email, a letter, a fucking carrier pigeon. Something to inform me when my next match was going to be. I've been ready to defend this championship against anyone and everyone the entire time I've been sitting at home and I have had nothing.Nothing at all. Now, some of you are going to sit there and say maybe I should have turned up at climax control and plead my case, go out in front of the crowd and throw out an open challenge. And to those of you I have one thing to say.”
“No.”
“See, I told this company last time they did this to me that I was not going to beg and plead for them to book me on a show. And this time you'd think they would have realized it was a bad idea and they would have had me in some kind of match or would have had something for me. Shit, they could have put me on commentary for some kind of contenders match but, that would take forethought and actual thinking and planning things that this company isn't exactly known for these days.”
She lets out a scoff under her breath before tutting and throwing her hands in the air. Frustration thy name is Kayla Richards.
”I am not someone that is going to just turn up to these shows and sit in catering and wait to be noticed. I am not someone who is going to beg and plead to be put on the show or to be given promo time. I am the Internet championI have one of the best winning percentages of any one in this company. I have beaten Hall of Fame caliber professional wrestlers and I have stood up constantly when this company has needed me only to be forgotten about and sent home like nothing. And then a supercard rolls around and they realize that they need me. They need me to sell tickets and put butts in seats.”
“And how do I know this I hear you ask?”
“Well, it's rather simple. When was the last time you all saw me? It was at the last supercard where they put me in the ring with Laura Phoenix. They put me in the ring with Laura and she tried everything she could, all of the knowledge that she had accumulated over her 60 or 70 years of life went into trying to beat me, and she failed. And what was my thanks for putting the old dog out of her misery? Well she got to mouth off on Twitter and I got sent home. And it dawned on me, that is why I got sent home. That's why I suddenly disappeared from Sin City Wrestling Television Because I dared to put a halt to their stupid little redemption story.”
“This entire company loves a good comeback story. All you have to do is look at what happened with Roxi. They love it when a star from the past is able to come back and reclaim some of that glory and while Laura Phoenix is not a star of the past in this company she is a star of the past in professional wrestling as a whole. So they wanted her to step up and become a champion again in this company so they could trot her out like some kind of god damn aging show pony and make it look like she could still go. And I rained on their parade.”
Kayla can't help but smile, a twinkle in her eye as she extends her left hand upward in a symbolic gesture. She takes a deep breath, exhaling and turning back toward the camera front on. Her right hand now reaching down to pick up the Sin City Wrestling Internet championship title belt she looks at it before placing it over her shoulder, gripping it tightly as she adjusts her posture.
”This company is holding me back, holding me back from what I'm capable of. I'm now a three time Sin City Wrestling Internet champion and the truth is that I should have been moved up to compete for the big title instead of being pushed back into this position. But, since I am in this position and since I'm having to face all of these people like Laura Phoenix then I'm going to make the best of it. Any time I booked to defend this title or be in a match I am going to turn up and verbally, mentally and physically eviscerate any one that you put in front of me.”
“And since I have been booked to defend my championship on that stupid cruise liner, I think it's only appropriate that I look at who I am facing. See, last year I was put in that roulette ultimate X over the pool fiasco, I lost the match without actually losing the match. I got dropped in the pool all because people think it's funny. “Ohh ha ha hot girl got wet ha ha beat chest make ape sounds Yada Yada Yada.” However, this year I get to return as a champion to defend my title. And just as I was getting excited about the prospect of being featured on a supercard I looked at who I was facing. And instantly all of that happiness and confidence turned to frustration, anger, despair and a sudden need to cause violence and pain on this person.”
“Dawn Warren.”
“The sad parties, it's not even your fault dawn. It's not your fault that you've been put in this position. You've had a little bit of success here and suddenly you get thrown to the wolves. Part of me feels sorry for you, the other part of me is going to enjoy destroying you. But before we get to that I have to get a few things off my chest and maybe address the elephant in the room. Many people are going to sit there and they're gonna try to compare you and I because we both come from professional wrestling families. I have an older brother and older sister and a younger sister who have had varying degrees of success in this business.”
She pauses for a moment and shakes her head with a laugh underneath her breath.
”But, in my family we all have distinct personalities and different degrees of success. In yours all I have to ask is, which one are you? I sit there and I read your family tree and all the people that you happen to latch on to and I have to ask the obvious question here of who gives a shit? Who cares who your brother is? Who cares who your former sister-in-law is? You come from a family of people who are more known for their failures than they ever have been for their success. And all you've done is add to that legacy. You walk into this place calling yourself the pink puppy and bouncing around all over the place happy and wanting to do your best and make every one believe in you. You try and play the classic underdog story but the underdog needs to be able to win. The underdog needs to be able to take those steps to being the best and to proving that they are the best. The underdog needs to inspire people, inspire them to be greater than they are inspire them to believe in themselves and the only thing you seem to inspire is my fucking gag reflex.”
“Everyone as of late has been talking about their story and how it continues on what their end will be. Hell, we had some one who decided to finally retire and get the hell out of this company returned because they apparently had unfinished business. That's all we've heard lately. But this isn't a story. This isn't a fairy tale where good triumphs over evil and people like you rise up to be the greatest of all time despite every one holding you down. This isn't a story where you get to face adversity and win just because you're a good person with a pure heart who gets to fight and survive and do everything that they possibly can to be the best. Because in this world Dawn….. I am the best. If this was a video game, I would be the final boss. But unlike a video game you lose to me and it's all over.”
“At summer xxxtreme you are getting a chance at a championship that you truthfully did not earn. You get a chance at something that is out of your grasp and I know that you'll do everything in your power to get ahold of it, and that is admirable.”
“This is reality and when reality comes up and bites you it bites hard. You can come out with all the emotionally charged positive messages that you can find. You can go to your failure of brother and ask for advice, you can ask your little girlfriend to help you out and believe in you. You can even go to your former sister in law who has had some success in this company and try and leach off of her stardom. But you will figure out something that I figured out a long time ago. When you walk down to that ringand you are facing someone else that bell rings and you are all alone.”
She sneers, stepping back and clearing her throat.
”With someone like me Dawn, I learned that and accepted it and prefer that. I prefer the feeling of being all alone. Then there is nobody that I can let down except for myself and that is when it becomes unacceptable. And the sad truth of this entire thing is I'm not excited for this match i'm not excited about it because I think you can beat me, I'm not excited about it because I feel like I'm putting all of this effort into a situation where someone is better than me, I'm not excited because I'm going up against someone who has no business being in a professional wrestling ring with me. I'm not excited because you are not a challenge. I'm not excited because you could never be a challenge. And at summer xxxtreme I'm gonna prove it when I take your head clean off your shoulders and I hold it up for the world to see, exposing you as nothing but a fame leaching little girl who took a wrong turn on the way to college.”
