Chapter 18: Party Harder

10 Years Ago

They were all giggling. Laughing, talking about boys. I wasn’t surprised, really. Not at that age. We were all the same age, walking toward the house at the end of the street. A house that was hosting the end of year break up party. The final one of our secondary school lives. I was never one for this kind of thing, but the last few years I’d gotten used to it.

The problem this year was the timing. I already knew how this was going to go. Loud music, usually some kind of shitty electronic music or hip hop, someone's older brother will have bought alcohol. Bedrooms will be used for all sorts of abhorrent behavior and…unfortunately…

My ex-boyfriend would be there.

Darius. He had broken up with me two weeks before. And that entire time he had ignored me. Not talking to me, looking at me. Nothing.

I thought I had a plan.

I was going to make him jealous. I was going to pick a guy, one I knew he hated. Use every single dirty trick in the book to seduce him and then, in front of Darius and his friends make out with him. It would be perfect. However, this isn’t what would happen. As we stepped through the doors, the music was there, the shitty rap music I expected, same with the alcohol. But what I didn’t expect was the tables being turned on me.

Darius was there, with his tongue down another girl's throat.

Her name was Nicole. She was tall, blonde, pale, bright blue eyes and disgusting hot pink lipstick. I hated her. I had hated her since first formal and now she was kissing Darius, a beer in one hand and him in the other. My nostrils flared, my hands trembled. My plan fell apart. Before I knew it and before anyone could try and stop me, I marched toward them, reaching out and grabbing Nicole by the hair, pulling her back, and as she spun around I threw it.

A hard right hand.

I connected with her nose, feeling it break under my knuckles. She stumbled back and blood sprayed on the floor. Darius and all his friends looked shocked, everyone else around them stopped what they were doing. Nicole screamed, tears streaming down her face. And I heard the words come out of my mouth, anger that I never let form. “GET OFF MY BOYFRIEND, YOU SLUT!!”

Darius moved forward, grabbing me and pushing me back. ”You fuckin psycho! Get the fuck out of here, Kayla!”

I took a deep breath, I wanted to say something, anything. But nothing came out. I could feel them, everyone around looking at me. Judging me. Even my so-called friends. I swallowed and backed up and away from them, turning and leaving.

I hate parties…

Present Day

She was prattling on.

My sister.

Running her mouth down the phone. My face was still and deadpan, how it always looked. Those around me had no idea what was going on, the inner turmoil I had. Feeling the anger rise up, feeling the frustration too. I growled, Finn's ears seemed to twitch as he turned to look at me. Phone up to my ear, my eyes darting around the kitchen. I took a deep breath trying to stay calm and measured. But she was pushing it.

Pushing the issue with me never worked. It was always a mistake, something most people realised when they first met me, yet somehow Tasmin always got away with.

My younger sister knew how to press buttons – like Amber, like me. Yet because she was the youngest, because she did it in a nicer way and kept herself cute, well...she got away with it. But, my limit had been reached. “Tas, would you fucking drop it? Please? It's not going to happen…” She went silent, I took a deep breath and rubbed the bridge of my nose, calming myself down. “Even if you did organise it, I wouldn’t be there….look I’ll talk to you later…I have to go..” I hung up, my arms folding over my chest as Finn tilted his head looking at me.

I knew he wanted to ask what was up, I knew he was curious.

Emily was too, the little blonde bitch. She had been sniffing around more and more. It was almost like she was living here now as well. Everyday I would walk out and she would be here. I traveled to a show and came home, she was there. It was never ending, never stopping. My attention was on her so much I almost didn’t hear Finn.

“What was that all about?”

I turned to him, letting out a sigh of frustration as I felt my body tense up. “Tas just wanted to do something that I really…really didn’t..”

Finn nodded slowly before clearing his throat. “And that was?”

I took in a long deep breath and threw my arms in the air. “Well, my birthday is next month.” I hated birthdays, mine, other peoples, it didn’t matter. I never got the point in celebrating the fact you were able to stay alive another three hundred and sixty five days. “Tasmin was trying to talk me into having a party…”

I paused, Finn blinked a few times before clearing his throat. “But…you hate parties.”

”I KNOW!”  I growled under my breath. Finn just stayed silent; he knew when to just let me vent or get angry and when to say something. Emily was listening, I knew she was, she tried to hide it, but she wasn’t as subtle as she believed herself to be. My eye twitched, I took a deep breath and continued. “She said since I was apparently ‘into’ parties now, I should have one. All because I was at your Christmas party.”

Finn laughed and shook his head. “So, it’s my fault.”

My head snapped to the side and I folded my arms over my chest, grinding my teeth together. “Don’t be an idiot…you know that isn’t what I meant, Callien!”

His eye twitched too; he hated his birth name more than he hated his family, and I knew how to get under his skin. Emily turned and looked confused. “How come she gets to use your name, Finnie?”

“She doesn’t…she knows it pisses me off. Almost as much as parties piss her off.” I sneered. Finn knew he swung the balance of power in this conversation back toward him. “Just hide out here, she can’t throw a party for you if you don’t go to it...” I smirked and gave him a nod, it was my way of thanking him. He knew how much I didn’t want to do it. And he had my back.

“It’s a shame, I like totally love parties and I rule at organising them…”

“Yeah, of course you do. You seem like the type who has been to lots of parties in the past…like bukkake ones…”

”What’s that?”

I laughed and leaned forward. “Well see…”

”KAYLA!”

I laughed and rolled my eyes, getting to my feet and moving toward my room. I opened the door and could see Emily checking her phone. I closed the door and then heard it, a shrill scream and high pitched voice.

”OH MY GOD EWWWW”


As The World Turns

A black screen, a little white dot. The sound of typing can be heard as words appear on an address bar up the top

www.ArianaAngelosbeatingKaylaRichards.com

No search results found

The address bar is deleted and more typing can be heard.

www.MelissapinningorSubbingKaylaRichards.com


No search results found.

“Hmm, interesting.”

Kayla Richards, her long hair tied back in a messy bun with a few strands framing her face, sat at a lone computer desk with a single computer on it. She swung around as the camera appeared on her and placed her hands on her knees. Her bright green eyes lit up as she smirked and continued.

“Tell me Ariana, did you run out of things to say about me? Your first chance to open up about the match and actually get eyes on my title defense and you seem to have just gotten lost. And surprise surprise. The one huge criticism I, and everyone else have had about you is your almost heroic effort to ignore and bury ownership of your losses and take responsibility for your failures. I feel like a broken record. In our one-on-one match, I called you out for it, and then I did it again only for you to just…not give a shit.”

“Don’t you get it? Your inability to look at yourself and grow is what is going to hold you back. And the more I think about it, the more I wonder why I should care.”

“If you want to sit in the corner with your ears covered, your eyes closed while humming ‘I’m the best I’m the best I can’t hear you’ and constantly fail, then why should I stand in your way?”

“Your reaction doesn’t surprise me, Ariana. Your reaction after I beat you the first time didn’t surprise me, nor the second time and it won’t be a surprise this time. I will walk out still the Internet Champion, then there will be more excuses. If I pin Melissa, it’ll be that. If I pin or make you tap…again it’ll be some other inane bullshit.”

“I have known and seen women like you my entire life.”

Kayla's voice lowers and growls again before she clears her throat.

“Instead of looking in the mirror at yourself, instead of seeing what mistakes you made, admitting to them and trying to overcome them, you point fingers. See, instead of coming out and saying that I, Kayla goddamn Richards, a woman with an incredible winning percentage, a woman with multiple world titles to her name and a woman who has made the Internet Championship mean something, beat you fair and square and made you tap out….you just shuffle it aside.”

“Oh I ‘awakened a dragon’. Really? A dragon? Do you breathe fire? Do you have scales? Are you larger than life? Should I beat you by sticking a sword up your ass and humming the theme from Dragonheart? Or is it more Puff the Magic Dragon? Are you trying to help someone else get rid of their self-doubt, but then realize you’re looking in a mirror and only talking to yourself with affirmations that even you don’t believe? Because that’s what it sounds like to me.”

“The only thing that will be awakened is me, Ariana, when my alarm goes off after I fell asleep watching your god awful promo skills.”

“It’s almost as laughable as you saying you were coming after my flaws with a sledgehammer or that you somehow saw them. My flaws? Really? What have you figured out about me? That I’m an egomaniac? That I’m an overconfident, arrogant, self righteous bitch? Cause, I kinda know that. You all see me and hear my comments and see me in the ring and think you hate me? Bitch, I live in the body that makes those comments. No one knows my flaws and faults better than I do. Which is what I keep trying to get your dumb ass to see, but I’d have better luck talking to a brick wall..”

Her eyes slowly moved to the side as she looked at the wall next to her, and she shakes her head and lets out an exasperated sigh.

”But, back to my original point. You made barely any comments about me, and a few more about Melissa. There is so much there to say and point out, so much you could have drawn attention to and you didn’t. Mainly, because your mind is on other things. And I think I know what it is. See, you are a member of the Go Gym. I see you interacting with multiple people who are a part of SCW and I think it finally hit me. You realised you are the least important and interesting member of your little friends group…”

“See, every time you face me Ariana I take something from you. Every single time. When you and I first met all you had was your Greek ancestry, I told the world how stupid that was and what happened? It became a non-factor, you stopped mentioning it. You stopped caring about it. And it was around that time you started focusing on what mattered. What you could do in the ring. Low and behold, not long after that you became the Roulette Champion.”

“You’re welcome, bitch…”

“Last match we had, I seem to have taken your self-respect. Cause here we are now, about to go into this threeway for the internet title and you are simply pathetic. Legitimately pathetic. As in a MySpace fall from grace pathetic. So this time, Ariana, I’m going to take the only thing you have left in your pitiful existence. I’m going to take your relevancy…”

“When I am done with you, when the dust has settled, I will make damn sure no one gives a shit if they see your name on a card. You will never get marquee status and no one will pay to see you. You’ll be nothing, nobody and will mean about as much as Bea Barnhart…”

Kayla couldn’t help but scoff and fold her arms over her chest before letting out a deep breath and refocusing on the match


”And, it’s funny, but I expected to be disappointed by Ariana. Not you, Melissa. See, I thought I had an opponent I could respect enough that if she did somehow beat me, or at least win the match that she would carry on what I have done and be some kind of worthy champion. But, then you opened your mouth. Since this whole thing started, I have been a supporter of you. I have. And it wasn’t out of fear, I wasn’t scared of facing Ariana and you at the same time, I wasn’t scared of just facing Ariana, or you.”

“No, this was all about respect. You stepped up and took me to the limit, you showed the world how good you can be. You showed the world you are more than the blonde, thick assed significant other of a SCW Legend.”

“And for the most part, you have made a lot of sense.”

“The problem arises, Melissa, when you decide to go all Donald Trump on us and skew facts, twisting and turning things to fit your own narrative. See, you and I have been in the ring together twice. And you've gone fishing with these times to act like you have some kind of power over me. Spouting off that you have wins over myself and that idiot third wheel. But, I have a question for you Melissa….”

Kayla clears her throat and sits down before leaning forward on her elbows, deadpanning the camera while narrowing her eyes.

“When did you pin me?” She waits for the answer, her eyebrows go up as she shrugs. “Here’s another one. When did you make me submit?” Again, Kayla pauses, waiting.

“You beat me Melissa, you did. You beat myself and the others in that match to become the Roulette Champion. But you beat me, by throwing me into a pool. Now, on the scale of one to one hundred of legitimacy that ranks really really low. Yet, I have admitted to that loss. I have worn it like a fucking badge on my chest to anyone who bothers to look into my past in SCW.”

“The opposite of what Ariana does.”

“But, the second time we faced each other was one on one. It was for the Internet Championship and you did take me to the limit. But, if you go back and watch that match Melissa – I mean, really watch it all the way through to the end, I had you down, I had you beaten and then time, like a father who just went to go get some milk, time ran out. If that match was one second longer, well. You wouldn’t be in this match and we wouldn’t be having this conversation.”

“Many would say the fucking timekeeper has a more legitimate claim of victory over me than you do…”

“Now, I normally wouldn’t bring up this kind of petty bullshit, ‘cause I don’t need it. Unlike what you believe, I never have to use my promo skills to build up my confidence. My natural ability, my hard work ethic and the fact I’m a fucking champion do that for me. Mel. Maybe you should try that instead of attempting to suck talent out of your husband…”

Kayla paused, a smirk crossing her lips as she shrugs her shoulders in reference to her own insult.

“‘Cause, truth is, you talk like you know me because I gave you an inch of respect, but the fact you took a mile from that shows me that you know NOTHING.”

Kayla shakes her head and pops to her feet.

“And the fact you would say something that stupid, well honey, I guess I need to change my stance a little. Maybe you wouldn’t be a good champion, maybe being the champion of that chaos ridden division that is at the mercy of a roulette wheel has messed with your brain.”

“I’m the most dangerous woman in this division, the most dangerous woman in this company. But I did agree with something you said. The fact that the reign of
‘heroes’ in this company needs to end.”

“I did my part…”

“But what have you done, Melissa? Really? You had a great run with one title and you earned a small amount of respect from me, which in this world is worth more than most championships and you squandered them both.”

Kayla reached down to the table and pulled up the Internet Championship, letting the light shine off the belt as she looked at it. And then, with bared teeth behind a smile, she looked back at the camera.

“This Championship means something in SCW now. I took it from the muck that it found itself in after being traded away like a bargaining chip, I took it back from a woman who saw it as nothing more than an item on a checklist like she was shopping on Amazon for fresh red panties to celebrate with her wife and I made it relevant.”

“And now? Now I am defending it on a supercard against two women who have no idea what its worth. Two women who also see it as nothing but a bargaining chip or an item to tick off. I’m disappointed in both of you. And when we get into that ring, I am begging you both…don’t embarrass this title or the division with your stupidity…if you can.”

Chapter 16
Promiscuous
10 Years Ago

Why do people seek comfort in others? Not just comfort in emotions or time together, or friendship and love. I mean physically. Why do some of us go down the path of giving our bodies to anyone who would offer a modicum of kindness?  It’s funny; for the longest time, I thought I was one of those people. Not because of anything I did, but because of how others treated me and talked about me. Yes, I have always had a certain aura about me when it comes to my looks, my body and the fact I know men find me attractive.

Some call it arrogance, I prefer confidence.

In this world, where women are constantly talking about having a positive body image, it shocked me to find just how many tear me down for the sheer fact that I have it. I know I’m good looking. I know I have a desirable body. I’m not stupid. But with that confidence comes a certain pitfall in life. For years, I have been saddled with a preconception of being promiscuous.

Often, my name has become synonymous with being called a “whore”.

Despite the fact I can count the number of sexual partners I have had on one hand. But, this started young, the beating down of confidence and hurtful behavior. And I had no guidance in how to deal with this or how to navigate those waters. My mother was a wreck, still destroyed by her relationship with the drunken, abusive cunt she married and had kids with. And my older sister? A woman who I had looked up to for a time? Well, Amber was gone.

I was in my final year of high school. The final year before I would have to go out and find out what I was going to do with my life.

I had a boyfriend back then. His name was Darius. He was a good looking lad, tall, athletic. Captain of the school's sixth form soccer team. We had been dating for two years. He helped me through the difficult times, when my brother and sister left, dealing with my little sister who had slowly grown into an annoying pain.

He was there.

He was my first love, and the guy I lost my virginity to.

But, underneath it all, I had been slowly manipulating everything. In Darius, I saw my future. He was smart, well-educated and was going to be a star in sport or life. His father was rich and had an accounting firm in London. Darius was only at our little school in Norwich to be close to his mother, and he was my ticket out of here. So, I did what I could to bring him around. Our uniform was very similar to most schools, a white button up shirt for both the boys and girls. Black slacks and a grey, black and red tie for the boys and for us?
...well…

A black, grey and red tartan skirt, one that I made a good five inches shorter than it was meant to be.

He saw me and it was lust at first sight. But let's be honest here, getting a teenage boy’s attention wasn’t very difficult. But, one day it all changed. The grip I had on him, the fact he doted on me and gave me all I wanted had suddenly stopped. And when I went to confront him, well, this is the first time I realised my confidence and attitude had a side effect. ”Darius?...hey what the hell?” I moved toward him and folded my arms over my chest with a scowl.

He gave his friends a look and then a small nod, telling them to leave. His little group, six hangers on who would always act like they were his “boys”, gave me a weird look as they backed away. Darius though, he didn’t even look at me. ”What do you want Kayla?” What did I want? I didn’t say anything back; in fact I just stayed silent, I felt a sickness deep in the pit of my stomach that day, one I’ll never forget. ”I thought not talkin’ to you would be enough, but since it isn’t…we’re done.”

Done?

I swallowed and gave him a small nod, I tried to keep calm, but underneath I was in a rage. I’ve never been the most measured individual, but you have to remember. I had just turned 18, I was still a psycho ball of hormones. So, I reacted…harshly. ”Are you havin’ a fuckin laugh? Done? You’re dumpin’ me and this is how you do it? Why?”

He shook his head and stood up, still not even looking at me. His voice was cold, no emotion, just, blank. ”Look, Kay, I’m goin off to University in a few months, we had our fun, but my dad is right…I have bigger and better things to look forward to.”

”Fun? I was just…fun? What about the things we talked about?...”

He laughed at me. LAUGHED. AT ME. ”Fo’ real? Kayla, you’re not the type of girl you plan the future with. We had our fun, we did. But sweetheart…now it’s time. We all grow up, yeah? I have to look for a woman.,.not…well…a ho.” He chuckled again. And that was the end of it. Not just of the relationship, but all my pretenses. He turned and stepped away from me, my hand balled up into a fist.

”Hey…Darius…” He huffed and turned, and as he did…

I knocked him the fuck out.

Present Day

”So, legit, why are you here?”

Simple question. Here I was, backstage at a Pro Wrestling Excellence show, a company I had previously worked for before taking my talents to Sin City Wrestling. I had been approached by officials, asked why I was there and I told them the truth. I was there to talk to someone. Now, I need to be honest. Most of my life, I have never asked for guidance. I have never needed advice. But, I needed to talk to someone.

Dickie Watson.

The adopted younger brother of Finn. A wrestler, just like his older brother, but someone who knew Finn better than I did. A guy who, for most of his adult life, had been in Finn’s shadow and somehow broke out and became a star. He was someone I knew, someone who I had a love/hate relationship with. And, as much as I hate to admit it, he had become someone I could trust.

Yes. I know. Strange concept, especially coming from me.

He sat back, his arms folded over his chest, a black beanie on his head as wisps of brown hair poked out over his eyes.

I simply shook my head and sighed heavily. ”I would have thought it was obvious. Dickie.”

He swallowed, shuffled awkwardly and gave a small nod. He knew why I was there, what I wanted to talk about. But, I also know that he felt awkward with this, getting involved in his brother's love life. Or rather, the train wreck it had become. ”Look, I don’t really know what I can do. Finn walks to the beat of his own drum and always makes his own decisions…” He trailed off for a moment and looked away, he knew something. And I needed to know.

”I just wish I knew why. Ya know? After Christmas…” I looked down, my heart sank to my stomach as I remembered that night. He needed me, needed to walk away from everyone and be alone. But, he wanted to be alone with me. And that meant more to me than I would ever let on. ”I thought we….connected…but I guess I was wrong.” My voice faltered at the end, it cracked and I felt myself start to slip.

Dickie shuffled again, I could feel him staring at me, I could feel his face change. He felt bad for me. He felt pity and that feeling was sickening. But not as sickening as the thought of Finn being with her. [color=9ccb19]”You did…”[/color] His voice broke the silence. I didn’t meet his gaze, I couldn’t look him in the eye. I shouldn’t. He’ll see it, see that I’m broken. [color=9ccb19]”He told me, you did.”[/color]

I turned, for a split second, and he saw it. He saw me. He saw the look in my eyes and I turned away just as fast. I hated this. But I needed this just as much. ”Then why? Why did he ignore me? Why did he go and get in a relationship with someone like her? I guess I…I guess I should have seen this coming Dickie.”

”What’s that?”

My breath was shaky. I closed my eyes as a tear dropped. ”That I was an idiot…for thinking I was ever good enough…” I stood up, Dickie was speechless, he had no idea what to say to that. But his silence said more than empty platitudes or lies ever could. ”I’ll see you around Dickie…thanks for…I don’t know…listening.” I moved up and out the door, not letting Dickie say or do anything to stop me.


A Greek Revolution?

”Just so we’re clear on this, Melissa deserves her spot in the match at Blaze of Glory.”

Kayla sighed. Honesty was the best policy.

”She pushed me to my limits. And even though I was within one second of beating her, the match still ended in a draw. Even though I ate her finisher and still was the first one to move, she still made damn sure I wasn’t able to beat her clean. So at Blaze of Glory, Melissa will be in the ring with me and will be doing all she can to take my internet title away from me. And based on her past, based on the fight she brought to me, she had the right to be confident and has the right to call herself a contender.”

“And truth be told, that is all I ever wanted. See, a championship, and by extension a champion, is only as good as her quality of opponents and what she can accomplish. It’s a fact that I have tried to drill into the minds and hearts of all the other Bombshells and some of the fans, but rarely does it ever stick.”

“Because most of you are devoid of brain cells and are, in most cases, complete idiots.”

“I wanted to make this title mean something. And in having a woman like Melissa gunning for it, I have done that. I have done that by making sure I beat someone from SCW’s past, in Mercedes Vargas, and someone who should be SCW’s future in Bella Madison. And now, well now, I have Melissa waiting there on the horizon, and after she and I went to war back at the beginning of this month I’m even more excited. However. as this runaway car speeds toward the brick wall we have a third wheel. A squeaky wheel that wants to jump up and down screaming that she’s there.”

“And now, I’m going to give you your wish, Ariana. And give you some attention.”

Kayla can’t help but scoff and let out a small laugh before getting to her feet from the couch she was sitting on.

”I’m not sure you will really want this though. See, you, like many others have made the mistake of thinking you know me in any significant way. And by putting your foot in your mouth on social media time and time again in ways that fly in the face of facts, you’ve shown me and everyone else that you’re a surface level bitch. You can’t even say the correct facts…easily researched facts. See, this isn’t the first time you and I will have been in the ring together one on one, and we have been in th,e ring together for the Internet Championship before too. But, waaaay back when I first came to SCW, when I was first showing the world what I was capable of Christian and Mark decided to put you and I in the ring together. In their minds, it was to test the young rookie out – meaning you – while also seeing if the hype that had surrounded me was legit or some kind of smoke and mirrors.”

“And I passed their little test. Didn’t I, Ariana?”

Another smile as Kayla reaches down and picks up the Internet Champion. One she has now held twice and for over one hundred days in her second reign.

”The next time you and I met was in a battle royal for this very championship. And, when I mentioned that every time you and I have been in the ring I have won, you got awfully defensive all over Twitter didn’t you? You got so upset and in your little feels that you felt the need to say you were eliminated by Tempest and not me, so that “didn’t count”.

Tell me, Ariana, when the bell rung and the dust settled, who was the winner? Who was holding the Internet Championship and who was backstage lamenting the fact she failed?”

“If you’re not first, you’re last, bitch.”

“And that right there is the problem with you, Ariana. The problem with a lot of women in SCW really. See, I have had two losses and one draw in this company. That is, well, three failures. And I have owned every single one of them. I lost that stupid Over the Pool X match for the Roulette title. I lost the Internet Championship to Keira, and I drew with Melissa. And every single one of those matches, I owned the reasons I lost. I took my eye off the title in the Ultimate X, I lost to Keira because she just wanted it more that night and Melissa drew with me because she is a tough bitch ready to fight.”

“But you? You just make excuses for everything.”

Kayla shrugs and holds onto the Internet Championship, grasping it to her shoulder as she sneers.

”You lost to me, you made the excuse that you weren’t ready and promised to do better. You lost to me in the Internet Battle Royal; nope, it was all Tempest. And when you lost to Crystal in the Roulette Championship match, you didn’t even bother to make an excuse. Shit, I then turned around and made the joke that if I beat you one-on-one Christian and Mark should take you out of the triple threat match. Something that, even if it was just me shit stirring, had a point to it. And what happened with all of that, Ariana?”

“You got so angry and defensive. Snapping at me. Talking shit in subtweets because you are nothing but a coward. Cause let’s face it, you little greek twit: on social media, with a microphone, in the ring, you just don’t measure up to me. And here I am, welcoming the challenge that we will both deal with at Blaze of Glory against Melissa while shrugging at having to face you.”

“The truth hurts and the truth is I don’t even know why the hell you are getting a title shot. You want to sit there and give me shit for drawing with Melissa when you have never beaten me. Don’t you see how that makes you look? Anyone, and I mean anyone in or out of the company looks at that logic, rolls their eyes and thinks you’re an idiot. And by extension that makes the company, and me look bad.”

“You have had one small glimmer of success in SCW. You became the Roulette Champion and beat Melissa. You pinned that simpering, useless Georgie Robinson, but you still did it and had a nice little run, Ariana. But, just because you had that glimmer of hope and success doesn't mean the same thing will happen with the Internet Championship. See, I have fought tooth and nail since I regained this to keep it and to make it mean something. And now? Losing to someone like you not only would make me look weak, but it would also give you a small mental advantage going into Blaze of Glory.”

“And that is a problem for me…”

“See, you have become a thorn in my side. You have become this loud, annoying voice next to me, screaming into my ear time and time again as you want attention from someone better than you. Now? You have it. And now you’re going to regret it. Now, I want to destroy you. I want you to know, after this match and Blaze of Glory that you should be embarrassed for ever believing that you could beat me. That starts this week, Ariana. I am going to beat you, break you, and embarrass you.”

“Remember that next time you want to pop off on social media…and remember that you brought this on yourself.”

14. Bad Reputation….

When you stop fighting against yourself and truly feel comfortable in your own skin is the moment that happiness manifests. In these last few months I’ve taken you all through everything I had experienced. From my childlike innocence being taken and smashed by my fathers drunken abuse. Through my heart being ripped from my chest, to it being put back together piece by piece only for the on switch to be faulty. And also through my own misunderstanding of who and what I am.

But I’ve never revealed the moment it all became clear.

I’ve never really talked about what it took and what happened for the fog in my mind to flow away as quickly as it had rolled in when I was five years old. You have to think of your life as a shoreline. waves will come in and crash over and over and for most people it simply brings the sand back in as it takes it away and a sort of renewal happens. But for me the waves hit and took and took and took until nothing was left but grey, hard, stone. 

The soft sand had just not been meant for someone like me. But when it first happened I had no idea what it meant. I still fought against my own nature and blamed myself for it and it’s something I still struggle with today. It’s something I struggle with when I talk to my mother, my sisters even Matt. 

I look at them and know I should care, I look at them and know I should feel apathy. If they’re happy I should understand why, if they’re sad I should feel sad for them. I look at Amber to see the comparison. There was a time when the oldest of the three of us was a vicious bitch. Feared...loathed but respected. In fact she was so feared that her biggest rival took me and used me as a pawn against her.

That’s right, Ana Valentine used me as a way to try and control Amber fucking Richards. And the Amber of today would have folded. She would have looked at me, her little sister, in pain and being used, abused and destroyed physically and emotionally and she would have begged and pleaded for it to end, for Ana to simply leave me alone. That is the Amber that exists today, a happy, somewhat well adjusted young woman and mother. 

But the Amber from back then?

The Amber that first walked into this business?.

She looked at Ana Valentine, a woman who tried to show the world she was a fearless bitch, a queen who bowed to no one and she simply...laughed.

She laughed at Ana’s threats, she laughed at Ana’s attempts to control her through me, to hurt her through me. Amber looked at me as a liability and walked away, she abandoned me. And I know you’d expect me to feel shit about that, to hate my sister. But the truth is I hate what she’s become. She’s a soft, smiling, happy domesticated houseplant. And for a long time I couldn’t understand why I felt nothing for that. I couldn’t understand why her happiness didn’t mean anything to me. Why Tasmins didn’t either.

I care about my sisters, I love Amber, I love Tasmin, I love my family. I know I do, but I can’t feel it like you all do. I can’t tap into this well of love and devotion. And this worries me. Because I know someday I’ll have to face the one thing that does send a chill up my spine.

Motherhood.

Amber loves her twins, they started the change and the catalyst. And her son being born soon will just further the turn. Tasmin looks at our nieces and her own daughter with tears in her eyes and a smile on her face. But when my time eventually comes and I conceive a child, when I’m laying in a hospital bed and they hand the child to me, I’ll smile, I’ll cry but deep down I won’t feel a fucking thing. And you know what?. 

I’m fine with that…

Two Weeks Ago

Christmas had been, interesting. To say the least. A party featuring so many people I didn’t like or care about, forced social interaction and a few drinks leading to something that I have wanted for a long time. Something real. But, as these things do, the word spread. People who hung around myself and Finn were talking, whispering amongst themselves to keep themselves occupied. I guess they are all so bored and sad in their own lives they have to talk about mine…

Atleast my sister had the common courtesy to ask and try and talk to me.

It was still weird, her trying to do the old chestnut of “girl talk” while standing in my kitchen. A hot cup of tea sitting in front of her, coffee in front of me. Her long black hair tied back, a smirk on my face, her dye job made her look more like myself and Amber than she would ever realize. She tapped her fingertips on the sides of the mug before tilting her head looking up at me. ”So…interesting little get together for christmas huh?” I simply nodded, nothing else. No other reaction.

Tasmin waited patiently, but the fact I gave her nothing seemed to make her anxious.

”You and Finn disappeared pretty early…” I nodded again, taking a sip of my coffee and flipping through a housewares magazine, we needed a new coffee table….stupid Milo and hit uncultured way of not using a coaster under his goddamn drinks. ”What uh…what did you guys do?” Her voice inflection went up toward the end, not just with the question, but also insinuation.

I cleared my throat and gave her a small look out of the corner of my eye. ”We got away from it all, watched a movie, fell asleep.”

She wanted to know more, ask more. I could see it in her eyes as I took another sip of my coffee. Tasmin swallowed and sat forward. ”So, you two like, spent the night together…and you watched a movie?...is that…it?” I know what she was asking, what she wanted to know. I shook mhy head and took a deep breath.

”That’s it…nothing else happened Tas…”

She bit her bottom lip and tilted her head studying me, she nodded slowly and sighed heavily. ”I’m sorry Kay…I know you wanted-”

”I got what I wanted.” She stopped in her tracks, I shook my head and put my coffee down turning front on to Tasmin, staring at her and leaning back with my arms folded over my chest. ”I spent time alone with Finn, just him and me, out of everyone there he could have spent time with, his brother, his friends, everyone. He wanted to spend the night with me. It was never about sex….it was about….something else…”

I trailed off, looking back down at my coffee, I tried to be confident with this. ”So…what now?”

That was the question, i chuckled, I gave a small shrug and looked away. ”I don’t know. The ball is in Finns court now. But, that night, well, I’d like to think now he knows this was never about lust, it was never about me just wanting to jump on him….” I trailed off again.

”You really want him don’t you?...like…you want to be in a relationship with him…like a real one…”

I scoffed and shook my head. ”Don’t sound so shocked…” I looked away and out the window at the New York skyline. I had built a life here, with him, the only thing that was neede dis, a little push.

Legend?

”I’m going to sound like a broken record. But, I’m disappointed.”

Kayla Richards, internet champion, multi time world champion, straight up bitch etc, shakes her head and folds her arms over her chest, the look on her face sitting somewhere between apathetic teenager and total karen…

”Everything I have said and done, everything, from before our first match, that I ran through you in, to last week before this one, I beat you down physically the first time and verbally both times and that is what you come up with? That unbelievable grouping of dribbled words and nonsensical bullshit is the best you could do? Did you fucking trip when coming down off your high horse and crack your head open or something? Cause when I started this, when I became the internet champion for a second time I swore up and down this time was going to be different.”

“The first time, I won the title and I would defend it against anyone and everyone, that is something I never wanted to change but I did say that people would have to EARN it. Any bombshell that crossed my path would have to do something, anything to get my attention. Cause Keira Johnson didn’t EARN it, she just wanted it because it was shiny and something to add to her padded list of accolades and accomplishments. A very similar list to yours actually Mercy. One padded out by fluke wins and title runs that were lacking in meaning.”

“But now, here I am, having to put the title on the line against you a second time. After I begged and pleaded for the old Mercedes Vargas to come back I was hoping that when you eventually opened your mouth I would get something…ANYTHING.”

“But what I got was…sad.”

“Sad, boring and honestly, beneath me. And that is how I feel right now about you Mercedes, you are beneath me. Beneath this title, beneath your spot on the card. We are opening up proceedings so we should be ready to explode and beat the hell out of each other, but while I am here showing real emotion, anger and frustration about this citation, you just…kind of…exist…”

She laughs to herself, shaking her long black hair out as she grumbles under her breath and rolls her eyes.

”I had to sit here and listen to you talk about how 2022 was over, how it was out with the old and in with the new. If that is true then why is it that you take so much pride in getting title shots and opportunities? Do you see the dichotomy there Mercedes? How hypocritical it is? You “earned” the shot by winning a match against someone who has the most horrid win loss record in this company over the last few years and instead of focusing on that you go the route of “not”  trading off your name?”

“It’s almost…ALMOST like you know that win was bullshit and you don’t deserve a damn thing.”

“You sit there and talk about DEMANDING respect. Well, it’s fitting you decided to talk about the differences between you and others Mercedes, cause the difference between us? You demand respect…I COMMAND respect.”

“And at Inception I already know what to expect from you. See, you already said you think I’m looking passed you Mercedes. But the truth is, I’m not looking passed you, I’m looking through you. Because it isn’t that I don’t know I’m facing you, it isn’t even that I don’t think on your best day you couldn’t beat me. Cause, truth be told, you could. The problem, is your best days are well, well behind you.”

She can’t help but smirk and laugh.

”And yeah, I get it, more old jokes. But you even sat there and devalued yourself. You called yourself the gatekeeper Mercedes. And you think that is some kind of badge of honor? Shit, how can someone with so much time in this business and so much experience be so fucking clueless about it. You think you were giving me props? Saying that because I did what I “promised” to do that I was rare? Because it’s my first year in SCW? Are you that dense?”

“Mercedes. I like this company, I do. It feels like somewhere I could call home. But it isn’t as special as you think it is. It’s a great wrestling company for sure, but I have been in plenty of great companies. Hell I was in one with you when I was basically a damn teenager. I’m sure you don’t remember it, or you’re choosing to ignore it but I watched you from behind the damn curtain, I watched you and was in awe of women like you.”

“There was a time when you, Crystal Hilton and my own sister were stars, the stars, the future. But that time is done. It’s come and gone and this is now my time.”

“So yes, I have had a first year in SCW others would kill for. But to sit there and say that doing that isn’t impressive cause people rarely keep it up past that? That is delusional and a fatal understanding of who you are messing with. I have been a star everywhere I have gone, I have over come personal tragedy and being held back to become a champion. I have beaten and destroyed people all around the world and the truth is that the day I put pen to paper and signed my SCW contract the entire fucking division should have, at the very least thanked me…and at the most I should have gotten something nice…”

“Like a fruit basket…”

She throws her hands in the air, clearly being facetious, but also half serious.

”This division is full of ancient names trading on their past, you, Jessie, Sam Marlowe, Roxi, that cunt Alicia, even Amber Ryan is starting to get a little long in the tooth and has outstayed her welcome. Meanwhile the division is being run by a creepo in a mask who spews the same mind numbing faux-intellectual Edger Allen Poe throat fucking Friedrich Nietzsche crap that I can read on neck beard populated philosophy boards on 4chan.”

“The Roulette division?...don’t make me laugh, that title is a dumpster fire of stupidity…”

“The internet championship means something, it is a beacon of hope for everyone in the division, and while I had no problems putting the title against Bella or even you the first time the fact I have to do it again, this time on a supercard and the first goddamn show of the year is insulting. The fight you have put up is also insulting. So, at inception, you drag your weave wearing, wish.com latina vanna white ass down to the ring and get ready to be just another nasme on my list. And then maybe, JUST MAYBE I’ll get a new challenger who is actually worthy of the title shot and who will not disappoint me the same way you have..”

12. The Omega to My Alpha
Build your thrones

It was a strange feeling, breaking up with the golden haired love. Watching her walk away with another person. A man. And it was even stranger when I felt nothing. I saw it coming. From the moment they met I just saw it and felt it.. So I shut down. I buried all the feelings for her that I had and rebuilt those walls. Then I met him….

His name was Jace. And it made me laugh that I would fall for a gypsy. See for years I had wondered what Amber had seen in her husband Renee. He was a large, hairy brut. He stood six foot eight and was a beast. It was easy to forget he was only 23, same age as my sister. It was even harder to remember Jace was only 20, a year younger than I when I met him.

The relationship I had with Jace was something different for me. It was not intense, it was not an ownership. It wasn’t filled with love and affection and rainbows, unicorns and puppy dogs. What we had was one of youth and learning. And of course there was intensity. The sex was mind blowing. We would tear at each other any second we had that was private. But when it came to talking to one another, when it came to the part of a relationship that meant something we just didn’t care…

The emotions didn’t matter as much as being comfortable.

And I was very comfortable with Jace.

And the worst past is I also became comfortable with the gypsy way of life. I played the part, I let Jace answer for me, I let everyone believe that I belonged to him. And unlike Renee he never abused that right. He never “put me in my place”. But then again...there were other side effects...ones I wasn’t prepared for.

Don't you know?
Who the fuck I am or have a clue who I used to be?
I came to bring the pain and I don't owe you a fucking thing
Build your thrones
On broken bones

6 Years Ago
Gypsy Compound outside NYC

I breathed heavy as I moved around her. The little blonde thing was faster than I thought. She dodged in and out, she got inside my reach and hit a hard shot to my ribs. Her jab was like lightening, her footwork amazing. But I knew if I could get her with one good shot I’d take her out. 

Crack, crack, crack.

Two jabs and a hard right hook, as I turned back to retaliate they called a round. I went back to the side of the barn that Jace stood, an unimpressed look on his handsome face. His long sandy blonde hair tied back up and high in a bun allowing me to get lost in those baby blues. His gruff voice breaking me out of the haze I found myself in “Lass wha tha fuck are ya doin” I laughed a moment and shook my head.

“I’m not really sure… she’s fast Jace, real fast.” I looked over my shoulder at her. The whispy little thing. Couldn’t have been more than five foot tall and 90 pounds soaking wet. Her blonde hair reminding me so much of...her. Jace grabbed my face pulling it back to his.

“Listen, are ya that blind ya dun even see she drops her right everytime she throws a left jab?...c’mon girl get out there…”

I gave Jace a nod and cracked my knuckles, her blood on the tape around my knuckles giving me another small laugh. We came out into the middle of the concrete floor, she went for her jab, her right hand dropped just as Jace said. I slipped it and slammed in a hard overhand right and she went down, out cold. The barn erupted, money changed hands, men laughed and drank. Jace grabbed me by the hips lifting me high in the air.

I never felt so alive.

Present Day

”Oi, you awake?”

I was, but also, wasn’t. I could hear him, Dimitri Watson, Finns younger brother. I knew he was there, I knew he was talking to me. But at the same time I was so deep in thought and so focused on a certain memory that I didn’t even move or acknowledge his annoying presence in any way whatsoever. I sat back on the couch, my right leg over my left, my arms folded over my chest. And I felt Dickie move around from behind me to the front to get my attention.

What the fuck did he want?

”Hey earth to raging bitch…I asked you a question…”

I looked uop slowly shaking my head. ”What?”

There was no snappy comeback, no anger for being called a raging bitch, no histility. And I could see in his eyes that Dickie was confused, horrible confused. He knew what I was like, he’d spent enough time around me to get what my patterns were. My personality quirks. ”Have you seen my brother?

I shook my head, lightly, barely moving. ”No, sorry.”

Dickie raised an eyebrow and gave a small nod, he turned to walk away from me but stopped mid step looking over his shoulder with a sigh. ”Ok, what the fuck is going on with you?”

”What?, nothing”

”Yeah that’s bullshit….I can kinda tell, you’ve been weird since you got back, does this have something to do with Finn?”

I swallowed hard, and shook my head looking down and away, I took a deep breath and turned to Dickie, maybe he could help, maybe he could understand. ”I went to see somebody…”

”Who?”

”Aaron…”

A few hours earlier I was livid, but holding it in. I stepped out of the uber, walking through the large doors of the apartment complex, it was, nice. Not completely unlivable. Not as nice as the place I now called home. I walked across the foyer, to the elevators and acted like I belonged. No one stopped me, no one asked why I was there. I had to hold all that anger in.

I had to hold the urged in check. I was repeating it in my mind. Throttling her on sight eas not going to do any favors to anyone. Let alone me.

I moved to the door, knocking lightly as I could without wanting to break the door down but loud enough for her to hear. I could hear her to, moving across the hallway, stopping at the door, I could feel her looking through the peephole and even the small laugh of amusement escaping her lips.

This bitch

The door opened after some clicking, she stood in front of me with a small smirk, her tacky candy colored hair tied back with a bad make up job stared at me through the doorway. My hands, fotr a split second balled into fists, but I was able to calm myself in seconds, a control over my emotions that a young Kayla never had. She smirked and turned, inviting me in, she wasn’t stupid, she knew why I was there, why I was going to talk. I sat down at her kitchen table, I needed to, standing was going to give me to much of an opening to fuck her shit up.

”Well, I expect you’re hyear to thank me.” Thank her? ”He crumbled didn’t he? Turned into putty in your hands? I know Callen, I know how he feels when he sees me. So, you’re welcome I guess.” She laughed and fluttered her hand, she may have even been shocked that I let her talk first. She had seen me and been around me enough to know what I was like. Much like Dickie and everyone else in Finns life.

I tilted my head and leaned forward. ”I am going to make this very, very, very clear. I kept my voice calm, measured, as close to my normal cadence as I could. ”You expecting me to thank you, expecting me to enjoy what you did to him because he was vulnerable with me, just goes to show you have no idea who I am, who I really am.”

It was already hard to hide this, already hard to keep my emotions in check. The dam I had built, the wall to hid everything I felt when I was seven years old had cracks and leaks, but right now. It was ready to burst and drown this bitch. ”I don’t want to manipulate him like you. Use his emotions and pain to draw him into my little web, so, I decided to come here and make something clear to you in the best way I can, Aaron…”

”Oh?” She leaned forward, interested, intrigued and studying me. ”And what’s that?”

I swallowed again, looking up at her through my hair which framed my face, my eyes burning a deep color of jade that was a Richards girls trademark. ”If you ever do that to him again, I will end you.”

She laughed, loudly. ”Oh what?, you want to go to war with me? I may not step in the ring as much as I used to but trust me Kayla I could still take y-”

”You misunderstood me.” My hand waved and went up catching her eye as I stayed calm, she raised an eyebrow, the look of confidence and bravado changing to confusion. This was not what she, or I expected. ”I don’t mean we’ll fight, I don’t mean we’ll settle this “in the ring” or any other nonsense. I will ruin you. I will make sure your friends turn their backs on you, your family will disown you and you will be unemployable and undesirable. I will dig up ever last skeleton in your closet and make sure we all know what kind of person you are.” I leaned forward closer to her so she was forced to look into my eyes. ”Scratches, bruises, even broken bones heal. But a reputation, a negative one…it never gets repaired.”

I stood up, I was done, I said my peace. I turned and moved toward her door and Aaron, well, Aaron had stayed silent as she contemplated a war she no longer wanted. ”You….love him…” I stopped, for a split second, I wanted to turn and say something, anything. Maybe even admit it to myself. The moment passed. I moved to her door pulling it open.

”Goodbye Aaron…”

And now here, I was, a few hours later back home. Finn was nowhere to be seen, even Miles and Bella and everyone else that Finn had collected in his home for wayward wrestlers was out. It was just me, and little Mister Watson. A man whose jaw looked like it hit the floor with shock and awe. ”You said that…to Aaron?”

”Yes”

”Aaron Asphyxia?

”Yes”

”Finns ex wife Aaron?”

YES Dimitri

He blinked a few times, backing up a bit and folding his arms, I simply went back to staring into space, unsure of what to do, unsure of where to go and what to say to Finn next time I saw him. Since he went to bed after slumping into my arms, resting on my shoulder I had not been able to talk to him in private, have time with him. And now, I was worried, scared of what to say, scared I would say the wrong thing.


I had congratulated him on his win, smiled at him, told him how proud I was. But truthfully…

I just wanted him to be ok….

Legends never die….bit they should

”Never, in my life as a professional wrestler have I had a more confusing few weeks..”

Kayla sighs heavily, leaning forward with her elbows on her knees and the SCW Internet title belt in her hands between her black denim covered legs.

”See, never in my time doing this for a living have I had to see the person I beat in a personal, non-wrestling related setting. Yet here we go with Bella. Seeing her in the days following our match. Seeing the way she took her loss. You know, I don’t respect many people, in fact I actively go out of my way to disrespect and shit on basically everyone. But, Bella Madison put it all on the line and did her family name and lineage proud. I’m sure her father and mother were watching from above, smiling at their little girl…”

Someone from the side of the camera talks to Kayla, she titles her head and scoffs narrowing her eyes.

”What do you mean Nick Madison and Laura Phoenix aren’t dead?....oh, wait, it’s just their careers that kicked the bucket…my bad.”

She shrugs and laughs to herself.

”But, so many people thought I was about to lose the title, betting on Bella to beat me, and hey, I get it, Bella is a great young talent and truth be told if it was anybody else holding the title you would have had a better chance and might have even walked away with it. But, through a cruel twist of fate it was me you came up against Bella, and because of that you ended up coming away empty handed. But, one day you will be a champion, I have no doubt i9n my mind. But, it goes to show the difference between people like me and people like Bella.”

“Bella has been in SCW for a while now, always showing a little promise here and there. Winning the mixed tag titles, having a big win over a name opponent there. You are always getting close to breaking through that glass ceiling. But you just end up busting your head on it.”

“Meanwhile. I came into SCW like a force of nature, and broke right on through to the other side.”

“From day on I have been the name on everyones lips and no matter how hard they tried to keep me down, no matter how many jealous little bitches ran their mouths behind closed doors I still ended up rising to the top and I did it by being one of the best professional wrestlers on this planet. Whether it’s in the ring, cutting a promo, doing guest commentary or running down peopl,e on twitter not one of you can touch me in this goddamn business and that is a fact. So while Bella is one of those people who is always talked about with potential…I’m someone who lives it and realizes it in spite of everyone else trying to stop me…”

She stands up, moving across the room before lifting the Internet title over her shoulder and holding it to her chest with her right hand.

”You look at the impact I have made in such a short amount of time here. I walked in, I beat name after name after name and I have stumbled twice. One was that stupid Roulette match and the other was a fluke that I avenged in short order. No one can deny the impact I have made or that I will continue to make. However, I’m sure some of you remember the comments I have made about the Internet title and the fact everyone seems obsessed with winning multiple titlers only to drop them.”

“In some cases, they just want to win them, then drop them.”

“It’s disrespectful to a championship and what winning a title is all about. This is not a trinket to just add to your resume, it’s not a bargaining chip to try and leverage your way into a match for a more prestigious championship. It’s a prize, a prize that says you are oned of the best in the world and that people should try and come take it from you. And that is what I want the Intetrnet title to be. I want this to be a title worth holding.”

“And as such I want to be a fighting champion.”

“See, following High stakes I asked Christian and Mark if they would make sure I was back in the ring as soon as possible. And like they have said I never specified if it was with the title on the line or not. But, honestly. It doesn’t matter. And it shouldn’t matter. So many of you bitch and piss and moan when a title is on the line, but you should be trying to win EVERY match you’re in, so what does it matter?.”

She scoffs and rolls her eyes before adjusting the title and continuing.

”And the first name they picked out for me, ina woman who many consider to be a legend in SCW and the wrestling world. A woman who has won every title here and done damn near everything, a woman who has her name etched in the hall of fame and who continues to wrestle for the company that made her famous. Mercedes Vargas. Now, on the short list of names who I believe deserves a title shot at this, well, she didn’t exactly rank in the top five. But as I said, I am a fighting champion and I’ll put this title on the line.”

“It’s a title you have held before Mercedes. You held it for a cup of coffee over six years ago. And while you have had a few good title reigns in SCW the one holding this championship, well, that ain’t it chief. You beat Alexis Edwards know went missing soon after, you lost it to Jesse Salco of all people less than two months after you won it, so, part of me thinks this is going to actually mean something for you. Cause it’s a championship that you held but never really got to represent to the best of your ability.”

“You had runs with the Roulette and the Bombshells world title that matters, a mixed tag title run that mattered but with this? Well, shit you may have well just forgotten about your win and loss. And I get it, as of right now, I guess I can’t really talk. I won it in a battle royal, I then lost it to a woman who really shouldn’t have been close to me and won it back pretty fast. So, if I lose this championship to you, well…”

“I’ll be a dirty fuckin hypocrite”

“I’ll be the same as you Mercedes, someone who won a title without ever really making their mark with it. And I just cannot let that happen. It’s why I wanted to defend it again, it’s why I wanted to have another match so soon after the war I had with Bella. Not just for the title itself, to make it mean something, but, I suppose to prove it to myself that I am better than you, better than the Jounsons, better than Crystal and Kate and everyone else who has struggled to make this title mean anything.”

Kayla growls and shakes her head looking down and away before her bright green eyes flash up again, her mouth twisting into an evil smirk.

”Now, one of the reasons why your name wasn’t on the short list of those who I felt earned a title shot is cause, well, lately yoyu haven’t really done much. You and I both failed to win the Roulette title but while I went on to become the Internet champion and pick myself back up after two losses, you have just spiraled further and circled the drain. Thing is, this is a position you have been in time and time again. But you always seem to bounce back, have a few big wins and do something. I refuse to be your comeback win Vargas.”

“Not just for the internet title and my own aspirations, but because when you look at us, it’s clear I’m the future and you’re the past. That isn’t hyperbole either, that’s a fact. I am a 27 year old champion with time, youth and skill on my side and you are so much closer to the end of your career than you will ever care to admit.”

“I lose to you and I give up a title that I worked like hell to get back, I lose to you and everything I haver said and done becomes a mute point and I start from fucking square one again.”

“And unlike you, I will have to drag myself back up on my skill alone. See, for me to get things like title shots I have to win. I had to win my first four matches to be included in opportunities, I had to have atleast a title defense to get a rematch for the Internet title, I have to win and win and win. While you? You got a title shot because I’m not a scared child like others who whine about defences and because of your name.”

“And in the end Mercedes, when all is said and done, that is all you’ll have left. Your name. Your legacy, your past, with each loss, with each week you get closer and closer to the end of your career and you have more and more people seeing it. But like a drug addict you just can’t give it up. You need one more hit, one more win, one more moment in the fucking sun for us all to see. One more time for you to hold a title over your head and have the right to say you still have it. And while you can still hang in the ring in certain situations and while you are still better than the Bea Barnharts of the world…”

“The Mercedes Vargas who went to war with my sister almost a decade ago….she’s gone, and in her place is a shell, a walking talking analog of what was once someone to be admired and respected. And that is sadder than anything else I have seen as of late…”

10. Guiding Lie/Light
Lost in the Echo

I failed him.

The Dark Angel I had pledged myself to. It’s strange when you think you can feel nothing but then you’re hit with that realisation of regret. That pain of loss. I felt like I loved him, that I was also devoted to her. And even though I knew her secret. The evil within that she had betrayed him, she was getting ready to destroy everything he was. I couldn't bring myself to betray her trust even if it meant my Dark Angel was going to fail. He was going to be dragged kicking and screaming off his golden throne and thrown into the muck and mire of the common world.

I was torn.

I was conflicted.

I was human.

She was a piece of work, that one. I had no real loyalty to her yet she had me convinced she was the true power and that she loved me and cared for me. Part of me wanted to expose her, to tell him about her deception but in the end it worked against me. I was the one put in an impossible position. I was told to destroy my sister. To go out to the ring and break her down inch by inch….

Don’t come back without her head on a pike and her heart on a platter.

His exact words.

In the end, Amber beat me. I was young, arrogant and foolhardy in thinking I could charge at her in an animalistic rage and take her down. She was stronger, faster and much more experienced. Before I knew it, I was face down and my ankle was screaming in pain. My hand pounded the mat and it was over. Failure. But they say every dark tunnel has light at the end of it if you walk far enough. Even for me it was right, but unfortunately…

My light was a bigger lie than what I had been put through before….

6 Years Ago
Las Vegas Nevada.
Test my Will, Test my Heart

“Get out of my sight….whore.” His hand was wrapped around the leather collar, his knuckles pressed against my throat causing me to gag and sputter. He pulled forward and up almost lifting me off the ground. He looked in my eyes and saw the fear, the love, the desperation. I looked back in his eyes and saw disgust. With a small flick of his shoulders, I was thrown backwards through the door into the hallway. He stepped out and looked down at me with a hiss in his voice. His followers – my family – stood on with the same looks of disgust in their eyes.

“Worthless. Don’t come back.” He slammed the door in my face and I stayed there, on the cold floor as people walked by. I couldn’t even hear their voices, see their faces. All I could see was that door. Closed and unmoving. I wanted to reach out and open it, I wanted to crawl back. I wanted to be owned by them all again. The sense of family was gone and I was alone again. But this time it was worse.

Not only did I no longer have family and love, I had lost purpose. My reason for existence. My whole body felt that numbness again. The feeling I had fought so hard to drop, to lose, to overcome. And then I heard her voice. It was the only thing that could cut through the pain. I looked up and the light above crowned her head like a golden halo as it mixed with her beautiful blonde hair.

Her soft pink lips, the deep blue eyes. 

She was an angel standing above looking down at me. But unlike the others that stared with eyes filled with pity and disgust, this was a look of concern and wonder. She found me intriguing. Her voice was soft, her eyes matched and she pulled me up to my feet. Her hand touched the leather collar and her sigh seemed to have an anger behind it as if she had known what it was to be property. I let her take it off, I let her drop it to the floor and she walked away with me. She was the light….but her lies were greater than the rest...more painful….

And my lessons were not done…..

The light came into my life. A pale skinned golden haired angel with a cute smile and an adorable laugh. Her accent a mishmash of where she had been and what she’d been able to pick up. I’m not even sure why she and I got together. I should have hated her. I should have despised her very existence and presence.

She was after all..related to the vile thing that pulled me into heel and ruined me.

I admit some of it was lust. I had no idea what I was. Straight, Gay, Bisexual, A-sexual. Those words held little meaning to me. All I know is when I saw her, when she took care of me I wanted her. Every single part of me ached for her. Begged for it and needed it. This was also a mistake. A huge one.

I thought I’d be able to be happy again.

I thought I’d be able to forget my past and let it go.

But this relationship, however life affirming, was going to do even more damage than the one with the Dark Angel and his followers. While I would never be physically abused by her, my emotional state would break and crack. I’d let her in my walls and she would break everything inside them. Piece by piece. Brick by brick, she got inside my head and she brought it all down and burned it. And then played in the ashes.

I let it happen.

I could have stopped anytime, I could have pushed her away. I could have said no. I could have retreated back into my own personal hell. But the golden haired girl drew me in. And that mistake was one I regret….

5 Years Ago
New York, New York

Her lips touched mine in the softest of ways, her hands drifted up and down my arms, her fingertips feeling like they were delivering a hundred electric shocks. It caused goosebumps all over. Her hand moved through my hair down my back drawing me close. We both laughed and giggled, we both smiled and gave each other soft looks of affection and what we thought was love.

Her bright blue eyes stared into my emerald green ones. We were almost opposites. Her long blonde hair in contrast to my jet black waves. Her pure pale skin seemed so different to my tattooed olive complexion. We would walk around hand in hand and people would look and stare. From confused looks of older generations, to the perverted smirks of random men to the smiles of happiness from others who understood love they all had their different gazes.

She and I were happy together. For a time.

I would sit at the kitchen table as she made dinner. I watched while she would hum a random song and do the most mundane things like cut up vegetables or made a smoothie. We enjoyed ourselves at home, just us. Until it was time to go to work. And what a time it was. With her by my side I was unstoppable. I won a championship that no one could take off me, I was simply the best of the best at that time.

She showed me love, she showed me compassion. She showed me how to be the best as she stood by my side. But after a while the same old doubts, the same pressures overcame us both. And then as we watched each other drift away we both knew the mistakes we made would form us into things we didn’t want to be. 

But she was the harshest lesson, she also would prove to destroy a man who took my heart and could have been the real love of my life….

Present Day

I was furious. Not the usual angry or frustrated. Flat out, blood boiling, vein popping furious. I sat at the kitchen table, a beautiful glass piece, rectangular with golden stands on each end and a center pole to take the pressure off. Gorgeous ivory chairs with gold inlets, subtle, tasteful, a hint of class. But a table that Finn hadn’t even noticed I bought for OUR house. The last few weeks had been a problem. Coming to terms with feelings, thoughts and trying to make up with Finn.

But even through it all I still had this nagging feeling that he didn’t trust me. That there was a mental block holding him back from just accepting we were more than friends. He wasn’t ignoring me, but also diverted his attention when I wanted it, as if holding it back deliberately to drive me insane. I was accused of playing games months ago, but now, what was he doing?

Everything I had gone through, everything I was forced to endure, all the indignant insults and moments where I had to endure humiliation. And that was just living in my own home with the constant visitors and others coming in.

Finn and Kayla’s Home for Wayward Fuck Ups.

There was the idiot Australian, his younger brothers hetro– ha, “hetro”-- life partner and his pregnant girlfriend. There was the aforementioned younger brother who didn’t actually live there, but might well have, and of course the stupid looking Brit with the puffy blonde hair who also wrestled for SCW. Milchael, Milky, Milhouse, Milsop, Milo…whatever his name was. And I had to put up with them. All of them. To say I was furious, well. Maybe it was a gross understatement.

”Legit, why does your face look like that?” Speak of the devil. The short, wavy-haired, weasel-faced devil, Dimitri “Dickie” Watson. Finn’s younger brother, a capable wrestler in his own right and someone who, while annoying, was a lot smarter than most gave him credit for. Not that I’d ever tell the little shit. He was, however, someone who had always been nice to my younger sister, a friend, and for that I had given him a pass and not destroyed him…

Yet.

I cleared my throat, I flared my nostrils and folded my arms over my chest. ”What the hell are you talking about?”

Dickie scoffed and rolled his eyes. ”Your face. It looks like you just sucked on about thirty-”

”CAREFUL…”

”Lemons, I was gonna say lemons.” He chuckled. He had a boyish grin that made me want to punch him, in the face, with a brick. He moved around the table, looking at it with a turned up nose. He was judging it. Judging MY taste. How dare he– I narrowed my eyes at him, tilted my head and took a sharp inhale as my nails tapped against the glass. ”Seriously. What is it with you two? You and my brother are playing this weird game of cat and mouse.”

I shook my head, sitting back in the chair but keeping my shoulder back and chest out., clearing my throat. “I have no idea what you’re going on about. And what is or isn’t happening between myself and your brother is none of your business.” I ground my teeth together, my eyes staring a burning hole right through the little shithead.

He looked unamused and even more infuriating, unintimidated. ”None of my business? This is my brother’s house that you have slithered your way into, and whenever I come over here you two are staring at each other in a way that can only be described as horngry…” I stayed silent, staring ahead. Dickie raised an eyebrow. ”See, it’s a combination of horny and an-”

”I KNOW WHAT IT MEANS.” I rolled my eyes and pushed off the chair, standing up and moving around before throwing my hands in the air. ”What the hell do you want me to say, Dickie?” I was fed up with everything. ”I don’t know where he and I stand and that is the most anger inducing thing I have in my life. I have no idea what to say to him sometimes and when he makes me laugh I suddenly can’t fucking breathe or talk, and he keeps turning me down. Do you realize how humiliating that is?...You don’t get it.”

I turned to walk away, Dickie scoffed, the sound causing me to turn and stare at him with disgust again. But there was something in his eyes, a look of stark realization ”Holy shit….you really do like him….i’ll be damned, you two deserve each other.” I had no idea what to say, Dickie’s attitude, his way of seeing right through me in a moment of vulnerability, I had to get out, to walk away. I shook my head and backed away before turning on my heels and leaving the room.

The Next Step.

”This is hard. It really is. An immediate rematch. No build up, no moments to breathe. Just one match against one another. It has led me to question, why am I here? Why am I putting myself through this and why did I agree to it? I mean, think about it. The pressure I felt going into the match, the crushing nature of the loss and the fact it exposed me as…argh…human.”

She sneered, her emerald eyes staring up as the annoyance of having to see her own failures and vulnerabilities makes her body tighten, her jaw clenches.

”This business is built on a foundation of momentum. What can you build and how you can keep it going. One win turns into two, two to three and before you know it, you can get on a run that takes you to heights you never thought possible. And how you get there is honestly up to you. Up to your own devices on where you go and what you do. To some, everything has to be by the book. You have to win through “honor” and “decency”. By staying to a strict ruleset and if you deviate from that, then you haven’t earned it. But me? Well, in my mind the ends justify the means.”

“No matter how I get my hand raised, I get my hand raised. To me, it just doesn’t matter how or why. I will take every advantage, every single chance. I will bend rules some days and other days I will break them. I will try to break a bone, stretch a joint or just straight up kick your goddamn head in and cave in your skull. And I am honest about it.”

“And what’s so bad about that, huh?”

“Others in this business will smile to your face. They will be kind to you, pepper you with false narratives and sweet words. They lie to you– a barefaced lie – right to your face. It’s sad, it’s pathetic and the fact that so many of you can be that naive, to let it happen, is amusing as it is sad. But me? I will tell you the truth. Right to your face I will admit what I will do, could do and might do. And tell me, why is that so bad?”

“Why is it so bad that I tell you what I will do instead of hiding it? Why is it so bad that I am who I am and don’t give a shit?”

Kayla pauses, her arms folding over her chest as she waits for an answer that will never come.

”So then I ask the bigger question, why am I the villain? Because I will do whatever I have to do to be successful? Because I will take advantage? Come on now, you can’t be that ridiculous. And since I stepped foot in SCW, I have done nothing but be a professional, I have done my job. I have walked out there and brought people in the doors, I have made sure they spend their hard earned money and either it’s because they want to see me beat the living hell out of the pampered weaklings we all see in this company or they want to see one of their heroes put me down for the three and triumph over my particularly unique brand of “evil”...”

“But tell me, what is a hero?”

“Is a hero someone who puts other people before them? To me, that's what a hero is, and I would never, ever call myself that. I would never look at anyone and accept that. I’m not a hero and I don’t pretend to be. But that is where we are at when it comes to Keira Fisher-Johnson.”

“She labels herself a hero.”

“And why? Why do we all just sit back and take that? A hero puts everyone above themselves. And truth be told I don’t care about you, Keira. Not as a person anyway. I don’t care about your history, I don’t care about your wife, I don’t care about your mental disorder or your narratives you keep pushing or the fact you pretend to be something you’re not. That’s on you, and when your time on earth is done, you have to reconcile that with yourself. You have to look at yourself in the mirror and live with that fact.”

Her voice is gravelly, she growls more and pushes her lips together as she takes a deep breath.

”I don’t care about you I don’t even care if you beat me. Losses happen and I even said that it wasn’t that you couldn’t beat me. It’s that I had to stop you from beating me. And I failed at that. I did. I failed. You walked out with that title and that is what I care about. Because a hero would put the company and the title above themselves. A hero would make the title mean something like I wanted to. I wanted to make the Internet Championship matter and all I got from you was excuses. You making up reasons to hate me, making up reasons that I was a “bad champion”...stupid reasons.”

“But, let me ask you something, Keira. It’s a question I know the answer to, it’s a question we all know the answer to. Why did you want that title?”

“Why did you want the Internet Championship in this company? Did you want to make it mean something? Did you want to elevate it to a level higher than “shiny trinket” or “bargaining chip”? Cause I did. I wanted to make it a title people wanted to hold, a title that fans would want to see defended instead of what it became largely because of people like you and your wife.”

“But again..why did you want it?”

She chuckles to herself and moves around putting her arms out in a shrug as her white leather jacket dangles off her shoulders and arms. Her black tight jeans with slits moving with each step as the question hangs in the air.

”To become a Grand Slam Champion right? You relegated it to a trinket, again. That was your sole reason. One that you plastered up all over the place. It was your dream. A dream to take a title that had fallen off of a champion that wanted to make it matter all so you could add it to your list of titles. And hey, part of me wanted that too. Part of me wanted to add the title’s name to my list of accolades from other companies. But my plan went ahead of that, it went past such mediocre dreams and wants and needs. You wanted the Internet Title because you could hold the Grand Slam tag over us like it meant something.”

“I wanted the title itself to mean something.”

“That is the difference right? You dared to sit there before our first match and tell me that my attitude was wrong, that I was selfish because I wanted to keep that title to myself and I disrespected the Roulette Title. Yet you disrespect every single title you have held, every champion you beat and every single company you have ever signed a contract for by leaving championships in a worse way than you found them.”

“You didn’t want to make the Internet Title, you wanted the Internet Title to make you.”

“Now, I may be a horrible person. A cheater, a bitch, a total raging cunt who will do my best to break and beat anyone in front of me. Someone who will cave in a skull and not think twice about it. Someone who will sell out my own family for success. But one thing, Keira, I am not is a liar. And that is something you can never say.”

“You lie to yourself.”

“You lie to yourself everyday when you wake up and look at yourself in the mirror and give a self affirming speech. You lie to all of us with your retirement talk. Hell, you were going to leave right up until you noticed the only people who were going to care were Roxi and the one fan who masturbates to pictures of you two together. So, you started talking about unfinished business, about the “Grand Slam” that elusive internet title. And to your credit, you realized that dream.”

“But what is the next step for you? Cause don’t think I didn’t notice you looking past me to someone else. Don’t think I didn’t notice you thinking about other challengers. I posed a lot of questions to you, Keira. But I have one last question: If I beat you, will you keep your promise and walk away into the sunset having realized your dream? Or will you lie to us again, and stay for one more match all because your star has faded and you are no longer the center of attention?....I guess we will see…”

8. Angel of Death
Only for the weak

I was a soldier. A good little soldier too. I did what was asked. I even took some joy in it. Or at least I thought I did. In the ring we were like a pack of rabid dogs. Whatever the dark angel pointed at we made disappear. His enemies were many, his title reign became legendary. We would appear around the ring and we would all attack at once. He and his fake queen would watch and smile. Always smiling. The two brothers and I would attack and while they were tough, ultra violent men...the truth is they weren’t the ones to be feared….

I was.

I was the most dangerous.

See the brothers took joy in the pain they inflicted and laughed. They thought it was fun but they also knew when to stop. They knew any further and the risk outweighed the reward. But I. Well as I said in the ring we looked like a family. Behind all that I was treated as the family pet. The dog. Lower than dirt. The brothers took turns using me for their own pleasures. Occasionally the dark angel would come and congratulate me for keeping his disciples happy and well plied with the gift of flesh. He would give me kind words, a smile, a warm stroke with his palm on my cold, beaten flesh.

This was my place in life, my gift to them in the name of faith. Despite the violent nature and the talent for it I had shown week after week the dirty sad reality was that I was just a piece of meat. A warm hole for the brothers and the dark angel to unleash their aggression in when we were done. The stresses of the ring and the combat led them to need it and that was my job. 

I didn’t care.

I felt nothing.

But then I started being given other jobs. Other targets. The dark angel, the blackened god. He called me his black widow. I was to use my looks, my youth to corrupt others, to lure them into a false sense of security. I was to break them from the inside. In fact the same man had once used my sister the same way. Amber had broken two men who dared cross him. This was my spot...my future. But there was one who I couldn’t do it too. I had no idea why. He refused to fall for my charms. 

Even after we slept together. Something I was told not to do. Something that I never planned on. But he was different. Stronger. Sure of himself. Then it hit me, the reason why my charms didn’t work. Why my body wasn’t enough. He was in love. And even though I couldn’t feel it I knew. I had lost the battle for his soul…

I can't tolerate your sadness 
Cause it's me you're drowning 
I won't allow any happiness 
'Cause every time you laugh, I feel so guilty
"I blame the needs that you feed 
'Cause selfish eyes would not see"

Dallas Texas
6 Years Ago
No need for sympathy, it's only for the weak

The smile was on point as I flashed my teeth. My green eyes angled up to give a little sparkle. I pushed my arms together as I sat forward, my low cut singlet top allowing him access to look straight down it as I popped the end of my finger against my lips pouting them out. Seduction, thy name is Kayla. He smirked and shook his head picking up his drink giving it a small sip, the amber liquid going down his throat. I was still too young to drink.

My mind flashed back to the night before. The passion he showed. The strength, the control. He didn’t lose it with me, he was forceful but calm, arrogant but attentive. It was amazing. But this was a job. It was a mission. The dark angel had told me to take him off his game. Learn his motives. Make sure he had no soul to follow. But as I sat here staring into those sparkling blue eyes. His boyish grin behind the dark beard, there was something different. Something too strong to corrupt.

I reached out and took his hand, my thumb massaging his palm. I used all my tricks. My tongue darting out to run over my lips, a cherry red lip gloss over them making them not only shine but smell amazing. My eyelashes batted up and down, I giggled at his jokes, I smiled and made eye contact, my foot moved up and down his calf under the table. I did everything I could think of and more. But there was something…...off….

He stared at me, his head tilted, his voice low and gruff as he then laughed. Was he mocking me?. Was he onto me?. Did he sleep with me the night before just to prove that tonight I wasn’t the one with the power?. His eyes. Oh god his eyes. They were emotionless, a void. But not like mine. He had love behind them, a strong feeling of devotion and loyalty to someone to….her…..oh my god….I need to get out of here…. “Yes thank you for last night and tonight...I enjoyed it….” I got to my feet fast, leaning in to keep up the facade as I kissed his cheek.  “Goodbye….Alex…..”

I turned and made my way out and past the rest of the bar patrons to the street, my high heels slamming against the concrete as my hands fumbled with my phone,my fingers dialled and I waited for him to pick up, he needed to know, he needed the information. My dark angel was being made a fool of, my loyalty to him was not in question, but to her?. The loyalty died….how dare she…

“Hello?.....yes I just left him…...no…..no….look listen, she isn’t what she seems Angel…..I could see it in his eyes...feel it….Alex Jones and A-.....yes...alright….of course I love you….”

PPresent Day

Knock Knock

Finally, I thought to myself, I tolled off the leather couch that sat against the wall of my hotel room, my feet shuffling on the carpet as I got closer to the door with my stomach rumbling. I was starving, and in hiding. I was avoiding Finn, although I’d never admit it. But right now my embarrassment and mental anxiety was taking a back seat to my hunger. ”It’s about fucking time, I ordered twenty five minutes-” I opened the door, my heart dropped as a lump formed in my throat. ”What the fuck are YOU doing here?”

”Well, that’s a lovely welcome…love you to sis.” Amber Richards, my older sister. The one who taught myself and Tasmin everything we know about wrestling and wanting to win. Of course, Tasmin never took anything Amber said to heart, but me? I did. I always did. ANd now here she was, my older sister, in the flesh. But why? My eyes were wide, my jaw open as Amber looked around the room. Her long black hair down and flowing close to her but, her pale complexion shining as the sun hit it. I never realised just how much she kind of looked like Kat Jones, but younger and more tattoos. I shook my head and ground my teeth together.

”Amber…wh-”

”This place looks like a bomb hit it Kay, what the shit?” She slid her hands into her pockets and chuckled.

I shook my head, still in shock. ”Im not going out there with the common rabble.”

Amber turned and tilted her head, giving me that oh so arrogant yet stern look, folding her arms over her chest and clicking heer tongue. ”You’re on tour, you’ve been here for like a day and a half.” She was judging me, I hate it, I hate being judged. She knows I hate being judged. ”So, hows your [/i]boyfriend?[/i] I sharply inhaled.

I swallowed hard and before I could stop myself and make some kind of shitty or witty remark I just blurted out the words ”I don’t have a boyfriend…”

”Oh Amber nodded slowly, moving around the small dining room table. Her fingers running along the glass as he stopped and looked up. ”So, that bad huh?”

My skin crawled and I ground my teeth together again. ”I really, really don’t want to talk about it, and I highly doubt you flew yourself all the way to India to roast me about my fucking love life…”

Amber gave a small nod and laughed. ”Well, you’re right. Tas sent me here, she said you needed “family support” for your big match. And honestly, I haven’t been able to travel in so long I needed it. I never wrestled in India, might even go talk to your bosses about a jo-”

”How about no…” I interrupted, I know she was joking, but stil. Us working together again? Me having to watch her go out there and effortlessly be the best? No thanks, I’ve seen that song and dance before. ”Thanks for stopping by, but I’m enjoying being all relaxed before said big match…so kindly fuck off yeah?” The Norwich came out  of me as I titled my head, Amber just laughed and shrugged.

She gave me a tap on the shoulder and moved to the door. ”I’ll be around till the supercard. But, if you do want some advice, and you SHOULD listen to ne on this, you need to square away whatever it is that is going on with you and Finn….before your match against Keyra, Kamra…whatever her name is.”

I gave her a nod and waved my hand at her, I knew Amber was right, I knew it was good advice, and to be honest. All that did was piss me off. I looked at my phone, I wanted to call him, text him. Something. But this had to be done in person, and now I had no choice. ”FUCK

The problem with shadows.

”I’m sure so many of you are surprised.”
‘
Very slowly we fade in, no this isn’t a scene opening, this is a fade in shot, blurred and slowly coming into view. The outline of Kayla Richards comes into view. Her hand reaching out and her fingertip tracing around the top of a glass of water. Her black painted lips curling into a vicious grin as the lines become sharper and defined.

”Right? I actually beat Krystal. A woman who actually had a title reign that mattered. Something Krystal can say yet my opponent at Violent Conduct can’t. But the fact remains that even after all I have done, everyone still doubts me. They think I’m a flash in the pan, that I have just fluked my way to the Internet championship. Even after being undefeated in singles competition, beating five other women to claim this championship, including my opponent at the supercard, after all that I’m still sitting here watching you all act shocked I beat Krystal…”

“And why? Why is that? Is it because I don’t pander to you all like Roxi and Keira? Or have I not been here long enough to earn my arrogance like Mercedes has? I came in and I told you all I was going to take Sin City Wrestling by storm, that I was going to climb the ladder and snatch up gold and it took me no time at all to do it. I told you all that no matter how good Krystal Wolfe was that against me she was going to fail and falter, and still you didn’t believe me, you didn’t listen. Well, will you listen now? Or are you all still going to sit there with your hands over your eyes and ears pretending that I’m not the most exciting thing to happen to this division in months? Maybe even years?”

“I’m here to take over, I’m here to be the best and do it the “right” way. See, if I wanted to I could go the route so many others have and beg and plead for title opportunities and shots when I hadn’t earned them. And one of the things that I personally want to see changed is the way title shots are handed to undeserving people like fucking candy. And no not candy the talentless wrestler I mean literal candy.”

“You want a shot? You earn it.”

“I didn’t want the roulette title or even a shot at it but instead I got shuffled into the ultimate X pool match and while I hate losing and I was trying to win that match I felt a great sense of relief when I wasn’t the one who walked out with that title. But then, very soon after that I became the internet champion, now, being undefeated aside from that little..pool business…I felt I had earned it. Now, based off her long title reign and how dominant she had been I suppose Krystal Wolfe earned her shot. But that right there begs the question…”

“What the hell did Keira do?”

Kayla sits back, raising her arms in a shrug with a shit eating grin on her face, waiting for an answer that will never come considering she’s alone in the room.

”How does she keep getting handed title shot after titlr shot after title shot? Is it just lack of competition? Is it because there is no one else worthy? Or is it because of who her wife is? Cause I think we all know the answer don’t we? You seem to think you’re entitled to all these shots and entitled to have a career we should all respect. Respect, funny word isn’t it? See I respected Krystal. I don’t like her, because, lets face it, I don’t really like anybody. But I do respect the hustle. But you..Keira…you are someone that doesn’t get the same treatment.”

“I don’t like you, I don’t respect you and I need to make sure I don’t let the Internet title fall into your hands.”

“See this championship went from Andrea Hernandez, who did it proud, to Masque Delune who…even if she’s a little weird still did it proud, to your wife, who had other things to worry about to me. And I refuse, REFUSE to become the woman who took the quality of the title and turned it into nothing. Then I’d be stealing your gimmick Keira, and I’m just not about that life.”

“I am however, about showing you up.”

“See, you and I have something in common, we both beat Krystal Wolfe. You ended her Roulette title reign didn’t you? This amazing, glorious reign where she beat everyone she was put in front of. You stopped it, you ended it and you held that roulette title in your hands and in that glorious moment you were finally relevant again, emerging from the shadow you put yourself in. I’m sure you felt so proud right? You could go home to little Nate and tell him how mommy number two finally could live up to the example set by mommy number one….”

“But you can’t…”

“While Roxi is a champion worth emulating and respecting, someone who takes championships and makes them prizes to be chased, owned and wanted…well..you take them and make them into an empty husk. And every single time you win one, I’m sure you stand in front of a mirror, holding it and saying over and over again that this time will be different, this time will be new and shiny and you can do it. And all the other self positive bullshit they try and teach you all. But, it never happens Keira. Because you are someone obsessed with the chase, not the destination…”

Kayla smiles and gets to her feet, drinking her weather before shaking her head and looking up

”But really, what happens when the destination is out of your reach hmm? You had a chance recently to do something that would have helped Roxi. See, Roxi has to defend her title against Masque again, and Masque has done and said horrible things. She took out Amber Ryan, she has tormented you and your wife. And when push came to shove, when you were in the ring with her and had a chance to disrupt her momentum, hurt her and soften her up as well as earn something for yourself.”

“Where’s your pride? Where’s your self respect?”

“Where is your protective nature and love for your family?”

“You failed. Like you always fail. You could oif made a statement and in the end you just did what you always do. And that’s the problem, you never change. You never get better, improve or become anything more than you are. You failed in the six person match too Keira. You ran your mouth, promised to become the champion then broke that promise. You have won titles but never had a reign where people sat back and went “wow”, instead you have dropped the ball, over and over and over again..”

She slams her fist on the table, getting heated before sighing heavily and calming herself down and folding her arms over her chest.

”And what will happen if you win this one huh? I can tell you. Keira Fisher Johnson will take the Internet title home, hold it up high whenveer she can and look in the mirror, muttering to herself that this time will be different. This time she will have a title reign that means something. She’ll defend the title against everyone and go on a record setting run that will actually matter and justify her position and all the faith the company has put in her.”

“It’s beautiful isn’t it? A wonderful fairytale.”

“It’s too bad that’s all it is Keira. A fairytale. Something for you to repeat to yourself to make it seem like you belong in the conversation with the real greats of this business and this company. But, mI am also a realist. I know there is an outside chance you could beat me, so I hope that whole scenario won’t come true, Not just for my own sake, but for yours. After all how much ammunition do you want to give your opponents as you continue to stumble hmm?”

“But even after you lose, after you fall to me the world goes on. You’ll continue going through life and succeeding despite yourself and get another chance and another shot at something else…the roulette title…the Bombshells title maybe even the mixed tag titles if the company remembers they exist and wants to actually bring them back….you land on your feet and keep running…even after spending so much time on your back…and at Violent conduct, I will put you on your back…and I will keep you there…”

6. Savior
Feel

I was almost saved you know?. A few years ago. I was almost pulled out of it all. See while having no emotions and being able to just turn off can be useful, it can also feel like your own personal hell. Your relationships crumble, you never feel like you’re enough or that it’s even fair. Part of you doesn’t care but there is always that little spark that wants to do what is right for others. That wants to be a good person.

If you can’t be the person your family and friends deserve then shouldn’t you just walk away and disappear?. If all they do is worry and it impacts their lives then shouldn’t you do them a favor and just go?. There came a time when I thought that was for the best. My sister was gone, my brother was gone and my father was dead. It was my mother, and me. And all I did was make her worry. Tasmin was a teenager and in boarding school in London, she had her own life to worry about and my mother now free of my father’s abuse and bullshit now had a new reason to stay up all night worrying….

Me.

I was out on the town, I was doing whatever, and whoever I wanted. I would come home at 4am smelling of cheap alcohol, a pocketful of money and often some weed or a pill or two. I had no life or direction. I was spiralling and she had no idea how to fix it. Thing is she couldn’t fix it. No one could. Only I could pull that plane out of its nosedive but I didn’t want to.

So one night I left my mother’s home. I left her alone to live her life and no longer worry about me. I left her a note, I packed my bags and went to London. There I could keep half an eye on my baby sister and look for my older brother while being able to continue the lovely self destructive lifestyle that had become my trademark. But Brett was still in my life. No matter how wrong I treated him, no matter how many times I laughed off his romantic work or his sweet words he was there.

If I drank to much he’d hold back my hair. If I felt sick he’d check on me. If I got in a fight he’d get my drunk ass out of the pub. This is what Brett did and it slowly built up. I felt like I was drowning, that the world was water and it was slowly coming over my eyes and body. It was filling my nose and mouth and I couldn’t breathe and as I sank the entire world was going black. I felt it fill my lungs and every single day was like I was choking and gasping just to survive. But then through the darkness he grabbed my hand and pulled me back from the brink.

And this is where you see my true colours. Cause even a savior couldn’t find a place in my heart…

London England
9 Years Ago
Take my hand….

My fingers slowly moved along the plastic cylinder. The liquid inside was almost clear with only a slight yellow tinge. I looked around my bathroom with a sigh. My body was already out of it due to the shots of whisky and the weed. But I needed more. For the first time the alcohol and weed weren’t enough to stop it. They weren’t enough to finish keeping me numb. I needed something else. Something harder….

A guy at the pub said he knew what I needed. He promised to hook me up and the first taste was free. I brought it home, I put the powder on a spoon and heated it up. I marveled as it slowly dissolved into a liquid and I soaked it up through the cotton. And now it sat in front of me, all in this little plastic syringe. And here I was sitting on the floor in my underwear. My hair was a mess, my makeup smeared from crying. But even in this sad, desperate state I had my doubts. The trepidation was always there….

But then it hit, the headache. All I wanted was for the pain to stop for the headaches to go away. It was like pressure, build up in my skull. I wanted to take a drill to my head and let all that pressure out. I wanted it to just go away. Normally my own indifference and the mixture of herb and alcohol did it but not this time. Not anymore. It had been so long since I cried. So long since I let it out that the tears burned my eyes and cheeks. 

It felt like Lava….

I needed to do it. I needed anything to stop it. Before I knew it I had the rubber around my arm. I felt the sting of the needle piercing my skin. But this wasn’t like a tattoo sting. This was something else. Something different. I pushed the end, the liquid started to disappear as a small amount of blood flowed back into the needle. But then I could feel it. I felt it work it’s way through my body and as it did I felt the humanity get pushed back. I felt the person I was disappear and for a moment I knew the true freedom and ecstasy of death…

I felt the hands on my chest, I felt his mouth on mine. I heard the anguish in his voice and my eyes opened. There he was. Brett. His long hair flowing down as he panicked. All the peace I felt was gone and now the pain of life flowed through. I could breathe again, I could see the reality and now. Because of him I could feel. And at that moment when I turned and looked into his eyes, the life saving eyes full of love, all I felt was anger. He smiled and breathed out hard as a few tears fell. Brett put his arms around me and sighed but as he pulled away I was only able to manage three little words towards him.

“I hate you….”

Present Day
The Home of Tasmin Richards and Adam Sanders

”That arrogant…fucking….annoying…self righteous….ignorant…blind….MAN”

I paced back and forth, my feet tapping on Tasmins kitchen floor. The black and white checkered floor, something that she found to be funny and quirky, just made me roll my eyes. But I needed something, anything to focus on. Anything that wasn’t my anger. My frustration. My…nevermind. Tasmin looked up at me, sitting on a small chair next to the large round table in the center of the kitchen. Her daughter Dawn cooing in her arms. It was strange…seeing the small child actually helped calm me.

I normally hate children and babies in perticular. But my sisters kids, Ambers and Tasmins, well, I felt a need to care and protect them. It was strange. ”I love it when you come to visit Kay…really…” Her voice oozed with sarcasm, I couldn’t help but laugh, I always found it amusing when Tasmin would show that side of herself. The side that was more like me than she would ever care to admit. ”Seriously Kay, I don’t get why you’re still living there, I get you and Finn are friends but I think you need some space and you don’t need to live there anymore…”

She was right, I didn’t need to. I had enough money to find my own place following what I had done in that cesspool Project Honor, in the first season of PWE and my new home of SCW. Being able to sign a more than livable contract. But that wasn’t the point, that wasn’t why I was there and I think deep down Tasmin knows that. But, she doesn’t know exactly why….”He just….he knows how to get under my skin, he knows how to make me angry and make me want to do irrational things like walk out of the apartment in a huff and travel all the way here to see you…”

”I have never seen anyone get in your head like he does, I don’t get it…” Tasmin blinked a few times, I could see the cogs turning in her head as she started to think about it. Looking me up and down. I needed to change the subject and fast, luckily her son to be  husband Adam walked into the kitchen. Thank you for the gift, you wonderful man child.

”Oh Hi Kayla how are yo-”

”I’m fine but is there a reason why you haven’t married my sister yet after choosing to infect her with your biological 18 year commitment.”

”KAYLA!”

I just shrugged, it was a valid question. They had been engaged for a long time, Tasmin got pregnant and now here they were over a month after and still not married. Adam backed away and gave me a nod as Tasmin stood up handing him Dawn, Adam smiled, he was so happy holding her. For a moment and caught myself wanting to smile to, I turned, Adam moved from the room and Tasmin stepped close to me folding her arms over her chest. ”Are you done being in a bad mood? Are you going to go back home?”

I sneered and shook my head. ”Maybe…if he’s stopped being a complete asshole…”

Tasmin narrowed her eyes and looked me up and down, she then stepped back and laughed throwing her hands in the air. ”Oh I see it now…oh this is great…” I tilted my head, my body language changing as Tasmin kept laughing. ”I get it now. This isn’t just about sex with him….you like him.”

”I don’t know what you are talking about…this is just about his di-”

”Ututututut bullshit. This isn’t just about that. You like him, you enjoy spending time with him…..you want to be with him…”

”Nope….” Tasmin stepped forward to talk again. ”Do not!....look, I don’t know what fantasy you have in your head about me and Finn, but this is just about me wanting to be friends with benefits with him to get rid of some steam and for whatever reason he just won’t give it up….so yeah…I’m a little flustered..”

Tasmin nodded slowly, but then something else hit her, something that made the evidence seem irrefutable. ”Wait….if you’re flustered and just want sex…you’d just find someone else…but you haven’t..so that means…”

”No…”

”You’re…being faithful to him without even being with him…awww that’s so cute.”

I swallowed hard, my arms folding over my chest as Tasmin bounced up and down clapping her hands. ”I’m nit..dealing with…whatever this is…I’m going home…”

Queen of the internet

”I get it, you are all probably think I’m going to be annoyed or angry about my…ahem “loss” at the supercard…”

The british bitch Kayla Richards, the black haired heavily tattooed green eyed annoyance that had been inflicting herself on SCW for the last few months took a deep breath, staring forward with an arrogant smirk coming across her face.

”Now, don’t get me wrong, I hate to lose. HATE IT. I am in this business to be the best and you don’t do that by losing. Unless you ask people like Bea Barnhart who can go 7-300 and still have the unbridled ignorance to call herself “the best”. But in this case, I can hold my head high. For a few reasons. One, I still haven’t been pinned, I haven’t submitted, this loss was in a match that was a purely stupid gimmick. And then I realised, that was probably for the best. See the roulette championship, the entire division, it’s not for me. I’m just as likely to be put in a chocolate pudding match than a submission match, or a lingerie pillow fight than a last woman standing match. And truthfully, that kind of world is not something I’m about. So…”

“I’m glad I’m not the roulette champion and Melissa can keep that trashcan of a fucking championship. I’ll be over here competing for championships that aren’t built on the idea that comedy bullshit is just as important as the art of violence that we should all be experts at.”

“And if any of you have a problem with what I just said..well..”

“I don’t really care…sorry..”

“The supercard was an interesting night, mjy first step into the bigger SCW world, the bigger scope of event that this company can put on. And it was eye opening. The amount of fans that came through and saw the show, the buy rates, the fact it happened on a huge cruise ship. I, dare I say, enjoyed myself. And now as I leave for India I have to try and get myself excited again, see I wasn’t really fussed about going on the cruise ship but had my eyes opened, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it was going to be….but India?”

“I’m not excited about going to a third world country that is so crowded they have to ride on the outside of fucking trains…also…I’m English, do you have any idea the pure hatred that simply having this accent in that country is going to get me? No I didn’t think so…”

She folds her arms over her chest and snarls, her bag sitting next to her as we realise she’s “Home” in Finn Whelans apartment. Because they live together, in a totally non couple way. I know weird right?

”But, this trip won’t be all bad, I already hve another opportunity dropped in my lap that shows me the SCW management team not only knows what they have in me but they are also not going to make the same mistakes as in the past and not book me. And why wouldn’t you book me? In this business it’s about getting a reaction, whether that makes the mindless drones “pop” or whether you get them to hate you, if you make them feel emotion, you make money, you get opportunities. And if you can win on top of that? Well, you’re unstoppable. So, first night that I will be competing in that country I get an opportunity to earn a shot at the Internet championship…”

“A battle royal, six of us compete with the winner to go on and get the shot. How quaint, how…unoriginal. But it is what it is. You need to figure out the list of succession and who gets what. So, I suppose it’s better than nothing. Although the company is really scraping the bottom of the barrel when it comes to this. I mean, jesus Tempest?”

“She has size, and that’s it.”

“What have nyou done lately huh? You teamed up with Austin James Mercer, a former Internet champion and world champion, he’s shown himself to be a success but you? What have you done Tempest? What have you done to earn your way in this match? Cause lately? Lately you haven’t done a damn thing yet here you are. And I get the feeling this whole thing is geared towards trying to make you a star. A match where you can throw us all around and look like a beacon of domination and strength right?”

Kayla can’t help but chuckle and shake her head.

”I’m not going to be used like that. You might be big, strong and determined to prove you belong here, but that honestly means nothing when you can’t win the “big one” and the only time you have ever been able to win anything of note is teaming with a guy who actually has talent. And even he got sick of dragging your dead weight around. So now here you are, ready to try and win this and finally break through that glass ceiling you keep bumping your giant head on…”

“Too bad Tempest, you aren’t getting through me, but I will admit, you’re atleast a step above others in this match…and you’re not even the only ones here who can be accused of riding on coattails…”

“Hello Seleana, I’m talking to you…”

“The wife of my old friend Crystal Hilton. Wow, you know Sel I don’t think we ever really got introduced, and I find that funny considering I know your wife so well, in fact I know her better than you do. I know her so well that I know if I was so inclined I would never be in a relationship with someone like Crystal because I know what kind of person she is. She’s an arrogant bitch, one who is only ever out for herself who will step over anyone and everyone to get what she wants when she wants it. In fact it’s some of her most redeemable qualities. Ones that you don’t have…”

“See Sel, you’re what we call..the bitch of the relationship. See Crystal is a bitch no question, but you are THE bitch in your little couple dynamic.”

“And you think beating Crystal at the supercard somehow negates everything else she has done to you and this is some kind of massive redemption story for you? You haven’t really stood up for yourself Sel. Crystal has been stepping all over you for years, costing you opportunities, taking them from you, backstabbing you, shit even your small world title reign was because of her and she lets everyone know it. Time and time again she has held you down and now, becauser you beat her in ONE MATCH you think you can move on? You’re still tied to her, you’re stil stuck with her. And because of that you will always be viewed as a joke.”

“You need to take care of that first and finish your buullshit with her before you try and step up to this Sel…there’s some free advice.”

Kayla shrugs and moves around the room, moving her bag to the side as she seems to impatiently be waiting.

”But, it seems as if I’m up to the “dead weight” part of the match, the real dead weight, the woman who has no redeeming qualities whatsoever. See, Tempest has size and an intimidating look, Seleana has actually had success that she earned, the other two? Well I’ll get to them but Bea Barnhart? I already mentioned you once Bea, you should feel honored I have lowered myself to mentioning you this much and talking about you, it’d the most relevant she’s ever been. And I say that with full knowledge she was able to be a mixed tag champion with her idiot husband. But tell me Bea, what nuggets of wisdom will you drop on us today? What offensivelty stupid thing are you going to put into the universe before our match hmmm?”

“What outlandish promises about winning are you going to throw out there that you have very little chance of keeping or even getting close to? See, Bea, I have nbo problem with confidence and arrogance, ever. You should be confident, you should believe you can win and are the best to lace up a pair of boots, what I have a problem with is that you’re so damn boring about it.”

“You’re nothing but a side voice for your husband, nothing but something to stand by his side and repeat his dumb bullshit.”

“In this world where women are gaining more power, and trust me, I’m not one of these “future is female” drones, but in a world where we all have a right to stand up and have our own voices, your voice is just an alternate world version of your fat fuck delusional husband Bea…girl power indeed.”

She rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed with having to mention Bea at all….

”Oh Ariana. It’s so good to see you again. I mean after I already slapped you around. One on one you copuldn’t come close to me, I guess you think you have more of a chance in this battle royal huh? I’ll admit, you do have more of a chance than Bea, but that doesn’t really mean much. It must sting you the only way you were able to get any kind of attention was to go off to SCU and get a title before that place closed it’s doors. Congratulations by the way…”

“It’s always inspiring to see someone get a championship by getting dragged there…”

“It’s just a shame that SCU is shutting down, it seems like a company where you could have actually done something and become a champion many times over.”

“I mean any place where Amy Santino is still relevent is just an easy button…”

“But this match Ariana, it’s for a chance at a title that is being held by someone who would end you one on one. I mean there’s no shame in it, Roxi is a rare breed, a woman in wrestling that even I have toi respect and applaud. But you wouldn’t have a chance against her Ariana. You can’t beat Roxi and you wouldn’t have beaten Masque. So I need to do you a favor, you as a young wrestler are trying everything you can to build your brand. I’m going to save you, save you from making a mistake, save you from fluking your way through this Battle royal and being embarrassed by Roxi Johnson.”

“You’re welcome”

Kayla turns and sits down, crossing her legs one over the other and letting out an exasperated sigh.

”And speaking of saving people. I want to save the fans from having to see Roxi versus Keira match number 700. I mean really, does anyone want to see that? Anyone? Ever? Cause I sure as shit don’t. We don’t need to see the struggle between you to keep going Keira. Especially since we already know who’s won, and it sure as shit ain’t you. Roxi has has world title matches and runs that matter, she has been the best in this company for a long time along with Amber Ryan. Those two put on matches that made me remember why I love wrestling. And we don’t need you to somehow get another title shot and another match against your wife.”

“And we don’t need her gifting the title to you since she had bigger things to worry about. Namely the SCW bom bshells title.”

“You know, that title you’ve been able to hold but then make it look worse?”

“That one?”

“Yeah we all remember Keira. We all remember that you’re a former world champion, we all remember that you have gone to war with the best of them and we all remember your feud with Roxi and we all remember you have an alter ego named Synn and…oh god I needa double shot latte before I fucking fall asleep. We’ve seen it Keira. It’s like a bad re-run of the simpsons. We’ve all seen them and just because it might be new to someone who has never paid attention before or someone who is new to wrestling doesn’t mean we need to see it again. What this company needs is a new look…a new star..a new name to have up on the marquee…”

“With all these fairweather nobodies leaving we don’t need a retread here, and thats what we would get with you. So, it’s time for me to step up, to earn a shot at the internet title and bring it home…to make it matter….to be the best…”

4. Lost
What you do to me…

Maybe a monster isn’t exactly the right word to use when talking about myself as a young woman. A pre teen lost in the industrial hell I was raised in. Norwich is a shitty little lower middle class hole. A “workmans city”. It’s a nice way of saying it’s a run down collection of brick and mortar houses packed together really close. There’s the standard level of crime and stupidity. And kids, well we usually get left up to our own devices since our parents worked. 

I remember walking the streets with my friends. I remember being out after dark and doing what I wanted. By the time I was 11 no one really cared. Except Amber. As she grew into a teenager she became more of an overbearing mother. Which seemed to work since our mother…

Well….

Our mother started drinking. Drinking to deal with knowing she married an alcoholic violent prick. Jackson, our older brother had taken off, the day of his sixteenth birthday he was gone. And Tasmin?. Well at 5 years old she was the little angel. And I had taken to doing what Amber had done for me all those years ago. When I knew the old man was drunk and raging….I I would take the bullet. But I was determined, I was sure that he was not going to hit her..

Amber and I were ruined. We were broken. We were damaged goods. She had never been able to connect with any boys and have a normal relationship. She would go for older boys, ones that were rough and violent. Often deliberately pissing them off and then when they didn’t hit her she’d laugh and walk away. I guess it was her way of dealing with it all. I suppose we should of seen it all coming right?

She became overly promiscuous as she got older into her teens. I had a different effect. At first. See I wasn’t the monster I am now. There was still some humanity left in me when I was 11. I was still fragile. I understood at that age what was happening to me. That it shouldn’t be what ruled my life and it just should not be happening. But I had no idea how to stop it or what I could do. I told no one.

Amber knew at that point, she knew it was happening but also knew she could do nothing about it. So I suffered alone. Never opening my heart or my memories. And maybe if I had then things may have been different. Maybe if I had then he wouldn’t have done what he did and I wouldn’t have felt that blast piece of humanity slip through my fingers like the finest sand on the beach. 

But it is too late for that now. Once it’s lost it’s not something you can easily replace or regather. And losing that last little piece of faith. That’s what broke me.

Please heal me, feel me, kill me, it's not easy
Never run from who you are, there's no one that can run that far
Better stick around and hold your ground
Under my bleeding heart

Norwich England
15 Years Ago
Just a kiss…

It was just a regular afternoon. The sun had gone down, it was a strange orange glow going through the Autumn sky. Most of my friends had gone home. Back to what they thought were tough lives and parents who didn’t “get” or understand them. It made me sick, listening to their complaints. Hearing them whine and cry because their parents couldn’t afford to buy them this or that. Listening to them moan on and on about how cruel they were just because they wanted them to contribute to the household.

If they only knew what real pain was, what real terror was. How it felt to do everything right but then get humiliation and pain as a reward. No one knew. I didn’t tell them, I didn’t let them in. I smiled and gave them all nods of understanding. A hug here and there. A show of support. But now here I was, avoiding home, sitting in a park with one of my best male friends Tommy. He was a great guy, a good friend. He never complained about his life but I knew why. I saw the bruises 

His father used to beat him, hard. He once disappeared for a week and when we next saw him he was wearing long sleeved shirts in the middle of summer. He rolled his sleeve up once, and his entire arm was a dark blue.He was sitting there next to me on a swing, his wavey brown hair dangling down over his brown eyes. A small smile on his lips whenever he looked over at me. He knew something was up with me. He knew that like him I found our friends' complaints to be comical. He knew I, like him, felt real pain.

He was my friend, a person that I used to laugh with, talk with. When Tommy and I were alone we could be happy and ourselves. But there was still that wall. One neither of us were ready to try and get over and tell the other what we really went through. The sun had almost completely gone, the warm orange glow fading into a blue and black. I sighed heavily and Tommy knew I didn’t want to go. His hand reached over to mine with a squeeze as if he was telling me it would all be alright. 

I closed my eyes, I took a deep breath and I got to my feet.

As I want to walk away though Tommy kept hold of my hand. He pulled me back with a smile and into a hug. I held on to him tight. I didn’t want to leave and go back home. To him, to what I knew he wanted. After a few moments I swallowed hard and pulled away but then I felt it. Tommy’s lips met mine. He kissed me. My body shook and as I pulled away I shook my head. Why?. Why did he do that?

[color=violet}“Why did you do that Tommy?”[/color]

My voice was high and broke as I fought back tears. He went to apologise. He went to hug me again, I pushed him away and ran. I ran hard and fast. Looking back now I could of handled it better. I could of understood. But I was 11, the fuck did I know?. The only interaction I had like that always led to things I didn’t want. But that took the last little piece of heart I had left…

My heart lies bleeding in your hands
Time stops and turns around again
It doesn't matter what you say
It's what you do to me

Present Day.
New York, New York

The drive back was awkward.

To say the least. Trees, the sidewalk, houses and apartment complexes all whizzed by. But there was silence between them. Finns left hand was wrapped around the steering wheel, his right down onto the gear stick coming to a rest as he let out a small huff of annoyance and frustration. He hated driving automatic transmission cars and hated column shift even more. It was stick shift all the way, meanwhile, Kayla sat next to him, her black boots kicked off on the floor, one of her legs up and sitting on the dash as she looked outside.

She was ignoring him, and he was doing the same. The tension in the car was so thick you could cut it with a knife. Finn ground his teeth together, his perfect jawline moving as his eyes darted sideways to Kayla. Her arms folded over her chest, a leather jacket covering them, black tight jeans with pre cuts over her legs. She grumbled under her breath, Finn finally broke the silence.

[color= don’t know why you’re acting like this…”[/color] That was what he was going to say? Kayla turned her head, clicking her tongue and tilting her head, staring at her friend and, somehow, roommate. She shook her head and looked back out the window returning to silence as Finn rolled his eyes and groaned. ”Seriously Kay, it was nothing, she was just being nice.”

Kaylas nostrils flared, her arms tensed around her body even more as she slowly turned back to him again with a disgusted and apathetic look on her face. Kayla cleared her throat and finally spoke. ”Being nice? She was flirting with you.” Finn stayed silent and raised his eyebrows. He knew it, that Kayla was right. The woman at the restaurant was definitely flirting with him. But Finn gave her zero thought, and didn’t reciprocate. ”The way she touched your arm, the way she looked at you…and the fucking voice?” Finn looked over, Kayla sat up and put on her best soft spoken southern american accent. ”Oh my god I love your tattoos, what do they mean? And I love your hair, don’t worry hun I’ll get that right away teehee” She sneered and shook her head.

Finn on the other hand tried not to laugh as he shook his head. He was sick of this, and he knew just what to say to piss her off. ”I don’t even know why it matters Kay…we’re not together…”

And there it was, Kaylas mouth was open, thinking about what to say she shook her head looking over at him. ”Yes Finn, you have made that abundantly fucking clear”

He wanted to make her angry, he wanted to piss her off and get under her skin. But there was a look in her eye, it wasn’t anger, it wasn’t frustration. It was pain. What he said hurt her. He didn’t like this feeling, he didn’t like how she looked at him. He felt guilty, guilty that he would say something just to piss her off but hurt her instead. ”Kay I…” His voice faded away as he shook his head. He was sick of this song and dance, sick of this back and forth. ”I just don;t know what your game is…”

”My game?”

Her voice was sharp and pointed, she was clearly angry now, mission accomplished Finn. ”I can’t figure it out…in the beginning, you needed to get away from Billy, I get it. But now? You’re making enough to have your own place….but you’re always there..”

There was silence between them again. Kayla just shook her head and looked away. She had no idea what to say or what to do. Finn sighed heavily and shook h9is head, staying in silence on the way home.

Spin the wheel

”Bea, Ariana, Levana. The three names that have fallen to me since I signed my SCW contract.”

Her British accent makes everything sound more regal than it is. Her long hair tied back as she lets out a deep sigh and shakes her head.

”Since I walked in here I have flown under the radar. I came in, I destroyed Bea and then from that moment I have simply existed. Right up until I got into this match at Summer Xxxtreme. But you all have to ask yourselves, just how long will I be content with flying under that radar? How long will I be sitting back and waiting for the moment to strike and make you realise what you have to overcome? The truth is that I am the scariest woman in this company. You can keep your giants like Tempest and Lukas. You can keep your faded legends like Vargas and Crystal.”

“You can even keep your current day beasts like Roxi, Masque and Amber Ryan, whenever the fuck she wakes up.”

“You all sit back and shake, scared of what Masque might do, yet here I am hiding in plain sight. Ready to destroy everyone who comes across my path. The three who crossed me have never been the same, I scared Levana to the point where she has said and done nothing since. And now, I go into my first Supercard and my first title opportunity in SCW. But, it’s far from the first title I have competed for, far from the first big stage I have been ready to step onto.”

“I have won world titles, I have beaten world champions, I have been one of the best professional wrestlers on this planet for a very very long time yet I seem to be forgotten about and pushed aside. I seem to be a curiosity in this world. And why? Because I’m not fan friendly? Because I don’t shake hands, kiss babies and kiss everyone elses ass? I don’t talk up my opponents and give them a little ego fluff? Is that why?”

“Pathetic..”

“It is pathetic. I look at this entire company and the bombshells division and I see nothing but a group of entitled weaklings hell bent on being the lowest common denominator cookie cutter wannabes in the world. And that goes for all of my opponents in this farce of a “match”. And I use that term very very loosely…”

She steps forward, her arms over her chest as she grumbles and her eyes narrow.

”Four women, a pool and a ruleset that includes getting eliminated if you fall in the pool and ropes you have to climb and shimmy across. It sounds like the start of a girls gone wild video. This kind of match isn’t why I became a wrestler, it’s not what I enjoy doing. I enjoy hitting women so hard that their insides shake, I enjoy feeling joints snap. mI enjoy seeing the lock in another human beings eyes when they know I’m simply better than them. I have spent a career doing things to other peoples bodies that in any other way of life would have landed me in jail.”

“And this time, I have to climb ropes and avoid landing in a pool. What the fuck has become of my life? And this sport? But then again, what do I get if I swallow my pride and compete in this joke of a match? A title. A championship. One of the most uniquely volatile titles in, not just this company but wrestling in general. A title that means every single time you defend it, it’s in a different match. From the ultra violent to the obscure and unique. It’s…intriguing.”

“And I am all about collecting championships.”

“And limbs.”

“I destroyed Dean Matthews knee, I broke the “Unbreakable” Stacy Jones, I beat Jason Long, I have done so much in the last few years after so many people thought my career was done at the tender age of twenty three. I went from a child to a mature adult in this business. I have grown and become ruthless in my dealings backstage and in front of the camera. And when those bright lights are on and the crowd is hot there is no one in this business who is as good as me, no one is as hot as Kayla fucking Richards.”

“And I don’t mean that as some kind of bragging when it comes to my looks. I mean I am a fucking main evenjt star in waiting and if I have to shimmy my hot lil ass across some ropes and snatch a title to get to the main event and prove my worth then so fucking be it…”

She throws her hands in the air, spitting her words like venom before sliding her hands through her long black hair and pulling it back behing her ears to flash her green emerald eyes.

”And the three women I have to beat to get that championship should be worried. From the trainee, Melissa, to the veteran Mercedes and the champion herself Kat Jones. Tell me Melissa, how is that training under your big dumb fiance going? Has he finally come to the realisation he can’t hang in SCW with the new breed so he has instead decided to dedicate all his time and effort into training his bitch to compete for him? To live vicariously through you since he’s simply not good enough to be the champion he seems himself as?”

“Pathetic, mediocre.”

“But hey, whatever pays the bills right? Whatever helps his fragile ego and allows you to feel like something of a success. Success that your record shows you might someday be capable of. But sweetheart, when your entire identity is “Lady Goth” then maybe it’s time to go to sleep, wake up the next day and be born again as something and someone else. I mean shit, dye your hair black and slap a dick on you and it’s like watching a Goth promo but without the grace and charm.”

“So what are you going to do Goth girl? Hmm? You going to drag that fat ass up the ropes and show us all that you’re on the yellow brick road to greatness? Sorry Dorothy, but I’m gonna get you and your little dog too…”

She snickers and shakes her head.

”However, last time out it was entertaining watching Melissa make Mercedes tap. How did that feel Mercedes. Wait, let me guess, you have no recollection of that, or if you do we all have to sit through Mercedes excuse speech number 701 where she tells us all about how gret she was in her past and that everyone loses. And that’s true, I’ve lost matches in the past, I have lost vhampionships, contenders matches, and ones that hurt, alot. However you know the difference between us Mercedes? When I lose I sit back, I examine it, I study it and I make sure I do everything I can to acknowledge where I went wrong and come back better.”

“I don’t just shrug then go back to verbally flicking my own bean in public while being the record fact queen that still somehow gets all that shit wrong too.”

“But still, congratulations for making it into this match and earning yourself yet another championship shot. I greatly look forward to whatever boring ass promo you decide to put up to make people the least buit interested in this match or your upcoming roll in it as a place filler.”

“Don’t gorget to tell us how many supercards you’ve competed on or what kind of made up records you have in your head.”

“We all need something to clutch onto, and in your case it’s the past Mercedes. And me? I’m the future. I’m coming up on a decade in this business and I haven’t even hit thirty. I come from a family that has become enveloped in this business and I am the best of them all. And you? You’re a legend who just doesn’t know when to hang it up. You didn;’t hang it up in IWF, you didn’t hang it up in WWH or Honor, and instead you’re shuffling around SCW like an extra from the walking dead.”

“But I’m going to do you a favor Mercy…just call me Darylk Dixon, cause I’m going to make damn sure I go for the head.”

Kayla shrugs and laughs to herself again. Her lips curling up into an arrogant smirk.

”Speaking of WWH and the head, here we have the champion Kat C Jones. A woman who is a legend in so many other places other than SCW. I mentioned WWH and she was the world champion there, she was a big deal. From there to 4CW and guest spots all around the world Kat decided to grace SCW with her presence and in a short amount of time has gone right back to her winning ways becoming the SCW roulette champion.”

“You know Kat, I’d congratulate you on winning that title if you didn’t take it off one of the worst champions this company and that title has ever seen and I say that full well knowing Jessie Salco, Violet Holt and Candy have all held that thing within the last feww years.”

“But a name like yours could bring stability and respect to it. Much like others did for the m,ale version of that title Kat Jones could indeed become a name everyone things of when they think of the SCW roulette title, much like they do with Sam Marlowe or like they do with Amber Ryan and the bombshells title. You could do that Kat..”

“You have the past history, you have the chops to and you have the skills to.”

“However, you have so many other challenges to face. You have the stupidity of this match, the farcical nature of the rules, you have Melissa who is chomping at the bit to prove she is more than just Goth’s cum receptical, you have Vargas who is clinging on to any last vestiges of relevance she can get her hands on as she clings on to her spot life a child does with a candy. And you have me. The greatest threat to your title reign in this match. Cause unlike the other two, I’m actually smart. I know who you are, I know your weaknesses, I knw your injuries and your past.”

“I know the mental game with you Kat.”

“I know that I can’t sit here and spew childish insults, because they won’t matter to you. I can sit here and bring up your history with everyone from Chris Madison to Cyrus Riddle and you’ll just shrug and move on, I can point out that you were one of the reasons WWH was laughed at and ridiculed by the professional wrestling world and you simply won’t give a rats ass, hell I can popint ouit that you have spent the last few years ducking legit competition and the nonly reason you have that title is because you got lucky with the champion at the time. And all you’ll do is smile and look for a nice soft spot to hit on my face that will cause the most damage…”

“I know that about you Kat…and I know the only way I can beat you, is by making sure I break you before you have a chance to break me….so at Summer Xxxtreme on that disease infested cruise liner…I am going to break you…and I am going to take home the SCW roulette title…”

2.Naive
The one who laughs last….

When i last left you people I had revealed the first time I knew something was wrong. The first vivid memory I had of a realization that my father was not a good man. I was 5 turning 6. I was just a child and while I had other memories before that they were happy ones. Looked through the eyes of a child who had not yet lost her innocence. Rose tinted glasses as it were. At that age you can’t fully comprehend the things in front of you. And as I continue my story I want to make one thing perfectly clear to every single one of you.

I am not looking for pity.

I am not looking to have my sins absolved because of the trials I have been through and the atrocities I was forced to endure. See I am not a product of my past. I am not a fragile little snowflake that was hurt and melted down till there was nothing left. No I am not a fucking victim. So if that is what you’re looking for, if you think this is a sob story told by someone who deep down just wants to be loved and accepted you can stop following me right now, turn your ass around and fuck right off.

As I continue this it’s to just give a glimpse of who I am. It’s too show why I am so strong and why I’m too be feared. I’m not like everyone else.Hell I explained it once before. You look at what my sister was. She felt very little. She was an unfeeling destroyer who was simple in her own creation, who was a beautiful artist. I called her the savant of violence. Me?. I absolutely feel everything. I feel sadness, happiness, pain, sorrow, guilt. I know the difference between right and wrong.

I just don’t give a shit….

My sister grew up to hate her past, to blame every single little thing on our father. She blamed the abuse on him and blamed everything that came after. Even today as she sits happy and pregnant with her new husband Amber has said many times she’s lucky to have broken what she calls “the cycle”. Remember when I told you she walked a different forked path from me?. That is what I meant. She walked a righteous path where all her mistakes weren’t her own. She never took possession of them. 

You see while Amber had the talent and ability to be a brutal badass bitch she never had the drive or lack of morality. She could break someone’s skull open but she never enjoyed it. That is where she and I differ. That is why I’m perfect for Finn Whelan. . I don’t blame anyone for my mistakes. I blame myself. I own them, I admit to them. I admit to a lack of understanding when I was younger….before I knew what he did...and I remember the day I first misunderstood and made the worst mistake…

“This is a battleground
I'm caught in the crossfire
My words are weaponry
And I'm waiting patiently
You win the battle now
But I will return the fire
Cause I'd crawl on broken glass
To be the one who laughs last”

Norwich England
19 Years Ago

Mother wasn’t home. She had gone out with Jackson and taken Tasmin with her. Amber and I were left in the house alone with him. I sat on the floor of our bedroom playing as Amber now 9 years old paced back and forth across the rug. I rolled my eyes and made noises as I played. Amber looked down at me catching my annoyance but she didn’t seem to care. I had no idea why she was so nervous. The events from that cold winter's night last year had all but faded from my memory. Part of me believed it was a bad dream and that it never really happened.

Ambers actions made me re-think it and I didn’t like that. I just wanted to forget it all. I wanted to forget our father in our room touching her, her hands gripping the sheets, our mother arguing with him, Jackson being hit, our mother being hit. Amber forcing me back into bed when I had a bad feeling that something was going on. All that stayed in my head because she wouldn’t let me forget. I just wanted her to sit down….

She paced again and looked towards the door swallowing hard as she heard his footsteps. A door closed, a few minutes later we heard the sound of the toilet flush, the tap turn on and his footsteps disappear back down the hall. I didn’t care I was in my own little world but Amber?. She seemed relieved. She finally sat down next to me indian style, crossing her legs over as she stayed with one eye on the door and the other on our game. We played happily. The clock ticking down as Amber kept looking towards it.

We laughed, we had fun and then it happened. The footsteps came towards the door. Amber turned her head, the doll in her hand shaking along as her body did. The door opened and our father stood there, his arms crossed over his chest. His deep brown eyes darting back and forth between Amber and myself. He hummed and put his finger to his lips before stepping forward, his hand reached out and came to rest on my head. He lightly stroked my hair and I smiled. Amber turned pale as her eyes darted back and forth between us. Our father whispered in my ear lightly.

He was going out, he said.He would be home later. Wanted us to behave, be good, be respectful.. I was naive, he never paid much attention to me. It was always Amber. Always perfect little Amber. 

She knew what it meant when he was going out. The mood in the house changed. Amber wouldn’t play with me anymore. We had to stay in our rooms, pretend we were asleep. I questioned it, wondered why Amber was so angry and sad with our father leaving. Why he would be different when he came back? I didn’t understand. I didn’t know why he was so loud, why Amber would sit up in her bed, hug her legs and cry. Our mother came home, smiled at our father as he moved passed her. The second the door closed, the second he was gone, she swallowed hard and looked defeated and fearful.

I look back now and wonder how and why I was so naive and how I couldn’t have seen what he did back then. The reason why Jackson ran away, why Amber was so protective and frightened.

The truth is harsh, the truth is painful…

But it is my truth.

Going to the Greek.

”Yes I am still employed.”

Was that sarcasm? It sounded like sarcasm. Kayla Richards, arms folded over her chest, a sneer on her face as her lip turns upwards. She seems angry, what else is new?

”I know. A shiver just went up the spine of so many of you didn’t it? See, I called my shot, I beat the hell out of Bea Barnhart, and I was up and ready to go, ready to take over SCW and the bombshells division. Then. Nothing. I didn’t get booked, no phone calls, no contracts. Nothing. I got signed and was treated like a shiny new toy for one week and then promptly forgotten. Me, Kayla fucking Richards. Treated like a nobody…”

“Do any of you understand how angry that made me? How furious I was? And then to sit there and watch Bea and her moronic husband scheme, plot and bullshit their way through a possinle title opportunity at Finn, I couldn’t just sit back anymore. And I get it, I’m not the most popular person in any lockeroom, most people hate me. Most people want me gone. But Finn isn’t one of them, and I wasn’t going to let Bill and his wife steal the Roulette title from him. So yeah I stepped in, yeah I got in the ring and blasted Bea with a knee to the face. And while I can sit here and say I did it just for Finn…well..”

“That is a little white lie.”

“I do care about Finn Whelan, and I do HATE Bill and Bea Barnhart. But, part of the reason I got involved was to remind everyone, the lockeroom, the fans, the office…EVERYONE that I was still here. That Kayla goddamn Richards is still a part of this company. And where does that leave you all hmm? Well I am still starting from the bottom and working my way up, and the evidence of that is all over my match this week. And boy do I have alot to prove and alot of damage to inflict…”

She pauses, stepping forward and unfolding her hands before stepping to the side, her hand moving up and across the room showing the beautiful apartment that does indeed belong to Finn Whelan. An apartment that, for lck of a better word, Kayla has been squatting in.

”I look around this division and so many have made the excuses about me being forgotten, saying that I have yet to make an impact, that Bea Barnhart is noone to care about, that my accomplishments have bot been respected by SCW and of course, the biggest reason they have given…the SCW Bombshells roster is so “stacked” with talent”

“Stacked…”

“Really?”

“That’s cute…”

“You all want to sit there and blow each other in a giant circle jerk and give off that karen book club coupon clipping party vibe, then go right ahead. But that isn’t the kind of person I am. Saying this division is stacked with talent is a blatant lie. This division is stacked with has beens and people living off their own faded glories. And the biggest threat in the division, that isn’t me, is a dominant former champion who would rather play at being a queen…”

“We have a pretentious gimp  in a mask as the internet champion, an aging legend as the Roulette champion who only has that title because Diamond Steele and Keira Fisher played hot potato. Mixed tag titles that are, for all purposes, dead in the water. And then a Bombshells champion who seems to have the contra code for infinite opportunities tattooed somewhere that only her wife…and Mark Ward…get to see…”

“And who else do we have? Has been old hag Vargas? Who can’t be bothered to turn up to work? What about Tempest? The giant woman who gets deeper in her feels than the “chunky” emo bitch that quit? Oh but what about Mikah and Alicia Lukas? The bad asses who held the Bombshells title for years combined? Both of them living in the past and acting like they’re still relevant instead of a paif of bottle blonde airheads stomping their feet like children…”

Her voice deepens, her accent gets stronger and her hands slide into the front pockets of her tight black jeans.

”But me? I have been at the top of my game for a while now and I decided to grace SCW with my presence only to be shuffled aside, while all these undeserving morons take my spot. And I was fine with starting from the bottom, I was fine with carving a path to the “best” this division has to offer while destroying the lower names that SCW has sitting around. But to not be used? That was insulting. So that “clerical error” bullshit can get ready to be stuffed right down my opponents throat.”

“And atleast SCW gave me someone on the…lower end..of the totem pole. An opponent I can go out there and beat the shit out of just so I can remind everyone how good I am, how much of a glorious artist of violence I have always been. And in stepping into the ring and destroying the little Greek bitch I will make damn sure that It isn’t another month before SCW fans get to see me in the ring. And that, really isn’t the best news for Ariana Angelos.”

“See Ari, I can call you Ari right? Not because I want there to be some kind of false familiarity or friendship between us, I just can’t be bothered to say an extra syllable when addressing you. So Ari, how does it feel knowing you’ll be stepping in the ring with me? How does it feel knowing that you’re going to be facing the most hated woman in the company. Or, rather, the soon to be most hated.”

“You’ve started making a name for yourself haven’t you? A few wins, a few big matches and actually getting to appear o0n a supercard. Wow, amazing, impressive. Congratulations. It’s just a shame that the only time you’ve been tested was also your biggest failure. But, while you can learn alot about an opponent from their losses you learn more from their wins.

Kayla scoffs and shakes her head, her long black hair flowing down framing her face and allowing her emerald green eyes to shine.

”And with names Like Chloe Benton, Kaiju Rainbow and Char Kwan? Well, doesn’t that just send my heart running and my fight or flight response spinning?. Chloe Benton, the rookie who constantly makes herself look like a moron. The woman who can’t wrestle a way out of a paper bag. Great win there. What about Kaiju? Actually..what [about[/b] Kaiju? Has anyone seen her? Is she still employed? Or is it another clerical error?...”

“But hey then there was the win over Char Kwan. Damn Ari, that was impressive, beating one of the most delusional bitches in this company, someone who likes to count her name and her history up there with the greats while being one of the biggest jokes. That win right there was the cherry ontop of the shit cake…beautiful…”

Kayla places her fingers on her lips doing a “chefs kiss” before shaking her head and rolling her eyes.

”Your loss, it was expected, you can’t face real challenges. Your wins? Unimpressive. And the fact is you have this entire persona, an entire vision of yourself built around one thing. Heritage. In fact when SCW announced they nwere going on a Greek tour, or “Odyssey” you were so excited, because you thought it gave you the inside scoop on all of this, to make your name matter, all because we happened to be in the part of the world your family hailed from. But here’s the problem Ari, when you craft an entire persona around a culture that is long dead and buried…you look like an idiot…”

“Leonidas is dead, Themistokles is dead, Herakles is a name in a story book, Alexander the greats empire is now a separated state of modernized countries.”

“Greece is now a rotting shithole obsessed with the past and an economy that fell in the toilet.”

“And that is all you can focus on. Hell before you faced Char you mentioned how you wanted to do an “epic promo” from a gladiatorial arena…I have no ideas why since Gladiators were a roman thingl, not a greek thing, but sure we’ll go with that as an example of how unbelievably boring, bland and annoying you are. And you think you're the future of the division? Ari…are you high?...future? Of the company or division? Ari…honey…you don't have a future in this company that isn’t followed up by the word “endeavored”...”

“You are going to be my second victim, and when I’m done with you, I’ll make damn sure there is no “clerical error” when you get your release papers…”

Last Resort

I was never an unhappy child. In fact quite the opposite. I smiled, I laughed. I played with my brothers, my neighbors, my friends at school. I was social, outgoing. Many would say I was an extrovert.

You know it’s funny, they say a leopard can’t change their spots of a zebra can’t change their stripes, implying that humans can’t change. They will always be the same. But then in the same breath those same people will chastise you for changing. The common phrasing of not understanding a changed point of view.

The world will find a reason to hate you. Either because you refuse to change or because you have changed. In the end someone, somewhere will take issue with it. Someone who has known you for years or minutes. They will make a judgment and they will follow through.

So what do we do?

What do we say?

Looking to the past doesn’t work. Looking to the future is speculatory and will never yield any truth as it is all a lie. A lie of hope, or in looking into the past a lie of convenience.

I allowed myself to be lied to once. I turned a blind eye to the problems of the world and I told myself that I was not part of the problem., That despite what I did I was a force for good. I had a right and privilege to stand above others who I looked at as scum of the earth.

But my secret? My shame? Is that deep down I knew I was no better than any of them. I had a family that I smiled and laughed with, I had a boyfriend I said I loved despite his faults and I turned a blind eye to the truth. That I was allowing them to use me for their own gains and own reasons. I was a part of the problem and in some ways I was the catalyst.

Leaving was not my idea. In fact I didn’t want to. But I needed a new start. I needed a fresh outlook and I found it.

This was my last resort.

Apologies.

Kallie was right.

It’s all Johanna could think to herself as she sat on one of the benches at Wolfslair. For the most part the moments and transgressions of last week had been forgotten and shunted aside. Largely overlooked due to Alexs’ influence and words to everyone else. Even Alicia herself had shrugged it off and made an effort to dissuade everyone’s fear. But, it was still there. The doubt and trepidation, a small look from the side here, a whisper there. Johanna had always been somewhat feared by those in Wolfslair, but this was different. It was constant.

The trust was gone. And broken.

Johanna closed her eyes, she breathed deep, in and out. Slowly but surely she was feeling better about herself and the situation. But she knew she still had something to do. Her hands found one another, her fingers interlacing as she opened her eyes and looked across the gym floor. Alicia was there, moving toward her. Wearing sunglasses, inside, her hands out as she felt for a way over to Johanna. Stepping slowly, bumping into members of wolfslair and ap;ologising. Johanna shook her head as she grabbed Austins shoulders and moved around him to find the end of the mats.

She stepped onto the concrete and closer to Johanna, her hands out as she bent down to touch the bench and turn to plant herself down on it. Alicia let out a deep breath and clung to the seat as if holding on for dear life. Johanna sighed and shook her head, a small smirk coming across her lips as she turned to Alicia. ”Are you done with the whole blind bit yet?” Alicia’s eyebrow narrowed under the glasses as she huffed and put her hand on her hips.

She feined offense and grumbled before looking directly at Alicia from behind the glasses. ”Excuse me, I have no idea what you mean, I am handicapped right now and I will thank you not to make fun.” Johanna slowly shook her head, she knew what Alicia was trying to doi. She was trying to break the ice and change the mood. To remind Johanna of the family nature of the gym.And even though Johannas guard lowered a little, she was still reminded of what happened.

She looked down and leaned forward, putting her elbows on her things as she sighed heavily ”I’m sorry Alicia…”

Alicia smirked and shook her head taking off the sunglasses. ”It’s cool I was just committing to the bit.”

Johanna shook her head and looked back at Alicia with a grin. ”Not for that, for knocking you out” She sighed again, as if holding in each breath and forcing herself to release it. There were a few more awkward moments that flew by, it would have been seconds but felt like an eternity. ”I didn’t mean it..”

”Yes you did.” Alicia scoffed and pushes up to herself moving around in front of Johanna, folding her arms over her chest. Johanna looked up and went to protest, instead Alicia put her hands up and shook her head. ”You meant to do it and it’s fine. You were angry, frustrated and in a weird mindset. It happens when fighting for a world championship…believe me. I know. I understand.” She paused again turning to look at everyone else in the gym. ”One of the few that do.”

She trailed off. Johanna swallowed hard. She was right, not everyone knew what it was like to fight for a world title. To have to get into that kind of competitive mindset. A mindset to not just win the match but to go to length that would break most humans. To be on that kind of edge. ” It doesn’t matter anyway. I failed.”

Johannes voice ended up being a whisper. All the confidence left her body and she closed her eyes. Alicia shook her head. ”Why do we fall?” Johanna looked up. Alicia smiled. ”To get back up again…”

Johanna stood up and moved next to Alicia as they both turned to look at the rest of the gym. Everyone was half watching them, half continuing with their workouts. Even Alex was looking over at them. To make sure there was no brawl about to happen. ”Thank you…” Alicia smiled wide, she gave Johanna a nod as they both just looked out again at everyone. Johanna cleared her throat and leaned over. ”Did you…take that from The dark knight?” Alicia smiled again and gave Johanna a nod.

”Hey..some of us…just want to watch the world burn…”

An old foe

]color=yellow]”Are we defined by our wins…or losses?””[/color]

Johannas bright blue eyes burned as she looked forward with a steely determined look. An answer to her question would never come from any other source but herself. She shook her head and laughed under her breath.

”A believe, it’s a mixture of both. See, some wins, they just don’t matter. Against opponents that don’t have anything more to offer than a filler match to remind everyone what you’re capable of. And some losses, well, sometimes you just don’t care enough to acknowledge them or to learn from them. That’s what most do. Most people look at a loss and simply flitter it away like a passing afterthought. Crystal Zdunich, Jessie Salco, Mercedes Vargas. They can eat loss after loss after loss and the week after come out in front of all of you and simply hide it. If you don’t talk about something or care about it then it losses its power.”

“However, that’s the problem. See, if you take somethings power away you make it not matter. You make it so that any lessons you could learn from it are wasted and growth is stunted. I lost to Amber Ryan. The biggest match of my career, for the biggest prize in the goddamn professional wrestling world and I watched as it slipped through my fingers. Now, I can take so many lessons from that match. I can look at what I did wrong and what I did right. And that gives it power. Denying that is something that can destroy you and your potential.”

“So what are the positives hmmm? What did I do that showed the world who Johanna Krieger is? Well, I matched Amber Ryan verbally and physically. See, so many wondered why I was getting the title opportunity. Some assumed because Amber had beaten all the top contenders and while it is most certainly true that she has show herself to be the best of the best…I am not simply a fill in…”

“I am a two time Roulette champion, a former mixed tag team champion and someone who has beaten some of the biggest names in SCW. I got in that ring and I took the best of the best to her goddamn limits. I made Amber think, for a split second, that she could LOSE the title. Imagine that. For one moment. A woman who has run her way through the Bombshells roster like a hot knife through butter, she came face to face with her own mortality and I put the fear of fuck9ing god into her….”

Johanna goals the last few words, pacing back and forth like a caged animal as she feels the confidence that has given her so many high profile wins surge through her body. A small smirk crossing her black painted lips as she stares ahead.

”But, what are the negatives? You know, those things that so many of you try and shuffle under the rug? Well, I lost for one. I had an opportunity that rarely comes around and despite my best efforts, Amber Ryan is the one who walked out of that match as the champion. I gave her my best and my best was simply not good enough. This time. Do you know how it feels? Giving your absolute best and then knowing it simply did not master? It would break a lesser woman. I suppose I can understand the compulsion from some of you to simply…forget…”

“To ignore, to move on. But I won’t. And I’ll use it as fuel. I will use it to drive me forward and that is very very bad news for my opponent. Seleana Zdunich. She and I could not be more opposite. I am driven by a love for professional wrestling. And she is known for being someone who is constantly preoccupied with her own personal life and it’s drama. Yet somehow, Seleana succeeds despite herself. See, on the same night that I had my greatest failure, Seleana had her greatest success in months…months…”

“A woman who has been just existing on this company. Drifting along without much of an impact.”

“Amber Ryan could have looked at Seleana, realized she was a former world champion and could have defended the title against Seleana but she didn't. She chose me. And Seleana instead got put in a triple threat match where the winner would get a future Internet title match against Andre Hernandez. Congratulations Seleana, you will be the next victim for her. And what's worse is before you even get there, before you even get to step in the ring with Andrea, you have to face me. You have to face someone who has a chip on her shoulder…”

Johanna can’t help but laugh as she shakes her head and continues.

”You need to build momentum. Build a future to try and make sure Andrea takes you seriously and against me, that won’t get you very far. Hell Seleana it won’t even get you very far with thinking that your win over Weston and Barnhart mattered. See, you were the least shit out of a shit sandwich. Dani Weston hasn’t been relevant in years, she comes, she goes, she losses, she doesn’t care and she acts like people will applaud her. And Bae Barnhart? Well, her husband seems to be holding the luck right now cause she’s got none and she doesn’t have the talent to get anywhere else. So congratulations Seleana, you found success without actually finding success, it’s an incredible talent you have.”

“But what will you do Seleana? Crow about your win? Ignore everything else that has happened in the last year? Spout off some happy go lucky bullshit to try and make those people care about you and appreciate you? Cause they don’t. They don't because you try and be a hero to them, you try and be a hero for your wife who gives zero shits about you and your family that you keep letting down.”

“This is a jungle Seleana. A jungle full of fucking predators and you and nothing but prey. And week in and week out you do your best and try your hardest, but while my hardest gets me toi the top and into wars with the top of the company your best gets you…wins over the dregs of SCW…”

“And you think this means you can get in the ring with someone like me?”

“I show respect to people who earn it. I showed respect to Amber Ryan because she has decimated the entire landscape here. But you? I don’t respect you. I’m not going to sit here and hand you a fucking participation trophy while you churn out the same boring bullshit in and out of the ring that you always do while I have pushed myself to be the most dangerous human being in this company. I am not going to respect a woman who refuses to grow and learn and sticks her head in the sand to ignore her own failures.”

“Now…at Climax Control, I will halt your momentum and I will send a message. Johanna Krieger, the Agent of fucking mayhem is not done. I will not go quietly into the night and I will not simply be happy with my “place” as others are…I will climb back to the top and I will do it on your broken body…”