So I guess at this point people want an explanation as to what’s been going on with my career. Everywhere I try to turn it seems like I am getting outclassed and outwrestled in every single match and there aren’t any signs of improvement. I know there are some who feel like I owe them an apology but truth be told there are no words that can explain what I have been going through. I simply try to go to the ring and do what I am supposed to do, and that being wrestled.
Lately however my focus has been severely off. I can’t even buy a fucking match and I feel as if I am a letdown to everyone that I come in contact with. Whether it’s my band mate and friend Kenzi Grey, my band Guilty Pleasure, or even those in the Metal & Punk Connection. It’s a case of the same old, same old, and I try so hard expecting a different result but in the end it’s insanity in its purest form.
If you really want the truth I have a lot of shit going on in my personal life. In my life away from the confines of the camera that’s where the fucked up part to my situation is really getting to me. I know there are some who love living their fairy tale lives. They are living the dream they have their spouse they have their children and have the happiness that they desire, but when it comes to me I have all of those things and yet I still feel like there’s a void that needs to be filled.
Lately I find myself falling out of love with my husband. Do I care for him?! Of course I do but to say that I am in love with him seems far out of reach. I have done so much to him put him through so much shit and yet he just sits there and takes it.
For what purpose exactly?! I honestly don’t know but he does and no matter what sin I may have committed he is right there to work through it all. To perhaps hope that there will be a brighter day in the morning and that we could overcome it together but the way I have been feeling lately, that really seems so far out of reach.
I am tired of hurting everyone I come in contact with. I am sorry of trying to live up to some standard that people expect me to be. It just seems as if I am getting tugged in every single direction and I keep up with my chameleon ways in hopes of changing with the times and becoming the person that everyone expects me to be but deep down I am not being who I should be.
Am I the mother that Juliet needs?! I am nowhere close to that.
Am I the wife that Teddy needs? After the way I have cheated on him multiple times I doubt that as well.
So what am I exactly?! That is something that I can answer because it’s very simply when you think about it. I am Kate fucking Steele. I am the immature brat who believes everything should revolve around her. I am the spoiled brat who never learned how to grow and become mature. I am the psychotic Bitch who manipulates people into doing the things that she wants to do but in reality at the end of the day I am fully okay with that.
I am okay with it because that means that I am being true to myself and that’s something that I have never been. So might as well just be brutally honest about everything and showcasing to the world that life revolves around me and solely me.
You don’t like that?! Get in line take a fucking number it really doesn’t make a difference to me. As long as I can get out ahead at the end of the day why should anything else matter?!
Newsflash it didn’t and it never does. It’s all about me and solely about me so you better get used to that. So now the real question is where do we go from here. What is next on the agenda and to be honest it’s about making sure that everyone knows who exactly Kate Steele is. It may take a while. It may be a long grind but I will get where I need to get and I will stomp on everyone that might lie in my path. I am tired of bending myself to others whims.
So go on and bring it. Bring what you will Polly and Evie and I will be awaiting whatever you throw at me. See you two in the ring.
