[Andrew]

 JAMES IS RIGHTFULLY NUMBER ONE CONTENDER FOR THE INTERNET CHAMPIONSHIP

Narrator:  Oh my gawd! That Briefcase Ladder Match was one hell of a brutal match. And even though I’m a James Tuscini fan I have to admit when he won the match by obtaining the Briefcase hanging over the ring to retain his Number One Contendership for the Internet Championship I was shocked! Now James is required to have only one week’s rest before facing Ryan Keys for the Internet Championship at Climax Control 193 on Sunday, October 8, 2017.

PINKY AND THE BOOTS

We’ve all heard of the cartoon characters Pinky and the Brain. Today we focus on Pinky and the Boots. Instead of trying to explain that one to you we turn you over to James and Pinky who are visiting a Sheep ranch in Brisbane, Australia. Both James and Pinky are dressed in blue jeans, work boots, and a simple pullover shirt.

James:  Why did you bring me to this Sheep farm? What’s going on here? We’ve been in Brisbane for several days and I haven’t see you around the Brisbane Powerhouse and our dressing room except in the evenings. Now you drag me out to this Sheep farm? Damn it smell nasty out here. What’s that smell anyway?

Pinky:  Sheep eat and Sheep poop just as we humans do. It is the basic concept of “food in...food out” you should know that.

James:  Why did you bring me here?

Pinky:  Calm down James. You’ll find out shortly. Just have a seat in this chair and I’ll be back in a little bit to tell you what’s been going on.

James Tuscini takes a seat as Pinky del Ferrando walks away and disappears into one of the barns. The look on James’ face screams out that he wants to be anywhere else but here on this Sheep farm. After a short time Pinky del Ferrando reappears and this time he’s wearing wader boots and he’s leading a Sheep in a leash.



James is obviously dumbfounded on what’s going on with his Uncle Pinky. While James is calculating things Pinky begins to talk to the Sheep sort of in baby talk saying nice things to the Sheep.

Pinky: James this is Missy the Sheep. She’s very special. Missy this is my Nephew James.

Missy:  B-a-a-a-a-a!

Pinky:  Ahem! James? Aren’t you going to greet Missy?

James:  No! I will not greet a Sheep!

Pinky:  I’m sorry Missy that my Nephew is being anti-social butthead. Oh well. Aren’t you just the cutest Sheep? You really are a sweetie. I know sometimes you’re confused and you don’t understand what we’re doing so you just need to understand that we love you and that’s why we do so much nice things for you.

James nearly loses it when he sees Pinky kneels down, wrap his arms around the Sheep’s neck, and he gives the Sheep a kiss.

Pinky:  You know what? You’re so pretty and I love you very much and that’s why I do things for you. Now I have to get you behind these bushes so that I can get down to business.

As Pinky is leading the sheep into the bushes James loses his mind and he jumps up and confronts his Uncle and he demands to know what’s going on as he is starting to think his Uncle Pinky is sexually abusing the Sheep on the farm.

James:  Whoa! Stop right there Uncle! You better fess up and tell me what’s going on between you and this Sheep! Since we’ve arrived in Brisbane you’ve slipped away from me and spend all day here on the Sheep farm? Then you come home late at night. Now you’re sweet talking a Sheep while wearing wader boots?

Pinky:  Yeah? So? What’s the problem with that?

James:  The problem is that I’ve heard stories of situations like this. A man will have sex with a Sheep by placing the back legs of the Sheep into the wader boots so the Sheep can’t get away from him while he’s doing disgusting things to it. Please tell me it hasn’t come to this with you Uncle. Please!

Pinky del Ferrando starts laughing so hard that he falls to the ground. He finally regains control of himself and stops laughing.

James:  What the hell is so damn funny? My entire world is crashing down on me and you’re laughing? Why?

Pinky:  I’m laughing at you James because you’re a stupid person who hasn’t a clue what they’re talking about. When we came to Brisbane I looked up an old friend of mine who owns this Sheep farm. He told me since I might be bored hanging around our dressing room in the Brisbane Powerhouse that he would offer me a chance to work on his Sheep farm. That’s where I’ve been during the daytime and I have to make sure the Sheep are safe at night before I return to our dressing room. Why in hell didn’t you ask me?

James:  In all my lifetime you’ve never told me you had a friend in Australia who owns a Sheep farm. How would I know to ask about that when I never knew that information? But the wader boots? Sweet talking the Sheep? Kissing the Sheep? Hugging the Sheep? Then you’re leading them behind those bushes? How do you explain all of that?

Pinky:  My friend explained to me that Sheep can be obnoxious and stubborn. He said they respond better to sweet talk and petting and even a kiss on the head once in awhile. I wear these boots because my friend has a hell of a lot of Sheep on his farm and these Sheep eat constantly which means they shit constantly. I have to wear these wader boots to make sure I don’t ruin my shoes and my pants. As far as bringing the Sheep behind the bushes that’s because that’s where we tie them up so they won’t get in our way while we are cleaning their barns of shit. Stop being a perverted jerk James and get into reality for a change. James you are a B-a-a-a-a-a-d boy! Har har har!

James realizes he made a terrible mistake and the look of regret on his face is obvious.

James:  I’m so sorry about this Uncle. It is rather amusing what happened though. I’m familiar with the cartoon characters Pinky and the Brain so now I can call you Pinky and the Boots. Har har har!

Pinky:  That was so damn funny I forgot to laugh! Now please return to the Brisbane Powerhouse and let me work for my friend.

James turns and walks away from Pinky. He steps into the waiting Taxi and the Taxi drives off leaving Pinky del Ferrando to tend Sheep for his friend.

BACK AT BRISBANE POWERHOUSE

James has returned to his dressing room where he’s relaxing, alone of course since his Uncle Pinky is spending a lot of time at his friend’s Sheep ranch. James sets a tray of cold cuts and cheese on the coffee table, along with several cans of Classic Coke, then he takes a seat in a chair next to the couch. We can still see some of the scars and bruises that James took at the hands of Griffin Hawkins during his Briefcase Ladder Match at Climax Control 192. He looks up and into the camera with a stern look.

James:  Hi Ryan! Bet you didn’t expect to see me sitting here as the Number One Contender for the Internet Championship eh? Let’s run the facts down shall we? You defeated me recently to obtain the Internet Championship from me. But then you faced Griffin Hawkins and he handed you your ass on a silver platter by making you submit in the match. Although Hawkins knew that I’m 5-1 against you he thought his one little win over you gave him the right to demand the Number One Contendership for the Internet Championship. His demands were heard and Management laughed in Griffin’s face when they told him he has to face me in a Briefcase Ladder match and he had to defeat me in order to become Number One Contender to face you for the Internet Championship. But what happened Ryan? What the *bleep* happened? I won the Briefcase Ladder Match even though I should have never been forced to “earn” something I already had because I held the re-match contract for the Internet Championship. But since Management had me assigned to that match I did what I had to do to earn back what is rightfully mine.

James stops talking for a moment to create a sandwich consisting of rye bread, hard salami, and cheese, with a bit of mayo on the bread. He places the sandwich on a plate, picks up a can of Classic Coke and a napkin, and he sits back in the chair to continue his comments.

James:  So what are the numbers Ryan? I’m 5-1 against you and you’re 1-5 against me. You’re 0-1 against Griffin Hawkins and I’m 1-0 against him. I defeated the man who defeated you Ryan. Did you hear me? I defeated the man who defeated you Ryan! I know you heard me that time.

James takes a few bites of his salami and cheese sandwich and he downs it with some Classic Coke before wiping his mouth with a napkin.

James:  I know what you’re thinking Ryan. You think because I took a few cuts and bruises during my Briefcase Ladder Match that I’m not at 100 percent for our match this Sunday evening. You think that I’m hurt so badly that I cannot take many blows from you before the pain will be too much for me to endure. I will remind you of something Keys. I’m not a thin-skinned, weak-kneed, pretty boy like you are Ryan. I’m not like you that when you chip a fingernail you have to cry and run to the beauty parlor to have a manicure. I’m not like you that when someone farts you take offense and have to run to the shower to get the cooties off your body. Ryan I’m a full-blooded Sicilian Italian. What that means is I have generations of Sicilian blood pulsing through my body. When we Sicilians get cut we heal quickly. When we get a bruise we ignore it and keep going. If you think a few cuts and bruises are going to stop me from regaining the Internet Championship then you damn sure aren’t thinking at all. Your win over me last month was a fluke and it was honestly my fault that you won because I allowed myself to have a moment of distraction that you took advantage of. In our match this Sunday evening there will be no distractions on my part. There will be no pain from my Briefcase Ladder Match with Griffin Hawkins remaining. I have thick skin Ryan. I heal quickly Ryan. I’m a rough and tough masculine man and I don’t get freaked out when someone punches me in the face like you do. You have the desire and the need to protect your pretty fact where I don’t have that need. The only need I have is to kick your sorry ass and prove to the world that I’m the rightful owner of the Sin City Wrestling Internet Championship.

Tuscini finishes off his sandwich, downs the remainder of his Classic Coke, and then he pops the top on another can of Classic Coke, downs a bit of it, then places the can on the coffee table.

James:  I know you’re hungry, Ryan, so here’s some food for thought for you. The only person I blame for me losing the Internet Championship to you is myself. I let myself get distracted, even though it was just for an instant, but that instant was enough for you to take advantage of me for the win. Think hard on this Keys. If you had the wrestling ability to defeat me then please explain to me and the fans why you went 0-5 against me. Apparently those five times you didn’t have what it takes to defeat me. So, Ryan, you know damn well that on September 3, 2017, at Violent Conduct IV, that you again entered a match with me and still didn’t possess the necessary skills to get the job done against me. It was my error and my momentary distraction that allowed you to get over on me. Remember that as you walk into our match and remember that when I walk out of our match as the Internet Championship.

James finishes off the can of Classic Coke he previously placed on the coffee table and when he’s done with it he tosses the empty can across the room where is lands in the trash can with a swish shot never touching the sides of the trash can.

James:  Woo hoo! A three-point swish shot for the win. Yeah that’s how my win over you this Sunday is gonna be Ryan. It will be as nicely executed as a long three-point swish shot in the game of Basketball. Okay, Keys, let’s move on to the next thing you are trying to convince yourself is truth and fact. You’re trying to make yourself believe that you have the advantage as I’m still recovering from the cuts and bruises I took in the Briefcase Ladder match against Griffin Hawkins at Climax Control 192. Sorry to burst your I WISH THIS WERE TRUE bubble but I have to burst that bubble to bring you to understand reality. Do you remember recently I discussed how I grew up in San Francisco on the border with the Chinese and White districts and that Whites and Chinese would attack me at every turn. They were suck chickens that they usually came at me with two or more people to beat down on this one poor Sicilian Italian. What did I also tell everyone when I told that story? I explained that I had to learn how to fight when the odds were against me. I had to learn how to maneuver away from their blows to land my own even if there were two to four people attacking me. I won’t sit here and tell you I never lost a fight growing up because I did lose a few. But I won 80 percent of my fights and against cowards who couldn’t come at me one-on-one. So, yeah Ryan, I can overcome the odds. I can overcome the cuts and bruises. And I have proven that in 6 matches I’ve overcome you 5 times. Sunday night I will overcome you again for the 6th time in 7 matches. Then what? You watch me walk away as a two-time Internet Champion and you walk away to return to your dressing room to gaze at yourself in the mirror minus the Internet Championship Title Belt. That’s not my fantasy, Ryan, that’s reality.

The dressing room door opens and Pinky del Ferrando walks in. He’s dirty from caring for Sheep all day and the smell of Sheep poop wafts into the dressing room. James sniffs the air and cringes.

James:  Glad to see you home a few hours early tonight. Please get your old ass into the bathroom and shower and don’t you dare get out of the shower until you no longer smell like Sheep and Sheep poop. Also call someone to pick up your clothes and get them cleaned so they don’t smell up our dressing room.

Pinky:  Give me a break James. I’ve been dealing with Sheep with attitudes all day. I’m tired. Yeah I’ll take a shower but for now I will double-bag my dirty clothing in trash bags and they will remain in my bedroom so you won’t have to smell them. See you in the morning.

Pinky walks into his bedroom and closes the door behind him. James lets out a sigh and he looks into the camera to make closing comments for the benefit of Ryan Keys.

James:  Ryan you’re a pretty boy with thin skin that cuts and bruises easily. I’m a thick-skinned full-blooded Sicilian Italian that doesn’t bruise or cut easily. You take weeks to heal and within a week I’m healed and good to go into my next match. You break a fingernail or get a speck of dust in your eye and you run to the nail salon to have the nail repaired or to have your doctor flush out the dust from your eyes. When I break a fingernail I use the jagged edge to cut my opponent. When I get a speck of dust in my eye I just wipe it out and continue beating the hell out of my opponent. Your days as Internet Champion are numbered. Sunday night your reign as Internet Champion ends.

James tells the cameraman he’s done with his comments and the cameraman cuts his camera feed and our screen goes black.