GOOD LUCK IN OUR MATCH AGOSTINO. . .YOU’RE GONNA NEED ALL THE LUCK YOU CAN FIND TO TRY TO DEFEAT ME
Narrator: Bill Barnhart had a meeting with me to tell me what he is presenting in his comments for High Stakes XI where he defends his Roulette Championship against Agostino Romano. Without further delay I turn you over to Bill Barnhart at his home in Lawrenceville, Georgia.
WHAT I AM . . .YOU’LL NEVER BE
The scene changes and we get a shot of Bill Barnhart, along with his English Bulldog Iris, sitting on the couch. Bill is ready to present his comments for his upcoming Roulette Championship defense against Agostino Romano. As Bill is petting Iris the camera person informs Bill they are live broadcasting so Bill launches into his comments.
Bill: Thanks for joining me today. I plan on presenting information to ensure Agostino Romano realizes he’s so deep underneath me that he needs the Hubble Space Telescope in order for him to see clearly how far above him I am. Agostino how does it feel that you were in a Triple Threat match against one below-average opponent, and one average-level opponent, and now you have to face off against me and I’m an amazing superior performer with exceptional wrestling abilities? Does that make you feel like you’re Superman? Is that how you feel Romano? If so let me introduce you to myself. My name is Bill. . .I AM KRYPTONITE. . .Barnhart. You don’t stand a snowball’s chance in hell of lasting more than a few minutes against me in our match!
Bill lets out a huge laugh.
Bill: Agostino please allow me to give you some background on me to prove to you, and everyone else, that what I am. . .you’ll never be. When I began attending Skyline High School in Oakland, California, we were told the lawn area between the two middle buildings of the school and between the two main walkways was called THE SENIOR LAWN. We were told that only Seniors were allowed to walk and hang out there. When Freshmen, Sophomores, or Juniors, stepped onto the Senior Lawn the Seniors had the right to attack them, beat them down, and toss them off their Senior Lawn. Faculty at the school looked the other way as this was a tradition thing. When we became Seniors we were so happy that we now were going to have control of the Senior Lawn and be able to forcibly remove Freshmen, Sophomores, and Juniors from OUR lawn. But then the announcement came on the first day of school that we, as Seniors, could no longer claim the Senior Lawn and forcibly remove lower class students. The reason I told you this, Agostino, is that you managed to get by two average level opponents but now that you have to face me the rules have changed. You went from being ten percent better than your two previous opponents to being ninety percent weaker than me. Have fun dealing with that. What I did to you is similar to what Faculty did to us when we became Seniors at Skyline High School. We were denied our privilege of being Seniors and kicking ass on all the non-Seniors students but our fun was taken away from us by Faculty. Romano realize you had a bit of fun wrestling against two opponents who were not at my level of expertise but now you have to face me. I’m so far ahead of you in wrestling ability and confidence it might take you ten years to reach my level.
Bill again laughs loudly.
Bill: Agostino that’s not all I have to say to you. I have another example from Skyline High School you need to know about. I wanted to get onto the Track Team, Baseball Team, and Football Team. In all three of these sports if you were not friends of players on those teams, or friends with the Coaches, they ignored you no matter how good you were or how much ability you have. I was in the top three fastest on the Track for 50 meters, 100 meters, and 200 meters. I was in the top three longest in the long jump. I was awesome in baseball and could hit nearly any pitch for a home run. When it came to football if they threw a pass to me, or handed me the football, I was an extremely fast runner, and very agile, and it was nearly impossible for anyone on Defense to stop me or tackle me. But did the players already on those teams, and their Coaches, care that I was a better player than all their members combined? Nope. So how does this relate to you and our match Romano? You think that because you have a drug-induced, self realized, only in your mind, wrestling talents, that nobody else can see in you that you’re going to strut into our match and take me out? That ain’t gonna happen. No way in hell you’re gonna walk into this match as the challenger and walk away as Roulette Champion. I’m not denying you a chance to try out like those assholes did to me at Skyline High School. In my world, the real world, you earned the chance to challenge me by winning your match recently. However, Romano, you fall way way way short of having the abilities to actually accomplish getting a win over me and earning the Roulette Championship.
Bill laughs so hard this time he can barely recover himself. He finally manages to recover himself and he continues with his comments.
TAKING FUN AWAY FROM OTHERS
Bill: I wish to take you back to when me and Bea moved to the State of Georgia from California in 2012. We went down to Macon, Georgia, which has Civil War history. We took a tour of Macon put on by the Women in charge of the Macon, Georgia, Historical Society. At that time Macon had a Central Hockey League team named the Macon Whoopee. They named the team after their local bird which is called a Whoopee as it made that sort of sound. While we were listening to the presentation in the conference room I happened to mention, in a whisper to Bea, that when I grew up in Oakland we heard a song titled Makin’ Whoopee which means to have sex. The prudish old ladies running the presentation heard my comment to Bea so they stopped their presentation and started yelling at me even though I was quietly commenting to Bea. I don’t take nicely to people trying to insult me publicly so I told them everyone needs to have a bit of fun and humor in their lives. I guess at their ages they didn’t have sex anymore, and never get a man to give them a second look, so they got prudish and wanted to take the fun away from everyone else. Why did I tell you this Agostino? I have reasons for everything I do and say. The old prudish ladies in the Macon Historical Society weren’t able to appreciate what others do and think. Just like you and the rest of the Roster refusing to appreciate that I did, in fact, easily earn the Roulette Championship. If you want to get pissy with me and give me your sour face that makes you look like you just chewed on a dozen lemons then go ahead. No amount of pouty face by you is going to get you a win over me!
CLOSING COMMENTS
Bill: I decided that for my closing comments instead of stating things about my upcoming match, my opponent, and wrestling in general, I would relate something concerning my best friend through Junior High School and High School in Oakland, California. What I’m about to relate to you is a true story. I have in my hands a letter I received from one of my best friends, Eddie Epstein, from my High School days at Skyline High School in Oakland, California. I’ll tell you what Eddie’s letter says. Eddie wrote this letter in our Senior year of High School. My friend Eddie was LGBT but back then it wasn’t something readily accepted and understood by others. In his letter Eddie stated he didn’t know which way to turn and his parents sand his sister didn’t understand. He felt if he turned left that those on that side would turn against him. He felt if he turned to the right that they would also turn against him. Eddie was my best friend since Junior High School. Eddie knew I accepted him, and supported him, in all ways because he is my best friend. Eddie knew that friends don’t turn their backs on friends no matter what. But other people were not kind to Eddie and the frustration, sadness, and pain he felt got too much for him. If you’re wondering what happened to Eddie I’ll tell you. The pain got so intense that Eddie decided to take pills that make a person to into a deep sleep. Unfortunately Eddie too so many of those bills he never woke up. Am I making these closing comments for some personal gain? No. I just want everyone to know and understand that everyone is going through something, or experiencing something, or struggling with something, and most people hold those things inside and it eats them up. Unless we engage them and offer to help them they may take the same route Eddie took. With those final comments I’ll end my comments for today and continue with talking about my upcoming match during my next comments session.
Bill informs the camera person he is done with his comments and the camera person calls into the Network and they switch back to regularly scheduled programming.