“You’re always so damn moody when things don’t go your way!”
The annoyed words of my best friend Chelsea LeClair don’t make me feel that much better on the night that I was eliminated from the Blast from the Past tournament. A couple of hours after the show had ended with Christina Rose becoming the Bombshells Champion, I just didn’t want to have it with anyone or anything and it didn’t matter to me who or what it was that was trying to talk to me.
“What’s it to you?” I asked Chelsea.
“It’s beyond ridiculous.”
“No, ridiculous is being paired up with a fucking piece of shit in the first place…” I said to Chelsea about Bill Barnhart. “I knew this was going to happen. I knew from the moment that the draw came out that this was inevitable. So while someone I beat recently gets ALL the freaking spotlight… here I am… an afterthought in all of this… and through no fault of my own because of some fucking dead weight that couldn’t pull his shit.”
Chelsea just sighs realizing how useless trying to get through to me had already been by this point.
“You’d be better off just leaving me alone…” I told her. “If you want to make yourself useful, maybe you could help me organize my luggage or something.”
“Excuse me?”
“What?”
“You’re treating me like I’m what? Your fucking sidekick?” Chelsea snapped back at me. “It’s funny how someone becomes something they really hate. I get how it is, Andrea. You become so damn good at what you do that you start treating people like they’re beneath you… and the kicker is you didn’t like it when people treated you that way AND you always complained about it. Get a grip! No, I’m not going to do what you’re asking of me. I’m not your sidekick. Maybe you’ve done better than me, maybe you’re a better wrestler than me, but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me like that. I guess someone forgot about the time they were the unwanted child in the family…”
Chelsea doesn’t even offer a reaction or another word before she leaves me alone. This sudden burst of anger from her really had me remembering, even for a short amount of time… how rough things were before I ever broke out… all dating back to when I had wanted to be a wrestler in the first place.
“I wouldn’t say I was ‘unwanted’...” I thought to myself at that point. “But I sure as hell felt like the forgotten child sometimes. I could never forget the fact that I was my father’s last resort to keep a family legacy alive. There’s still a piece of me that is scarred from it all. Growing up… being dad’s least favorite… or at least it felt like that. He was closer to my two older brothers than he was to me… at least Eduardo was humble about things and knew what he wanted. Rodrigo on the other hand…”
I shook my head and sighed at the mere thought of my oldest brother.
“Dad’s favorite…” I thought to myself.
June 2008
I’m remembering a time when I was fourteen years of age, just another mundane day that summer, sitting on a swinging bench connected to a tree on the ranch just reading and largely minding my own business. My high school years were a couple of months away from starting and my wrestling dreams were stuck in the pipe, if you know what I meant. My father approached me and he stood in front of me, causing me to be distracted from the book I was reading for a while.
“Andrea?” my father asked me.
“Yeah?”
“So… I was thinking… Rodrigo’s got this massive match coming up this weekend. I’m so proud of him. The tradition gets to live on… and he’s going to be a great one I tell you…”
“I don’t know how ‘massive’ this match can be… really… it’s just another one of your shows…”
“Are you kidding me, Andrea? This is his chance at the big time. We’ve got scouts from countless promotions here. I know my boy’s good enough to get signed by at least one of them tonight! I was just thinking… maybe you can run the lemonade stand or something. Come on… support your brother here.”
“And what’s in it for me?” I asked. My father was tongue tied and couldn’t answer all while I was feeling pretty bitter at the fact that Rodrigo was getting everything that I had wanted that I just couldn’t have.
“I’m not going to support someone that’s doing what I want to do with my life because in all honesty, I feel like I should get a chance but no because I’m the gender at I am, you just won’t give me one.”
“We’re not going to talk about this AGAIN…” my father had said with annoyance. My aforementioned oldest brother appeared on the scene at this point.
“What’s going on, pops?” Rodrigo asked my father.
“We might have to cancel the lemonade stand…”
“Andrea…” my brother had said to me. “...come on! I thought girls liked selling lemonade…”
“I’d rather squeeze a lemon out of my ass…”
“Look… sissy… I get it… you’re jealous of me. I have everything you wish you had. I’m carrying on the tradition here. It’s never going to be you and you know it can’t be you. You get that? Why can’t you just be more like grandma and stick to baking cookies in the oven or something? It’ll make life easier for you, I promise. You know what the woman’s role in our family is… so just get used to it, alright?”
I appreciate your passion for wrestling but that’s the only good thing I can say about you. You always treat me like shit…”
“When has he ever done that?” my father asked.
“Have you NOT been paying attention the entire time, Dad?”
Rodrigo suddenly smacks the book I was reading out of my hands and right into my face.
“Shut UP already… god pops, why did you have to stick it inside my mother one too many times? I never asked for a sister… especially as one as irrelevant and as worthless as you are…”
“Earth to Dad… it just happened…”
“What?”
“Being treated like shit…”
“Lighten up, Andrea… he’s just kidding…”
“WOW! It’s like you DON’T notice me… or how I feel for that matter…”
“Please…” Rodrigo said. “Feelings don’t mean anything. They’re just… immaterial… kind of like how I wish you were…”
“Alright son, we don’t need to go any further. Andrea’s just… you know how she is…”
“Unfortunately… anyway pops… the boys are almost here. We’re going to Phoenix… we’re going to make ourselves some big money.”
“Why are you going all the way to Phoenix for, son?”
“I might as well get used to the big city right? For when I make it big in the wrestling business?”
“You never will…” I said in a moment where I was just done with the conversation before I walked away. I felt sick to my stomach when I had gone far enough and I saw that Rodrigo and my father were being essentially best buddies when my brother’s “boys” pulled up. I always hated his friends. From the moment I saw them, I felt like they were up to no good. I could feel the anger and the disappointment of feeling like I was overlooked, a common feeling at this time in my life obviously, flowing through me. When Rodrigo left for Phoenix that day, nobody knew that his life and mine were both about to change forever… and it wasn’t just our lives… it was our destinies too…
March 24, 2020
I never thought that I would be in this atmosphere again… cold, chilling, remembering how that fateful June day nearly 11 years ago altered my own life… remembering how right I was that Rodrigo’s friends were nothing but bad news and how they turned his life into a tragedy, knowing that if he was never around them that he’d still be living his life as he imagined it for years. Looking ahead at the void in front of me was a strange feeling. Knowing I’d have to confront a hard part of my life even more so.
Then again, this may also be due to the fact that being in a state penitentiary even if it was just as a visitor was extremely uncomfortable for me.
Rodrigo appeared in front of me, right behind the glass that separated us. The moment he saw me, he was shocked. He never imagined that I would even be here and I couldn’t blame him considering we were never close. I picked up the phone on my end and he did the same with an amused smirk on his face.
“So… the world famous wrestler in the family finally took time out of her busy schedule, huh?” he said with a smirk.
“Believe me, I’m not here to exchange gifts.”
“So why are you here? Wait… I don’t care…”
“So being in here for the last 11 years hasn’t changed you a bit. Can’t say I’m surprised. You never liked me anyway” I said with a stern anger in my voice.
“Just because you’re a big shot wrestler doesn’t mean I’m going to be sending the sister that I never wanted any love letters. I don’t care what you do in your career, I’ll never have any love for you. You’re only my sister by blood. I just never gave a shit about you. I’m not Eddie… I’m not some soft, sensitive pussy like he is. Truth is, Andrea… I hate you more than I did years ago…”
“Why’s that?” I asked with amusement.
“Because everything you’re doing in your career right now… Sin City Wrestling… bright lights… big name… that should be ME!” As soon as he said this, I completely rolled my eyes. “I was the first in line to that damn tradition! I should be the one that is competing for world championships! I should be the one carrying this tradition, not you! YOU should be barefoot and pregnant in the kitchen making your man some beef. You stole MY dream, Andrea…”
“WOW… the IRONY of YOU accusing someone else of stealing. Do you have an AK-47 with that too just like you did when your dumbass and your BOYS got arrested for attempted armed robbery in Phoenix and got you in the slammer for 30 years?”
“Have you ever thought about how things would be like… if I wasn’t popped for that? You wouldn’t have ANY of this…”
“No… I never think about that… which is ironic because I grew up overlooked. I grew up in your shadow. You… always being Dad’s favorite. He always encouraged you to be a wrestler. I had to sit back and eat shit for years starving for what I wanted… hoping I’d get the opportunity I craved. I had to sit back for most of my childhood watching YOU get all the glory… YOU get all of Dad’s support… YOU getting everything I wanted… YOU getting greeted with praise and opportunity and YOU having the entire world lined up for you. You had EVERYTHING handed to you while I had to grind… I had to make this desperate plea to Dad to let me wrestle for SO long… and he just handed you the world on a silver platter without having to do a damn thing. He intentionally made it harder for me to break into the business… but you… he wanted it all to be as smooth for you as possible.”
“Are you done?” he asked me… merely to piss me off, which I completely no sold.
“Sorry… I’m not you. I am where I am in wrestling… and in my life… because I earned it… because I wasn’t spoon fed like you were… and even with the FAMILY TRADITION handed to you… you STILL became the massive fuck up you STILL are.”
“Facts are the facts… if I’m not back here… you’re not wrestling… YOU’RE WELCOME! I opened the door for you! And here, you thought all along that I was just some mean, awful big brother. You’re NOTHING if I never get arrested.”
“Actually… that’s not true” I said… intimidating him because he was beginning to realize that I wasn’t the pushover sister he remembered.
“The fuck are you talking about?”
“I say this knowing what I know about myself now… because my entire life, I always was that redheaded stepchild. I was always the one that was in the shadow of someone else. I spent SO LONG in professional wrestling being overlooked and god, that sucked so much, I won’t deny that. I spent what felt like an ETERNITY in the Indies before I finally got signed and even then, I was ONLY signed because Chelsea wouldn’t go to GCW without me. I spent an eternity in this stupid wrestling promotion being given far less chances than others because I wasn’t related to this “legend” in their circle or because I didn’t train at a certain wrestling school. I spent an eternity in this OTHER stupid wrestling promotion being overlooked and constantly criticized just because I was a mold breaker. And you know what I did every single time I was in that situation where I always seemed like I was being overshadowed by someone or something else?
I proved them WRONG… I proved them ALL wrong!”
“And what’s this got to do with me?”
“This all started with YOU… with the fact that you were always Dad’s favorite… he was all over you… while he overlooked me and the passion I’ve always had for this… and knowing how strong I am, I would have found some other way to break into this business if you never got arrested…
I never needed Dad to train me… I would have found someone else… because I always find a way… unlike you…
How’s it feel being in my shadow now, ‘bro’?”
Rodrigo could only muster up some nervous laughter but I could tell that on the inside, he was shaken… not just because I was living the dream that he wanted to live… but also because I wasn’t wavering at all… and because his old tricks that would work 15 years ago are being completely shut down. I could see him sweat realizing there was nothing he could do or say to me to drag me down. I hung up the phone at this point standing up and leaving him behind. The experience though… was a fantastic reminder of what I’ve had to deal with in my entire professional wrestling career and everything related to it… from the horrible, humiliating beginnings of being in the shadow of my brother… to feeling like I was in Christina’s shadow when she attained something I felt I deserved more than her not that long ago… as well as a brilliant reminder of how I’ve overcome it all over the years… and how I’ll do so for the next decade plus, god willing, all the way to the very end…
March 27, 2020
“I guess at the end of the day… things work out even when they look like they are going to be bleak as hell. This perfectly describes the last couple of weeks for me as far as recent events are concerned. Here I was… feeling sick to my stomach… both at the way Blast from the Past went for me and the fact that I had to watch someone I had previously beaten win the Bombshell championship that I had coveted… and here I thought that I was about to fall by the wayside again only that’s not what happened. I would learn last week that I would be challenging for the world championship for the second time and I’d be challenging for a world championship period for the third time in the last nine months. I was surprised that this happened at that moment but in all honesty, I shouldn’t be. It only makes sense. Roxi’s getting her rematch… and I beat Christina before she won the title. Why wouldn’t this result in a triple threat match at the end of the day? I know… I was being really moody. But two weeks ago was a case where… well… the best way I can explain it is that it absolutely tore out my heart to see two women… one of who I feel I am better than and one of whom I KNOW I am better than… attain something that I desire so strongly. Two weeks ago… freaking KATE STEELE got to go to the semifinals of the tournament at my expense. I know… Bill was the one that got pinned and all… but I’m still oh and one against someone I’d beat about seven times out of ten otherwise under normal circumstances.
That sucked.
That made me bitter.
Then someone who I had BEATEN… who I feel I am better than… goes on to beat a teenage idol of mine to win a world championship when I should have had that shot first?
That just…”
I paused and sighed with a regretful tone.
“Losing to Alicia Lukas aside, I don’t think I’ve felt more empty in my Sin City Wrestling career… and it was that void and that emptiness that caused me to lash out the way I did for some time and it kept me extremely upset. It’s not an empty feeling that’s new to me though… because I’ve felt it time and again.
I felt it back in OCW when I lost a world title match that in my heart, I knew I should have won…
I felt it back in GCW when my own mentor was treating me like I was completely worthless… made worse by the fact that during my teenage years, she was another idol of mine…
I felt it every time I struggled to do ANYTHING with my solo career when it first started…
Ironically, the opponent that I am facing now… she’s all too familiar with it. Isn’t that right, Keira? Remember that empty feeling? Of course you do… being Roxi Johnson’s eternal arm candy gives you that empty feeling and all when for years, all you’ve ever had a chance to do is watch her win all the world championships while you sit back, feeling so fuycking sorry for yourself, wondering ‘when is that going to be me?’ Don’t you dare bullshit me on that Keira, because you know it’s true. I’ve seen what you’ve been up to. I’ve seen you try to step your game up another level lately and I can respect the hell out of that. Is this really happening though? Is the lifelong sidekick FINALLY starting to break out of her shell? Or is this just a temporary thing that’s going to have you right back in your familiar place of seeing Roxi Johnson do it all while you cheer her on?
You’re acting like you’re pissed off at everyone overlooking you… you’re going around preaching to the choir or anyone that will listen that you deserve better than what you’ve gotten, that you’re tired of being overshadowed, that you’re tired of being seen as ‘just the sidekick’ and you rant and you rave and you scream and you cry and you want someone or something to be mad at but the fact of the matter is Keira… the only person you should be mad at is yourself because everything that you’re dealing with… everything that you’re fighting against… everything about yourself and your career that you’re not happy with… you brought that upon yourself.
You alone are responsible for what happens with your career. You alone are the responsible party for all your shortcomings. Maybe you should look at yourself and look upon your own weaknesses… weaknesses that I gladly exploited when I defeated you a few months ago to gain entry into that chamber spot. I already know that fire that you’re going to come in with. I know that this Sunday, you’re going to come in like a raging bull trying to catch me off guard. With that huge, giant chip on your shoulder, you’re going out there with a break a bitch, break the internet, break the Vegas books mentality that you’re going to have and you’re going to walk into our match bitter about our last match, bitter about how you’ve had to be in Roxi’s shadow for years, bitter about what Bobbie Dahl had done to you before, self-loathing over the fact that you haven’t gotten to the big one like you’ve so desperately wanted and you’re going to try to take it all out on me, right?
So you figure that you’re going to unleash hell… especially with a focus on revenge considering our last match… and that it’s going to be SWEET REVENGE for you right? Is the narrative going to be something along the lines of ‘she beat me last time, so now she’s going to overlook me and it’ll be an easier win for me’? Yeah, fuck off with that Keira. That type of second-rate mindset in someone like you is SO predictable!
It’s a hell of a fire and some incredible passion there Keira… I admit that.
Unfortunately for you, it’s misplaced passion that’s going to lead to you doing what you do best and that’s being the woman that’s good enough and strong enough to beat most women on the roster… but when it comes to the bigger stages… the light is always just too damn bright for you. Nothing wrong with being one of those women considering the likes of Jessie Salco and Kate Steele have made their Sin City careers out of that. That misplaced passion is going to leave you emptier and more frustrated and trust me, I know this because I’ve been in that place FAR more times than I would love to admit.
Hell, I even admit that I was in that place going into the chamber match a few months back. Did that misplaced passion of mine and that uncontrollable fire get me the bombshell world championship?
Nope.
It didn’t even get me in the top three.
I wanted to go in there to get that revenge against Alicia Lukas and what happened? Oh right… eliminated by the same person that gave me that empty feeling.
Same thing with that four way…
Misplaced passion, uncontrollable fire… all stemming from my self-disappointment of the chamber match and how that went for me…
That empty feeling only got deeper when “she who shall not be named” won the match… because HER? REALLY? Fortunately for me, I got it together and I wasn’t misplacing that passion when I beat Christina Rose a few weeks later.
When you’re overlooked as much as you are and have been… and as I had been when I first started, you’re desperate for that attention and that you crave SO BAD that it just leads you on the wrong path. I can empathize with you on that… but there’s one big difference between you and I and this is the one big difference that is going to result in me coming out the winner here the second time around…
When it comes to overcoming that shadowy, empty feeling? I know exactly what I need to do and I’ve done it before.
You on the other hand?
You haven’t.
Every time I’ve had a setback here, I’ve always been able to come back. I bounced back at YOUR expense after that Alicia match. I beat Jessie coming off the loss in the chamber match. I beat Christina after that four way. And your best response to what’s happened is what? Your last match? Against Mercedes “I’ve Hung On Way Too Long” Vargas and Seleana “Sam Marlowe Disease” Zdnunich who has fallen off quite worryingly and rapidly since I beat her a few months ago?
Not impressed.
I’ve broken away from that shadow, Keira.
You haven’t. You know that. It’s driving you mad. Yet, I don’t see you doing anything different to change that. You’re happy to sit on your ass and play the victim.
Not me…
I was the overshadowed child growing up, but I never gave up even when it seemed like I’d never get a chance to have a career at all because my father was up my oldest brother’s ass and was ready to give him the keys to the family tradition. I never played the “woe is me” card with that. When I got my chance, I made the most of it.
I was that overshadowed Indy wrestler for some time… but I found a way to break out of the Indies and into the mainstream… as much as being in the Indies longer than I wanted sucked… I never complained about it. I never pinned blame on those companies that passed me up.
I broke away from those doubts, those shadows, those insecurities… because I stepped up and I did things different because doing the same thing over and over isn’t going to change the outcome or get me to where I wanted to be. I could have let myself be a victim when OCW closed… but no… I came here and the rest is history.
When my best friend betrayed me… I could have just eaten it… no, I got my revenge and got my singles career going.
When my worst enemy in GCW bought out my dad’s old wrestling school… I could have just been the victim and I could have felt guilty about it thinking it was my fault… nope… I got my revenge against her and scored my first singles championship.
Sorry Keira… but Sunday’s just not your night… not when you don’t have the tenacity that I do… not when you revel in being the victim.
When you learn to be a champion and not a victim?
Maybe then?
You won’t be the eternal sidekick anymore!”
