{The scene opens with Roxi again approaching Amy Jo Smyth’s house. She knocks on the door and at first there is no answer, and Roxi knocks again. AJ this time answers, poking her head out of the door, and upon seeing Roxi, rolls her eyes and sighs.} Amy Jo Smyth – You must need something. I haven’t heard back from any contacts I have about your gang war thing. I’ve gone through some files, but nothing concrete. You could've just called or texted and I could have told you all this.
Roxi – Can't you just say “Hello" for once?
Amy Jo Smyth – Seriously? You never come just to visit, which is why I said “you must need something.” So, what do you need?
{Roxi sighs and holds up the instructions from that strange TV system. AJ arches a brow.} Amy Jo Smyth – You’re buying me a TV?
Roxi – Yes, AJ, I am. I just need to get it shipped here.
Amy Jo Smyth – You know my birthday already passed, and so did Christmas. I know that, because they are the same day.
Roxi – I know. I sent you a card, and a present, like I always do.
Amy Jo Smyth – What gives? You’re not telling me something.
Roxi – A guy went missing.
Amy Jo Smyth – And...
Roxi – We think the manufacturers, or the company that makes this TV is responsible.
Amy Jo Smyth – Why are you handling it, then? It's a police matter?
Roxi – Well, this is the only lead. I looked at their website and that's the only a place to place an order. There’s nothing about contacting them for anything.
Amy Jo Smyth – A scam?
Roxi – That's the thing, the TV was delivered, and installed. And now, the guy is gone.
{AJ blinks and shrugs.} Amy Jo Smyth – So, the guy installs it and leaves? Nothing unusual at the scene?
Roxi – No. The girlfriend reported it.
Amy Jo Smyth – Oh, so she killed him. The closest to us are the ones who kill us. Thems the rules. I don't make the rules.
Roxi – There were no signs of a struggle, the guy’s car was still there. Unless she planned out a murder on her lunchbreak and was able to not only execute it, but hide the body with no trace or have no evidence, I don’t think she did it.
Amy Jo Smyth – That is some ninja shit. She could be a ninja.
Roxi – I don’t think she’s a ninja.
Amy Jo Smyth – You think the people from the company killed him?
Roxi – Well, I don’t think they did it personally.
Amy Jo Smyth – Wait...
{AJ narrows her eyes.} Amy Jo Smyth – You think the TV killed him?
Roxi – Trust me, it’s not as crazy as it sounds when you think about it.
Amy Jo Smyth – You're right, it sounds insane. Are you watching too much Unsolved Mysteries again? We talked about this, you need to take breaks…
Roxi – To be fair, it’s not the weirdest thing I’ve ever come here and talked to you about.
{AJ cocks her head, thinking and shrugs.} Amy Jo Smyth – That's... Fair. Even still, why do you need my house? Are you trying to get me killed or... blown up, or whatever happened to that other guy? Allie will be so mad if we burn down the house.
Roxi – We have to eliminate the possibilities. Also, Keira won’t let me.
Amy Jo Smyth – And you think I’m going to?
Roxi – AJ, you know I wouldn’t ask unless it was important.
Amy Jo Smyth – Where am I gonna put it, huh? Last I checked, I don't have a hangar out back.
Roxi – Don't you have a guest house? AJ, I know it’s a lot. And I know I owe you a lot. Just work with me here.
{AJ finally sighs, and shakes her head.} Amy Jo Smyth – If this shit goes bad…
Roxi – I won’t let it. I promise.
Amy Jo Smyth – Fine. Allie better not find out.
Roxi – With any luck, she won't.
Amy Jo Smyth – Okay, where do we get this fucking thing?
Roxi – I have to order it.
{AJ gives a “hhmph” as she leads Roxi inside and the scene fades.}
{Inside of AJ’s house, two men have hooked up the TV and the cable system. A third man stands and as they finish, the third man has them leave before handing the remote and instructions to AJ.} Man – You should be all set up. Be ready, over 600 channels of heart-pounding action. A trip back to when TV was king and nobody was DVRing or making a meme out of things. Back to the old days. Trust me, you won’t regret this.
{Roxi walks up, looking the man up and down.} Roxi – Do you know a Peter Sharp?
{The man shrugs.} Man – I might. I sell to so many customers that names just kind of escape me.
Roxi – I see. And how do I pay for this?
Man – Oh, you’ll receive a bill. The first 24 hours are a free trial. You don’t like it, you simply contact the number at the bottom of the instructions.
{The man gives a big salesman fake smile.} Man – You ladies enjoy.
{The man leaves and the truck the men came in speeds away. AJ looks at the instructions} Amy Jo Smyth – I can’t believe I let you talk me into this shit. Okay, so, turn it on.
{AJ then hands the remote to Roxi.} Roxi – What?
Amy Jo Smyth – Oh, hell no, this is your wild goose chase. I ain't having any of this happen to me.
{Roxi shakes her head and takes the remote turns the TV on. A giant display of “ENTER 4-DIGIT RESET CODE” appears on the screen. Roxi points behind her.} Roxi – Well, get behind me, I don’t know what’s going to happen. If anything does... I’m just gonna enter 1-2-3-4.
Amy Jo Smyth – Really?
Roxi – What?
Amy Jo Smyth – That's the code you’re going with?
Roxi – It's a free trial, and yes, in case anything does happen, you can factory reset this thing.
{Roxi punches in her code and then... nothing happens.} Amy Jo Smyth – Well, shit, now you broke it.
Roxi – You told me to punch in the code and it worked.
Amy Jo Smyth – That’s what it said! Let me see the instructions!
{AJ steps beside Roxi, as the TV fires up. Roxi puts the remote down however, and the cable box starts to shake and then fires a beam that catches both Roxi and AJ, and ends up sucking them inside! As they are traveling, the man’s face from earlier shows up as a disembodied head.} Man – Welcome, ladies, I am the Controller. I hope you enjoy being a part of the show. Let’s take a trip down memory lane. Good luck, and we’ll see you on the next channel...
{Fade.}
SUBVERTED SPY
{We have a bed, in what looks like a hotel room. There are various clothes strewn about. Some evening gown/ball room dresses with matching heels, and one sports jacket carefully hung up with a coat hanger. Roxi is actually in the bed, under the covers. She sighs sitting up and holding her head, allowing the covers to flop down.} Roxi – Ow... what in the world?
{Roxi looks down and sees she’s in her underwear and pulls the covers closer to her.} Roxi – What the? AJ? Where are you?
{Roxi looks over and sees a man smoking a cigarette with a wide grin on his face. He is shirtless (at least from what Roxi can see.) And puts his arms behind his head, leaning back.} Man – Darling, I hope you had a good time.
Roxi – Excuse me?
Man – It's all part of the job, darling. Now, if you could tell me what you know about Westerman’s plan for the Solar ray gun, that would be very helpful.
Roxi – The what? What the hell are you talking about?
{From a different room, AJ screams, and then busts out of what is a bathroom. She’s wrapped in a towel and seemingly had a fresh shower.} Roxi – AJ?
Amy Jo Smyth – What the fuck? Why am I naked?!
Man – Two spies, I see, well, I did always enjoy a pair.
{As the man enjoys his pun, AJ stares at them.} Amy Jo Smyth – Did you?
Roxi – … I don’t know. I certainly hope not. Did... you?
Amy Jo Smyth – No! Gross.
Man – It's all part of the mission ladies. I just needed to pump you both for information.
{Roxi rolls her eyes.} Roxi – Will you shut up with the puns and double entendre!
Amy Jo Smyth – You're not helping! Roxi, what the hell is going on here?
Roxi – it’s like we’re in an old...
{Roxi looks up at AJ who is just as confused AJ.} Roxi – Please tell me your name.
Man – Oh, my name is Bundt. James Bundt.
{Roxi and AJ look at each other in shock.} Roxi – Oh my god, we’re in a Bond movie.
James – Bundt, darling.
Amy Jo Smyth – So...we’re Bond girls?
James – Bundt!
Roxi/AJ - Shut up!
Roxi – Okay, I gotta think, you, Bu- Screw it I’m just calling you James. We have to get out of here.
James – Leaving so soon?
Amy Jo Smyth – I never realized how smarmy and creepy James Bond is.
James – Bu-
Amy Jo Smyth – Correct me again, Cake Boy, and you'll be leaving here in pieces.
{From the hallway, the sounds of a large gathering come into earshot. Roxi gets up to check. Opening the door, she sees men in military uniforms begin kicking in doors.} Roxi – That's not good.
Amy Jo Smyth – We should go, huh?
Roxi – Okay, James, there’s like 10 guys, so you go...kill them or whatever.
James – Excuse me?
Roxi – You're like a spy, right? You must have a gadget or something!
James – This was supposed to be an exercise! I don’t have a gun! I use my charm and my wit!
{James starts freaking out and flees into the bathroom and locks the door.} Roxi – What are you doing!?
Amy Jo Smyth – Fucking swell.
Roxi – We need to find a way out of here. There’s only a matter of time before they kick in that door.
Amy Jo Smyth – I've always wanted to go streaking.
Roxi – There's dresses on the floor, one of them obviously fits. We don’t have time.
Amy Jo Smyth – Our James Bond is a coward.
{Roxi and AJ quickly are able to get dressed in their evening gowns and head to the window. Just the door is kicked in.} James – It's them you want! Take them! I’m innocent!
{The soldiers open fire as Roxi and AJ barely escape out the window and luckily are on the first floor. They start running, but both have to stop and remove their heels. They share a look and keep running and gunfire barely misses behind them.} Amy Jo Smyth – Any bright ideas?
Roxi – Maybe... maybe there’s a way off this channel?
{Roxi and AJ continue to run and then end up back inside the hotel. They begin checking doors.} Roxi – There's gotta be a way out.
{The soldiers continues to chase and fire as AJ finds a wall of TV static behind a door.} Amy Jo Smyth – I found something!
{Roxi runs over to where AJ is and they both look at the static.} Amy Jo Smyth – You think it’s a way out?
{Bullet continue to whiz past the duo as Roxi looks at AJ.} Roxi – Only one way to find out!
{Roxi pushes AJ into the static and then follows her, both of them disappearing into the static.}
{A jazzy 90’s tune plays as the screen does a wavy fade in on the show title} SUNSET STRIP
{Roxi and AJ both walk out onto the balcony in the same apartment complex. The two look at one another and what they are wearing and cringe. AJ’s hair is pulled back with a lot of butterfly clips and she has overalls with a sweater underneath.} Roxi – Wow, you look like Sabrina, the teenage witch.
Amy Jo Smyth – And you look like DJ Tanner.
{Roxi has her hair tied way back and super high ponytail on her head, along with a tiny vest and neon windbreaker.} Roxi – Oh god, we’re definitely in the 90’s.
Amy Jo Smyth – We need to get outta here as soon as possible. Fuck me, why did we think this was cool?
Roxi – Mistakes were made.
Amy Jo Smyth – Okay, DJ, what now? And any idea where we are?
Roxi – Well, it’s the 90’s so...what show would have outfits like this?
Amy Jo Smyth – All of them. Literally all of them.
{There’s a commotion and people are arguing. Roxi and AJ happen to look over to see the 20-something good-looking people shouting and yelling at each other.} Roxi – Well, that means rich people drama.
Amy Jo Smyth – Gawh. I bet one of them is a doctor and they all do steamy sex scenes.
Roxi – You sound jealous.
Amy Jo Smyth – Jealous? I have plenty of steamy sex.
Roxi – I did not need to know that.
{One of the women marches up the stairs towards Roxi and AJ, a scowl on her face.} Woman – And you two!
Roxi – Can we... help you?
Woman – How can you both let Blake and Shelly do this to me! You’re supposed to be my friends! You need to help me.
Roxi – Help you?
Woman – Yes, Blake, Shelly, Shaun, & Tina are all going out tonight, and we’re going to get even.
Amy Jo Smyth – Oh, a young Karen in the wild.
Woman – Karen? What?
Roxi – It's the 90's. That reference isn't relevant yet.
Woman – Typical. Amanda said you wouldn’t help me.
Amy Jo Smyth – Who are... ANY of those people?
Woman – Ugh, whatever. When I’m done, everyone will remember my name. Monica Stewert. I run Sunset Strip.
{“Monica” turns and leaves in a huff, and AJ looks at Roxi and shrugs.} Amy Jo Smyth – We’re in the middle of pretty people drama. Oh god this is an Aaron Spelling drama!
Roxi – I know, there’s gotta be another way off this channel too. I think we need to look for it.
{Roxi and AJ set off, looking in every unlocked door they can find until they accidentally stumble upon Monica, with another person tied up in the basement.} Monica – What are you two doing?
Amy Jo Smyth – I didn't know pretty people's drama went this far.
Roxi – The real question is, what are you doing?!
Monica – I can’t have snoops.
{Monica pulls out a gun.} Amy Jo Smyth – And suddenly, this is happening.
Monica – Oh trust me, this place is going out with a bang.
Amy Jo Smyth – So fucking dramatic.
{AJ makes her move and dives in to tackle Monica to the ground. Roxi goes and unties the woman who is being held.} Roxi – Are you okay? What’s your name? What is wrong with her?
Woman – She planted bombs! We have to get everyone out of here! I’m Alice!
Roxi – Go and tell the others! Hurry!
{AJ in the meantime has handled Monica and wrestles her to the ground, she rams her head against the sink, and Monica lies out cold on the floor.} Amy Jo Smyth – I swear, we never handled shit like this.
Roxi – This crazy woman apparently planted bombs, we have to find them!
Amy Jo Smyth – Do we have time for this? When's the next commercial break?
Roxi – I don’t know.
{Roxi and AJ rush out and find everyone having gathered near the pool in the center of the complex. They are yelling and bickering amongst themselves as time ticks away.} Roxi – You all need to get out of here, this place is going to explode.
Man – Whoa, hold on, how do we know there really IS a bomb.
Alice – There is a bomb, Blake! I saw them, Monica planted them!
Blake – Why would she do that? This sounds all wrong!
{Monica runs up from the basement, waving her arms and yelling.} Monica – Whoa! Whoa! It’s not what you think!
{Monica pulls the detonator from her pocket and smirks.} Monica – It’s much worse!
Roxi – Oh crap.
Amy Jo Smyth – Get down!
{AJ forces Roxi into the pool to avoid the massive explosion that wipes out the apartment complex. Things continue to explode causing Roxi and AJ to constantly dive to avoid debris. After 4 different explosions, Roxi and AJ are able to climb out of the pool and observe the carnage.} Roxi – Well... I guess there won’t be a season 2.
Amy Jo Smyth – This is a Spelling production, they all live.
{Roxi sees a flicking glow in the rubble and moves it out of the way.} Roxi – A-ha. We need to get outta here.
Amy Jo Smyth – It's gotta be better than this.
{Roxi and AJ jump in and move to the next channel.}
PANIC AT THE DISCO
{A funky 70’s disco beat plays, a giant billboard showing “skating with the stars” is shown. Roxi and AJ are on roller skates, their hair is feathered and they are dressed in tiny bicycle shorts and knotted tops.} Roxi – Well, this is certainly the ‘70’s.
{AJ looks up at the disco ball high overhead and then around the skating rink.} Amy Jo Smyth – Fuck me sideways... it’s like Studio 54. We’re here, Roxi. We’re finally here. In its heyday!
{The two begin to skate, with the DJ shouting out the festivities.} DJ – Welcome everybody to the Skate with the Stars benefit dance! Come on everyone, put on the skates and get down with the stars! We got Lee Merriweather skating tonight! Todd Bridges is in the house! Cindy Williams is here!
Roxi – Wow, that’s a lot of 70’s in here.
Amy Jo Smyth – This IS the 70’s!
DJ – Please remember to support the benefit! Our big benefactor Patrick Sharp! He put this thing on tonight!
{Roxi perks up upon hearing the name.} Roxi – Patrick Sharp? That’s the guy who disappeared! We’ve got to find him!
Amy Jo Smyth – Oh my god, is that Dana Plato? It is! You think she's high? She's totally high right now.
{Roxi tries to snap AJ out of it.} Roxi – AJ. Come on.
Amy Jo Smyth – This is just... it’s too much. This is great! So much sex and cocaine! So many-
{Roxi shakes her head.} Roxi – AJ. We need to get out of here.
{AJ sighs.} Amy Jo Smyth – Listen, once we find this guy, we gotta enjoy this for a few minutes!
{Roxi and AJ skate around and up to the DJ booth.} Roxi – Where is Mr. Sharp?
DJ – Up in the owner’s box!
Roxi – Thank you!
{Roxi and AJ skate off the rink and realize they don’t have any shoes, so they have to carefully make their way to the owner’s box, where there are armed guards waiting.} Roxi – We'd just like to talk to Mr. Sharp.
Bodyguard – Are you VIPs?
Amy Jo Smyth – Hear this, turkey, let us talk to Mr. Sharp or you're gonna get real messed up, ya dig?
Roxi – Relax. My friend here is just a big fan, we’d like to meet him.
Bodyguard – Sorry, no visitors.
{Roxi looks at AJ, who bounces her eyebrows and then whispers something in Roxi’s ear. Roxi gasps and AJ shrugs again. Roxi looks very annoyed and then pulls up her shirt to flash the bodyguard. He ends up changing his tune.} Bodyguard – I guess I’ll make an exception.
{Roxi smiles as she and AJ make it past the security guard into the owner’s office.} Roxi – Really? Jive?
Amy Jo Smyth – IT'S. THE. 70'S!
Patrick – Ah, to what do I owe the honor, ladies?
Roxi – Mr. Sharp, Patrick. We know you don’t belong here.
Patrick – Excuse me?
Roxi – The TV.
{Patrick arches a brow, and then sends the remaining guards outside. Once they are alone, Patrick crosses his arms and stares.} Patrick – So? What’s this about?
Roxi – Look, the first thing is getting out of this, and then getting you back home.
Patrick – You're wasting your time.
Amy Jo Smyth – Excuse me?
Patrick – I'm not going back! I love it here. This is great. Just great.
Roxi – But there’s people outside looking for you.
Patrick – Sorry, not interested.
{Patrick sits down, holding the TV remote that came with everything.} Patrick – Outside, I was a nobody. Here, I’m in charge. Didn’t take me long to figure it out. Everything here is a death trap. But, I have this. With this, if things get too hot, BAM. I’m on another channel. No scouring for conduits. I’m in charge.
Roxi – You're really not leaving?
Patrick – Not in this lifetime. I’ll be here, and live forever.
{Patrick opens a door leading to outside and seeing the dance floor.} Patrick – Look at what I’ve got.
Roxi – What do I tell your girlfriend?
Patrick – Tell her I’m dead. Tell her I moved on. It doesn’t matter.
Amy Jo Smyth – Okay Rox, you heard him. Let's go back to the skating rink and see what Lynda Carter is up to!
{Suddenly, and without warning, gunshots ring out and two of them hit Patrick as Roxi and AJ duck down. The crowd scatters and there’s return fire and now there’s a huge firefight. Roxi and AJ pulls Patrick back into the room, and then look at his wounds.} Patrick – Damn... I was a big shot... I had everything.... Take the remote... win the game...
{AJ takes the remote and sighs.} Amy Jo Smyth – Well...
Roxi – At least now we can get away faster?
Amy Jo Smyth – I guess.
{AJ pushes the button for the next channel.}
TOYKO DRAGON
{Roxi and AJ look around, and appear to be in Japan.} Roxi – Whoa, Japan?
Amy Jo Smyth – Looks like it. I mean, this isn’t all bad, right?
{The ground begins to shake, as a giant radioactive monster begins stomping through the city.} Roxi – God-
Amy Jo Smyth – I know. Go, go, Godzilla.
{AJ is about to flip to the next channel when The Controller appears and knocks it out of her hand!} Controller – No, no, no, that’s grand scale cheating! You play the game the right way!
Amy Jo Smyth – Look here, cock-troller, we’re not playing this at all!
{The Controller grabs the remote and holds it up.} Roxi – So... giant lizard problem!
Amy Jo Smyth – He's got the remote!
Controller – Now, you either play the right way, or not at all!
Roxi – Run!
{Roxi barrels into the Controller and knocks him over, knocking the controller out of his hand, and then there’s a three way tussle for the remote and the next channel is hit!
ROUGE
{Roxi and AJ are running and being chased by a a team of guerilla fighters, both wearing fatigues and seem to be in an ‘80’s action movie. They duck out into a shed, which is filled with guns.} Amy Jo Smyth – Oh, my, GOD, so many guns.
Roxi – What do we do?
{AJ pulls a gun off the wall, and smirks looking at it.} Amy Jo Smyth – Let’s party.
{A walkie talkie on both of their fatigues starts making noise.} Walkie Talkie – Come in squad, they have the President’s daughter. You must secure her.
Roxi – Wait, what?
{Roxi looks at AJ. Looking out the window to a villa.} Roxi – I assume she’s there.
Amy Jo Smyth – We really don’t need to worry about that.
Roxi – That could be someone’s actual daughter trapped in here!
Amy Jo Smyth – And the last person didn’t want to leave.
Roxi – Let's at least look!
{AJ shakes her head.} Amy Jo Smyth – You go, I’ll cover you.
Roxi – There's like 100 guys out there!
Amy Jo Smyth – And this is the ‘80’s.
{AJ pulls a bandana out of her pocket and wraps it around her head.} Amy Jo Smyth – I got this.
{Roxi does not agree with this idea, but nods.} Roxi – I'll be back for you.
{Roxi readies herself, kicks open the door, and runs, and AJ starts blasting away with her machine gun, which, true to the ‘80’s, does not require reloading.} Amy Jo Smyth - Feelin so good today,
Ain't nobody standing in my way.
Tomorrow it's gonna be a price to pay,
Feelin so good today.
Roxi – Definitely the 80's...
{Roxi sprints inside the villa, sneaking down following the voice of the little girl, until she spots the controller, holding the girl hostage and firing his gun wildly at Roxi.} Controller – Well, looks like it’s come to this. I told you that you need to play the game correctly.
Roxi – And now, you’re cheating.
Controller – Cheating! I make the rules!
Roxi – And here you are with a gun. You know full well you can just shoot me, but you know you’re taking the easy way out. You can’t fight me like a man.
Controller – Are you trying to make me drop the gun? Ha. I have all the power with this.
Roxi – No, go ahead, use the gun, because at the end of the day, you know you had to cheat to win this game, because we played it perfectly.
Controller – No! No you didn’t!
Roxi – Yes, we did. And now, you have a gun. You need a gun to win this game.
Controller – I don’t... I don’t need the gun. I don’t need the girl either!
{The Controller throws the little girl down and then throws the gun, and balls up his fists.} Controller – I'll go old-school on your ass.
{As the Controller looks for Roxi, she sneaks around, trying to stay out of sight, so she can plan her ambush. As they are in the TV, Roxi seemingly doesn’t have her powers handy to fight, but her training in judo and hand-to-hand combat made her ready for this. She leapt out and used her skills to toss and avoid the Controller as he swung wildly at her. Roxi threw him against the wall and he seemingly was knocked unconscious by the blow. Roxi went over to grab the little girl.} Roxi – It's okay sweetie, we’re gonna get you outta here.
{The girl screams at The Controller is back up, gun in his hand.} Controller – Maybe you were right. Maybe I did cheat. But all that matters, is I win.
{From behind him, AJ appears, cocking a pistol.} Amy Jo Smyth – Sorry pal, you’re canceled.
{AJ Shoots the Controller and he goes down.} Amy Jo Smyth – Y'all ready to go?
Roxi – How did you...
Amy Jo Smyth – It's the 80’s, I could crash head-first into a pole and shake it off.
Roxi – … Fair. And was the one-liner necessary?
Amy Jo Smyth – Again... 80’s.
Roxi – Alright, let’s get out of here.
{The Controller is still alive, and pushes a button and starts laughing.} Roxi – What did you do?!
Controller – I locked... this down. And we’re gonna blow up. So... nobody wins.
{Roxi pulls the remote out and hits a button to change the channel but nothing happens.} Roxi – Crap, we’re stuck.
Amy Jo Smyth – Give me that.
{AJ pushes all kind of buttons, but again nothing happens.} Amy Jo Smyth – Shit. Now what?
Roxi – There has to be way out... How do we escape TV?
Amy Jo Smyth – Turn it off.
{Roxi blinks.} Roxi – TURN IT OFF!
{AJ hits the power button.}
{Back in the real world, AJ and Roxi are thrown back out and land in AJ’s guest house. The girl, however is gone. They both get up and dust themselves off.} Roxi – You okay?
Amy Jo Smyth – Physically.
Roxi – Well... at least it’s over.
Amy Jo Smyth – It better be! I’ve had enough nostalgia for one day! Although... I guess it wasn’t all bad. Being in the 70’s was pretty fucking cool.
Roxi – Yeah, I guess. But, knowing what happens to some of those people...
Amy Jo Smyth – Yeah, I guess.
Roxi – I guess the lesson in nostalgia in small doses is great, but you can’t live on it.
Amy Jo Smyth – Now that we’ve established that...
{AJ grabs the cable box and unhooks it. She begins moving the giant TV.} Roxi – What are you doing?
Amy Jo Smyth – I'm going to blow this stupid thing up. Now give me a hand, you owe me that much.
Roxi – Fine.
{Roxi and AJ move everything into AJ’s shooting range and AJ straps some explosives to the whole set.} Roxi – I won’t question why you have explosives just handy.
Amy Jo Smyth – What? Like you don’t?
Roxi – Fair enough.
{Roxi and AJ back away, and eventually, blow up the TV.} Amy Jo Smyth – I do love explosions. There. Now that mystery is solved.
Roxi – But there’s still plenty out there.
Amy Jo Smyth – You are lucky there wasn't an episode of Unsolved Mysteries back there. I would have been all over that shit.
Roxi – I know. I’m sorry I dragged you into that.
Amy Jo Smyth – On the plus side... we did visit Studio 54.
Roxi – So does this mean we don’t need to go there now?
Amy Jo Smyth – Ha! You’re still taking me.
Roxi – Fine.
Amy Jo Smyth – But yeah, next time you have some crazy human eating TV, bring Keria with you.
Roxi – I will try. I’ll have to report this to Lt. Murphy since the whole point was to find Patrick Sharp.
Amy Jo Smyth – Just... leave me outta it.
Roxi – I will.
{Roxi and AJ hug, and Roxi departs, shrugging off the insane day she had, as the scene fades one last time.}
"The past defines the present. They're pathways of our destiny...at the root of every problem...and no one's roots run quite as deep as Logan's."
- Jean Grey (Life of Wolverine Infinity Comic #1)
Hello SCW.
Look, I don’t have really that much to say at this point about anything else going on. So, while I always enjoy talking to you, it’s really not about the world of SCW at this point. I am excited to be a part of Blaze of Glory, and to be in one of the main events. I earned this championship match, and now, there’s nothing really left but to address an old friend. So, if you’ll excuse me, I owe her that much.
Hello, Amber.
It’s been a long time. Almost a year to the day isn’t it? I would ask how you’ve been, but I know what happened. I know how you made whatever choice you made and that ended up costing you quite a long time on the shelf, licking your wounds and healing until it was time to come back.
And what a comeback it was.
You returned, and you finally vanquished the old ghost and now you have the SCW Bombshell’s title again. And now, here we are, ready to go to war, once again, over that very same title that seemingly caused all of this in the first place.
That is the briefest synopsis of the past year, but I know how long this has been going on, and all this lining up the way it has, has me feeling a bit nostalgic about things. Same event, same two wrestlers. But I want you to remember what you and I have always said to one another from the very beginning. That if until one of us can’t, any time it needed to happen, we would fight. So, you can count me as one of the people who knew you would be coming back, because that’s just you. Don’t think that after all this time I don’t know you. You are driven to do this, and we almost seemed destined to fight at least once during a calendar year. Though, I assume that you would very much like to do this more than that.
Though, I want you to remember back to that last match, and no, I don’t bring it up because I won. That part is almost irrelevant now, isn’t it? No, past that, and you, shaking my hand. I fought for a long time to have that happen. I really did. Many people, my own wife included, thought I was crazy for thinking that was going to happen. From the fireball to tearing up a whole arena to trying to literally stop each other from standing. All of that, and one would think that it would be insanity to believe that we would ever... be the way we are now. I’m not even sure what to call what we have now.
While we certainly aren’t friends, though the sarcastic use of the word is amusing. But are we actually enemies? Are we trying to claw at each other anymore? No. In fact, the last time we spoke, it was far more...supportive than antagonistic.
But then again, what caused that, was not a growing respect for one another. It was you, seemingly wanting to make amends for what Masque had done at that point. That caused me to think quite a bit about this entire situation. It made me go over everything I knew, and perhaps it was all just a mind game, and maybe this is all just going to be proven to be nothing more than a cover. It raised my suspicions tenfold, I will tell you that.
For as much as I know about you, there’s obviously a lot I don’t. But I know enough to trust my eyes and my gut about you. You see, while that message, was one of support, there wasn’t one for anybody else. Oh no, Amber, when Masque set foot in SCW, you two were playing this game, and other people were suffering for it. People got hurt, and what did you do?
You condoned it.
Don’t try and tell me you didn’t. You watched and you reveled in it. You spread the message and told everyone else that they didn’t know what they were getting into and how badly they were going to get hurt. You watched it with glee, and were smug about it when right. Masque would take down people left and right and here you were, off on the side, without a care for any of those bombshells.
So, the sudden and dramatic change of heart, after you were also made a victim, only stands to further my suspicions about this whole ordeal.
It just looks like you went ahead, and waited for Masque to do her thing, and then you swooped in, like the hero, and ended the whole thing and now you have the championship back and everything is as it should be. You slayed the beast, conquered the demon, and we’re just going to ignore everything else because you got what you wanted.
You see how that may raise a few eyebrows? I’m certain you can.
So, I guess the question becomes, should I beat you at Blaze of Glory, will the whole thing just start again? Will you send Masque to come after me? Will she mow down the competition and fight for you? Because those are her words, not mine. She did all that, for you. I took your heart. You heard those words just as I did, Amber. You can’t tell me this doesn’t smell like something nefarious.
Because the fact is, her words never actually changed. It was you, who after being attacked, and sitting in a hospital bed, recovering and licking your wounds, decided out of the clear blue sky that you would come back and convienently, Masque had the Bombshell’s championship, and you would right the wrong. Like it all of a sudden dawned on you the monster you helped created was out of control.
Perhaps, since you chose to take my role of hero, you can see things from this perspective, yes?
You can tell me, and everyone else that this was simple atonement for your sins, but I know you won’t. You have considered yourself a lost cause for a long time. This perhaps was the realization of a mistake and simply trying to make at least one thing right.
But would it have been complete if I had beaten Masque the second time as well? Would the glorious comeback have meant as much if you had simply wrestled and beaten Masque, while I still had the championship you shook my hand over?
Forgive the nostalgia of all this thinking, but somehow, despite all that has happened recently, I somehow still doubt it. It’s just a feeling in my bones, and I know as the years have passed they may creak every now and again, but I’ve trusted them for a long time. And they’re telling me what they’ve always told me about you.
So, here we are again, old friend. We dance the dance we’ve been doing for so long at this point. We know all the steps, there’s no surprises here. You know me, and I know you. It would be insulting my intelligence and a waste of your breath to call this a match for YOUR championship. The one you fought so long and hard to win back and how you never changed and it’s always been about that for you. You know me better than that. You know I see things that most people don’t. You know you need to choose your words and actions in a far more deliberate manner than you do against almost any other person walking this planet.
While the years pass, I haven’t changed who I am. You know who I am, you know what I’m about. Don’t think that because you’ve come back and had the big successful storybook finale with Masque that it means that somehow, I’m going to look at this match differently. I'm not telling you anything you don't already know, Amber. I know what I'm up against.
It is, as it always will be. You and I, fighting each other tooth and nail because of the level of competition that drives both of us to bring out the best in each other. You know it as well as I do. Despite it all, I never actually hated you. And you've told me as much. It's us, doing what we need to do. And here we are, meeting to do it again. I suppose it’s the age old thing of just seeing who is better. But then again, if that was the case, you wouldn’t have stooped to the levels you did. Although, after all this time, maybe you would.
But again, you’ll have to forgive the nostalgia again here, I remember the last time you and I sat in the ring face to face and you told me, you were tired. You told me that you were running on empty and you wanted to stop because you had faced so many challengers and that it was all getting to you. You told me you were tired of me, because I wanted what I had earned. I had to make noise to get it, but I got it.
You know as well as I do I didn’t sit and pine for a title match with you until I had earned one. It just took longer than I wanted because although I had beaten so many other challengers, and then at the last second, Crystal snuck in and made it a triple threat. I was patient, and I was waiting for my turn, and then just like that, someone else was shoehorned into it.
I took that, and I had to simply demand what I had earned. And you told me you were tired.
You know how much that diminished the win for me? You know how much it takes away, that I didn’t really beat you at your best? That I didn’t walk away and feel that sense of accomplishment as much? I almost think you did it on purpose. But I know you still gave me a hell of a fight regardless, but I knew from then on, the next time HAD to be different.
And now, none of those things should be a factor in this match.
There is no other contender that’s going to be in that ring on Sunday. No one, other than me. And you, should have had plenty of rest. You’ve obviously have recovered, you have had your championship match and regained it, and you successfully defended it. So, there shouldn’t be any tiredness on your end. And yeah, my birthday just passed and I’m a little older, but as I have proven time and time again, and you know I have, that has never been a factor.
I am committed to what we agreed on. If we’re both 80 years old and you still want to fight, I will be there. And much like last time, I will give you everything I have. Because now, I need to beat you at your best. I need to beat you with everything at stake and take any doubts or excuses out of the equation. This is the match Amber. I told you that if and when you came back, I would be waiting. And here I am. As promised. And so, here we are.
I guess as much as I want to not focus on the past and all the things we’ve done, it’s simply a window into what we will do in the future.
Amber, I’m coming to Blaze of Glory, much like last year, and I’m going to beat you, at your best, and become the Bombshell’s champion for a 5th time. And whenever you want to come and try and take it back, I’ll be there. That is a promise.
Take my hand old friend...
We dance this dance again. For old time’s sake.
See you there.
