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Climax Control Archives / Fighting Back Against the Poison
« Last post by Andrea Hernandez on June 27, 2025, 11:58:47 PM »Beating Necra Octavian Kane was definitely the outlet that I said it was going to be. I got a very good chunk of anger that I had been holding back for five years out of me though I knew that there was probably some repressed anger that was more than likely still inside of me. I felt that satisfaction for a moment, but the next day? I knew that it wasn’t going to be all THAT helpful as far as my current situation goes. For the time being though, anger stepped aside and it was replaced with that very familiar June swoon feeling.
As had been the case every Father’s Day since he passed, I was visiting my father’s grave. The last five years definitely came before me in a flash as I longingly looked at the gravestone in front of me, fighting that horrible wishing that he was still here somehow and that the day he died was nothing but a nightmare that I had yet to wake up from. I could long or wish for things to have gone a different direction, but I let out a sigh with a very harsh reality…
“It never gets easier…”
I sighed again as I continued to talk to my father the best way that I could at this point.
“I know it’s been five years, but it still feels like it happened yesterday. The truth is, when you passed away, it was like an entire world got ripped away from me. I regret what your passing ended up doing to me. I regret that I let that pain and the toxic words of toxic people that I was dealing with at the time turn me into something I’m not. I know that I have since redeemed myself a hell of a lot and truly made you proud, but even I have to admit that winning the title in SCW the second time wasn’t as fulfilling as I was hoping it would be. Maybe I went numb after High Stakes? Maybe it didn’t mean as much as it would’ve had I won at that event instead of winning it when I did when I was alone and no family around me? Don’t get me wrong, I felt happy but not as happy as I thought. Maybe it’s because you weren’t there to celebrate it with me…”
Luckily, I was long past the point of crying over his death. I had long accepted the fact that he was dead. But five years later, I wasn’t as sure if I had accepted the fact that he could no longer be here.
“I’ve had to navigate all of this without you and there are times where I’m flying high and it’s so easy and there are other times where it feels like I can’t do it and I suffocate under all the pressure. Full disclosure? Trying the hardest that I can to keep my head up and to stay bright and above all the toxicity in a locker room full of poison like I do in SCW is probably the hardest thing I could ever do…
At this point, winning a world championship is a cakewalk in comparison….”
I paused, reflecting on the mistakes that caused me to succumb to the same exact pressure I was feeling five years ago. I knew in my heart that at the time, I had no sense of self-worth or any knowledge whatsoever of who I was or who I was meant to become. All June 2020 was for me personally was by far the worst month of my whole wrestling career.
“I am trying… VERY hard, Dad… but coming out of that last world title match that I was in… then going into the match I just had where I had a piece of shit of an opponent that treated me like I was fucking nobody… then combine that with all the shade and the harangues that I hear from opponents and even people that I’m not even wrestling against constantly. For months, I stood strong against it, but now, it’s like… what am I doing, honestly? How do I keep fighting when I know that the warped perception about me is never going to change? Aside from when I was in that rut that I was in all those years ago, all I’ve ever been is myself and it just doesn’t resonate with ANYONE at all. There’s a reason why I barely hang around the locker room or even bother promoting a fucking thing SCW related on social media anymore…”
I had to stop myself knowing that the frustration from everything that I just described was starting to get to me at this point. I took a few deep breaths and even imagined my father telling me that everything was going to be okay, to breathe, to bring everything back to what is supposed to matter and to flush everything else down the trash chute. I knew that this is what he would say to me. But I couldn’t help it anymore. I knew I was exhausted from being exposed to ‘the poison’ that I was talking about.
Winning another world championship or even succeeding in SCW became the least of my worries at this point. I had no confidence issues that I was still going to be a success story at the end of the day.
But knowing, swallowing and accepting the reality that no matter what I did, I was always going to have slander, hatred, lies, and the like thrown at me every single opposing promo became the REAL difficult part and there was a majority piece inside of my soul that just wanted to stop and not even deal with it anymore, as I was about to confess to my father.
“I’m tired, Daddy…” I said with a sigh. “...I’ll always be the punching bag of those toxic women…”
“Do you think he’d want you to be tired?” I heard one of my brothers say behind me.
“He’d want you to keep fighting, no matter what.” I heard the other say. I turned and saw Eddie and Roddy coming up from behind in the rare instance where it was just the three of us. They each put a hand on my shoulder and I didn’t even bother asking if they heard everything I said because I assumed, rightfully, that they did.
“I know you’ve been hurting lately, Andrea…” Eddie began. “...and that’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from us anymore. I know that whole series with Kayla Richards really brought you down and you tried to be strong through it.”
“It’s obvious with how distant you’ve been from that place that it really brought you down… that those words, that sudden about face, the worthless comparisons to Crystal and all of that nonsense when you didn’t do a damn thing to Kayla at all… it’s weighed you down…”
“It has, Roddy. Are you happy that I’ve admitted it? Are you happy that I’m hurting knowing that nothing I do in that company fucking matters to these people? I’m at the point where I don’t even know what the fuck anyone wants from me anymore. All I do is be the best that I can be, in the ring and out of the ring. I am real. I don’t hide shit. I don’t sugar coat shit. I express myself the way I am and it seems like all it does is give every vapid bitch in there an EXCUSE to slander me and make up all this fucking untrue shit. I’m struggling guys, honestly. There’s a part of me that just wants to… I don’t know…”
“Look, if it comes down to it, you can always walk away again…” Eddie reminded me.
“Don’t suggest that, bro. You know she wants to make things right.”
“I’ll never make it right…” I admitted. “Not with anyone in that room. No matter what I do, what I say, I’ll always be marginalized, scrutinized and treated unfairly just because… I don’t know. I wish things were better. I wish I didn’t have this struggle right now.”
“You just need to buy into your truth a little harder, Andrea…” Roddy advised.
“But HOW do I do that? How can I be the light that snuffs out the darkness surrounding me, you know? Dad never got the chance to teach me that. I understand that the key is believing in myself, my truth and everything that I’m about better, stronger and like you said harder. But where I’m struggling with is HOW? Dad died five years ago and it was the most heartbreaking thing that I’ve ever had to deal with and now it feels like I’m back in the same spot that I was then.”
My brothers looked at each other and I could tell that they were trying very hard to find a way to help me through this.
“For starters, quit being so distant from us…” Eddie added. “You know we’re always here to help you even if Dad is no longer with us.”
“Exactly…” Roddy added. “Whatever you need to help you get back on your feet, don’t be afraid to reach ou to either of us or both of us. You don’t have to struggle through this anymore and you sure as hell don’t have to deal with the crap that you deal with. You’re better and stronger than that. You were still doing some great things even though you lived through the horrible darkness that you did before you left that place and then you came back and you regained that world title. It takes someone very special to pull through all of that.
“You’re exactly it, Andrea. You just have to see your own strength for yourself and for real.”
“We’re here for you, no matter what…”
“Always…”
“I love you guys…”
We started to exchange hugs at that point and I knew my father would be incredibly happy with all of us right now.
“It’s fucking hard right now and it’s not getting any easier, but I can pull through this. I’ve done it once before when it was so much harder than it is right now and I can, and I will, do this again. You two have my promise that I’m never going to stop fighting and that I’ll never relapse back to what I was before. That match I just had a week ago was an outlet and a one time deal, nothing more.”
“That’s the spirit, Andrea…” Eddie assured me.
“You keep fighting and you keep on finding and believing in your truth…” Roddy reemphasized. “Just like Dad would…”
I glanced at the grave in front of us.
“...exactly like he would….”
Suddenly, this Father’s Day didn’t seem so gloomy even though I had a long way to go to fully pull through this.
A few hours later…
Chelsea LeClair was always someone that would give it to me straight which is why she’s been more or less my best friend for the last twenty or so years. When my brothers left and she came by to check on me, she was about to give it to me straight after I told her about the conversation that I had with both of them.
“I understand, Andrea…” she said with a sigh. “It’ll never fully stop being a struggle to deal with all of that toxicity and you have every right to step away from it and want to be as far away from it as possible. I mean, the shit Necra said about you going into your last match there, are you fucking kidding me?”
I rolled my eyes with annoyance.
“And everyone else seems to just want to twist your words into things like ‘arrogance’, ‘fake’, blah fucking blah. Honestly, Andrea, there isn’t an original fucking thought in that locker room. Hell, let me tell it to you REALLY fucking straight…”
“Yeah?”
“You’re too good of a person for that locker room. Hell, you’re too good of a person for SCW period.”
I narrowed my eyes with confusion.
“Chels, if that ever comes out of my mouth on social media or when the camera is on, you know that’s going to start a wave of shit just like 2020 again.”
“One, WHO FUCKING GIVES A FUCK about what anyone else thinks? I’m dead serious. I didn’t mean that as a professional wrestler and I didn’t mean that in the context of wins, championships and so forth. I meant as a human being. You and I both know, even though you really don’t want to say it, that SCW has a locker room full of awful people, full of venomous ego, full of vapid pieces of shit that don’t have an original thought, full of people that have nothing else to say about you because they’re so fucking unmotivated to better themselves in any way, full of people that just want to bring you down to their level because the company is either all they have in the business or the only company they’d be willing to work for because they’re fucking SCARED to be exposed wrestling for another company… and you’re going to let a bunch of THAT GARBAGE make you feel the way you do? Honestly, as your best friend ever, that’s fucking stupid and you need to stop fucking doing that.”
I knew right away that Chelsea was right and I didn’t even bother fighting back on this.
“Where am I wrong, Andrea? Every place has poison in its locker room. The other place that you wrestle for that you are FAR happier in and FAR more passionate about has it too, but as far as the business goes, it’s no worse than in SCW. Tell me where I’m wrong.”
“You’re not…”
“You’re fucking nuts for even wanting to be there, I’ll tell you that right now.”
“Unfinished business, Chelsea. It was never going to end the way it did when I left and it sure as hell isn’t going to end with the Kayla Richards nonsense. You’re right in everything you said. I just get so caught up in my own emotions that I forget that so often.”
“You just have to be grounded a little more and just keep focusing on within. I understand it’s a hard habit to break. I was there seeing you or hearing about you getting bullied and berated and torn down all the damn time at school or at home with Roddy back when he was a fucking prick to you. But you have at least four… about to be five by the end of this month in the other company… reasons why none of that shit matters…”
“Did you take that one out of my Dad’s playbook?” I asked her.
“Would your dad tell you anything different than what I just said? Be better, be stronger, stay above the shit, Andrea. You can express your truth and you can pick at the flaws of your opponents and their successes and failures until the cows come home, but for the sake of your father’s spirit, don’t let the assholes win. Don’t relapse back to what you were, alright?”
“Chelsea, if I ever do, you have every right to cripple me to the point of having to retire because I’d rather have THAT then ever relapsing back to that shit…”
I let out an angry sigh as I was largely determined to avoid relapsing back to that horrible phase of my career.
“I’m not letting the poison win again…”
With that, I turned away from my father’s grave and finally left the cemetery with Chelsea not so far behind…
June 27, 2025
When the camera was on, I was starting to feel a little bit better coming down from all the emotions on Father’s Day a couple of weeks prior. I was nowhere near as angry as I was going into my match against Necra, but I definitely still felt jaded considering that I had to come around on the truth that I was never going to change my perception in the ‘toxic’ locker room in SCW no matter what I said or did. Nonetheless, I spoke my mind and spoke my truth as always with the pride in my heart knowing that nobody knew my truth better than me.
“My last match was a purge. I had to get that anger out. Let’s just say it was a cheat meal of sorts as I ran rampant against a Hall of Fame member in Necra Octavian Kane and promptly shut her the fuck up. But, I have to be real. Aside from the fact that I beat someone that is in the Hall of Fame, I can’t say that win satisfies me very much. Maybe it’s because I know I have done better and that I can do better but really, I know that I’ve been too unfocused. I know I’ve been pushing too hard at the wrong things and worrying too much about perception and what other people have thought about me in the past or what someone says about me directly the week that I am facing them or whether or not someone has shaded me in a subtweet or in their own promo even when I’m not facing them. I’ve been pushing back on the hope that it would get better if not go away completely. I’ve even tried to give ‘being the light in the darkness’ a shot in trying to set a new example to change the culture in this locker room. I will be the first to admit that I was a fool for even trying that. After my match against Necra, I paid my father a visit, took in so much support and encouraging words from my friends and family, and tried the best that I could to put the pieces together just like I always do. I had to swallow the fact that the culture of this locker room is never going to change.
So why even TRY to change it at this point?
It’s still going to be the most ego-infested poison of a locker room I will ever wrestle in throughout my entire career. My way of fighting it isn’t to try to change the culture, it’s to make damn fucking sure that the culture doesn’t change me…
Again…
Necra was a purge, a statement and a release. There’s still a long way to go for things to get to where I desire them to be, but I will never be denied again and I meant it when I said it before and I will always mean when I say it. Not one person in this locker room, not one moment, not one ounce of adversity is going to change me again and you can interpret that however the fuck you want, but regardless of what happens, regardless of what lie is said about me, regardless of what happens any given match, at least I know walking out of that locker room and carrying on with the next day with my head held high and not allowing that shit to break me again is ALL I need to do to be above it all.
So as far as THIS match goes? I’m not entirely sure what to make of it really. On one hand, you got a new girl… a very impressive new girl with some favorable connections I should say… and on the other hand, you’ve got someone that has always been an identity crisis and always will be. I know it’s not the most exciting thing in the world to say, or the most “scandalous” thing in the world to say, but I’m going to go in there, I’m going to do what I have to do to win and then I just let it all roll off my back and move forward. I’m on a journey where I’m fighting through the darkness that I caved into years ago and this match will be the next step in the process for that and that’s the purpose that this match has for me.
Now, Amelia…
Got that win over Joanne Canelli.
I’m not so surprised by that.
Hell, I’m not even surprised that she finds herself in a match with me considering that, for better or worse, SCW does have a history of hot shotting newbies up the ladder like nobody’s business. Here’s where I can tell Amelia that she’s in over her head because she’s new and that Joanne really wasn’t that impressive or whatever cliche I can pull out of my ass. But no, I’m not going to do that. See, Amelia is someone that won’t sugar coat shit and she’s going to tell you exactly how she feels. She’s not going to pull any punches. I already know going in that whatever she says about me is probably going to be the same shit I always hear or maybe there will be a spin on it that is slightly different, but still. She’s the kind of person I am constantly fighting against in this company because you’ve got a roster full of women that feel like they have to tear each other down and make up lies about people and interpret this to force their lies and interpret that to twist their narrative even though it makes no fucking sense. Yeah, I already know that. I can tell that Amelia is in that same line of thinking… maybe to a smaller extent than the others, who the hell knows. Her associations alone tell you that. But I’m going to tell her straight up that what worked with Joanne isn’t going to work with me.
I’ve been where you are, Amelia. Hell, I’ve even experienced that hot shotting. When I had my first match here back in 2019, it wasn’t against anyone special at all but then my second match in… BOOM, I’m suddenly facing Mercedes Vargas and then five matches in, I’m facing then-world champion Alicia Lukas right off of High Stakes. Not even nine months in, I’m already a world champion. Matter of fact, I experienced it again when I came back. Not even ten matches in…. BOOM, I’m in the Bombshells main event of High Stakes for the first time in my long run here. I’ve been able to navigate the waters that you can only experience by doing, not by watching. You might be a quick riser in this division. I can see that in you after just one match. Clearly, with you being in this sort of match, the company itself might be seeing that in you. But the question that this match may answer in the long run is that when you get that hot shot up the ladder and you’re suddenly finding yourself in a situation where you have to step the fuck up more than you could ever imagine before, are you actually going to make that leap and prove all the hype correct or are you going to be like so many others that have crumbled and collapsed and then are never heard from again? Yeah, I haven’t been perfect. I’ve had my stumbles and falls. I’ve had two very unsatisfying world title reigns that ended quicker than I wanted them to end and overall, I haven’t broken the ceiling that I wanted to here, I will own that shit to kingdom come.
But at the same time, I’ve STILL made something out of nothing many times. I’m STILL that woman that when she was at rock bottom, went 16 months without losing a match and still captured an Internet Championship. I’m that woman that, while she was still finding her feet again in this company… and to be honest, I still am… managed to beat Kayla Richards for the world title. Yeah, like I said, that reign didn’t go how I wanted it to go, but at the same time? I’ve DONE all that while I’m dealing with the shit that I’ve been dealing with. I stand to reason that aside from maybe Crystal Hilton and Mercedes Vargas, no woman in recent memory of this company has been scrutinized, criticized, and slandered more than I have been throughout the entire time that I’ve been here and even though yes, it HAS brought me down more times than I can count, I STILL pull through all of that toxic poison I’m surrounded by. That’s what gives me the biggest edge over someone like you.
You’re impressive, yes.
You have a bright future here if you want it, sure.
But let’s see what happens when the wolves come out for you eventually just like they have from me in this company going all the way back to my second match here…
One of those wolves happen to be the OTHER opponent…”
I rolled my eyes obviously feeling annoyed about the fact that Kate Steele had become a cockroach of the Bombshells division at this point.
“...more like a Pomeranian if we’re being honest. Lord, Kate Steele is back. Quick poll, is there anyone in this company that even WANTED Kate Steele back? Look Kate, I’m going to keep it very simple with you because you’re not complex to figure out at all. You never have been. You never will be. I know you have a history of just going whichever way the wind blows and even in recent times, that’s exactly what you’ve done. I mean, I’ve lost count. That’s how many comebacks that you’ve made in recent years under how many different names or monikers or identities or what have you? I mean, last I remember, you were DIAMOND Steele and you were on this Gemstones kick with Ruby and all those bitches and you were all about the rock band and you were all about… well… truth be told, I don’t even know what you were really all about because you’ve changed personas faster than one can blink really and now you’re coming back as…
‘The Phoenix….”
You’ve GOT to be fucking kidding me…
I am NOT going to go the route of ‘you ripped me off, I used it first’ because truth be told, that’s not an original moniker. People used it in this business long before I did and people are going to continue to use it long after we’re both done, but are you fucking serious, Kate? Do you have an original bone in your body at all? Are you even CAPABLE of changing? Are you even CAPABLE of learning anything for any sort of personal growth at all? NO! Absolutely not. Matter of fact, calling yourself a phoenix is HIGHLY inaccurate because calling yourself a phoenix is insinuating that you’ve ever had ashes to rise from to begin with and it insinuates that you even had a high in this company to even be burned to ashes at all and last I checked Kate… you’ve never been a world champion in SCW and the last time that you were even CLOSE to ANY sort of high at all was… when, exactly? You can change your name, change your moniker and change your lock all you want to Kate, but you will NEVER be anything more, to me anyway, as the woman that just can’t get the fuck out of her own way and goes in endless cycles with nothing original to ever bring forth to the table. You’re always going to be the woman that has been here the longest and yet, has never won the big one in this company because of always getting in her own way. You’re the type of person that has always talked shit about someone one week and then the next, you’re kissing their ass or sometimes, it’s even the other way around.
Once a mental mess, always a mental mess! Now, this is where I COULD bring up things that took place between us years ago or how you were one of the people years ago that were rooting for me to fail and how you were one of the most toxic people that I dealt with back then, but what good does that do me? For one, I got it out of my system last year on the cruise ship when I beat you in a triple threat match and secondly, you’re not even worth getting worked up about anymore. I was dumb and naive enough to let someone like you bother me with the garbage they were saying about me a long time ago but now? You mean absolutely nothing to me. You’ve done nothing over the last however long it’s been to even warrant any sort of emotion from me. You’re someone that a year from now is going to have either a different moniker or a different name if not both because… well… let’s be straight up… you’re a miserable, self-loathing cunt that has never pulled her head out of her own ass to see the truth and never will. So, when I beat you on Sunday, you better have your next moniker lined up. If I could make a suggestion, maybe it should be… hmmm…. “The Straitjacket Queen”?
Because really… it’s getting to a point where the only place with more than two sides you should be in is that padded room with how often you change everything about you to try to be relevant, then fail, then change again to try to be relevant and… fuck it, you’re not worth another second.
I wasted no time shutting off the camera at this point.
As had been the case every Father’s Day since he passed, I was visiting my father’s grave. The last five years definitely came before me in a flash as I longingly looked at the gravestone in front of me, fighting that horrible wishing that he was still here somehow and that the day he died was nothing but a nightmare that I had yet to wake up from. I could long or wish for things to have gone a different direction, but I let out a sigh with a very harsh reality…
“It never gets easier…”
I sighed again as I continued to talk to my father the best way that I could at this point.
“I know it’s been five years, but it still feels like it happened yesterday. The truth is, when you passed away, it was like an entire world got ripped away from me. I regret what your passing ended up doing to me. I regret that I let that pain and the toxic words of toxic people that I was dealing with at the time turn me into something I’m not. I know that I have since redeemed myself a hell of a lot and truly made you proud, but even I have to admit that winning the title in SCW the second time wasn’t as fulfilling as I was hoping it would be. Maybe I went numb after High Stakes? Maybe it didn’t mean as much as it would’ve had I won at that event instead of winning it when I did when I was alone and no family around me? Don’t get me wrong, I felt happy but not as happy as I thought. Maybe it’s because you weren’t there to celebrate it with me…”
Luckily, I was long past the point of crying over his death. I had long accepted the fact that he was dead. But five years later, I wasn’t as sure if I had accepted the fact that he could no longer be here.
“I’ve had to navigate all of this without you and there are times where I’m flying high and it’s so easy and there are other times where it feels like I can’t do it and I suffocate under all the pressure. Full disclosure? Trying the hardest that I can to keep my head up and to stay bright and above all the toxicity in a locker room full of poison like I do in SCW is probably the hardest thing I could ever do…
At this point, winning a world championship is a cakewalk in comparison….”
I paused, reflecting on the mistakes that caused me to succumb to the same exact pressure I was feeling five years ago. I knew in my heart that at the time, I had no sense of self-worth or any knowledge whatsoever of who I was or who I was meant to become. All June 2020 was for me personally was by far the worst month of my whole wrestling career.
“I am trying… VERY hard, Dad… but coming out of that last world title match that I was in… then going into the match I just had where I had a piece of shit of an opponent that treated me like I was fucking nobody… then combine that with all the shade and the harangues that I hear from opponents and even people that I’m not even wrestling against constantly. For months, I stood strong against it, but now, it’s like… what am I doing, honestly? How do I keep fighting when I know that the warped perception about me is never going to change? Aside from when I was in that rut that I was in all those years ago, all I’ve ever been is myself and it just doesn’t resonate with ANYONE at all. There’s a reason why I barely hang around the locker room or even bother promoting a fucking thing SCW related on social media anymore…”
I had to stop myself knowing that the frustration from everything that I just described was starting to get to me at this point. I took a few deep breaths and even imagined my father telling me that everything was going to be okay, to breathe, to bring everything back to what is supposed to matter and to flush everything else down the trash chute. I knew that this is what he would say to me. But I couldn’t help it anymore. I knew I was exhausted from being exposed to ‘the poison’ that I was talking about.
Winning another world championship or even succeeding in SCW became the least of my worries at this point. I had no confidence issues that I was still going to be a success story at the end of the day.
But knowing, swallowing and accepting the reality that no matter what I did, I was always going to have slander, hatred, lies, and the like thrown at me every single opposing promo became the REAL difficult part and there was a majority piece inside of my soul that just wanted to stop and not even deal with it anymore, as I was about to confess to my father.
“I’m tired, Daddy…” I said with a sigh. “...I’ll always be the punching bag of those toxic women…”
“Do you think he’d want you to be tired?” I heard one of my brothers say behind me.
“He’d want you to keep fighting, no matter what.” I heard the other say. I turned and saw Eddie and Roddy coming up from behind in the rare instance where it was just the three of us. They each put a hand on my shoulder and I didn’t even bother asking if they heard everything I said because I assumed, rightfully, that they did.
“I know you’ve been hurting lately, Andrea…” Eddie began. “...and that’s okay. You don’t have to hide it from us anymore. I know that whole series with Kayla Richards really brought you down and you tried to be strong through it.”
“It’s obvious with how distant you’ve been from that place that it really brought you down… that those words, that sudden about face, the worthless comparisons to Crystal and all of that nonsense when you didn’t do a damn thing to Kayla at all… it’s weighed you down…”
“It has, Roddy. Are you happy that I’ve admitted it? Are you happy that I’m hurting knowing that nothing I do in that company fucking matters to these people? I’m at the point where I don’t even know what the fuck anyone wants from me anymore. All I do is be the best that I can be, in the ring and out of the ring. I am real. I don’t hide shit. I don’t sugar coat shit. I express myself the way I am and it seems like all it does is give every vapid bitch in there an EXCUSE to slander me and make up all this fucking untrue shit. I’m struggling guys, honestly. There’s a part of me that just wants to… I don’t know…”
“Look, if it comes down to it, you can always walk away again…” Eddie reminded me.
“Don’t suggest that, bro. You know she wants to make things right.”
“I’ll never make it right…” I admitted. “Not with anyone in that room. No matter what I do, what I say, I’ll always be marginalized, scrutinized and treated unfairly just because… I don’t know. I wish things were better. I wish I didn’t have this struggle right now.”
“You just need to buy into your truth a little harder, Andrea…” Roddy advised.
“But HOW do I do that? How can I be the light that snuffs out the darkness surrounding me, you know? Dad never got the chance to teach me that. I understand that the key is believing in myself, my truth and everything that I’m about better, stronger and like you said harder. But where I’m struggling with is HOW? Dad died five years ago and it was the most heartbreaking thing that I’ve ever had to deal with and now it feels like I’m back in the same spot that I was then.”
My brothers looked at each other and I could tell that they were trying very hard to find a way to help me through this.
“For starters, quit being so distant from us…” Eddie added. “You know we’re always here to help you even if Dad is no longer with us.”
“Exactly…” Roddy added. “Whatever you need to help you get back on your feet, don’t be afraid to reach ou to either of us or both of us. You don’t have to struggle through this anymore and you sure as hell don’t have to deal with the crap that you deal with. You’re better and stronger than that. You were still doing some great things even though you lived through the horrible darkness that you did before you left that place and then you came back and you regained that world title. It takes someone very special to pull through all of that.
“You’re exactly it, Andrea. You just have to see your own strength for yourself and for real.”
“We’re here for you, no matter what…”
“Always…”
“I love you guys…”
We started to exchange hugs at that point and I knew my father would be incredibly happy with all of us right now.
“It’s fucking hard right now and it’s not getting any easier, but I can pull through this. I’ve done it once before when it was so much harder than it is right now and I can, and I will, do this again. You two have my promise that I’m never going to stop fighting and that I’ll never relapse back to what I was before. That match I just had a week ago was an outlet and a one time deal, nothing more.”
“That’s the spirit, Andrea…” Eddie assured me.
“You keep fighting and you keep on finding and believing in your truth…” Roddy reemphasized. “Just like Dad would…”
I glanced at the grave in front of us.
“...exactly like he would….”
Suddenly, this Father’s Day didn’t seem so gloomy even though I had a long way to go to fully pull through this.
A few hours later…
Chelsea LeClair was always someone that would give it to me straight which is why she’s been more or less my best friend for the last twenty or so years. When my brothers left and she came by to check on me, she was about to give it to me straight after I told her about the conversation that I had with both of them.
“I understand, Andrea…” she said with a sigh. “It’ll never fully stop being a struggle to deal with all of that toxicity and you have every right to step away from it and want to be as far away from it as possible. I mean, the shit Necra said about you going into your last match there, are you fucking kidding me?”
I rolled my eyes with annoyance.
“And everyone else seems to just want to twist your words into things like ‘arrogance’, ‘fake’, blah fucking blah. Honestly, Andrea, there isn’t an original fucking thought in that locker room. Hell, let me tell it to you REALLY fucking straight…”
“Yeah?”
“You’re too good of a person for that locker room. Hell, you’re too good of a person for SCW period.”
I narrowed my eyes with confusion.
“Chels, if that ever comes out of my mouth on social media or when the camera is on, you know that’s going to start a wave of shit just like 2020 again.”
“One, WHO FUCKING GIVES A FUCK about what anyone else thinks? I’m dead serious. I didn’t mean that as a professional wrestler and I didn’t mean that in the context of wins, championships and so forth. I meant as a human being. You and I both know, even though you really don’t want to say it, that SCW has a locker room full of awful people, full of venomous ego, full of vapid pieces of shit that don’t have an original thought, full of people that have nothing else to say about you because they’re so fucking unmotivated to better themselves in any way, full of people that just want to bring you down to their level because the company is either all they have in the business or the only company they’d be willing to work for because they’re fucking SCARED to be exposed wrestling for another company… and you’re going to let a bunch of THAT GARBAGE make you feel the way you do? Honestly, as your best friend ever, that’s fucking stupid and you need to stop fucking doing that.”
I knew right away that Chelsea was right and I didn’t even bother fighting back on this.
“Where am I wrong, Andrea? Every place has poison in its locker room. The other place that you wrestle for that you are FAR happier in and FAR more passionate about has it too, but as far as the business goes, it’s no worse than in SCW. Tell me where I’m wrong.”
“You’re not…”
“You’re fucking nuts for even wanting to be there, I’ll tell you that right now.”
“Unfinished business, Chelsea. It was never going to end the way it did when I left and it sure as hell isn’t going to end with the Kayla Richards nonsense. You’re right in everything you said. I just get so caught up in my own emotions that I forget that so often.”
“You just have to be grounded a little more and just keep focusing on within. I understand it’s a hard habit to break. I was there seeing you or hearing about you getting bullied and berated and torn down all the damn time at school or at home with Roddy back when he was a fucking prick to you. But you have at least four… about to be five by the end of this month in the other company… reasons why none of that shit matters…”
“Did you take that one out of my Dad’s playbook?” I asked her.
“Would your dad tell you anything different than what I just said? Be better, be stronger, stay above the shit, Andrea. You can express your truth and you can pick at the flaws of your opponents and their successes and failures until the cows come home, but for the sake of your father’s spirit, don’t let the assholes win. Don’t relapse back to what you were, alright?”
“Chelsea, if I ever do, you have every right to cripple me to the point of having to retire because I’d rather have THAT then ever relapsing back to that shit…”
I let out an angry sigh as I was largely determined to avoid relapsing back to that horrible phase of my career.
“I’m not letting the poison win again…”
With that, I turned away from my father’s grave and finally left the cemetery with Chelsea not so far behind…
June 27, 2025
When the camera was on, I was starting to feel a little bit better coming down from all the emotions on Father’s Day a couple of weeks prior. I was nowhere near as angry as I was going into my match against Necra, but I definitely still felt jaded considering that I had to come around on the truth that I was never going to change my perception in the ‘toxic’ locker room in SCW no matter what I said or did. Nonetheless, I spoke my mind and spoke my truth as always with the pride in my heart knowing that nobody knew my truth better than me.
“My last match was a purge. I had to get that anger out. Let’s just say it was a cheat meal of sorts as I ran rampant against a Hall of Fame member in Necra Octavian Kane and promptly shut her the fuck up. But, I have to be real. Aside from the fact that I beat someone that is in the Hall of Fame, I can’t say that win satisfies me very much. Maybe it’s because I know I have done better and that I can do better but really, I know that I’ve been too unfocused. I know I’ve been pushing too hard at the wrong things and worrying too much about perception and what other people have thought about me in the past or what someone says about me directly the week that I am facing them or whether or not someone has shaded me in a subtweet or in their own promo even when I’m not facing them. I’ve been pushing back on the hope that it would get better if not go away completely. I’ve even tried to give ‘being the light in the darkness’ a shot in trying to set a new example to change the culture in this locker room. I will be the first to admit that I was a fool for even trying that. After my match against Necra, I paid my father a visit, took in so much support and encouraging words from my friends and family, and tried the best that I could to put the pieces together just like I always do. I had to swallow the fact that the culture of this locker room is never going to change.
So why even TRY to change it at this point?
It’s still going to be the most ego-infested poison of a locker room I will ever wrestle in throughout my entire career. My way of fighting it isn’t to try to change the culture, it’s to make damn fucking sure that the culture doesn’t change me…
Again…
Necra was a purge, a statement and a release. There’s still a long way to go for things to get to where I desire them to be, but I will never be denied again and I meant it when I said it before and I will always mean when I say it. Not one person in this locker room, not one moment, not one ounce of adversity is going to change me again and you can interpret that however the fuck you want, but regardless of what happens, regardless of what lie is said about me, regardless of what happens any given match, at least I know walking out of that locker room and carrying on with the next day with my head held high and not allowing that shit to break me again is ALL I need to do to be above it all.
So as far as THIS match goes? I’m not entirely sure what to make of it really. On one hand, you got a new girl… a very impressive new girl with some favorable connections I should say… and on the other hand, you’ve got someone that has always been an identity crisis and always will be. I know it’s not the most exciting thing in the world to say, or the most “scandalous” thing in the world to say, but I’m going to go in there, I’m going to do what I have to do to win and then I just let it all roll off my back and move forward. I’m on a journey where I’m fighting through the darkness that I caved into years ago and this match will be the next step in the process for that and that’s the purpose that this match has for me.
Now, Amelia…
Got that win over Joanne Canelli.
I’m not so surprised by that.
Hell, I’m not even surprised that she finds herself in a match with me considering that, for better or worse, SCW does have a history of hot shotting newbies up the ladder like nobody’s business. Here’s where I can tell Amelia that she’s in over her head because she’s new and that Joanne really wasn’t that impressive or whatever cliche I can pull out of my ass. But no, I’m not going to do that. See, Amelia is someone that won’t sugar coat shit and she’s going to tell you exactly how she feels. She’s not going to pull any punches. I already know going in that whatever she says about me is probably going to be the same shit I always hear or maybe there will be a spin on it that is slightly different, but still. She’s the kind of person I am constantly fighting against in this company because you’ve got a roster full of women that feel like they have to tear each other down and make up lies about people and interpret this to force their lies and interpret that to twist their narrative even though it makes no fucking sense. Yeah, I already know that. I can tell that Amelia is in that same line of thinking… maybe to a smaller extent than the others, who the hell knows. Her associations alone tell you that. But I’m going to tell her straight up that what worked with Joanne isn’t going to work with me.
I’ve been where you are, Amelia. Hell, I’ve even experienced that hot shotting. When I had my first match here back in 2019, it wasn’t against anyone special at all but then my second match in… BOOM, I’m suddenly facing Mercedes Vargas and then five matches in, I’m facing then-world champion Alicia Lukas right off of High Stakes. Not even nine months in, I’m already a world champion. Matter of fact, I experienced it again when I came back. Not even ten matches in…. BOOM, I’m in the Bombshells main event of High Stakes for the first time in my long run here. I’ve been able to navigate the waters that you can only experience by doing, not by watching. You might be a quick riser in this division. I can see that in you after just one match. Clearly, with you being in this sort of match, the company itself might be seeing that in you. But the question that this match may answer in the long run is that when you get that hot shot up the ladder and you’re suddenly finding yourself in a situation where you have to step the fuck up more than you could ever imagine before, are you actually going to make that leap and prove all the hype correct or are you going to be like so many others that have crumbled and collapsed and then are never heard from again? Yeah, I haven’t been perfect. I’ve had my stumbles and falls. I’ve had two very unsatisfying world title reigns that ended quicker than I wanted them to end and overall, I haven’t broken the ceiling that I wanted to here, I will own that shit to kingdom come.
But at the same time, I’ve STILL made something out of nothing many times. I’m STILL that woman that when she was at rock bottom, went 16 months without losing a match and still captured an Internet Championship. I’m that woman that, while she was still finding her feet again in this company… and to be honest, I still am… managed to beat Kayla Richards for the world title. Yeah, like I said, that reign didn’t go how I wanted it to go, but at the same time? I’ve DONE all that while I’m dealing with the shit that I’ve been dealing with. I stand to reason that aside from maybe Crystal Hilton and Mercedes Vargas, no woman in recent memory of this company has been scrutinized, criticized, and slandered more than I have been throughout the entire time that I’ve been here and even though yes, it HAS brought me down more times than I can count, I STILL pull through all of that toxic poison I’m surrounded by. That’s what gives me the biggest edge over someone like you.
You’re impressive, yes.
You have a bright future here if you want it, sure.
But let’s see what happens when the wolves come out for you eventually just like they have from me in this company going all the way back to my second match here…
One of those wolves happen to be the OTHER opponent…”
I rolled my eyes obviously feeling annoyed about the fact that Kate Steele had become a cockroach of the Bombshells division at this point.
“...more like a Pomeranian if we’re being honest. Lord, Kate Steele is back. Quick poll, is there anyone in this company that even WANTED Kate Steele back? Look Kate, I’m going to keep it very simple with you because you’re not complex to figure out at all. You never have been. You never will be. I know you have a history of just going whichever way the wind blows and even in recent times, that’s exactly what you’ve done. I mean, I’ve lost count. That’s how many comebacks that you’ve made in recent years under how many different names or monikers or identities or what have you? I mean, last I remember, you were DIAMOND Steele and you were on this Gemstones kick with Ruby and all those bitches and you were all about the rock band and you were all about… well… truth be told, I don’t even know what you were really all about because you’ve changed personas faster than one can blink really and now you’re coming back as…
‘The Phoenix….”
You’ve GOT to be fucking kidding me…
I am NOT going to go the route of ‘you ripped me off, I used it first’ because truth be told, that’s not an original moniker. People used it in this business long before I did and people are going to continue to use it long after we’re both done, but are you fucking serious, Kate? Do you have an original bone in your body at all? Are you even CAPABLE of changing? Are you even CAPABLE of learning anything for any sort of personal growth at all? NO! Absolutely not. Matter of fact, calling yourself a phoenix is HIGHLY inaccurate because calling yourself a phoenix is insinuating that you’ve ever had ashes to rise from to begin with and it insinuates that you even had a high in this company to even be burned to ashes at all and last I checked Kate… you’ve never been a world champion in SCW and the last time that you were even CLOSE to ANY sort of high at all was… when, exactly? You can change your name, change your moniker and change your lock all you want to Kate, but you will NEVER be anything more, to me anyway, as the woman that just can’t get the fuck out of her own way and goes in endless cycles with nothing original to ever bring forth to the table. You’re always going to be the woman that has been here the longest and yet, has never won the big one in this company because of always getting in her own way. You’re the type of person that has always talked shit about someone one week and then the next, you’re kissing their ass or sometimes, it’s even the other way around.
Once a mental mess, always a mental mess! Now, this is where I COULD bring up things that took place between us years ago or how you were one of the people years ago that were rooting for me to fail and how you were one of the most toxic people that I dealt with back then, but what good does that do me? For one, I got it out of my system last year on the cruise ship when I beat you in a triple threat match and secondly, you’re not even worth getting worked up about anymore. I was dumb and naive enough to let someone like you bother me with the garbage they were saying about me a long time ago but now? You mean absolutely nothing to me. You’ve done nothing over the last however long it’s been to even warrant any sort of emotion from me. You’re someone that a year from now is going to have either a different moniker or a different name if not both because… well… let’s be straight up… you’re a miserable, self-loathing cunt that has never pulled her head out of her own ass to see the truth and never will. So, when I beat you on Sunday, you better have your next moniker lined up. If I could make a suggestion, maybe it should be… hmmm…. “The Straitjacket Queen”?
Because really… it’s getting to a point where the only place with more than two sides you should be in is that padded room with how often you change everything about you to try to be relevant, then fail, then change again to try to be relevant and… fuck it, you’re not worth another second.
I wasted no time shutting off the camera at this point.