The furious tapping of computer keys can be heard echoing throughout as the sound of an instant message chime can be heard. The keystrokes stop for a second and then they start up again. The screen flashes on to show a still image of Jamie Staggs sitting at the top of a chat box. The various members in the capacity packed chatroom flame each other back and forth, with the various bots advertising “22/f home alone naked and bored looking to chat”. After a few minutes, a message appears in bold blue lettering “JamieStaggs1 has entered the room” All of the Jamie Staggs fans begin cheering and shouting into their microphones. One fan quickly lets everyone in the room know that he believes they have homosexual tendencies though text, and it quickly results in being personally booted out by Jamie Staggs. Soon after the cheers grow loudly.
Jamie: Hello hello hellooooooooo! Is this thing on?
The cheers grow loud at the sound of his voice, and even louder when a live feed comes up in place of his picture. His eyes widen as he plays “Party Hard” in the background. He begins air guitar motions before leaning back in his chair. It doesn’t take long before he falls backward, and his feet are the only thing visible. Those with microphone access laugh and shout out various inaudible comments. Jamie quickly gets up from the ground and dusts himself off. He throws up his rock fist and then lifts his chair back up, quickly sitting down.
Jamie: ALRIGHT! Sup dorks? If you don’t know who I am, then get the hell out of this room and let my real fans come in!
lilhoney1234: Jamie Staggs Sucks goat balls!!!!! LOL
Jamie: Your mother sucks my balls, son!
lilhoney1234: then can I call u daddy?
Jamie: Dude, I bet you are some 40 year old dude living in your mom’s basement who pretends to be a chick. Gettouttahere!
EpicBoogerzZz: pwnd! Lolol hardcore
lilhoney1234 has left
shakeurshamroxxx has left
babygurl1986 has joined
Jamie looks at the screen and then leans back again, this time he is a little more careful. He laces his fingers together behind his head and then he loses the mischievous expression.
StallionGDL90 has joined
Jamie: Eyyyy yo Giani! Look, I’m here to chill with my fans, both Party Horde and Dumbass University fans. I’m your question-answering bitch tonight ladies and gents so let’s get em started here!
SpartanUNSC99: you are a shitty wrestler your brother is better than you at wrestling and Halo I played u once and we lost to a bunch of 8 year olds
Jamie: That might be true, but… *BELLLLLCH!* Suck on that limpdick. If this was Halo I would have just shotgunned you hard and I would be teabagging your corpse. My brother got a lucky shot on me and believe me I’m gonna kick his ass for it.
SpartanUNSC99: shotgunners are the lowest form of halo players just sayin
StallionGDL90: Get a life bro. Seriously, go tanning or something. Get out and experience life
Jamie: It’s cool, G. If this douche wants to call spawn camping with a sniper rifle having skill, then let him. I got my own web show, I don’t have to pretend porn is my girlfriend, and people like me. So I win.
SpartanUNSC99: D Block kicked your ass on Climax Control lmao u were his punk
Jamie’s eyes widen and he holds out his arm in surprise. He lets out a laugh that seems like he just heard the world’s dumbest comment. He shakes his head with that silly smile on his face.
babygurl1986: Are there any real guys in here, or just boys? I don’t think Spartan’s nuts have dropped yet.
Jamie: Right? If I didn’t love arguing so much, I would boot his lame ass.
SpartanUNSC99 has left
Jamie: To set the record straight, D Block didn’t kick my ass. He ambushed me from behind which is a bitch move. Dude’s a lame ass. He couldn’t hack it against Blade Alexander who I beat, so he ran off back to the NFL who didn’t want his ass. People are surprised to see him back but he’s still the same pansy ass he was when he left. That is why I’m gonna go to Summer XXXTreme and I’m gonna kick his ass and show him how us Staggs boys fight.
StallionGDL90: Party Horde’s got your back bro. We all know you got this in the bag.
Umlikewow69: 21/f in vegas luv u jamie staggs
Unknown555: get ready
Urmom: dblock sux jamie rulez
Jamie: Seriously! That loser wants to mess with me and expect me to not get fired up? I’m gonna relax on that boat, drink as much as I can, party it up with the Horde, then I’m gonna pretend like he just attacked me and I’m gonna beat the hell outta him! Dumbass Drop on him, and I’m gonna leave him with the Graduation, making him a cripple. I’m a rising BACW star, and after Wednesday, I’m gonna be the top contender to their Heavyweight Championship. Some little shit like D Block isn’t gonna stand in my way of proving I am the better Staggs.
pwnx0rz86: Why aren’t you being funny? This is lame and you’re lame.
JamieStaggs1 has booted pwnxorz86
Jamie: YOU’RE LAME! I’m tired of people thinking just coz I’m not the smartest person and because I like to have a good time that I’m some talentless dip. When people like D Block think that they can punk me out and climb over my back to get ahead of me, it pisses me off! I worked hard for the ounce of respect I get and I’ll be DAMNED if I’m gonna let it happen. If my fans don’t like me coz I’m tired of being treated like shit, then get the hell out of my chatroom! I’m allowed to get pissed, because that’s why my REAL fans stick with me! When I’m pissed, I get even more insane! I do even more crazy shit. You will think I’m Kittie out there!
Jamie begins furiously tugging at his hair with an almost sadistic smile on his face. He lets out a growl, doing his best impression of his wife, much to the delight of the chatroom. He even inspires a chuckle from himself as he quickly leans forward. He grabs onto his web cam and pulls it close so that it is concentrated on his face.
Jamie: So D Block, get ready… You woke up the demon in me, and I’m gonna… No seriously. I can’t even pretend to feel threatened by a guy named D Block haha! And I know he won’t think anything of me. He will probably call me retarded, trying to hurt my feelings. He will go on and on about his “impressive background”.
babygurl1986: the D is for douchebag
Jamie opens his mouth to go forward with his point when suddenly he begins laughing. It is even moe obnoxious than usual as he slaps the computer desk. He wipes away a tear from his eye as he tries to regain his composure.
Jamie: That’s classic babygurl. I’m stealing that one. I…
Suddenly the feed cuts out and the room begins a disappointed chattering. The still image above changes to that of Spike Staggs. “Ready Or Not (I’m Coming)” by Oomph! begins playing as the room starts to quickly fill up with new people.
JamieStaggs1: wut teh?!? grrrrrr!!!!!
THESpikeStaggs: Sorry brother. It’s my turn now. EVERYBODY MAKE SOME NOISE!!!
NXT! NXT! NXT! NXT!
JamieStaggs1: jackoff…
The scene fades to black
