Scream.
Failure is a bitter pill to swallow. But in this business it’s something that is usually a taste that everyone knows all too well. You put your heart and soul into everything you do. There is no way to do this job half-assed. If you are in, you are in. That is what everyone knows, that’s what everyone feels. And anyone who does this deserves respect. But some people have more pressure than others. If you come from obscurity, listen and learn, Become a name, you have already done something great. Then after you’ve made that name the pressure starts to melt. But, if you come from a family that has been ingrained in this business, then unfortunately you have pressure from day one. The pressure of expectation. The pressure of potential.
This is what people like Sierra have had.
She is hardly the only one. Austin James Mercer comes from a wrestling family, Alicia Lukas too. And members of SCWs roster in the past. The Russow family, even Lachlan and his brother Malachi. But pressure is pressure. Knowing that you have a family honor to live up to every single time you get in a ring. Day in day out it defines you. Sierra knows the pressure. She knows what it’s like to walk down to that ring and have the weight of the world on your shoulders. She has been a champion, but never a singles champion. And as the days and weeks go on it seems almost impossible.
It has led her to this moment. Standing in her backyard, a heavy bag swings back-and-forth as Sierra hits hard right and left hands. The bag swings wider and harder. Sierra is focused, angry, frustrated. Every loss, every single time she gets close to being respected it just slips away. And the angle remains. It affected everything in her life, when she would go out to eat, she would be angry. When she would help her daughter do her homework she would be angry. When Lachlan was being sweet, she was angry. She was tired of being angry.
She stepped back and kicked the heavy bag and made it swing out sideways. She was so focused that she didn’t hear Lachlan come up behind her. ”Hey save some of that for Candy.” he smiled, the boyish grin that used to melt her heart and make her feel butterflies. Something that was never normal for Sierra. But now even that didn’t have the same affect. She felt like a failure, that she was unable to deliver on his promises. But he always tried to calm her down and make her smile. ”You look thirsty love.” he handed her a bottle of water with a smirk, she knew he was trying to make a joke. She shook her head showing a half smile because deep down it did amuse her.
She took a sip of water before putting it down and unwrapping her hands. She let out a deep sigh and rolled her neck trying to unwind. ”Thanks, I needed that.” She put her hands on her hips and looks over at Lachlan who sits down on the bottom step. ”I just can’t get my mind to turn off. I feel like a failure...two matches in a row down…”
There was silence. Sierra had no idea what to say that she could feel that the air became sick and awkward. Lachlan have a small nod putting his hands together while leaning forward. ”Question, do you and I put a roof over the girls head? And food on the table?” Sierra could tell this was a loaded question. And she knew what Lachlan was getting at. She couldn’t help but nod slowly. ”We have contracts, we do what we love and we sell merch. So, we’re successful” she stayed silent. He made good points, it was understandable. It even made her feel a little bit better. But it wasn’t the same. It wasn’t what she actually felt, or what she thought. It was an empty platitude, stating the obvious of what success in normal people‘s lives would be. Professional wrestling isn’t normal life. Professional wrestling is a completely different animal. She knew it, her family knew it, and she knew damn well her husband knew it.
But Sierra didn’t want to cause an issue or an argument. She knew he was trying to help and make her feel better and in that he succeeded. Sierra knew exactly what she wanted and what she needed. She had the support and the love that she needed from her loving husband and wonderful children. But to get her ass kicked back into shape, she needed her brothers, her sister. Her family.
Candy Coated
She tightened the bandana around her head, her hair was flowing down her back and down her shoulders. Newly dyed red, shining in the light above.
”This has been a bad couple of weeks for me. One of those weeks that makes me question why I even want to do this anymore. Professional wrestling is one of those things that you put everything into. In the last few weeks, coming back to sin city wrestling and trying my hardest, getting a world title match in apex wrestling. And losing both of those matches so close together. It’s hard. It’s hard for the soul and anyone who steps foot in a professional wrestling ring knows what I’m talking about. But when life shoves you down, when you lose and you have to look at yourself in the mirror? You have two roads that you can walk down. To converging paths that lead to different outcomes.”
“One road, leads to ruin. It leads to a bit of self loathing that will break you down and destroy you if you stay there for too long.”
“The other road, that leads to rebuilding yourself. You pick yourself up off the floor, you dust yourself off, you admit your faults, and you move forward. It’s what champions do, it’s what the best do. Some people in this company don’t have what is needed to walk down that path. They would rather blame everyone else, they would rather live in a world delusion. All that does is keep you in the same spot, and when something great does happen, it doesn’t last. And the fact that Jesse Salco is now a champion in this company? It breaks me. But it won’t keep me down.”
“Just like the loss to Maki won’t keep me down.”
Sierra slides her hands into the front pockets of her tight black jeans. The type that have the cuts and tears in them. She looks down at her bright red and black converse a small smirk coming across her lips
”Maki is a real competitor. I threw down the gauntlet, I told her that she needs to prove herself in sin city wrestling and that all of her past accomplishments weren’t really going to get her where she needed to be. They were held in high regard, but at the same time she needed to prove that she belong in this company. And win against me, I think that. But it also shows just how good she is. When against me should actually mean something. I’m no pushover, I am not a nobody just because I haven’t been able to get hold of singles gold. I have faced the best of the best in this goddamn company and I have a winning record and have shown that Sierra Williams is no goddamn joke.”
“And now, now I have to get ready for a match against Candy. “
“She’s a strange one. See, so many people look at Candy and don’t take her seriously. She smiles and bounces around. She laughs and doesn’t seem to be able to take anything seriously. But despite all of that she’s actually an amazing professional wrestler. I have grown to respect what she can do in the ring. I have grown to appreciate what she can do in the ring. And I’ve grown to appreciate that, even be a little bit jealous of the fact that she doesn’t feel the same pressure I do week in and week out to succeed. And I’m sorry Candy but you don’t. You have no idea what it’s like to be me do you have the expectation put on you. Expectation not only by your family, and your friends, but the fans. People know how good I am. They know that I can get on the mat and wrestle, that I can go to the air, that I can brawl, they know that Sierra Williams is talented. But you Candy?. People admire you and like you, but they don’t have the same expectation. They don’t think you’re gonna march down to that ring and beat the hell out of whoever is in front of you in some kind of amazing violet display.”
“If you lose, you have a procession of people looking to dust you off and tell you that you did a good job. If you win you have those same people ready to shower you with praise because to them it was unexpected. And the most frustrating part about all this, is that I can’t stand here and say that you are going to lose to me and actually sound convincing. Because you do have it in me to beat me Candy. You really do. But I need to get right back on that horse. I need to take that road that I was talking about earlier and dust myself off. I had my second shot ever in the world championship last week and I blew it, and I also blew my match against someone here in this company who deep down I know I can actually beat….”
“So you and I are gonna get in the ring. We are going to throw down and do as well as we can. And at climax control I can promise you, things will get scary. Because kill Sierra kill takes one and all new meaning around this time of year”
