The camera fades to Alex Rush sitting in a red leather chair, in an apartment high off the ground. Behind him through the window, the backdrop of London is seen, prominent in the shot is The London Eye, sitting on the banks of the river Themes. Alex is wearing a black shirt on his upper body, the camera only above his waist, his hair very messy under a black cowboy hat, on his face, an oddly serious look. A quick bright smile appears on his face.
Alex: Hello me darlings.
The bright smile quickly disappears and the serious look appears again.
Alex: Now I know ya hear I'm on the wrestling show thingy like, and you all get like big time excited cause you think alright, it's about to get fun cause I am like the TV channel in England called Dave, I am the home of witty banter but today, I got a job to do, and when I do a job, no matter how hard it is, I have to adapt to do the job well. It's a job after all innit.
Alex scratches the side of his head
Alex: I said job a lot there, I shoulda said bob-a-job and it coulda been more fun, but no, no fun today cause I got a job to do.
Alex wags his finger at the camera.
Alex: It would be naughty naughty for me to say, do something funny, wouldn't it? Like I don't know, put in a cut about here to a monkey meme, or a boobie meme.... or both.
Alex turns his head to the side, looking innocent as a picture appears on the screen.
<img src=https://scontent.cdninstagram.com/t51.2885-15/s320x320/e15/1661086_280241945517908_285532057_n.jpg?ig_cache_key=ODIxNTcyMTQxMjExMTg5MTM2.2>
The camera switches back to Alex, who is laughing like crazy.
Alex: The monkey! It's looking right at her knockers! You dirty monkey! Bad monkey! Respect for having no shame monkey!
Alex's face quickly switches from laughter as his eyebrows lower and he scratches the side of his head.
Alex: Hold on a minute, that dolly bird looks really familiar....
He rolls his shoulders backwards, his head peering around the room before giving up and rolling his shoulders back with a shrug.
Alex: Can't place her though, but probably would.
He clears his throat and the serious look crosses his face.
Alex: Yeah, like anyway, enough monkeys and big round juicy jubbleys, we gotta be serious because what I'm told is the fella I'm facing this week, is a bit of a nut nut, he's a bit loopy, he's a big crackers. More crackers than Roy Hodgson picking Raheem Sterling, that was freaking crackers, and bananas, but this guy is crackers.
Alex bursts out laughing, slowly shaking his head.
Alex: I said bananas! That monkey don't want bananas! He wants coconuts!
Alex rubs his eyes with his thumb and his forefinger.
Alex: I can't even....
He takes a deep breath, trying to compose himself. He looks up with a half serious look on his face.
Alex: Ok, let's be like as serious as I can be and try not to think of the naughty monkey. Like this fella I'm facing right? He's meant to be like loony tunes or something, but it leaves me like so undecided. I mean the fella is like a vicar, ain't he?
The camera bops up and down in a nodding motion.
Alex: Feels a bit mean to give a vicar a clump round the ear. They like christen children and get people married and things like that. They go to places in Africa that only Bono and that soap dodging Geldof talk about and build things and all that polava.
Cameraman: He's an evil reverend. He attacks people with a barbed wire covered book and kidnaps people and whips them.
Alex frowns at the camera.
Alex: Well that's a bit of a bark. What a kinky bastard. How does he hold the book that is covered in barbed wire?
No response comes from the cameraman.
Alex: Well sod that for a game of toy soldiers!
A female voice calls out from off the camera.
Female voice: Allllllllllllleeeeeexxxxx
Alex calls back.
Alex: One minute you sexy beast you! Rawr!
He looks back to the camera.
Alex: Right, well vicar Shipman, I ain't feeling as bad anymore so sod it. I might actually give this match a decent go of it. Until Sunday then. Giddy up!
Alex stands up, tipping the brim of his cowboy hat, walking off the camera shot. The camera turns around to see him wearing nothing below the waist except assless chaps.
Alex: Yeehaw!
He walks in to another room as the camera fades out.
