Through the streets of Hiroshima, we see Alex Rush - dressed in leather pants with a red stripe down each side, a black mesh see through top, his hair unkempt and wild underneath a black, round brimmed hat with a white band around it. A multi coloured scarf is tied to his wrist. Alex weaves in and out of people, while looking at the camera.
Alex: I love this place.
He waves his hands out in front of him as if he is doing a breast stroke in a swimming pool (The swimming technic you dirty minded people! Hehe, I said breast stroke! Anyways...)
Alex: They treat me like a rockstar here.
He crunches up his lips.
Alex: Can't think why.
He moves through the crowd and the cameraman speaks to him.
Cameraman: So where are we going today Alex?
Alex stops walking, his eyes wide.
Alex: Who said that?
His eyes dart around the area.
Cameraman: I did, it's the cameraman talking.
A look of relief crosses Alex's face.
Alex: Thank the God of cheese for that, I thought it was the voices in me noggin, and those guys, they argue all the time, constant yack, yack, yack. They also say chocy wocky doo dah a lot, and I dunno what that means. Maybe one of the voices is an alien and that's his language.
Cameraman: You're getting off track here Alex. Where are we going today.
Alex giggles before a serious look crosses his face.
Alex: Sorry, I just remembered someone typed breast earlier.
Cameraman: Alex!
Alex puts his hands out, moving them up and down.
Alex: Alright, alright, keep ya hair on, don't get ya knickers in a twist. I know you people can't see it, but that's an ironic statement cause he's as bald as a badger's arse, and I dunno if he's wearing knickers, but if he is, well played you kinky beast.
A sigh comes from behind the camera.
Alex: Right, look, seriousness time. You'll notice that the people at Sin City Wrestling have booked me this week, which is way up there with an unexpected tickle to the nads in terms of excitement, but me arse has been out of the ring a bit, cause I get a bit lost, on the way to the ring. Now the lad who is putting his dukes up against me, he won last week. He looked alright doing it, I don't mean like cause of all the muscles and stuff, although he does have all the muscles and stuff, I mean in the ring. I know he has all his muscles and stuff in the ring, cause he couldn't leave them backstage, but I meant like wrestling wise, so I figure I better go get some extra training and I hear Japan has some proper wicked wrestlers and schools and like Japanese death matches and ninjas, but I wanna focus on the wrestling and not the ninjas. Ninja's are pretty cool though! Shame they all shop in the same place. You'd think one day they'd mix it up and wear something like mauve, or lilac
Cameraman: Alex, you're getting off track here again.
Alex: Don't like tracks, too many trains and they hurt if they hit ya in the arse. Ok, yeah, Ryan Keys, that fella is good, he makes me giggle like a school girl with his antics... Antics, what a funny word, makes me think of an ant with a nervous tick. Either way, yeah, I need to pump ze iron and train a bit more, so I typed in wrestling in a computer thingy ma bob, and found this place.
Alex points to a doorway, with Japanese writing above it. He grins widely at the camera.
Alex: See, we was 'ere all along and you didn't know it.
Cameraman: Are you sure this is the right place?
Alex: Well me Japanese is a little rusty, but yeah, this is the place, come on.
Alex pushes the door open and walks in, the cameraman following him in. He looks around as huge men in mawashis are seen. Alex scratches his head.
Cameraman: Alex, this is a sumo wrestling school.
Alex looks at the camera.
Alex: Oh nut sacks!
A small Japanese man moves towards Alex, his eyes excited.
Man: Mr Rush-san, I am Mr Sato! Welcome to our sumo school. I was so excited to hear SCW star was coming here to learn our skills.
Alex: Yeah, about that squire, I thought it was like the other wrestling, with like explosive boards, and barbed wire, and those fit little birds in tight shorts showing off an arse cheek or two, and their bangers all over the place.
As a sumo wrestler turns around, Alex tilts his head.
Alex: I guess that fella is showing off more that an arse cheek or two, he has enough arse cheek for like twenty people.
Sato: This is sumo school Mr Rush-san. We teach art of sumo wrestling here.
Alex runs his hand through his hair, looking at men in the circle outlined ring, charging in to each other, he looks at Mr Sato.
Alex: Ah what the heck, seems like fun!
Sato: Excellent Mr Rush-san, follow me, we will put you in the right attire.
Mr Sato points towards the door in the corner and leads Alex there. Ten minutes later, Alex appears dressed in just a mawashi and nothing else.
Alex: This ain't half riding up me bum.
Alex pulls at the mawashi as he walks across to Mr Sato, waiting in the circle. Mr Sato calls a sumo to face Alex. A huge man steps in to the circle, causing Alex to look up to him.
Alex: Bloody hell, he's a big lad, ain't he? I bet when the dinner bell rung, this fella was knocking down trees to get to the table.
Mr Sato holds out a bowl of salt in front of Alex, Alex looks at it and to Mr Sato.
Alex: Blimey, I didn't know we was allowed to do a line of Charlie before we got to smash in to each other.
Cameraman: It's salt Alex.
Alex: Oh, no thanks matey, trying to cut down on me salt intake, unless I got some chips, cause nothing like covering some chips in salt and vinegar.
Sato: It is to purify the ring Mr Rush-san.
Alex watches as his opponent reaches in to the bowl and takes a handful and throws it around the ring.
Alex: Gotcha, right! He's good at that, ain't he?
Alex jolts his head towards the sumo and reaches in to the bowl and takes a hand full, throwing it around the ring. He moves back to where Mr Sato points and copies his opponent, lifting his left leg out, then his right and getting in a sumo stance. Sato calls for the match to start and Alex charges at his opponent, quickly bouncing off the larger framed man and falling on his rear!
Alex: Owww me arse! That's the first time I've had boobies in me face and I didn't like it.
Alex quickly gets up and runs at the man, who lifts Alex upside, Alex's face in the man's mid section.
Alex: It's hitting me in the face! His doodah is whacking me in the face! It's everywhere! Don't like, don't like!
The man drops Alex safely down and Alex scrambles behind the man, and jumps to his feet, grabbing the back of the mawashi.
Alex: Atomic wedgie!
Alex pulls upwards on the mawashi to no effect and the sumo laughs, but Alex moves his hands up the man and tickles him, causing the man to burst out in laughter, moving towards the edge of the circle.
Alex: If ya can't beat 'em, tickle 'em!
The sumo spins around and grabs Alex by the arm and hip tosses him out of the circle. Alex lands hard on his rear. (hahahahaha, hard on! Focus Alex, focus!) Mr Sato calls and end to the fight as Alex slowly gets to his feet.
Alex: I'm gonna need more practice here. If Ryan uses sumo against me, right now, I'm screwed more than a bird on a night out with Premier League footballers.
Alex stands up as the camera fades.
