RING RING - RING RING...
The face of Alex Rush appears on the camera, his eyes closed as he sleeps peacefully, the standard tone of a phone ringing can be heard in the distance. Alex opens his eyes and reaches for the phone slightly off camera and hits a button.
Alex: I told you mummy, I didn't need a wake up call.
Alex grins, only to hear the voice of Mark Ward on the other end of the line.
HS: Mummy? What the hell have you been smoking?
Alex: I think it was oregano, basil and just a touch of garlic oil. Is this Jesus?
HS: It's Mark Ward, the boss of SCW... The guy that hires you from time to time.
Alex scratches his head as he looks around, his messy hair dropping over his face.
Alex: Is this for another kids party? Cause last time, right? I was at this kids party, right? And the parents were not happy with some of me song lyrics, right? I mean what's wrong with me number one smash hit finger up the bum anyway? Then like the dad's around were like angry cause I saw the birthday cake in the kitchen and I took a handful, right? They were very meanie people.
A sigh can be heard on the other end of the phone.
HS: Sin City Wrestling Alex.
Alex's eye widen as he grins.
Alex: I know that place! I was there and then I was with the sister promo dancing to Ice Ice Baby! That was fun, next week, I might ask to dance to Can't Touch This, just cause the parachute pants give my twin gentlemen and their ruler a chance to breathe and shake about.
HS: Christ... What an idi... Look, Alex, I spoke to the people at SCU and they've agreed to let you come over for a match on Sunday.
Alex: Well that sounds like a bangingly good idea. Can I dance on the show?
Another sigh can be heard down the phone.
HS: I don't really care. I just want you to show up and face Miles Kasey.
Alex: I like that guy! He's a Manc, from erm, Mancaster.... No, that don't sound right, Mancuner.... No, that don't seem right either.
HS: Manchester.
Alex: Can't be, he doesn't have a Manchester accent and besides, no one from there ever admits to being there.
HS: Ugh, look, there's a couple of things you need to know about the match. First off, it's a pretty in pink tuxedo match.
An excited look crosses Alex's face.
Alex: I have a pink tuxedo! It's all pretty too. I bought it and everyone said Alex, you'll never have to wear that! So I was like, but I want to, so I turned up for golf match wearing it, and they said you'll never wear it again, I was like oh, and I got all sad. Then I remembered I had an ice cream shop opening, so I wore it for that and got ice cream down the front, and I got sad again. Then I had it cleaned and people said why? Well this is why! It was destiny to be wearing it again! It goes so well with my pink top hat! Can I wear that too!?
HS: I really don't care. It's in a tournament to become Internet champion, you beat Miles, you move on.
Alex: I can seeeeeeeeeeeee for Miles and Miles! Hey boss, do I have to walk five hundred miles to be there, cause I would walk five hundred miles and I would walk five hundred more.
The sound of a hand hitting a forehead can be heard.
HS: Oh look, there's something shiny over there I need to go see.
Alex: It's all good, it happens to me all the time, shiny stuff is great! Ta-rah for a bit!
Alex hangs up the phone as the camera widens to see him laying on a park bench. He stands up on the bench as people walk past, trying to ignore him.
Alex: Hear ye! Hear ye! My name is Alex Rush and I have just been told I can wear a pink tux on TV and become the king of the Internet! As your ruler, I will stop those stupid YouTube ads, allow boobies on Instagram, and demand people share one cat video a day on Facebook! I will also shoot people who make racist comments on Twitter out of a cannon aimed at the sun. So vote for me to be your king, King Alex of The Internet! Thank you and goodnight!
People continue to walk past Alex, ignoring the Rockstar's rant. He takes a bow but slips off the bench, landing on the floor.
Alex: Ow! I broke my arse!
And with that, the camera fades out.
