Alex Rush has returned to SCW, if only for the occasional match or two to bring a slight bit of comedic relief to an often serious show. This was a great time for Alex to work a match or two with SCW, smart business to bring the rockstar back to his native UK, pulling the music fans eyes on to the wrestling company and adding some extra star power to the tour. Alex was happy to be home too, he got to see one of his favourite people, his God Mother.
The camera opens with Alex Rush sitting in a very regal setting, on a large red sofa with gold trim. The camera angled to just see the back of a matching red chair with gold trim. On a table in front of him sits finger food, small sandwiches and cakes, as well as a small tea cup.
Alex: It's great to see you God Mummy Madge! I need to visit more often.
The voice of an elder lady can be heard coming from the red chair in front of Alex, although the person can't be seen.
Madge: It's good to see you too. I know you're always busy.
Alex: Always busy, I'm running around like a fly with a dicky tummy. One minute I'm here, next minute I'm there, the other minute, I dunno where I am. I was meant to be in one place in Florida the other week, but I don't think I was actually there for a while, I ended up somewhere else. Then there was the business with the clown.
Alex reaches down to the tea cup and picks it up, raising his little finger as he sips from it before placing it down on the table and smiles across.
Alex: Good tea!
Madge: What business with the clown?
Alex: Well, it was like this. I thought things was going well, I teamed with this little guy and he was fun when you could see him, you could never tell if he was there or not, one minute he was, the next minute when you look up, he was gone, but he might have still been there, I don't know cause I was looking up. Then they made me face this clown who wasn't like the other clowns, he had no joy in his eyes and he couldn't make a balloon animal, that's clown 101, they teach you that on day one, but no, he was mean, not a joker at all.
Alex smiles and raises his eyebrows rapidly.
Madge: Oh?
Alex: Yeah, absolute meanie and he kicked me bum. That wasn't fun.
Madge: One can imagine it wouldn't be.
Alex: Nah, I wouldn't hire him for any of the little chavvies birthday parties, that's for sure. What kinda clown couldn't make animals out of plastic I ask you Madge?
Madge: One would see that as a disadvantage to the profession.
Alex: It really is. Such a disadvantage. Then there was the goat incident.
Madge: The goat incident?
Alex: Yeah, I was playing poker with this goat right, and he thought he had me. Had me on two pairs, not even good pairs, and trust me God Mummy Madge, I know I good pair when I see them, but these were fours and fives, and he got all smug about it, but I had a full house. The goat wasn't happy, but the goat wasn't a rich goat, he never had a butler, or herder, his family were mountain people, so he was like ok Alex, lemme go for a Jimmy Riddle and I'll come back and settle up. I was like ok Goaty McGoatface, you have a Jimmy, no one needs you to leave a puddle on the floor. So I sat there speaking to my rhinos, I told you I got rhinos right?
Madge: I got the selfie you sent me.
Alex: Good, good, and anyway, I was like talking to the rhinos and they were like, this goat man, he's been having a Jimmy for a while. Goats shouldn't have a Jimmy for that long, they're smaller than us, they don't have the bladder capacity to be having a Jimmy for half an hour. He's a smart rhino, you know. So I was like you know what, you're right, they don't, so I went and knocked on the door and there was no goat, but there was hoof prints on the window sill. So I was like damn you goat! You didn't need to leave the place to go for a Jimmy, there was a bog right there! Then I looked out of the little window and there was Goaty with his thumb up, hitchhiking! I thought we'll have him now, but then a car pulled up and in Goaty got and I can't seem to find him now. He owes me like thirty three buckeroos!
Alex shakes his head sadly as he picks up the teacup and raises his little finger again as he sips.
Madge: How distressing.
Alex nods as he puts the cup down.
Alex: Very, but I think you could help me find him God Mother Madge. You know lots of people, like dukes and earls, right? Maybe even the Duke of Earl. The one from the song that goes Duke, Duke, Duke of Earl, Du Du Duke of Earl, Duke Duke Duke. Ya know what? Let's do something fun.
Alex looks down the camera.
Alex: Ladies and gentlemen, The Darts.
The camera cuts away to the following video.
<iframe width="560" height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/ZIsp_AA2ElA" frameborder="0" allow="accelerometer; autoplay; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture" allowfullscreen></iframe>
The camera cuts back to Alex.
Madge: What was all that about?
Alex shrugs his shoulders.
Alex: I saw it in Family Guy with Conway Twitty and thought it would be cool. If Bill Barnhart can be weird in promos, why can't I?
Madge: I see. Anyway, you was talking about Dukes?
Alex: Yes, I hear there's a Duke in York, the Grand Old Duke of York to be exact. I hear he has ten thousand men that he marches up and down hills a lot, I was hoping that you could have a word with him if you know him and maybe, he can help me find that goat and get my thirty three back? I could really do with that.
Madge: But you're a wealthy rockstar Alex, surely you don't need it?
Alex: Tip money for people who need tips. I tried to give a tip before about not driving in the dark without any lights, but I hear people like cash.
Madge: Um, I'll see what I can do.
Alex: Fan-dabba-dozie. One more thing God Mummy Madge.
Madge: Yes Alex.
Alex: I hear there's a position that's come up in your organization, where you get like free cash and secret service people. I think I'll be good at that if I promise not to go and marry some actress who married me for the fame, and I'm certainly not a ginge, so I'm one step ahead there, and I got the wave down to a tee.
Alex raises his hand and waves it in a royal fashion.
Alex: I think I'll be wicked at it, people seem to love me.
Madge: We'll talk about it.
Alex smiles widely as he stands up, the woman in the chair also stands up, seeing her for the first time - if you didn't work this out already - as The Queen of England.
Alex: Anyway God Mummy Madge. I must dash, you gimme a bell if you speak to The Duke of York! Ta-rah for a bit.
And with that, the camera cuts to later in the day where Alex sits in front of a camera, wearing his usual leather pants, and a T-Shirt that says "Jack Russow Fan" written on it.
Alex: Hidey ho people! Time for a little wagging of the chin to talk about my opponent, bloke by the name of Malachi. Now what do we know about him? He don't win a lot, but I don't win a lot, but he probably cares about it more than I do. He seems pretty angry, I hope he's not like the last angry Irishman I met, he bit me and I spent like a month fighting the urge to turn in to an angry Irishman myself, it was terrible, all I was doing was drinking Guinness, saying fella a lot and looking for a pot of gold.
Alex raises his hand.
Alex: So I'm asking you not to bite me Malachi. I ain't any good at maths or anything, but I've picked up a few wins in SCU and you haven't picked up bugger all this year in SCW which means I'm the favourite going in to this one and that's alright, cause I like being the favourite, I like a lot of things, some of my favourite things are my favourites, you know? I know you're looking for a win but I wanna win too, I've tasted some success in SCU and I like it so much, it's like the best tasting ice cream ever.
Alex frowns.
Alex: Now I want ice cream, but I won't eat so much that I will have a dicky tum tum, so I don't show up on Sunday cause I'll be there with bells on and ready to go. I will catch ya soon but yeah, I'm off for ice cream. Ta-rah for a bit.
And with that, the camera fades to black.
