Chapter 38: What I fought for.
This should’ve been one of the greatest moments of my life. Are the greatest weeks of my life. But the truth was, I was a wreck. Do you ever have one of those moments where you get told something that completely destroys every preconceived notion that you had about your future in the life within it? The fact that the future that you dreamt of, something that you hoped, but something that you thought was forever out of your reach was now sitting in front of you.
But then, despite all of that, despite how much you wanted it and how much you feel you needed it, there was a doubt. I doubt that you could follow through and that it was even for you. And the worst part? Is that now? You had to do something that you never thought you would. You had to swallow your pride and go and find something that you thought you lost.
I have been living independently since I was 15 years old, since I was a teenager I have been doing everything I can to make sure that I never have to rely on anyone. I love my family, I do. I talk to both of my sisters all the time, I talk to my brother occasionally, I have friends. Kind of. I have my own life. But for the most part I am always alone, alone in everything I want to do because I have done everything I can to make sure that deep down I don’t need anyone.
However, this is one of those rare instances in life that not only do. I need someone, I need the one person that most people go to 1st. That I simply don’t.
I needed my mother.
Yes, I’m aware of how that sounds. Me, miss independence, a woman who routinely tells her friends to fuck off because she doesn’t need anything from them. I need my mother. And since we were back in England, back to my home country for an ECW show, it seems like the fates were aligning and everything was telling me that it was time to go and see her and talk about all of the bullshit that I’m currently having to deal with.
And fuck me, do I ever hate that?
I took a deep breath, paying The cab driver and giving him a small nod as I pulled on the small handle to kick the door open. My black boots hitting the ground with the thud as I stood up and took a deep breath, a bag hanging by my side as I moved up the pathway to my childhood home. so many memories came flooding back, not all of them good, but not all of them terrible either. We have a bad habit of pushing bad memories to the front when we think of a place. Defence mechanism so we don’t get hurt again. But I learned a long time ago that is not the summer of its parts.
I smiled, remembering that I used to run around this front garden with my older sister Amber. Waiting for Jaxon to come home from school.
I shook my head and moved to the door, knocking on it hard and taking a deep breath as I heard movement from inside. A click of the latch and the door swing open, and standing in front of me, my mother. Her long black hair very similar to myself and Amber, her arms covered in tattoos, only not professionally made beautiful pieces like myself and my siblings had, no hers were backyard jobs done by her friends Throughout the late 80s and early 90s. Fuck I’m surprised that she didn’t get tetanus and die.
”Oi look what the cat dragged in…..”
”Mum….” I gave her a nod and she smiled moving to the side to let me in. I moved through the door into the loungeroom. I sat the bag down, my mother following me after shutting the door. I opened it and pulled out not one but two titles. She smiled and shook her head. ”Just thought you’d want to see what I worked for…” I smirked, she reached out and touched them both, a flicker of pride in her eyes.
She took a sharp inhale and shook her head before clearing her throat. ”You’re doing amazing…you are. And as much as I’m sure ya wanted to show off….i have a feeling you’re here for something else darlin.” I groaned and shook my head. She was right of course. She knew I had something on my mind, my body language was a dead giveaway. I closed my eyes and turned around to sit on my mothers couch. ”So? What is it?”
”Well….I may have…I think I….” I stumbled over my words. Grinding my teeth together.
My mum sat across from me, leaning back and crossing her arms over her chest. ”Spit it out Kay…” I groaned and looked up before shaking my head.
”So Finn…”
I stopped again, my mum raised an eyebrow and tilted her head, studying me. ”Your tag team partner?” I swallowed and looked down, staring at the mixed tag title on the table. Finn had the other one, that linked us. And as much as I hate to admit it if that was all it was, things would be simple. But, things weren’t simple.
”Yeah, him. So…..there’s something you don’t know. I was living with him, I had nowhere else to go and he was there after Billy and I broke up…” I trailed off and took a deep breath. ”He told me he loved me…” There was silence. My mother titled her head again and was studying me. My body language, my movements, my eyes. She was taking it all in. ”And, before you ask. I didn’t say anything ba-”
”You love him too…” I swallowed, it felt like a weight dropped to the pit of my stomach. Honestly, I don’t know why I was surprised. My mother has always been exceptional reading people. Most of all her daughters. Hell, I remember Amber sneaking back into the house one night when she was about 14. my mother was asleep. But the next morning at breakfast the second that she looked at Amber she knew that she’d been out. She knew Amber would lie to her. I swear to God this woman missed her calling and should’ve been a fucking police detective.
”Yeah…I do…”
She leaned in, forcing my gaze to move up to meet hers. ”So? What’s the problem?”
I took a deep breath, placing my hands on my knees and pushing myself to my feet. I paced around the couch as my mother just sat there staring and waiting. Watching me as my frustrated form kept moving. ”It’s…complicated.” I knew that answer wasn’t going to cut it, she was going to prob deeper. ”The Christmas before last, he and I had a moment. I could have…we could have taken things further. But I made a mistake and thought we should wait instead of me throwing myself at him…he thought I didn’t want him. Now we have got back to that place and…..fuck..”
I sighed heavily. My mother simply got up, moved around in front of me and reached up moving a few strands of my hair from my face. ”Does he do drugs?”
”No…”
”Would he cheat on you?”
”What?..no..”
”Has he ever killed anyone?”
I clicked my tongue and rolled my eyes. ”Him?...no”
She grabbed me by the arms, bringing me straight on with a heavy sigh. ”Would he ever hit you?....”
I knew what she was asking. She didn’t need to word it, to ask if he was like my father. I took a deep breath and smiled shaking my head. ”Never.” I calmed down and shrugged. ”He’s a good man…even if he doesn’t see it…” I shook my head and looked away. I could feel the emotions welling up and part of me didn’t want to go down this road.
”Then what could be so complicated that you can’t tell the man you love, who loves you, that you love HIM?”
I closed my eyes and pushed it all deep down feeling a tear roll down my chest. One that wasn’t anger or frustration. No this one was sadness, and shame. ”Because, I don’t deserve him…”
She moves closer, grabbing me and spinning me around so I was face to face with her. ”Cut the shit…” Before I could say anything she stepped back, dissmissively waving her hand in the air. ”I’m sure some, misguided, part of you believes that. In fact, I’m sure of it. But trust me on this, the regret you felt last year, that you CLEARLY have felt all year…well it’ll only get worse…we all deserve happiness Kayla…it’s time you stop making excuses…and go take yours.”
Her words rang in my ears. Over and over again. Was she right? Had I been hiding from happiness? Elf sabotaging and making excuses? The nerves were killing me. My hands were shaking, but I wasn’t cold. It was anxiety, frustration. Fear. I took a deep breath and rubbed them together as I tried to calm mysef My heart beating through my chest to the point of nausium and pain.
Thumping, beating, rattling. Whatever you want to call it. It was destroying me. The elevator ride seemed to be taking an eternity. The ding snapping me out of my haze. Each step took me closer and I was on autopilot. I felt like I was floating and time has slowed to a snails pace.
Knock knock
I swallowed hard, I heard footsteps, the door clicked and opened. Finn was standing there, in a black long sleeved shirt and black jeans, his hair flowing down to his perfect cheekbones. I caught a flicker of a smile before he collected himself. We both took a deep breath and before he could speak. I did.
”I love you too….”
An old, unwanted, undeserving enemy
Thunk
The noise of something heavy landing on a wooden table brings us in. And the first thing we see is a pair of championship titles. The SCW mixed tag team title and the SCW Bombshells title sit next to each other. And then, slamming own on either side of the belts are the hands of Kayla Richards.
”This seems to be a running theme. Doesn’t it? I stand here, I tell you all what is going to happen, from a hotel room, or from my home, or from a landmark near where a show is taking place. And the usual suspects all doubt me and run their mouths, thinking that I don’t know. And every single time I prove people wrong. And I smile. I have this big shit eating grin on my face and I get to tell everyone that I told you so. And hey, why break from tradition? It is my esteemed pleasure and satisfaction, to be able to look through this camera to each and every one of you…and say…”
“I told you so…”
“I told you all I was going to become the SCW World Bombshells champion. I was going to beat Julianna DiMaria and I was going to be the first woman to hand her a loss. And so many just sat back and rolled their eyes. They made their little quips and talked about how I was “good” but I wasn’t that good. Thing is, who am I being measured against? Who in this company has been able to stand up to me one on one?”
“I have beaten the best of the last generation, the ones who were left anyway. All of those women who were once your heroes, or villains, they have stood in the ring with me and I have walked out the winner. Shit the ones who did beat me, like Keira Johnson, I sent packing in rematches. And trust me, me invoking names like that is never meant to be a show of disrespect it’s a show of the utmost respect because it means I am proud of those wins, proud of those moments.”
“And hey, atleast women like ASam Marlowe, Mercedes Vargas and Keira had the guts to get in the ring with me instead of talking shit and never even entertaining the thought of stepping in the ring with me because I wasn’t “worthy”. Speaking of which. Hey Mikah, how do you like me now bitch?...”
Kayla taps on the bottom of the Bombshells title, right on her name plate, she clears her throat and continues.
”Now, I’m not going to soit here and say that it was easy. It sure as hell wasn’t. Julianna DiMarai did everything she could to keep this championship. She fought tooth and nail and proved to everyone that she was indeed the champion she said she was. Hell, I’ll even go as far as to say she impressed me. Cause at the end of the day she did win this title, she did defend it and she did have the balls to walk down to that ring and put it all on the line against me. Truth is…she didn’t have to.”
“She could have just ignored me, lived out her little title reign in blissful ignorance of my existence. I mean, who was going to stop her? There was no guarantee that SCW was going to give me the title shot I’d earned or even put me in a position to “earn” it. So, Julianna could have just ducked me, week after week. But, she didn’t. She saw I was bring her title reign down and she stopped up. I even gave her ample opportunity to back out, to walk away. But instead…she came out and put it all on the line. Her undefeated streak, her title…..even her pride…”
“But that last thing….that she got to keep…”
“But no sooner have I become the champion that this company presents me with a challenger. A woman who knows me very well. A woman who I know very well. And a woman who, if I’m honest, I didn’t want to face. Ariana Angelos….”
Kayla steps back and picks up both championship belts. Throwing the mixed tag title over her right shoulder and holding the Bombshells title in her left hand holding it up.
”And no Ariana. It’s not because I’m scared of you, or intimidated by you. Or any of the other silly little ideas that you have in your head. No, I didn’t want to face you because I’ve done it before. Many times before. And this isn’t some kind of long-standing rivalry that people should be excited about. You see those rivalries where people get excited about the next meeting between two people is always when they are equals. And you and I? There is nothing equal about us.”
“You are the type of woman who gets handed opportunities time and time again. No matter how many times you fail you end up getting given opportunities like they are candy. Meanwhile? I get opportunities that I’ve earned and I fought for and I knock it out of the park every single time. And yes, I’m using a baseball reference despite the fact that it is the most boring sport on earth next to cricket. but the fact remains is that you get handed opportunities and fail time and time again while I succeeded. I take the little pieces that I am given, the little things that I have earned, and I make them count.”
“And when you look at our careers, I already have one that is worth the whole of Fame. I have beaten some of the best and biggest names in this company while you have failed to make a dent. I have one of the best winning records in this company never been beaten on climax control. You have a losing record and can’t stand up to the best of the best of the division. I am a three time Internet champion, I am a mixed tag team champion with the longest reign. And in my first attempt at going for the world bombshell championship I beat an undefeated professional wrestler who is three or four times the woman that you are”
Kayla holds up the bombshells title ot her face and smirks showing it to the camera and clearing her throat.
”but, we seem to be destined to do this little song and dance. You get a shot at me with something on the line, you run your mouth like you actually think you have a chance, and then I beat you. And following that loss, you completely ignore it and learn nothing from it. You just go about your days if nothing has ever happened despite the fact that you have another loss in your loss column and you don’t further your career. You don’t live up to this silly little myth of yourself being some kind of Greek goddess, some type of hero to your people.”
“You know who is a hero to her people? Me, because we are in England now and this is my house bitch.”
“I have Home turf advantage. Not that I needed it. You and I have been in the ring together so many times and every single time I have one. The only time you and I ever went out loses was when you got pinned and lost Mimae Internet championship. but this time? This time we are going in one on one and there is no one else that you can let pin you to get my championship taken away. If you want this world bombshells championship then you have to beat me for it. And we both know Ariana that that is not going to happen because you are simply not good enough.”
“Maybe I should thank you though. You see one year ago when you lost Mimae championship, it then gave me that opportunity to prove myself again. Every single time someone beats me, every time, I come back stronger and I snatch that win back off of them. I told Melissa straight up that I respected her but I knew one on one she could not beat me and that I went and proved it. without you in my way I proved it.”
Kayla throws the Bombshells title over her left shoulder, holding them both close to her chest with a laugh.
”the Internet championship isn’t the only one that you failed to take away from me. Is it? You had opportunity after opportunity at that title and you just couldn’t step up. You could not be the champion that you apparently wanted to be. But that hasn’t stopped you from coming after me. You found yourself tagteam partner. and poor Carter had to drag you towards a championship match. He did everything he could try and get you a mixed tagteam championship but while Carter is a lot closer to Finn in skill than you are to me, it’s still was never going to happen.”
“And I was going to sit here and question why they gave you a championship match against Me. I know the reason that they’ve given everyone in their various press releases and justifications as to why this matches happening. It’s because we both won at blaze of glory. I won the championship while you won a triple threat match against two people who I would’ve destroyed as well. In fact I recently did destroy Seleana Zdunich, and if Georgie Robertson had somehow come after me, well we could’ve done a battle of the Brits or some other stupid bullshit. But the result would’ve been the same and I would’ve kicked her head into the third row.”
“Sp, instead I get you.”
“I’m not stupid. I know why you’ve been booked in this match. They wanted me to go out there and have someone that I could destroy so the English crowd would go home Happy because I am British. I’m one of them. And as much as the rest of the world hates my guts or thinks that I’m a bitch at least in my home country they’re proud of me. At least that’s what SCW believes. they are feeding you to Me Ariana. And part of you knows that. And I’m sure you have this little attitude that you are going to prove them wrong and shock the world and do whatever it is that you think you can do to become the champion and make me shut my mouth and you become the biggest star in this fucking company.”
Kayla leans forward, slowly putting the title belt back down with a sigh.
”if I had any feeling whatsoever toward you that thought that you would be able to do that then I would look forward to this match. The only problem is, I know you can’t do it. I know that all of that is in your head. This delusion of Granger that you have. this whole thing where you think you can actually step up and become a credible challenger to Me and it’s just, it’s just comical. And one of my biggest criticisms towards Juliana was that she didn’t face the best. Instead, she faced women who she could be with her fucking eyes closed.”
“So, this company has inadvertently made me hypocrite. I know why they’ve put me against you, and that’s fine. They want their little moment. But there are other names out there that I could’ve faced. I could’ve faced Carter other much more talented tagteam partner that he got a win with recently. I could’ve faced Kat Jones. She is a legend. She has name value and she deserves a championship match button instead of facing you. I could’ve faced Giuliana in rematch, even though I think that she needs to go and collect herself and come at Me stronger she could’ve had that rematch and it would’ve been deserved.”
“They could have given a rematch for this championship to Bella Madison and even if she is someone who Giuliana beat at least that girl has heart and soul and would’ve made a fight out of it.”
“Any one of those women that I mentioned would’ve been a better challenger than you. One of those women that I mentioned would’ve made me excited to defend my championship and come back to my Home country as a champion. One of those women would actually be taken seriously as a challenger to this championship. But you? Ariana you are barely worth me getting out of bed in the morning. Do you know how unbelievably insulting it is? That I have a challenge that doesn’t make me excited? Do you know how the moralising it is for me to wake up in the morning and drag myself to the gym to try and get myself in to shape for a match that I know I could win if I just sat around eating Big Macs?.”
“This opportunity should’ve gone to someone more deserving. But it is what it is. The only problem is that now I’m pissed off. So now instead of just beating you, I’m gonna have to hurt you. I am going to have to hurt you so bad that management realises where they fucked up. And they are going to have to bring me someone who can fight. They are going to have to bring me someone who is legitimately credible who has earned a championship match who I haven’t beaten every single time. So what is about to happen to you? You can blame the company. Because I’m gonna break you and I’m gonna make damn sure that you never accept a match against me ever again.”
