Well, here I am, still suspended, bored out of my skull on days and weeks I'm not wrestling. SCW has been a great release for me, right up until two weeks ago, when yet again, Misty got the better of me, But, my partner didn't exactly hold up her end, but that's another story for another time. I did finally get some good news, at Into the Void, I get the beat the hell out of Misty and take her title.
Oh yeah, I said it. What are you going to do about it?
See, the funny thing about not being able to go out and don the costume and save the world, is now I have more time to actually get back into the swing of the wrestling world. I mean, I'm up for the challenge of facing down demons and 50 foot monster, all while shutting up various people in the wrestling ring, but now...Now I'm free to concentrate on wrestling and finally getting a title again. It's been so long since I've had one, and that ugly breakup didn't help matters. But now, now I have full focus. Misty, you now get to get my full attention come Into the Void. No monsters, no criminals, no crazy dreams. It's going to be just you, and me. And when that's the case, you know as well as I do, I can and will defeat you.
But, I'm getting ahead of myself. This week, it's Necra. A tune-up before the big fight. Yes Necra, I consider you a tune-up. Get mad if you want, channel all the spirits of the dead and some mummies and all that. It will not stop me, from going through you before I do the same to Misty. I'm not in costume this week, but that doesn't make me less of a hero, or less talented. It simply means I have more time to dedicate to beating you. Like I should have done last time.
Oh yes, Necra. I remember our last encounter, where you and team Erik managed to escape by the skin of your teeth. Because that's the way it happened. There was no you beating me up, there was no Misty beating me up. There was the both of you coming out on top in the weakest way possible. And trust me when I tell you this Necra, It won't happen this time. This time, instead of four people, I only have you. And that, for you, is a very, very bad thing.
Oh believe me, I 'm aware of your skill. You wouldn't be wearing that roulette title if you were some no-talent bum. You obviously have to be talented in order to hold not one, but two different titles. But, let's face it, you are lounging around with corpses and reading from books about ancient Egypt that any old person can learn about simply reading a text book. And no one likes school. If they do, they're too young to hate it. In time, they will too. Me, on the other hand? I am routinely making the world safe for democracy and stuff.
Well, at least I used to.
But, I'm not going to let that stop me from wrapping you up in the mummy wrap, and putting you in your own sarcophagus. If I know my comics, and I do, Mummies are slow, stupid, and blind. So anything you want to throw at me, I can handle. Unless this is like that Brendan Fraser movie, then I might have to just kick their heads off in the ring, before I do that same to you.
Speaking of the whole Mummy thing, I am a little confused. I mean, you are sitting there, with a straight face and telling me... out loud mind you, that I am a child for what I do. Have you looked at yourself lately? Someone needs to update their style. I think those robes went out of Ramsses the second. But, I'm not going to judge anymore. This simply comes down to one thing...
Who's superpowers are stronger.
You may be th Goddess of the Dead, but I am...well, I was then and I will be in the future, A superhero! Loved by millions! Savior of the planet ten times over, and one fine wrestler if I do say so myself. You? You bring the mummies and talk all scary, but that isn't 1932, it's not 1250 B.C. It's 2013, and they're making movies about people like me!
You bring what you got, I'll bring what I got, and when the dust settles, and I have defeated you, and I strike that heroic pose, I want you to understand that you're kind of evil, will never triumph.
And I want you to pay special attention Misty. I want you to watch as I beat the Goddess of the Dead at her own game. And then, I want you to hold onto that Bombshell's title really tight. I want you to treasure you're last few weeks with it. I want you to put on that brave twitter face and tell yourself it'll be alright, even though you know it's not. Take it easy Misty, have a picnic or something. Put your mind at ease..
Because I want to see the look on your face when I take it all away from you.
[Fade into Roxi sitting in her apartment, watching television. She stares at the screen as the movie appears: Robin Hood from 1938. She intently watches, then, showing how big a nerd she is, she begins to recite the dialog. ]
Roxi - (reciting the lines along with the TV)I've called you here as freeborn Englishmen, loyal to our king. While he reigned over us, we lived in peace. But since Prince John has seized the regency, Guy of Gisbourne and the rest of his traitors have murdered and pillaged. You've all suffered from their cruelty - the ear loppings, the beatings, the blindings with hot irons, the burning of our farms and homes, the mistreatment of our women. It's time to put an end to this!
Now, this forest is wide. It can shelter and clothe and feed a band of good, determined men - good swordsmen, good archers, good fighters. Men, if you're willing to fight for our people, I want you! Are you with me?
That you, the freemen of this forest, swear to despoil the rich only to give to the poor, to shelter the old and the helpless, to protect all women rich or poor, Norman or Saxon. Swear to fight for a free England. To protect her loyally until the return of our King and sovereign Richard the Lion Heart. And swear to fight to the death against our oppressors!
[ She chuckles to herself, as if gaining some sort of victory. Anyway, as she sits back, her computer makes an incoming message noise. And on cue, Vision appears on the screen. Roxi pauses the movie and turns. ]
Roxi - This better be good. You're interrupting my movie.
Vision - Sorry.
Roxi - It's okay. What's up?
Vision - I got the info on Clint for you.
Roxi - Thanks.
Vision - What....did you need it for?
Roxi - ...Research.
Vision - Research?
Roxi - Yes.
Vision - What kind of research?
Roxi - The kind that doesn't require you to ask so many questions.
Vision - Ha-Ha. Very funny. I'm serious.
Roxi - I just....want to know.
Vision - He's dead, Roxi. And honestly, you know that. There's something else you're not telling me.
Roxi - It's nothing.
Vision - It's not nothing, it's obviously something.
Roxi - I...I don't want to talk about it.
Vision - Why not?
Roxi - Because.
Vision - Because why?
Roxi - Stop doing that.
Vision - Doing what?
Roxi - Just...drop it. Now do you have it or not?
Vision - ...Yes. But I'm not going to give it to you, until you tell me why you need it.
Roxi - ... Are...are you blackmailing me right now?
Vision - I'm sorry, but if it can help you, I think you should tell me.
[ She stares off into the distance, fighting with herself, finally, she breaks down. ]
Roxi - Fine. You want to know, I'll tell you, but you'll think I'm crazy.
Vision - I already know you're crazy, but that hasn't stopped me yet.
Roxi - Funny. I'm serious.
Vision - Okay, okay. I'm sorry.
Roxi - .... What if....what if I told you...Clint wasn't dead?
Vision - I'd say you really are losing it.
Roxi - I'm serious. I saw him.
Vision - You...you did?
Roxi - Yes.
Vision - Where?
Roxi - In...in my dreams.
Vision - Well...that...really doesn't mean anything.
Roxi - I know what I saw.
Vision - But you just said it was a dream.
Roxi - I know. But...it was when I was not sleeping all that much. He came to me.
Vision - So...he's Freddy Krueger now?
Roxi - It's not funny.
Vision - I'm...I'm just trying to figure this out.
Roxi - When I was looking for Claire, I experienced...sleep, but it felt real. I couldn't tell reality from fantasy. I was stuck in limbo between the two, and there he was. He called it...Microsleep.
Vision - I'm familiar with it.
Roxi - Well, he...he beat me up pretty bad, and it hurt. A lot. I don't really know how it all worked but...in the end, he could have killed me in my sleep.
Vision - So?
Roxi - I...I made a deal with him.
Vision - What kind of deal?
Roxi - Well, that cult kidnapped me, and they were about to try and brainwash me. He...woke me and I escaped. Otherwise I wouldn't be here right now. But I had to agree to help him.
Vision - Help him do what?
Roxi - He didn't say. But he said that one day, he would come back and I would have to help him.
Vision - I...I'm finding this all to be...crazy, you're right.
Roxi - I told you.
Vision - I have everything on him, and there's nothing about him gaining supernatural powers after death. Nothing on him dealing with the occult or anything even close. He was a clean-nosed guy.
Roxi - We all have secrets I guess.
Vision - True. Well...I've sent this stuff to you. I...I don't know what to tell you.
Roxi - Tell me you believe me.
Vision - ....
Roxi - Vision?
Vision - ...I'm not sure any more. I think that you could be right, but still, it's a bit of a tall tale right now.
Roxi - So...what now?
Vision - I think we both need to forget that for now. Let's...talk about something else.
Roxi - Okay, like what?
Vision - Did you get the present I sent you?
[ Roxi finds the large present and holds it up ]
Roxi - You mean this?
Vision - That's the one.
Roxi - Yeah, weighs a ton, what is it?
Vision - Open it.
Roxi - It's not my birthday.
Vision - After that story, I say you've earned an early gift.
Roxi - Really?
Vision - Yeah. go for it.
[ She begins to unwrap it. ]
Roxi - ....
Vision - What do you think?
Roxi - You got me an Xbox.
Vision - Cool, right?
Roxi - I...I don't really play video games. I'm a girl, remember?
Vision - Trust me, you'll like it.
Roxi - Whatever. Oh, and with... Call of Duty? What's that about?
Vision - It's a online first person shooting game.
Roxi - What's that?
Vision - ...I think you should just give it a try.
Roxi - ....okay.
[ An hour later, Roxi has everything set up and begins her first online match, with the headset on. ]
Roxi - Okay, uh, hey everybody.
NASTYSANDWICH - Sup.
Roxi - I'm new to this game so -
MrFarmAnimal - Great, a n00b.
Roxi - Who?
MrFarmAnimal - You, you're a little n00b loser.
Roxi - Hey, I am not a loser.
MrFarmAnimal - (Mocking) I'm not a loser. Shut up.
Roxi - So rude.
[ The game begins. ]
Roxi - Wait, who's on my team?
MrFarmAnimal - Oh my god, It's Free-for-all, there are no teams.
Roxi - I just want to get good.
MrFarmAnimal - Maybe your balls should drop.
Roxi - Excuse me?
MrFarmAnimal - You sound like a girl.
Roxi - I am a girl.
NASTYSANDWICH - You're a girl?
Wiggles The Clown Do you have a webcam.
Roxi - Wha...
Wiggles The Clown Can you send me some nude pics?
Roxi - Uh...no...Oh, I got killed. Hey, look at that, I'm alive again.
Amish Carpool - This stupid slut sucks.
Roxi - I...You don't know me!
Amish Carpool - I know your mother.
Roxi - Yes, I'm sure.
[ The game rolls on. ]
NASTYSANDWICH - Oh...What?
Roxi - Yes, I got one!
NASTYSANDWICH - Shut up, you little stupid bi*ch
Roxi - You kiss you mother with that mouth.
NASTYSANDWICH - I kiss your mother with this mouth.
Roxi - Oh, another mom joke. Is that all online gameplay is?
NASTYSANDWICH - I swear, I'm gonna find you and teabag you.
Roxi - Ha! jokes on you, I don't even drink tea.
[ A few days later, and surprisingly, she's still playing... ]
BostonTBagParty - What? I got killed by Superheroroxi?
Roxi - Suck it.
BostonTBagParty - Wow, you sound like a girl.
Roxi - That's because I am a girl.
BostonTBagParty - Really? you sound kinda like a guy.
Roxi - What? you just said...nevermind. Oh look, who's got a stealth chopper? this girl!
A Duck on Quack - Shouldn't you be in the kitchen, cooking or something?
Roxi - Shouldn't you be good at this game? Tell you what, I'll get back in the kitchen, when you actually win a Free-For-All against me.
A Duck on Quack - Oh, f*ck you!
Roxi - You'd like that, wouldn't you.
[ The game ends, and Roxi is a the top of the leaderboards. ]
A Duck on Quack - 1V1 me bro!
Roxi - no thanks, I don't want to humiliate you anymore.
A Duck on Quack - F*ck you. I hate you, f*ck this cheating ass game.
Roxi - Yup, blame the game for you going 12 and 26.
BostonTBagParty - I swear, I'm going to find this girl and ram my -
Roxi - And muted.
[ Vision appears on the screen behind her. She turns to meet him. ]
Vision - Roxi?
Roxi - Hey, what's up?
Vision - What are you...are you still playing that game?
Roxi - Yeah, it's kinda fun.
A Duck on Quack - F*ck you. f*ck you!
Vision - What was that?
Roxi - Just making friends.
[ Roxi scores another kill. ]
Roxi - Ha, You should never play this game again. What a loser freak.
A Duck on Quack - I swear to god, fight me IRL you stupid bitch. Fight me!
Vision - Making friends?
Roxi - Yup.
I kinda like this game. I made ton of new friends and I learned several different ways that sex works on the internet. Also, apparently my mom is gay because ScandalousCow titty-banged her. Don't ask me how. Anyway, I gotta focus and beat up mummy woman this week. I wonder is she plays COD? Either way, I'm totally going to 1v1 her. And just like these d-bags, I'm going to beat her too.
Although she can summon Demons...
Alright, new plan...
"KLAATU...BARADA...NIKTO!"
There. That should cover it.
