The scene starts with the very familiar face of Ben Jordan sitting in a chair, the backdrop of London behind him. The usual cheery face of the man known as The Cockney King looks weathered and unlike himself, a thicker than usual beard covers his face as he looks down the camera, dressed in just blue jeans and a T-shirt. The night lights of the city shine through the scene, reflecting on his body, clearly out of his usual muscular shape.
"I bet this is not what you was expecting to see from me" Ben starts, his voice lower than usual. "Gotta level with ya, wasn't exactly what I was expecting to see from me to kick of 2018 if I'm honest."
He looks around the room, then down to the watch on his arm.
"Well it's early hours here on January the second, 2018 over here in London, but yeah, I ain't out partying like a piss head as you'd expect from me at this time." He says softly "But this no sleep thing, it's been a common thing so we might as well get this out of the way real early."
Ben clears his throat, his eyebrows slightly lowered.
"See, I got a little bit of a sad story to tell you all." He says uneasily. "But before I get in to that, I wanna say a couple of quick things. First, Happy New Year, I hope all your dreams come true, I hope it's a proper blinding year for you all. Secondly, Congrats to Mr and Mrs Santino, I'm sorry I couldn't be there for your big day, or your New Years Eve party, but this guy has been a bit out of it lately."
He stops for a second, clearly disappointed in himself for not being able to be with his friends.
"Truth is, I wouldn't have been any fun in it anyway." He says with a sad shrug. "I guess this is very much where our story begins. I mean everyone calls me Saint Ben, and it's cute an' all and I appreciate it, but saints tend to be a little more then human. Sadly people, I'm really just human, born to make colossal screw ups, born to be a tosser at times. Thing that makes us human, is our emotions. Millions of brain cells bouncing around telling us how to feel."
A half hearted smile comes from Ben's lips.
"I know, so serious from me." He comments "But I need to open your eyes to something. See, my story is far from being heavenly, it's about showing that even the best of us get sad sometimes, and for all those people who think depression is a state of mind, believe me, it's not. Even the ones you see as saints, can fall from grace and feel lower then a snakes knackers. People want to know what I've been doing lately, I'm gonna tell you a little story of how change, can turn the strongest of us, in to something you wouldn't expect. My downward fall started when I had my last match in SCW...."
The bell had rang, bringing down the curtain on Ben Jordan's in ring career or so he thought, as he made his way to the dressing room, walking alongside Jamie Dean. The two make their way through the crowd of SCW staff, most knowing full well that it would take something spectacular to get him back in the ring. Management was his next step, he knew that, yet he was a man without a client. The two step through the door of the dressing room, Ben taking a seat on one of the benches and reached below, picking up a bag and pulling it towards his leg, strangely quiet.
"What's wrong?" Jamie asks, snapping his attention to look at him. "I know you don't take title losses that hard."
Ben looks at Jamie as the two sat on the Summer XXXTreme cruise ship.
"Nah." Ben replies "I'm happy for Mickey in a weird sorta way. Everyone's always thought of him as the guy in my shadow, so it's good for him to break out, regardless of how he changed. It's a Cockney thing, once a mate, always a mate."
Jamie rolls his eyes towards Ben.
"I know something's troubling ya." Jamie says with a wave of his finger "Usually, I can't get you to shut up about getting a drink or something."
"We're on a cruise ship here, a drink is a given JD." Ben replies with a smile "It's a given."
Jamie takes a seat next to Ben and looks across at him on his right.
"So what's wrong?" Jamie asks.
Ben takes a deep breath, looking away from Jamie.
"I think I'm now done mate." Ben says softly.
"With what?" Jamie asks.
"Wrestling." Ben admits. "I think it's time I stepped in to what I've been saying for a while and switch to the manager thing."
Jamie shakes his head defiantly.
"Are you kidding?" He asks "Come on Ben, you know these fans want you out there going for a little singles gold. I got my hands full with the shelter, so I'll have to become part time at best, but you? People have been begging you to go for single gold."
Ben shakes his head back at Jamie, his eyes looking unfocused at the floor.
"Nah mate." He says, his accent becoming thick. "Not for me anymore. My life is changing pretty fast without actually doing anything, I don't even know what I want from life anymore. I know people think I live the dream, but mate, it's not what people think. I need to refocus a little and the manager thing will keep me involved a little bit. I'm just so tired all the time, very much need a change."
"Speaking of change. I need a shower." Jamie tells Ben "But we'll talk about this later, ok?"
Ben nods his head in agreement. As Jamie walks away from him.
"I'll probably screw up the manager thing too" He mutters to himself.
The camera cuts back to Ben in the London backdrop.
"God love him, he did try to keep me to be active, but the downward roll had started at that point." Ben says with a tone of sadness. "I was right, I pretty much did screw up the manager thing too, never did as much as I could and Sam, Travis and Horace deserved better from me."
He looks away in disappointment.
"I've never been one of those guys where wrestling has been my life and that's it, it was never my style." He admits "But I think giving up there and then was a change that hit me a little harder then I thought. I was in a set routine when I was wrestling, and that went quickly. The gym wasn't needed... Clearly."
He points to his stomach.
"So I wasn't doing that every day, also clearly." He says with a half smile "I didn't need to do anything really. Routine drove me on and all of a sudden, it was gone. No six am runs along the beach, no being home by eleven. It ended up with me out till four am, and up sometime in the afternoon. I didn't even wanna get up then if I'm honest with ya. By that time, the rot at sat in, one of the signs of depression was there, but no one saw it. Even with me being on TV for a while, I put on a poker face and no one knew the difference. I stopped being me and become a character, because the real me was hidden under a mask."
He sighs softly.
"But the hits kept on coming." He says with a tilted head. "I woke up one morning to a note from Evie, she was gone too."
He slowly nods his head in a confirming way.
"Yep, just gone. Now we all know Evie was a secretive person, never really telling you the whole story, just what she wanted you to know, but woke up and it was like a rockstar walking off the stage with a thank you and goodnight." He says with a tinge of sadness "Now I have a lot of friends, but Evie was the one that I was around the most, the woman lived with me for a long time. We wasn't joined at the hip but I considered her one of my closest friends, even if she felt she never fitted in with Jamie, Sam, or Amy. To me, she was the first face I saw in the morning and she was gone."
Ben runs his fingers through his thick beard.
"To this day, I haven't heard from her." He says solemnly. "She could be anywhere for all I know, Russia, Singapore, New Zealand, some dodgy island somewhere, I dunno, but even more, my routine was breaking down piece by piece. Then I looked around I realised one very bad thing when ya feeling low. I was alone, I was on an island while my friends were on another continent. I couldn't live like that anymore, so I sold up..."
Havana, Cuba.
Ben stares up from the sidewalk, looking up at the house that used to be his own, just one single bag next to him as he watched movers remove furniture from the house and load it in to a truck out front. He leans on the ocean wall, swallowing hard as he looks on, the sea behind him. A middle age man approaches from the side.
"So it's true?" He asks "You're really leaving us Ben."
Ben looks at the man and nods his head.
"It's very true Carlos." Ben tells him.
"We're gonna miss you around here." Carlos replies with a thick accent.
Ben swallows hard as he watches his life change once more in front of him.
"Bright side." Ben says with a shrug "I sold the house for more money then I bought it and all that stuff is heading to the local orphanage, so at least it's not going to waste. All I need is what I got in this bag and what I got in my head. I know that's not a lot, but it's a start."
"Where are you gonna go?" Carlos asks.
Ben pauses, not saying a word for a few seconds.
"To be honest with you mate." Ben says honestly "I really don't know. At this point in my life, I dunno what the hell I should be doing. I'm a little bit lost but I always seem to land on my feet."
"You mean you don't have a new house?" He asks
Ben shakes his head firmly
"Nah." Ben replies "I got bugger all."
Carlos looks perplexed as he runs his hand over his head.
"So what are you gonna do?" He asks.
"Not a scooby." Ben responds "Probably get on my plane, tell the pilot to surprise me and go on me merry way."
"Good luck Ben." Carlos says extending his hand.
Ben reaches out his hand to shake the hand of Carlos.
"Thank you mate." Ben says with a smile and a nod of his head. "You take care now."
Carlos smiles as he turns to walk away. Ben's phone starts to ring and he reaches in to his pocket to see the face of Sam Marlowe pop up. He shakes his head, sliding the phone back in to his pocket and letting it to continue to ring.
"I can't burden my friends with this." He says with a shake of his head. "Look at me, I'm a homeless millionaire with no idea what the hell to do with my life..."
Back to London people!
"I was right." Ben says as we return to London. "I couldn't burden Sam, she was having problems with the dragon lady. I couldn't burden Jamie, he was having to run the shelter without me. I couldn't burden Amy, she had a wedding to plan. Markus was becoming a family man, Ryan was doing a lot of work helping people, much respect to you for that Ryan, Evie's phone was disconnected from the second she went, Travis was busy running a million business, Horace was enjoying retirement, I couldn't even go back home to my family because I was too damn ashamed of myself and how I was turning out."
Ben closes his eyes and swallows hard, keeping them closed while he composes himself.
"I was a failure." he says firmly. "I was a low, depressed shell of who I used to be, so I did what sad people did. I stayed in bed in different hotels without the motivation to get out of bed and see the world until the sun went down, I ate junk food, and drunk so much booze, it could have sunk a battleship."
He grits his teeth as he looks at the floor.
"I was falling out of bars too drunk to remember what city I was in, or where the hotel was so I found a comfy looking bench and worried about it when I woke up the next day." He says with a little embarrassment in his voice. "I can't even begin to tell you how many times I fell over a day because a drunken haze was much better then the reality of having nothing but a few quid to throw around. Even when I tried to do right, I somehow managed to bollocks it up."
He looks up at the ceiling, trying to compose himself again before looking down.
"My world was plummeting in to nothing." He admits "But I don't know if it was luck, or the build in Cockney homing device to always end up somewhere you know, but something took me to a familiar place...."
SPLASH!
"What the hell!" Ben's croaking, slurring voice can be heard saying.
His eyes start to open as the morning sun burns through him, barely able to see as it beats down on him. He wipes his face, water dripping down it, freezing his skin through his thick, unkempt beard. His blurry eyes start to open, the image sharpening up to see the familiar face of Jamie Dean standing over him.
"Mate, coffee works better." Ben says "What the bloody hell are you doing here? And where is here?"
Jamie puts his hands on Ben's chest, lifting him upright and straightening him up on to the bench Ben had made his bed for the night.
"You're outside my loft dumbass!" Jamie says firmly.
Ben focuses his eyes, looking around and seeing Jamie's loft.
"Thought this place looked familiar." Ben says calmly. "I would invite you to sit down but some wally just covered me in water."
"You hope it's water." Jamie says with a smile before reverting back to a sterner look. "What the hell are you doing sleeping on a bench outside my home? I've been trying for so damn long to get in touch with you, so has Sam and you keep ignoring our calls? What the hell Ben?"
Ben wipes water from his eyes, shielding his eyes from the sun.
"I couldn't drag you down with me, nor Sam." Ben tells Jamie.
"Drag us down?" Jamie says confused.
"Life ain't turning out the way it should be Jamie." Ben says trying to turn his face away from the sun. "In fact mate, life has been pretty shitty. Everything I had, everything I knew, all gone. Job, friend, house, all gone."
"And you didn't think we could help, but Jack Daniels and Jim Beam could?" Jamie says with his hands on his hips.
"They don't try and talk to me like their my mother." Ben says back quickly. "You don't get it Jamie. I'm seriously down, and I couldn't pull you guys down with me."
"I don't get it?" Jamie says surprised "Ben, do you know how much homophobic abuse I've had to put up with in my life? You think that don't effect someone to the point where they get depressed and have dark thoughts?"
Jamie grits is teeth.
"If I didn't think I'd hurt my hand on that razor wire style crap on your face, I'd slap you." Jamie says firmly.
Ben remains silent as Jamie sighs, his anger seemingly leaving him as quickly as it got there.
"Ben, I get it." His voice turning softer. "I get how people feel down, and I couldn't have ever got through it without the people who cared about me. The last thing anyone needs is to feel down and isolate themselves from people who care, it doesn't improve anything."
"I just couldn't pull you down with me." Ben says, his voice starting to choke up. "I fell hard, my whole life changed so quick. I was falling so fast, anyone that would have reached out to me, I would have pulled them down with me. I would have poisoned each and every one of you. I couldn't do that to any of you, I couldn't do that to my family."
Jamie puts a reassuring arm on Ben's shoulder.
"Neither could you sit and deal with that on your own." Jamie says softly. "Get ya ass up, get over the road, have a shower. Figure out a way to make things up to Sam, she's been worried sick, then let us help you."
Jamie helps Ben to his feet.
"And call ya family." Jamie says firmly. "It's almost Christmas..."
"Who would have thought Jamie Dean would have grown angel wings in the time I'd been hiding?" Ben says with a slight smile. "I don't know how I got there, what with all the places in the world. I have no idea what pulled me there, but I'm gonna be honest with you all now."
Ben takes a deep breath.
"Jamie Dean saved my life that night." Ben says before swallowing hard. "Without him, I don't think I'd be sitting here talking to you all now, because depression is more than real, even the best of us could suffer from it, and if I never ended up there that day, it would have took over me, the drinking would have took me over and I would have had the beer bollocks to say goodbye to this world. Jamie Dean in the reason I'm still here."
Another hard gulp comes from Ben.
"I know a lot of you guys are down at times and don't like to talk about it. Hell, I wouldn't have spoke about it if there wasn't a good reason and there is." Ben says before pausing for a second. "The reason is we all have a Jamie Dean in our lives, we all have a Sam Marlowe in our lives that would do anything to protect your life, and since that day, both of them have done just that. If you feel depressed, find your Jamie Dean, find your Sam Marlowe and let them help you like mine have helped me."
Ben closes his eyes for a few seconds before opening them.
"You don't have to be depressed when you have good people in your life." He says firmly "It's human to be down, but you have friends out there to protect you, so talk to them."
Ben inhales sharply.
"And the truth is, I shoulda been doing that all along." Ben says firmly. "I should have been protect Sam from Anthrax instead of sitting at the bottom of a dark hole feeling sorry for myself. Better late then never, eh?"
Ben looks firmly down the camera.
"I know you're probably looking at this Anthrax, fancying your chances a little bit, I mean who wouldn't?" Ben says with a shrug "A fat boy Ben, who's been on the pizza and booze more then usual. Sorry mate, you ain't seen my personal trainer for the next couple of weeks. See in a few hours, I'm back on a plane and I'm heading back to America to train with someone who has more muscle in her right leg, then you have in your entire body."
Ben smile a little bit.
"I kid you not, the woman is build like a brick outhouse." Ben says seriously. "And that fat that's protecting my abs, well that's gonna disappear, the stamina, it's gonna come up and every single person out there is gonna see some vintage Ben Jordan one last time. Thing is, I'm one of those people who believe in you mess with my friends, you mess with me and you've been a very lucky joker that I haven't been around much seeing all this bollocks going on. If I was, you wouldn't be on this show, because they still wouldn't have removed that bottle of mist from your jacksy, know what I'm saying? No? It would take a very skilled team of surgeons to remove that bottle from ya rectum. Is that better for ya?"
Ben pauses for a few seconds.
"I can see your obsession. Sam is one in a million, but the thing is mate, you're not one in a million." Ben says with a little authority. "Since IT came out again, you're one of a million, not one in a million evil clowns. It's nothing special to whack on a little paint and try and scare people, nothing special at all. You might even think it's all fun and games, but the fun and games stop now, because for what you've done, for what you even thought about doing, I'm gonna take that paint clear off your mush and I don't mean with a baby wipe and some time. One whack with the back of my hand and your boat will be as naked as the day you popped in to the world."
Another half smile crosses Ben's lips.
"I admitted I've let myself down when it comes to wrestling, Anthrax. First to admit that, but I got one more chance to shine." Ben says holding up one finger. "I don't want people to remember me as the guy that lost the tag belts in his last match, I wanna go do what so many people dream of doing and smacking a clown. I ain't too fond of clowns to be fair, so trust me, this geezer ain't holding back. In fact, always been a dream of mine to kick the daylights out of a clown so I will be living the dream."
Ben runs his hand through his beard.
"So for one last time you good people of SCW, for one more time to you amazing fans, the Cockney King comes home." He says with a nostalgic smile "And the Cockney King will be going out on top. Anthrax, you picked the wrong ginge to mess with, shoulda gone for dragon lady, woulda left ya alone but ya didn't so now at Full Circle, this geezer is teach you one hell of a lesson."
Ben looks firmly down the camera.
"Till then, SCW fans, I can not wait to see you all. Thank you for listening to my story. If you can relate, please don't hold it in, go talk to people." Ben says with a humble nod "For now, this geezer better get to bed. You all have a good un."
Ben winks towards the camera.
"Laters people." He says with a low nod.
The camera fades to black.
