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Supercard Archives / Bill Barnhart V Senor Vinnie
« on: February 09, 2020, 06:49:34 PM »
SLOW DRIVERS AND A MENTALLY SLOW OPPONENT IN SENOR VINNIE
OFF CAMERA
SLOW DRIVERS
Narrator: If there is one thing Bill Barnhart cannot stand it is slow people. His number one pet peeve consists of slow drivers. His second on his list of pet peeves is a customer who get up to the checkout counter only to run off to get another item while everyone behind them in line are waiting for them to return.
We switch over to a scene of Bill Barnhart in his car driving around Lawrenceville, Georgia, and he has a cameraman in the car with him to record the events of today. Bill quickly glances into the camera then back to watching the road ahead of him.
Bill Barnhart: Thanks for joining me. As most of you know I have a major problem with slow people. Stuff like slow people in store checkout lines, people taking fifteen minutes to order one coffee at Starbucks and, most importantly, my number one pet peeve concerns slow drivers.
As Bill makes those comments they approach a stop light that is red so the traffic in his direction stops. The car Bill and the cameraman is in is the third car in line. While they wait for the light to change to green Bill continues his comments.
Bill Barnhart: Iris and Bea are not with me today. Having Iris in the car while I am driving is distracting as she is not smart enough to know not to disturb me while I am driving. Bea stayed at home with Iris since Iris wants attention from her when I am not home.
The light turns green and the two cars ahead of Bill just sit there and do not move. After ten seconds Bill toots his car horn. After another ten seconds of the two cars ahead of him not yet moving he lays on the horn for a long time. Finally the cars slowly begin to move across the intersection on the green light.
Bill Barnhart: *sigh* See? That is what I am talking about. Everyone here has a license to drive and they know what the traffic laws are. The light turns green and these morons in front of me just stare at the green light, admiring how pretty it is, and just sit there. I do not have time for this bullshit! I have places to go and sitting here for a long time without these boneheads moving is at the top of my list of pet peeves! Sheesh!
As the cars ahead of his car slow down Bill passes them and makes sure to flip them off appropriately as his car passes them.
Bill Barnhart: This is a great analogy moment. Just as my top pet peeve concerns slow drivers my other pet peeve concerning wrestling is that most other wrestlers are slow, both physically and mentally, and I have low tolerance for them and absolutely no respect for them or their wrestling career.
Bill again approaches cars ahead of him, that are going slower than the posted speed limit, and again he hits the gas and drives past them flipping them off as he passes. A short time later Bill again comes upon traffic that does not move when the light turns green. Again he lays on the horn and then drives around the slow drivers ensuring he lets them see the appropriate hand gestures.
At this point the cameraman cuts his feed and the Network goes into a commercial break.
ON CAMERA
The scene changes to a shot of Bill Barnhart in his Hotel room which is near the Yuengling Center in Tampa, Florida. We see Bill sitting on the couch and there is a potted Cactus plant on the coffee table.
After a short time of the camera focused on the bottle of Roundup weed killer we switch back to a shot of Bill Barnhart.
Bill: Oh how I would love to try to bring down Pete the Cactus for what he tried to do to Iris recently! But I have to tell you I have been spraying this potted Cactus in front of me for days and there has been no reaction so I am thinking a Cactus plant may be more resilient than I thought. I may just let Iris take care of Pete. If Iris cannot bite Pete then one of her horrible toxic farts would surely put him out of business for a time.
Bill picks up the potted Cactus and walks to the door of his hotel room where he opens the door and places the potted Cactus in the hallway. Bill shuts the hotel room door and returns to speaking into the camera.
Bill: You are extremely predictable Vinnie. I will grant you the fact that you defeated Austin James Mercer for the Heavyweight Championship and you held it for five months. But you, being predictable, you lost the Heavyweight Championship to Ben Jordan recent. Then you lost other matches since that loss. Yes, Vinnie, just as it is predictable that the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West so it is predictable you will lose to me at My Bloody Valentine 3. Just as it is predictable that there are 60 seconds in one minute so it is predictable you will lose to me at my Bloody Valentine 3. Just as it is predictable that you and Pete the Cactus will cheat and do whatever it takes to cheat me out of a win you will still lose to me at My Bloody Valentine 3.
Bill hears noises in the hallway so he walks over to the door and cracks it open enough to peek out. He then shuts the door and continues with his comments.
Bill: I appears someone called the Front Desk and told them there is a trash potted Cactus in the hallway and they need to remove it and throw it in the trash. When I looked in the hallway there were some members of the Housekeeping crew there along with a few members of the Maintenance crew. Looks like that potted Cactus is destined for the junk pile and maybe, just maybe, they will run it through a grinder and grind it up to make mulch. Bwaa haa haa!!! What? Oh I can imagine Senor Vinnie and Pete the Cactus watching my comments and screaming at their television at the thought of a Cactus being shredded to make mulch. Ask me if I give a damn if you are traumatized by that image. Go ahead and ask me! Damn hell no I do not give a damn if you are upset. After you tried to poison my English Bulldog Iris I could care less if you end up at mulch. After you, Vinnie, put Pete the Cactus up to trying to poison Iris to cause me to be distracted and lose my match to Alex Jones I also do not care if you also end up as mulch!
Bill chuckles at his comments.
Bill: Ah, Vinnie, you are in denial that you are behind the antics of Pete the Cactus. You are in denial that you pull the puppet strings and put words into the mouth of Pete. You are like Geppetto who pulled the puppet strings on Pinocchio to get him to move. You are in denial that you talk to Pete the Cactus like he can hear you and then you believe you can hear Pete the Cactus talk to you and that you understand what he is saying. You two are something out of a twisted horror movie. You are also in denial that you lost the Heavyweight Championship to Ben Jordan and have not been able to rack up wins since that loss. What are you going to do when I defeat you at My Bloody Valentine 3? Oh, probably go into denial that you lost to me, right? No matter how I end up defeating you I will have to endure minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months, of you whining and complaining that I cheated you out of a win. Do what you must do Vinnie. When our match begins I will do what I must do. See ya!
Bill waves into the camera and the cameraman takes the signal that the presentation from Bill is over so he calls into the Network and they cut to a commercial break.
OFF CAMERA
SLOW DRIVERS
Narrator: If there is one thing Bill Barnhart cannot stand it is slow people. His number one pet peeve consists of slow drivers. His second on his list of pet peeves is a customer who get up to the checkout counter only to run off to get another item while everyone behind them in line are waiting for them to return.
We switch over to a scene of Bill Barnhart in his car driving around Lawrenceville, Georgia, and he has a cameraman in the car with him to record the events of today. Bill quickly glances into the camera then back to watching the road ahead of him.
Bill Barnhart: Thanks for joining me. As most of you know I have a major problem with slow people. Stuff like slow people in store checkout lines, people taking fifteen minutes to order one coffee at Starbucks and, most importantly, my number one pet peeve concerns slow drivers.
As Bill makes those comments they approach a stop light that is red so the traffic in his direction stops. The car Bill and the cameraman is in is the third car in line. While they wait for the light to change to green Bill continues his comments.
Bill Barnhart: Iris and Bea are not with me today. Having Iris in the car while I am driving is distracting as she is not smart enough to know not to disturb me while I am driving. Bea stayed at home with Iris since Iris wants attention from her when I am not home.
The light turns green and the two cars ahead of Bill just sit there and do not move. After ten seconds Bill toots his car horn. After another ten seconds of the two cars ahead of him not yet moving he lays on the horn for a long time. Finally the cars slowly begin to move across the intersection on the green light.
Bill Barnhart: *sigh* See? That is what I am talking about. Everyone here has a license to drive and they know what the traffic laws are. The light turns green and these morons in front of me just stare at the green light, admiring how pretty it is, and just sit there. I do not have time for this bullshit! I have places to go and sitting here for a long time without these boneheads moving is at the top of my list of pet peeves! Sheesh!
As the cars ahead of his car slow down Bill passes them and makes sure to flip them off appropriately as his car passes them.
Bill Barnhart: This is a great analogy moment. Just as my top pet peeve concerns slow drivers my other pet peeve concerning wrestling is that most other wrestlers are slow, both physically and mentally, and I have low tolerance for them and absolutely no respect for them or their wrestling career.
Bill again approaches cars ahead of him, that are going slower than the posted speed limit, and again he hits the gas and drives past them flipping them off as he passes. A short time later Bill again comes upon traffic that does not move when the light turns green. Again he lays on the horn and then drives around the slow drivers ensuring he lets them see the appropriate hand gestures.
At this point the cameraman cuts his feed and the Network goes into a commercial break.
ON CAMERA
The scene changes to a shot of Bill Barnhart in his Hotel room which is near the Yuengling Center in Tampa, Florida. We see Bill sitting on the couch and there is a potted Cactus plant on the coffee table.
After a short time of the camera focused on the bottle of Roundup weed killer we switch back to a shot of Bill Barnhart.
Bill: Oh how I would love to try to bring down Pete the Cactus for what he tried to do to Iris recently! But I have to tell you I have been spraying this potted Cactus in front of me for days and there has been no reaction so I am thinking a Cactus plant may be more resilient than I thought. I may just let Iris take care of Pete. If Iris cannot bite Pete then one of her horrible toxic farts would surely put him out of business for a time.
Bill picks up the potted Cactus and walks to the door of his hotel room where he opens the door and places the potted Cactus in the hallway. Bill shuts the hotel room door and returns to speaking into the camera.
Bill: You are extremely predictable Vinnie. I will grant you the fact that you defeated Austin James Mercer for the Heavyweight Championship and you held it for five months. But you, being predictable, you lost the Heavyweight Championship to Ben Jordan recent. Then you lost other matches since that loss. Yes, Vinnie, just as it is predictable that the Sun rises in the East and sets in the West so it is predictable you will lose to me at My Bloody Valentine 3. Just as it is predictable that there are 60 seconds in one minute so it is predictable you will lose to me at my Bloody Valentine 3. Just as it is predictable that you and Pete the Cactus will cheat and do whatever it takes to cheat me out of a win you will still lose to me at My Bloody Valentine 3.
Bill hears noises in the hallway so he walks over to the door and cracks it open enough to peek out. He then shuts the door and continues with his comments.
Bill: I appears someone called the Front Desk and told them there is a trash potted Cactus in the hallway and they need to remove it and throw it in the trash. When I looked in the hallway there were some members of the Housekeeping crew there along with a few members of the Maintenance crew. Looks like that potted Cactus is destined for the junk pile and maybe, just maybe, they will run it through a grinder and grind it up to make mulch. Bwaa haa haa!!! What? Oh I can imagine Senor Vinnie and Pete the Cactus watching my comments and screaming at their television at the thought of a Cactus being shredded to make mulch. Ask me if I give a damn if you are traumatized by that image. Go ahead and ask me! Damn hell no I do not give a damn if you are upset. After you tried to poison my English Bulldog Iris I could care less if you end up at mulch. After you, Vinnie, put Pete the Cactus up to trying to poison Iris to cause me to be distracted and lose my match to Alex Jones I also do not care if you also end up as mulch!
Bill chuckles at his comments.
Bill: Ah, Vinnie, you are in denial that you are behind the antics of Pete the Cactus. You are in denial that you pull the puppet strings and put words into the mouth of Pete. You are like Geppetto who pulled the puppet strings on Pinocchio to get him to move. You are in denial that you talk to Pete the Cactus like he can hear you and then you believe you can hear Pete the Cactus talk to you and that you understand what he is saying. You two are something out of a twisted horror movie. You are also in denial that you lost the Heavyweight Championship to Ben Jordan and have not been able to rack up wins since that loss. What are you going to do when I defeat you at My Bloody Valentine 3? Oh, probably go into denial that you lost to me, right? No matter how I end up defeating you I will have to endure minutes, hours, days, weeks, and months, of you whining and complaining that I cheated you out of a win. Do what you must do Vinnie. When our match begins I will do what I must do. See ya!
Bill waves into the camera and the cameraman takes the signal that the presentation from Bill is over so he calls into the Network and they cut to a commercial break.
I have never heard that comment in an information sheet on a wrestler before. But, Fenris, I will give you credit for your ground game. I will state, on the record, that I feel your ground game is very good to the point that General George Patton and General Erwin Rommel, two of the greatest Generals of World War II in North Africa and Europe, would be jealous of your ground game. But remember something Fenris. Both Patton and Rommel lost a lot of ground battles where they were assigned. However Patton lost less battles than Rommel did. Although both are considered successful in their campaigns in North Africa and Europe it is widely admitted that General Patton was way more successful than Rommel which tells you why the United States won the War and Germany did not. I am General Patton to your General Rommel.
