[Mark Ward]

 Post all roleplays for this match here.

Limits: 1 roleplay per week. 10,000 words maximum.

Good luck!

[Alice Knight]

  The scene opens up inside a hotel room near the Abacos Beach Resort. We see a group of strange looking characters dancing/drinking and what seems to be serious dry humping to the song Get This Party Started by Pink. On the inside windows is a party sign letters that spell "OWL IS NIGHT IS BACK". Some of the party goers are obese to skinny, to trashy to gross to skanky to even trashy-gross-skanks. As they do their thing in the main room of the hotel room the camera zooms out to see Alice on the phone in the dark hallway.

Alice: May I speak to Christian Underwood please. ... No? Tell him it's Alice Knight........... Good God no? The returning SCW Bombshell, Alice Knight. He'll know who I am?.... No? The owl lady? Hoot! Hoot! Hoot!??! ......... Hello? Did you just hang up on me??? Your eerie silence says it all...

Alice puts her cell phone back in her purse and dances back to the party. An obese man with dreadlock hair hands Alice a drink.[b/b]

Obese Man: Any luck on the phone with yer boss, mon?

Alice: Nope! Zero! Zero luck! I thought he'd come to this welcome back party and we can talk about the future of us in Sin City Wrestling, you know? I've been collecting money, change and special kind of ornaments to pay Christian back with. I was going to give it to him tonight...

Alice bends over and picks up a wine box full of nylons and jars of loose change... the obese man looks through it confused.

Obese Man: You're paying him back with old pantyhose and mason jars?

Alice shrugs.

Alice: It's a start, bud. It's a start. But he won't take my calls... and... and... and get this. He sets my debut match against SCWs most sadistic, deranged, psycho Bombshell on the roster. Twisted Sister?

Obese Man spits out his beverage in shock.

Obese Man: Twisted Sister? Lemmy!!!

Alice shakes her head 'no'.

Alice: No. The wrestler Twisted Sister... and I'm certain lead singer of Twisted Sister band was Geddy Lee. Not Dee Snider like Griff' would try and convince me.

Obese Man: Any relation to Bruce Lee?

Alice: Don't be stupid... Bruce Lee is Asian, Geddy Lee is ... Pakistani? I think. Look... I don't know where every musician was born or what they eat. Dude, I have to go up against the, THE, THEEEEE TWISTED SISTER! Now I don't know a lot about her. And while I do plan to do my research, her reputation goes without noting. She is a serious, 100 percent, certain grade Wack-A-Doo! A wack-a-doo... and Christian Underwood set this match up for me to take on Miss Wack-A-Doo  Twisty Sisty at High Stakes because he wants to spoil my big return to SCW. That's just not fair. Unfair for me!

Obese Man: Believe in yourself Alice!

Alice: I'll tell you what I believe in... that being nice to Christian Underwood time is over. He and I. Me and him. No. Longer. Friends. I invited him to this awesome get together... but snub face Christian Underwood frowns upon me and my newly met friends... like they are weird and gross or something.

Alice looks around as a skinny twiggy older woman in a bright pink bikini begins dry heaving by the couch. Alice cringes.

Alice: Well maybe not her, but you seem to be a legit nice guy you fat, gross, obese man.

Just as she says that he begins dry heaving. Alice begins pounding his back with her fists until he begins breathing normally.

Alice: Go have a drink of water, guy. Jesus... I don't care. I don't even care that Christian Underwood thinks of me as low class dummy-dumber-girl. But me smart. Me, me, very smart, me!

Alice walks to the couch and stands on it overlooking the crowd of party goers.

Alice: Listen up you disgusting free loaders!!!

Everyone at the party turns around in shock and sadness looking up at Alice and shout "HUH???".

Alice: Oh... um... sorry. Not all of you... I was referring to other... gross... people around this area. Not you guys. You're all awesome. But i must admit, even though having all of my new, mostly Samoans...?, but my new friends attending my welcome back to SCW party all in this room. I had one guest in mind that I truly wanted to show up and get on his good side.

Someone from the Party: Was it George Clooney?

Alice: No... not George Clooney... it was...

Another Person: Ben Affleck?

Alice: No... not Ben Affleck...

Yet Another Person: Michael Keaton???

Alice: Jesus Christ, what is with everyone bringing up old Batmans? Val Kilmer is here....

Everyone shrugs at the same time looking at one another and Alice.

Alice: Him...

Alice points to the bathroom as everyone looks in that direction where we see a sick looking Val Kilmer, sitting on the toilet, pants down to his feet as he struggles to eat a jumbo chicken wing.  They all shrug again and murmur to themselves not sure who that is.

Alice: Poor Val... anyway. The man I am talking about is my boss over at Sin City Wrestling, Christian Underwood. For those who don't know our history. He acts like it was the biggest shit storm in the history of mankind. It wasn't as if I ran over his dog. Wasn't like I sold the rights to our sex tape... that doesn't even exist by the way. And if anything as small as spilling some of my delicious mustard over one of his fancy suits. Allllll that happened was I kind of was given his credit card and yadda yadda yadda long story short. I went a little over board with expenses. That's. It! See... who hasn't borrowed some money from their boss... and TRIED to pay him back with stockings full of nickels and dimes... jars of, again, my amazing mustard and of course ornaments of owls and hotdogs. That are collector items and in a few decades worth double of what I paid for. That's almost 30 dollars. So what does he do? This piece of ass head, Christian Underwood sets me up in my return in ring match against none other than Twisted Sister!!!

Someone From the Party: Lemmy Lee??

Alice rolls her eyes.

Alice: Nooooooo! The insane wrestler from SCW. She's vicious. She's mean. She's a killer queen. Those rhyme... hell, I am a poet and I didn't even think i could rhyme those  words together. Damn, I am good. And Twisted Sister may be, vile and evil but she hasn't seen Alice Knight, the owl huntress, myself on a mean streak. I can bring it harder and faster than just about any other Bombshell in the SCW. Twisted Sister isn't in my league as a performer. As a psychopath with a wacka-doo and being crazy. She has that going for her. But stars like Alicia Lukas. She is a great Bombshell champion at SCW and Bobbie Dahl is a great in ring performer. And Andrea Hernandez, who I have a brief history with in the O.C.W., she is the rising star of SCW. Among many others in SCW by the way. But Twisted Sister? Nah. I'm not worried. I call Christian Underwood's threat, chew it up, dip it in my, once again amazingly tasty mustard, and spit her all out all over the Hawaiians at High Stakes! HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!

Alice attempts to get a 'HOOT' chant going on at the party. But everybody shrugs again and begins dancing to the music. Alice pouts and just sits down on the couch next to a Chinese man also struggling to eat a jumbo chicken wing. He smiles at Alice with chicken wing sauce all over his face. Alice gives him a thumbs up and takes another sip of her beverage.

Chinese Man(in broken English): You. Alice. Knight. YES??



Alice: Yes. This is my return party. I don't remember giving you a special invite flyer at the bus stop earlier tonight... are you a party crasher? I'll knock you right out of here if you are, pal!

Chinese: Me. Make. Love. Alice. Knight. YES!?!?

The Chinese man holds up some cash.

Chinese Man: I keep. Big bills. Out front.

Alice: That's a 5 dollar bill...

Chinese Man: YES!!!!

Alice thinks about it, hesitating before wisely walking away from the Chinese man. She storms to the 90s like boombox currently playing WE WANT THE FUNK. She turns the volume down and throws her drink at a guy in a turban, who continues to dance to no music or aware he was hit with a beverage.

Alice: That... wasn't a racist attack! Just an accident...  I promise. Look. I think everyone needs to leave. Griffin Hawkins' won't be able to make it. Yes i KNOW the flyer promises us doing a duet of Iggy Pop and Kate Pierson's  "Candy"  together. But I'm afraid the PARTY! IS! OVER! Get out, please and thank you.

She sits down on a chair with a frustrated look as everyone at the party dry humps and dances their way out of the exit door.

Alice: Stupid Christian Underwood. Even his non-existence at this party as spoiled my night. I need to take care of this Twisted Sister character at High Stakes. That will shove it to him.

"Don't do it for revenge young Knight. Do it for yourself."

Alice looks up at the ceiling light.

Alice: God???

She then hears the toilet flush from the bathroom.  Val Kilmer can be seen standing up as he pulls up his pants. He spits in the toilet and slowly walks over to Alice.

Alice: Hey, Val. Sorry these party guests were jack offs. I mean you were in Heat and Willow too! They should know who you are...

Val sits down next to Alice on the floor. Alice picks up a half bottle of Jack Daniels and takes a shot as Val Kilmer rolls a joint.

Val: You want some?

Alice shakes her head, no.

Alice: Nah. My booze don't need any buddies.

Val: Right on. Here's the deal, Alice. We've been friends for how long now? 8-10? 15 minutes?

Alice: That sounds about right.

Val: You can't let this Christy Underpants get to you like he is. And you can't let Twizzler Sissy do the same.

Alice chuckles as she takes another swig.

Val: You are Alice Knight, man. You're one of the most popular stars in all of... um... combat sports, right?

Alice: Damn right I am. I am the Owl is Knight.

Val: Yeah, man. You're Alice. Be Alice. Don't bring yourself down to the level of these posers like Underwood. Hold your head up.  Hold. Hold your head up. Wrestle like a winner... you have your owlies fan base behind you because of a reason. And that reason is because you're fun, adorable, cute, great wrestler, nice bod, boobs and legs that go ALLLLLL the way up.

Val attempts to put his hand up Alice's dress but Alice slaps it away.

Alice: You're right mediocre actor Val Kilmer. I am the Owl. I am the Knight. I am ALICE KNIGHT! Twisted Sister can bring her insanity, her face paint and her sick attitude from Christian Underwood. But me, I will take her down. Believe you, me. And I shall get the last laugh over Underwood, Sister Twister and anyone else who gets in my face. Hoot, baby! Hoot!

Val: That a girl. Now can I read you a passage from my novel I am working on. It's relevant to your situation.

Val pulls out a bunch of crinkly papers and puts on small eye glasses as Alice stands up taking one last swig of Jack.

Alice: Um, no thanks, Val. Maybe the next time we hang out. I'm going to head out. Helping Griffin win his Roulette Championship belt back tonight from Teddy and Diamond as made me kind of pooped. Don't be shy and take a doughnut... on the way out... when you leave... my hotel room... now-ish... Thanks. BYEEEEE!

Alice walks to the bed room, she opens the door as a bunch of stray cats scream their way out of the room. Alice kicks one on the way out and slams the door shit assumingly going to sleep. Val gets up on his knees as sees the Chinese Man holding out his 5 dollars to Val Kilmer.

Chinese Man: Me. Love. To. Batman. Forever?

The scene fades out as Val smiles and takes the money and unzipping his pants as the cuts to black.

 

[Metal Maniacs]

 
Great Owls In History

University of Hawaii
The Lecture Hall of World History 101 to be more precise. The class has gathered as expected, butts lining the seats from front to back in the grand hall. It was early. Students were tired. I mean, who goes to college, expecting to have to actually attend classes!? There were parties to be had! Beer to be drunk and bongs to be… boinged? Laptops were open, and eager eyes gazed ahead at the forefront of the class, on the stage where the podium was set up and the laptop which would project images to the large screen for the students’ benefits. The only thing missing was the professor to deliver the lecture…

**BAM!**

The sound of the door offstage slamming caused the students to jump, and onto the stage in full cap and gown walked -- Twisted Sister? Wary glances between students were exchanged with one another, as the wild haired and frenzied woman stepped behind the podium and faced one and all, a toothy smile on her lips and manic glaze behind her eyes.

Twisted Sister: Good morning class!

The kids all stared at her, and the wild smile on her face turned to a snarl and she leaned closer to the small microphone…

Twisted Sister: I said GOOD MORNING CLASS!!!

Together: Good morning …. Teacher!

Temporarily sated, Twisted Sister smiled once again and licked her lips.

Twisted Sister: This morning we are going to be straying from your usual topic and doing things a little bit differently!

“Well DUH!”

Twisted Sister:Today we have a new topic, one which will enrich your minds and befoul your senses! So I want lots of notes taken! Feel free to record this and air it on youtube because I’m not entirely sure this promo will air in time for my opponent to see it!

More confused glances between students and several “What the f**ks?” tossed in for good measure.

Twisted Sister: Today we will learn all about…. (insert jazz hands here) The Great Owls In History!

One student jumped to his feet with both fists in the air.

Student: YES!

Twisted Sister pointed her pointer (get it? Ha!) at said student…

Twisted Sister: Arrest that man! He’s obviously stoned if he’s excited about any college lecture! And to those studying Latin? YOU’RE WASTING YOUR LIVES! Now then… I direct your attention to the screen!

Twisted Sister looked down at the powered up laptop before her and slammed a fist down into the keys and the screen at her right flickered on and on it, the image of...



Twisted Sister: Mister Owl! Pretentious! Do you hate him as much as I do? Taking candy from children and eating it in front of them? … No, that part’s alright! It’s just that he acts like a typical know-it-all owl! They’re all the same! And does he really know how many licks it takes!?

And across the class, the speaker lights up with Li’l Kim’s “How Many Licks”...

”So, how many licks does it take till you get to the centre of the?
('Cause I've got to know)
How many licks does it take till you get to the centre of the?
(Tell me)
How many licks does it take till you get to the centre of the?
(Oh, oh)
How many licks does it take till you get to the centre of the?
(Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh)”

Twisted Sister started dancing to the music across the stage like a loon, leaving everyone perplexed but too mesmerized like witnessing a car wreck to leave the scene. One student looked at her neighboring classmate and shrugged.

Student: It’s still better than any lecture Professor Claiborne ever gave us.

Neighbor Student: Where is Professor Claiborne anyway?

The answer would be seen behind the stage, the aforementioned Professor hanging from the rafters, hog tied and gagged while Iron Maiden and Anthrax laughed wildly, blindfolded and swinging a stick at the bound and gagged professor like he were a pinata.



Twisted Sister: Oh did you think I forgot about you dear, sweet Alice? Oh no. No no no no!

She laughed fiendishly, displaying her unstable mentality as she leaned over in her own mirth.

Twisted Sister: I could never forget about our dear little Alice the Owl! Our Alice in Wonderland! Hahaha! Just like that Alice, SCW’s lovely little Alice will fall down the rabbit hole and find herself not in a world of wonders, but in a carnal carnival. Full of toys and treats, just made for a girl like her! Oh she will walk into that world with wide eyes of wonder, looking this way and that, and never see the true threat was in front of her all along! No tea parties here in Hawaii,, Alice. No tea and cakes. No cheshire cats or Mad Hatters! NOBODY is as Mad as I am, Alice!

She titters with the case of the giggles, shielding her eyes and shaking her head.

Twisted Sister: Owls are an endangered species, you know. And soon enough, when we have our little play date Allice? Alice, Alice, Alice! There’s going to be one less owl on that list, and they’ll end up that much more endangered!
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[Alice Knight]

 Tulsi Gabbard the Hawaiian governor surrounded by her staff and guards and some hula girls stands there as Alice Knight awkwardly walks up to her, as the governor welcomes her to Hawaii like any other person, with a flowery Lei around her neck. Alice seems impressed with this greeting from one of the highest people in Hawaii. She shakes her hand as they walk on to a stage where they see hundreds of Hawaiians with SCW shirts, signs, owl stuff animals and two giant men in OWL costumes look up at them. Alice looks shocked as she was not expecting this. But passed out on the plane ride from the states due to her taking three sleeping pills wasn't paying attention to much of what was said or what she will be doing in Hawaii other than wrestling Twisted Sister at SCW High Stakes.

Governor Tulsi: Ladies and gentlemen. As a huge wrestling fan myself, I really want to welcome Alice Knight, one of SCW prominent and more popular bombshells of the company. Alice, the floor is yours.  

Alice takes the mic and stands in the center of the stage while the crowd of SCW fans begin hooting. HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! HOOT!

Alice: HOOT! HOOT! HOOT! Indeed! What a fine bunch of hooters you all are. I just wanna hug and squeeze you all...soooooo.... I'm not sure what I am supposed to say here. All I DO know is I will be taking care of bizz-wax on this beautiful island at SCW High Stakes when i beat the hell out of that loser Twisted Sister! BOO! BOO, HER!!!

The fans, confused, begin a BOOT chant.

BOOT! BOOT! BOOT! BOOT!

Alice: Wait, are you yelling BOO or BOOT!??!

Young fan: I was chanting BLOOP!

Everyone laughs, including  governor Tulsi. Alice fakes a laugh and then jumps in with her own bad joke.

Alice: Bloop? More like, BAH-LOOP-DA-BOOBS!

Alice laughs as the crowd goes eerie silent. So silent that you hear a cricket chirping.

Alice: Ha? No? What? No good?

The crowd begins a BLOOP Chant now.

BLOOP! BLOOP! BLOOP! BLOOP!!



Alice: Okay enough! While I failed at my last joke, at High Stakes I will not fail when i step inside the ring with Christian Underwoods hired henchwoman, The Twisted Sister! You'll see. I'm bringing everything I got to this match. If the face painting weirdo wants to take it to the extreme?

Alice puts up a fist.

Alice: Yeah! Extreme it will get...

The crowd cheers chanting "ALICE" now.

Alice: Yeah! YEAH! I will even tear off her face and wear it if I have too. Rip off her arms and legs and stuff it down her mouth hole, which should be hard to find because her face is on my face as I do this. And then I will go around, remind you wearing her face over my face, yelling and screaming. "ME THE TWISTED SISTER! ME GOING TO LOSE TO ALICE KNIGHT! ME NOT AS GOOD AS ALICE! BLAGHHHHH!"

Alice uses her other hand putting it over her own face as if it was Twisted SIsters face and begins moving around the stage in a creepy posture as the crowd looks concerned and goes even quieter than before. Another cricket can be heard when Alice finally catches on. A baby crying can be heard within the crowd.

Alice: Too much? The point is... i'm trying to make here.... i will win.

(from the crowd): That's not how it will go down!

Alice: You said! Was it you bloop kid!?!?! I will wear your face too!!

Cuts to the bloop kid who begins crying as another young girl and two older kids with Twisted Sister like make up on walk up to the stage.

Girl: You... Alice Knight... are a fraud! These other fools going to see High Stakes this Sunday may drink the kool-aid! The idiots you buy your merchandise may drink the kool-aid! But i'm not one of those zombies. All these Zombies. Twisted Sister will kill the owl revolution before it even begins!

Alice: First of all, kid. I love Kool-Aid! Cherry. Orange. Grape. Heck, even Kiwi. And if you tasted my home made kool-aid, you'd be a happier little girl. Because I don't add extra sugar, I'm sweet enough as it is...

Alice makes a cute smile as the crowd goes "AWWWWW"

Alice: And a fraud you say? Why? Because I like to bring smiles to peoples faces? I work hard every minute of every hour of every day of every week of every month and... every hour? Where was I?

Alice scratches her head.

Girl: You were rambling... as usual.

Alice: Look... i don't like your attitude, girly! I am Alice Knight! I'm a former Queen for a Day in Sin City Wrestling. And while my day didn't go exactly as planned. I am still here. Now the wrestler, bombshell if you will, that you look up to. Is nothing but a scavenger. She wants to make fun of owls and make fun of me so posers like you can follow the loon that she is? Whatever. She is a lost cause. There's no saving that henchwoman loonie. But kid, there's a chance for you and your two friends. I bet if you wipe off that shit off your face you could get even Bloop kid to like you. Ask you out on a date. Take you to a fair or something. And Bloop kid is clearly retarded.

Girl: You're the fool, Alice! DOWN WITH HOOT! DOWN WITH HOOT!

Nobody chants with them. But Alice jumps off the stage and attempts to shake some sense into the child.
The older kids push Alice down, which causes the two dressed up OWLs running and tackles them down. Alice stands up and climbs back on the stage as a huge riot breaks out into the crowd. The sounds of police sirens are heard and a Hawaiian SWAT team rushes in, wearing protective SWAT gear and hula Hawaiian leis. Using their sticks they begin beating up some men, women and even children. The Hawaii governor tries to calm everyone down but ends up falling off the stage herself.
Alice watches this as she slowly and quietly walks to the back of the stage as the scene fades out.