| QUOTE |
From the outside looking in it can be hard to tell a group of girls who are bullying apart from a group of girls who are innocently standing around. Girls socialize differently than boys. As girls get older their peer interactions become less physical and more cerebral. Girls engage in verbal bonding by sharing stories, hopes, and dreams. Since girls bond differently than boys it makes sense that when they bully it would be different too.
Teachers and parents tend to talk about the obvious when they talk about bullying. Playground scuffles, name calling, stealing personal items and damaging property are commonly cited examples of bullying behavior. But when girls bully they aren’t so obvious. Girls can be quietly vicious with their victims and adults often fail to treat their behavior as bullying. |
"Cookie, do you want to come over and hang out after school?" Cathy Hillburn asked her in the school hall as they passed one another, heading from one class to the next. "I thought maybe we could study for the history exam Mister Kinsel warned us about."
Cathy was one of the pretty girls. One of the girls who walked around with that ... with Lydia Wallace, the 'head girl' of the popular girls' little social network. Although these girls walked around with one another and conferred plans and hopes, there was no mistaking that Lydia was the leader and in the end, called the shots. She was the one who first started making fun of Cookie for her weight and second-hand clothes, and is the one who encouraged the other girls to do the same. Some ignored the 'mean girl' but most sadly went along with her because they did not want themselves to become targets and get ostracized from their clique. Cathy herself seemed nice but when it came to girls who bullied, they could easily wear the most convincing masks of sugar and spice yet anything but nice.
"Since when do you want to hang out with me?" Cookie asked with a suspicious expression on her face. She was now thirteen years old and in her first year of Junior High, but her social life had not improved as much since the bullying first started. She had a small handful of friends, some outcasts like herself, and yes, a boy who liked her, but even if one was surrounded by people, the sting of bullying and loneliness could be overwhelming. "Aren't you worried Lydia will have something to say about it?"
"Lydia is not my boss." Cathy boasted, holding a hand up to emphasize her point. "Fact is, I need help with my grades in history. You get good grades, I don't, and Lydia most likely doesn't even know how to locate her own state on a map."
Cookie smirked. She shouldn't have felt anything good about this one girl insulting another, but considering the level of stress and torment Lydia had caused her through the years, she felt a little pent up anger released at the other girl's expense.
Cathy continued, "Besides, hanging out after at the mall or McDs could be my way of saying thanks ... and sorry."
"For?" Cookie asked, her suspicions still strong in her head. One might want to be accepted and gain another friend whenever one could, but when you've been through so much pain caused by your peers, trust was hard to manage.
Cathy rolled her eyes. "You're not making this easy." She said. "For the last few years in school. For everything that snotty bitch Lydia started. I'm just trying to apologize, okay?"
She stared at Cookie for what seemed like an eternity until the rotund pre-teen finally exhaled not-so-gently and shrugged her shoulders. "Okay." Cookie said. "When do you want to meet?"
"I was thinking Coffee Beans?" She glanced up and tilted her head. "I mean, I don't know if you actually like those type of coffee drinks or even drink coffee but..."
"No." Cookie cut in. "No I like that place. I go there sometimes. I like their caramel iced coffee."
"Oh I know!" Cathy almost shouted, her eyes brightening. "They're the best! So, after school? Four?"
"Better make it five." Cookie frowned apologetically. "I need to run home first."
"Okay, no prob." Cathy nodded. "Five o'clock and..."
BRRRIIIING!!!
Cathy squeeled, "Shit! The bell! Oh god Miss Lopez is going to kill us!"
Cathy ran down the hall and Cookie followed right after.
*****
4:48 PM
The bus pulled to a screeching halt at the bus stop right on the outskirt of the Westgate Shopping Plaza. The doors slid open and Cookie stepped down onto the curb with her book bag slung over her shoulder. She walked straight toward the Coffee Bean coffee shop, her neighborhood's cheap knock off of Starbucks, and stepped inside. She looked around. Cathy wasn't here yet. No sense in waiting. She walked up to the counter to order her drink...
5:15 PM
Cookie sat in the corner, far in the back of the establishment. As much as she tried to be sociable, she always seemed to revert back to sitting away from people, in the corner if possible, as a manner of watching others while shielding herself. It was a subconscious effort on her part. She had laid out her History book on the table beside her drink and she quietly waited. So Cathy was a little late. These things happen, right?
6:30
Cookie silently fumed as she finished reading the chapter assigned by the teacher and she pulled her folder out and started leafing through its contents for the paper she would need to start the actual homework assignment. She was so distracted that the tapping at the window beside her head gave her a slight start. She glanced up and into the leering faces of Cathy and Lydia who were both shrieking in laughter and they walked away, waving 'good-bye' as they went about their own business.
Cookie only watched for a moment before turning back and looking down at her school book. Despite her best efforts to control the embarrassment that she felt, she could already feel her face becoming flushed with heat. She could not believe she let Cathy trick her so obviously.
Cookie looked in the full-lenth mirror and checked out her reflection and her choice of attire. She wore a white blouse with soft, violet accents in a floral and swerve pattern. Her skirt was a solid violet that reached to mid-thigh and her heels a creme based white color. She smoothed her hands over her skirt and made certain her hair was coiffed just right before it was time to go to the makeup lady.
| QUOTE |
The tactics used by girls who bully are distorted versions of some normal mechanisms of social development. According to research done, when girls bully they use things like alienation, ostracism, deliberate and calculated random exclusions, and spreading of rumors to harass their peers.
Girls get other kids to gang up on one or more peers as a way of exerting control. Sometimes they incite other children to act out aggressively and sit back to watch the show. They form groups that pick and choose members at random and exclude others without real reason. They form alliances with other social groups in an effort to jockey for popularity and positions of power among peers. All too often the bullying tactics used by girls are brushed off as cruel but normal social interactions. |
There was only one boy who really treated Cookie like a human being. Most of the other boys thought she would be an easy lay on a weekend, for no other reason than she would obviously be desperate to be wanted and accepted. Unfortunately for those boys, they were met with stiff rejections (pun intended), but that didn't stop them from spreading lies to soothe their own egos and to save face. All it took was for that first boy to say that he scored with Cookie, and a virtual line formed of waiting boys hoping for a piece of the guaranteed action.
It's almost pathetic how boys call girls hos and sluts and the like when they themselves are the ones who are willing to do it with almost anything with a pulse. They proposition the girl, use the old 'put out or get out' line, and when met with rejection, somehow his logic forces him to call the girl names, one of which is 'slut'. Make sense? I think not.
But we're getting off track. This one boy's name was Yuji Endoh, a young Japanese-American who was as sweet as a girl could hope for and who cared less what others thought of him, so long as he had his family and at least one true friend. His sweet demeanor earned him a number of friends on all sides of the social circle, and his penchant for football and basketball had him on the spectrum of the jock crowd. Still, none of that mattered to him. He simply acted as he was expected to by his family.
It was the junior prom where he asked Cookie to accompany him as his date, just between friends, and she happily accepted. Yuji was probably the one student, whether they be boy or girl, whom she knew that she could trust.
Cookie had on a pretty, knee-length dress of pink color, and Yuji wore a brown suit and tie. They stood at the snack table where Yuji poured her a cup of punch and handed it to her. They conversed softly between themselves when a girlish voice said, "Oopsie!" and Lydia Wallace's hand smacked under Cookie's hand, causing the cup's contents to splash on her upper body and ruining her new dress with a dark, purple stain.
"My dress!" Cookie shrieked and stared down at her garment in dismay. Her mother had made certain to save so that they could buy this dress brand new for her first dance, and now it was ruined. Lydia and her gaggle of girl minions cackled at the horrified look on Cookie's face as Yuji handed her a stack of napkins and he helped dab at her top.
"Not to worry." Lydia sneered. "You could always go to Goodwill where you got that one and replace it."
"I bought this new!" Cookie yelled, making the girls giggle again.
Lydia rolled her eyes. "Okay, fine. K-Mart, then." and she started to walk away when Yuji shocked them all, muttering just loud enough to be heard,
"Stuck up bitch."
Lydia whirled around and her face was aflame with indignation that anyone would dare say something like that to her. "Ex-CUSE me!?" She piped up with a shrill tone. "WHAT did you just say to me?"
Yuji turned his head just enough to glance at her over his shoulder, effectively inferring she was not good enough to look upon and his back was to her. He said, "I thought all dogs had good hearing. Hm, shame really."
Cookie stared in stunned surprise that such a soft-spoken young man was talking to the so-called queen of their school like this. Lydia was breathing hard, inhaling and exhaling deeply as she clenched her fists. "She snarled, "You're going to regret that."
"I'm sure." He replied, turning his head from her and effectively 'dismissing' her. Lydia turned and stormed off with her girls in tow, each one stealing stunned glances back over toward Yuji as he kept trying to help Cookie clean up.
Strong as Lydia's social circle was, and she did try to ruin Yuji for this, the 'jocks' circle was stronger, and so was the reputation the boy had for just being who he was.
Lydia lost a bit of her stranglehold on their school that evening.
Cookie sat in the makeup artist's chair calmly as the woman dabbed at her cheeks with a light brush.
Senior year
"Stupid, bitch." Lydia hissed under her breath in the girl's locker room. Gym class had just left out and the girls were in the process of showering and changing so they could go to their next class, but Lydia was irate. She had been stuck with Cookie on her volleyball team and the 'fat girl' had cost 'her' team the win when she missed a ball that came right at her. She didn't want Cookie on 'her' team. She tried switching her out for someone else on Denise's team, but Mister Kohler, the gym teacher, told Lydia to 'suck it up' and play. Lydia's father would hear about how the teacher spoke to 'her'.
"I can't believe I got saddled with such a fat horse on my team." Lydia said as she tore open her locker. "I could have won but no! Mister..."
"Oh shut UP!"
Lydia turned around, unable to fathom who had just spoken up against her rightful tirade. Cookie was just standing there, five feet away from her, staring her down. Cookie had a frown of frustration and anger on her face. She had put up with these taunts and insults since grade school, but they were in high school now. She had turned the other cheek so many times, only to have her face slapped all over again.
"What did you just say to me?" Lydia said, dropping her towel to the bench and starting to walk towards Cookie.
"I said, shut up." Cookie repeated, setting her hands purposely on her hips. "So we lost, big deal! It happens, and funny how you blame me like it was my fault..."
"It was your fault!" Lydia shouted. "You missed that last shot and..."
Cookie interrupted, "And you missed every one before that! Funny how you conveniently forget that part of the game!"
"Do not talk to me like that you fat bitch." Lydia said in a snotty whisper.
"And do not call me that." Cookie stepped up to her. "Ever ... again."
"Oh yeah?" Lydia smiled. "Or else what? You fat bi-"
And Cookie's fist struck Lydia's nose, eliciting a nasty 'crunch' noise of bone and cartilage. Lydia flew back and tripped over the bench and fell over it, hitting the floor. She held her nose, which wasn't bleeding yet but 'was' swelling up in a mess of purple and blue. Lydia stayed on the floor, crying and screeching in pain as both of her hands were over her nose which now was starting to trickle crimson. She opened her tear blurred eyes and glared in hatred at Cookie who just stood there, staring back. Lydia's eyes roamed to the other girls in the locker room who were seemingly frozen in shock.
"Get her!" Lydia screamed. "Don't just stand there like idiots! Get her!"
Cookie looked up at the other girls who switched their gazes from Lydia to Cookie and back again. One by one, they turned their backs on the downed girl and continued getting dressed or heading for the showers, effectively shutting her out. Cookie shook her head, hating the girl but also almost feeling a sense of pity.
Lydia's stranglehold on the girls and her social scene was now non-existent. And all it took was standing up to a bully.
| QUOTE |
Girls bully by using emotional violence. They do things that make others feel alienated and alone. Some of the tactics used by girls who bully include:
*Anonymous prank phone calls or harassing emails from dummy accounts
*Playing jokes or tricks designed to embarrass and humiliate
*Deliberate exclusion of other kids for no real reason
*Whispering in front of other kids with the intent to make them feel left out
*Name calling, rumor spreading and other malicious verbal interactions
*Being friends one week and then turning against a peer the next week with no incident or reason for the alienation
*Encouraging other kids to ignore or pick on a specific child
*Inciting others to act out violently or aggressively
Boys are not the only bullies, girls bully too. Being singled out, ridiculed, excluded, or alienated is a form of bullying. Being beaten up emotionally on a daily basis does damage to the victims. It is time that the problem was addressed for what it is, a gender difference in bullying but bullying none-the-less. |
The small press conference in the lobby of the Palms Casino and Resort was alive with fans of all ages, and reporters from wrestling news websites, newsletters, and magazines. The small stage set up with tables had several of the established Sin City Wrestling superstars seated, both the males and Bombshells alike together for this one special coming together.
The banner draped behind the stage had the emblem of the SCW Anti-Cyber Bullying campaign logo stationed on it.
SCW Co-Owner Mark Ward stood at the podium and he spoke into the microphone, "Ladies and gentlemen, I'd like to take this moment to introduce to you, Sin City Wrestling's first official spokesperson for our Anti-Cyber Bullying campaign, Cookie S'Mores."
The fans applauded and the cameras flashed as Cookie got up from her seat and walked toward the podium.
"Words are just that, words. Once you can overcome them, half the battle is won against any bully. The one thing any bully wants is power over their victim. Tears are the embodiment of that power. I know it can be hard to control, especially the younger you are, but you can do it. I did. The one thing that bullies do not want, is for their victims to stand up for themselves. They want their targets to cry and scream and protest, but never in their own general direction. Once you stand up for yourself, that bully loses their power."
"I don't know what you're hoping to accomplish with all your snide little taunts and insults, Veronica. It accomplishes nothing except to show the world you're an ignorant little girl in a woman's business. You think your words are going to do me any damage? Sweety, I know I'm big, but I also know that I am beautiful. Inside as well as out. So I'm not a siz six. So what? I'd rather shop at Tents R Us than spend the evening in the toilet, yakking up her dinner, like you and your little friend do. I'd rather be bigger around the waist than to have silicone boobs and a skinny ass, looking like Olive Oyl with a boob job. So I like to ham it up with men. I'm open and honest enough to admit when I like a man, and I don't mind admitting that when i do, I enjoy the thrill of the chase. Just ask Justin Decent. I got over all the power girls like you had over me in school. I came to understand that you're nothing without your words. You already proved that the way you beat Gina Graham in your first match here in SCW. All you could accomplish was cheat, cheat, cheat, and that was the only way that you managed to sneak away with a win."
"You talk and you boast about how much of a woman you are, and how you're better than everyone else, but Veronica, you have yet to do a damn thing to prove it to anyone around here. Look around you. You are surrounded by the most accomplished female athletes the wrestling words has known. You talk a good game, but when the chips are down, honey you're going to choke on everything you've said to me and Brandi so far."
"You should take a hint from that partner of yours. So far she's played it smart and kept her mouth shut. She hasn't even been bothered to show her face. Who knows? Maybe you'll walk out there for our match, and find yourself all alone. Sad little girls like you always end up alone in the end."
