I’ve heard it all…
“You’re nothing”
“You’re nobody”
“You’re not capable of this”
“You’re never going to amount to anything”
“You’re in over your head”
“Someone like you can’t accomplish this”
I’ve heard this from opponents before in the many years I’ve been in this business and yet it doesn’t bother me. How in the world could it bother me when I would hear that day after day, time after time, from the one person that makes all of them look like child’s play?
I can hear him say that to me even now… even though he’s gone… regarding High Stakes.
After all, he did the same thing before I won my first world title…
Ready to be proven wrong again, father?
March 2021
Days prior to my huge MAINSTREAM World Championship match, I was massively angry. I got out of my car when I arrived at my father’s garage and I could already feel myself shaking. I didn’t have to knock on the door because he was right there and as I approached him, he was already smirking.
“I got your voicemail…”
My father laughed.
“You know, the one where you told me I have no chance of winning and how you wish I was never born and all of that nonsense?”
“You don’t Jules… you’re not tough enough, or strong enough. Your opponent is a massive name across the industry for one.”
“So what if they’re dominant? They haven’t beaten me…”
“Yet… and the thing is, you’re a mentally fragile little bitch too! Case in point! You couldn’t handle what I said in my voicemail and you’re coming right at me, face to face. You’ve had how many chances to break the glass ceiling and you’ve always failed?”
I was less sad and more angry at this point, yet I was calm enough to throw logic back in his face.
“So the fuck what? I’m BETTER than I’ve ever been. I may have been ‘mentally fragile’, but YOU made me that way. I didn’t come here to fight over the voicemail. I came here to tell you that I’ve become that much stronger mentally that I don’t give a flying FUCK what you think! You can fluff up my opponent, you can put me down like you always have but you have made me cry for the LAST TIME! You’re going to watch me win my first world title and you’re going to like it because people like you? You don’t get to control me anymore! You don’t get to determine my self-worth…”
“Holy crap, it’s that warped bisexuality of yours coming out of your ass…” my father told me, obviously trying to anger me.
“WOW, I’m bisexual… GET OVER IT! I am who the fuck I am and if you don’t support that, it’s YOUR loss! Attacking me for my sexuality? Really? Is that how pathetic you’ve become?”
My father just scoffs at me.
“You have NO POWER over me anymore and WHEN I win my first world championship…”
“Shut the fuck up, you switch hitting FREAK…”
This angered me to the point where I grabbed him and pinned him against the wall. He was too surprised to react fast enough.
“For ONCE you’re going to listen to ME! WHEN I win my first world championship, that whole narrative I’ve had for my whole career where I can’t break the ceiling and you get to laugh at me? GONE! It’s going to be a beginning of a new phase of my career which YOU miss out on because your toxic poison no longer affects me! Got it? Good!”
I let him go as he took in what I said for a moment
“Keep being delusional, Jules! I clearly did something wrong for God to punish me with a disordered, deviant fuck up of a bisexual daughter…”
“I hope someone shoots you in the fucking head…” I blurted out as I walked away from him. I’m not sure which silence was better: his stunned silence when I said that… or the one he had when I proved him wrong…
If my biggest abuser couldn’t stop me… then there’s no way Courtney, nor anyone else in SCW, will either…
Last Weekend…
I was still panicked and waiting at the hospital for any word about my mother and how her surgery went. Luckily, I wasn’t alone. Through all of my anxiety, Christy and Ally were there for me. They had each given me a hug and encouraged me to pull through this.
“What if something goes wrong?” I asked with worry in my voice. “What if she has an aneurysm? Or goes into shock? What if they discover that the cancer has spread somewhere else? I can’t take this, you guys…”
Ally wraps an arm around her.
“How can I concentrate on one of the biggest matches of my career knowing that a vapid bitch like Courtney is going to do everything in her power to verbally put me down like her words mean a shit? It’s bad enough having to hear someone like her with her bullshit!”
“Julianna, that’s your anxiety over your mother talking…” Christy reminds me. “You normally don’t care about what people say about you.”
“Yeah…” Ally adds. “You’re better than this. Your mom wouldn’t be happy with you right now hearing you talk like that and we all know it…”
I needed to hear this from Ally. I bit the bottom of my lip for a bit and then sighed, knowing that Ally was right on the money. I shook my head and composed myself.
“You’re both right. I’m letting this get to me too much. I’m sorry…”
“Don’t be sorry. You’re just scared for your mom. It’s completely natural. On top of the fact that she’s your mom, she’s also the one that psychologically trained you to be a wrestling champion.”
“But that doesn’t give you an excuse to worry about what Courtney has to say or what she’s going to say…” Ally adds on.
“I get it, but why are you worrying so MUCH about that?” I asked her.
“You’re Julianna DiMaria, damn it…” Christy reminds me. “You’re that ‘don’t give a fuck’ bitch that doesn’t give a fuck about other people’s feelings. You clearly didn’t care about Dawn’s, or Roxi’s or Ariana’s. You took your shots from them and you still didn’t give a fuck. Just because Courtney is the champion doesn’t mean you actually have to give her words any credence!”
“Christy has it dead on! Worrying about your mom is messing with your head. You can’t let what she’s going through do that! You’re just giving Courtney power she doesn’t deserve to have if you decide you want to worry too much about her stupid, uninspired words about you.”
“Besides, you were going through that nonsense with your dad before you won the MAINSTREAM world title, remember? But you didn’t give HIM power and you didn’t give your opponent a window to beat you.”
I was starting to feel that fire coarse through my veins at this point. I was beginning to realize that remembering exactly what got me my first world championship was going to be a huge help to giving me the guidance to winning at High Stakes.
“I separated one thing from the other… but that was my Dad… who I hated. I actually love my mother, you know.”
“I know it’s hard, but don’t let your vulnerability about your mother have your guard down for High Stakes…” Ally adds. “Don’t put so much pressure on yourself. Besides, would you have won the two world championships that you have on your resume if you did?”
“I was as cool as a cucumber for the most part…” I admitted. “I remember going into that Mainstream world title match with the opportunity that I earned from that rumble match and not once was I worried about falling short. I wasn’t worried about the critics for a change and I damn sure wasn’t worrying about my father. He had long been kicked out of my head. And I can only remember how amazing it was when I finally overcame him…”
March 2021
“Congratulations honey… I’m so proud of you!”
My mother was with me backstage shortly after I had won the Mainstream World Championship. Being a world champion for the first time ever was simply surreal, but to share this moment with my mother made it that much more special.
“Mom… thank you so much for being the one that always believed in me!”
I was crying and I sure as hell wasn’t hiding it.
“Right now I’m just thinking about all the pain and all the hurt that my dad put me through for years…”
My mother was beginning to tear up.
“...how he would always tell me I would never amount to anything, that I was a disgrace to his family, and most recently… trying to use my sexuality against me. He treated me like I was worth nothing but now that I have this title… now I know how WRONG he is! I FINALLY shut him up! I’m FINALLY above him! I’m FINALLY able to move on with my life and my career without EVER having to worry about him hurting me again!”
“You’re damn right…” my mother says with tears of joy in her eyes.
“Thank you mom…” I said without hesitation. “...not just for believing in me, but for the tough love you gave me three months ago when I wanted to quit wrestling over one loss to someone I should’ve beaten.”
“You did need it…” she says with a laugh.
“In order for this to be possible I had to grow up and I had to quit being a victim and once I caught on, I realized that all the crap my dad was saying about me and everything all the haters I have in wrestling were saying… it was just noise. The more that I heard that I didn’t have what it took to be a world champion, the easier it was for me to just ignore it all. What you did for me mother… was teach me that a setback isn’t the end of the world. You taught me that failure should be a learning process and not something to make you give up and die…”
“I’m so proud of you for finally getting it…” my mother says with pride in her eyes.
“Mom, I’m gong to promise you right now that I’m NEVER going back to the person that I was. I’m NEVER going to act like the victim again! I’m NEVER going to think that the world is out to get me and that I’m doomed to be the bridesmaid when I have proven to myself that I can always be the bride of every fucking wedding I’m a part of. Your tough love is what built me into a world champion and I’m never, EVER going to forget this.”
“Good! But remember… times aren’t always going to be this great. The unforeseen obstacles never stop. They’ll come back for you, you know this. And when they do? You better stay strong and not allow the moment to get to big for you. Don’t let anyone or anything pull you back into that darkness again…”
“I promise…” I told my mother as we exchange another hug.
Last Weekend
That promise was at the front and center of my conscience and THAT was my big eye opening moment.
“Julianna…” Ally said loudly grabbing my attention. I snapped out of my thoughts and saw the doctor in front of me.
“Ms. DiMaria… the surgery was successful and your mother’s ready to see you. The cancer didn’t spread. We took the kidney out in time.”
“THANK GOD” I said before I basically bolted from the waiting room and walked down the hallway as fast as I could to find my mother lying in her bed. She was awake and alert and I wasted no time walking up to her and hugging her.
“MOM… oh thank god… you’re okay!”
“Didn’t I tell you?” she asks with a laugh.
“I’m so glad that nothing went wrong…”
“Same here… but what about you?” she asked me, confusing me for a bit.
“Mom, this isn’t about me…”
“Focus on YOU right now. You’re what? A week away from Courtney?”
“I had a moment where I was overwhelmed…” I admitted with a sigh. “But I’m okay now. It still sucks that you can’t go to Vegas to watch me beat her…”
“No worries! We can celebrate your win when we get back to San Diego, alright? I don’t give a shit about what Courtney has to say about you. I don’t care if she’s accomplished this or that. For this particular match, it hardly means anything. You can do this, Julianna. You WILL do this. You want that match so damn bad… so much so that there’s no way someone like her is going to beat you.”
My mother grabs my hand and gives me a reassuring smile, even through all the anesthesia that is still in her system.
“Mom, I am NOT going to let such a shallow empty shell of a person beat me…” I said with an angry determination in my voice. “I WANT to be in this moment. She doesn’t… at least not as badly as I do. Seeing you okay… it erased any worries or anxiety I might have had about that match and I don’t give a flying fuck what she thinks because people like her? They’re going through their own pain and they feel the need to deflect it on other people. I know this because I used to do the same thing. This title that I’m about to win… it’s for US…”
“No honey, don’t make it about us. This is about you…”
“Mom…”
“Don’t worry about me. I’ll be fine. You do your thing the way I know you can.”
“Mom, I’m serious! I get it! Normally, I would be with the whole ‘don’t worry about me’ speech, but NOT this time! I’ve told you so many times that I wouldn’t be where I am as a wrestler if it wasn’t for you and damn it, you gave up your own career for me! You hung up the wrestling boots yourself as soon as I came into this world and you never looked back! You deserved your own flowers because you were MORE than good enough to be the best women’s wrestler in the world in your day! You’ve given me more than enough, mother! I’ve got to give back for once! I WILL give back! I’ll give you those damn flowers you’ve always deserved… that you sacrificed for me! If THAT doesn’t tell you how serious I am about winning that title for both of us, then I don’t know what the hell will!”
My mother definitely seemed touched that I was thinking about her and remembering all the sacrifices that she made for me.
“My little crown jewel really has grown up, hasn’t she?” she asks with a laugh. “Okay. For us! If it means that much to you!”
“It means the WORLD to me…” I admitted as I sat down next to her and just held her hand and did the best that I could to comfort her.
As great as this moment was… the best part was I was experiencing this burning passion in my heart to win at High Stakes… one that I never felt before…
Friday…
In my hotel room, I was reflecting on what Courtney Pierce has had to say about me leading up to this championship match at High Stakes. I wasn’t even feeling angry whatsoever. I let those words marinate in my mind. If I wasn’t angry, was I amused? I sure didn’t feel like anything she said was funny. But I dug deep in my mind a little further and then I discovered the one thing that I was feeling in regards to Courtney…
Disappointment…
And when I turned the camera on, I was ready to let her have it.
“That’s IT, Courtney?
That’s THE ONE that you try so hard to be? THAT’S the SCW Bombshells World Champion that has dominated for months? What in the actual fuck? I came into this with the attitude that I’m a better wrestler than Courtney Pierce because I’m FAR more passionate of a wrestler than she is and because she’s in her own head, completely insecure with herself and feeling the need to put other people down to compensate because even though she’s been the world champion for X amount of months, she’s STILL harping on the dark days of her career. Courtney, after hearing what you had to say? I’m not even mad.
I’m very disappointed.
I thought that even for your obvious lack of passion or any desire to compete against me, you would at least come in with the same fire that you’ve shown before and show that you actually give a shit. Granted, most of your promos are formulaic. It’s always a combination of crying about the past, blaming other people for your problems, crying about a lack of respect, bragging about what you’ve accomplished as champion and tearing down the other person with the same old ‘you don’t deserve it’ rant. Sure enough, that’s exactly what that was because what you proved to me when you said what you did? You proved BOTH reasons why I know I’m better than you and why I KNOW I will win this Sunday…
ESPECIALLY having any sort of passion for this at all. You see Courtney, one of the first rules about being a champion is KNOWING your opponent and what you proved is that you don’t know the first thing about me. Literally YOUR best argument… the ONE thing that you harped on for why you think you are THAT much better than ne… is that SUPPOSEDLY, nobody cares about me.
Really?”
I scoffed at this, dismissing it entirely.
“THAT’S IT? First off, I don’t give a FUCK if people give a shit about me or not. I didn’t come here to impress people. I didn’t come here to make friends. I came here to do the thing that I am about to do on Sunday and that’s become a world champion in SCW. You base your supposed superiority over me based on an OPINION, not on anything that has actually happened in the ring. Literally the only thing you’ve said about what I’ve actually done IN THE RING is bringing up my victories and saying “not impressive”. That’s it. NO PASSION! NO DEDICATION! NOTHING! And you know what the bitch is about this, Courtney? I SAID that you don’t give a fuck, that you don’t have the passion for this… and not only did you prove me right, you ADMITTED IT! You straight up said that it was hard to get excited for this match… YOU SAID IT! And you say it’s because I’m new and because because I’ve beaten ‘nobody impressive’. Bitch, are you KIDDING ME? THAT is your excuse? THAT is your reasoning behind the 'nobody' nonsense? Because SUPPOSEDLY only two of my five wins are credible?
Who are YOU to talk about CREDIBILITY, Courtney? Do you need me to go down the list of your defenses again?
Your credible defenses are against whom? Ariana who was so skittish about getting the shot that she was talking about how she didn't deserve it? Devona, who was such a flash in the pan that she probably doesn’t win Blast from the Past if the other Bombshell finalist was someone other than Dawn Warren? You literally just admitted to a lack of passion and care for this title match and THAT right there is exactly why you will lose! You're NOT MOTIVATED! This proves it once and for all! I KNEW it the whole time, but I didn’t actually think you’d ADMIT IT! Now, as far as my wins are concerned I beat who I put in front of me. I control only what happens in the ring once the match is booked. Tt just so happens that my first three matches were against the most recent challengers for the Roulette or Internet titles at the time in Laura and Dawn respectively… and against your predecessor. Sure, small sample size, but at least I can say that in my first three matches, I beat a challenger or a former champion in all THREE divisions and not even YOU can say that. But hey, if what I’ve done in SCW so far is not motivating enough for you, then that's a YOU problem.
That’s not MY fault. I don’t book my own matches or try to the way half of the damn Bombshells locker room does. I simply show up, take care of business by any means necessary against ANYONE they put in front of me. I do the job that I set out to do. Don’t blame ME for YOUR lack of motivation Courtney… the same lack of motivation that is CLEARLY going to cost you in the end.
Besides, who are you to talk about credibility filling up your defense list against the Arianas and the Zoeys of the world? In fact, other than those two, who has stepped up and either demanded a title shot rematch or booked themselves in a fight against you? Where is everyone else chomping at the bit to face you. There's ME... but BESIDES me? WHO is there? WHO ELSE could it have been? And come to think of it, who would even WANT to face a champion that has just admitted that she's not motivated for this. Who the fuck would want to face a champion that can’t even bother showing up for television when she’s not even booked? But let me get back to the question of ‘who else is there?’
Besides me… obviously Team Hero has other things in mind.
The other Bombshells for the most part either don’t deserve to be in this match or are fighting for the other titles.
Legitimately the only other possibility you can even consider for this spot besides me is Kayla Richards considering her reigns of dominance in the Internet title division but that’s it! I’m not saying that to reflect badly on me though. I KNOW I deserve to be here. Say that it’s too soon, but when you beat the FORMER Bombshells World Champion, that is MORE than enough to deserve this and I’m going to tell you the same thing I told my father once: I don’t give a flying FUCK what you think because all you know how to do is say a bunch of empty words that don’t mean a thing… especially when there is no passion behind them.
And they sure don’t when you keep on repeating them… you know… the words like “nobody”... and the whole “in over your head” thing…
The words don’t mean shit when you keep repeating them as you do with how you fluff up your accomplishments every damn promo.
They sure don’t mean a damn thing when you’re talking about how you’re trying to find a spark with me but you can’t…
I’m not worth your time?
YOU problem!
You can’t find a spark with me?
YOU problem! But that’s the thing Courtney… let me ask you something…
WHY do you need ME, or anything about ME, to give you a spark to motivate you about this match? Because if you were every bit as credible of a world champion as you so desperately want to be, you don’t look to ME to find that spark to motivate you… YOU LOOK TO YOURSELF!
YOU build your own fucking spark! YOU provide your own damn motivation! It’s not MY fault that you are completely incapable of doing that for this match because you’ve got your head and your ego shoved so far up your ass and you think you’re THAT superior to me. Literally the only motivation you could even have is “arrive, show up, wrestle, win, leave, repeat”. That’s literally the whole point of THE ONE… just dominate everything and fucking go home, right? What happened to all the “lack of respect” you kept drowning yourself in that you pathetically used to push yourself, huh? Not even THAT is coming out of the playbook? Do you have ANY idea just how badly you are setting yourself up for failure here? You, being the hypocrite that you are, talk about how it’s not your fault when your challengers “choke” against you and basically that it’s their problem not yours, but you want to blame ME for being unmotivated.
Fluff yourself up Courtney, puff out your chest. Brag about this, brag about that. It won’t bother me. I know it’s the cheapest trick in the book to make yourself look scarier than you actually are. I don’t see big, scary dominant champion when it comes to you. I see an unmotivated sack of bullshit taking out her insecurities on me simply because she can and because instead of finding her own damn spark, would rather whine and complain about who she’s facing at High Stakes acting as if it’s the biggest injustice to the Bombshell title ever. That’s right Courtney, keep making yourself the victim and acting like the universe is out to get you, just like you always do.
Continue to trap yourself in your own hubris as you continue to have no idea who the fuck I am. Continue to be ignorant of what I’m about. Continue, in all honesty, to be the anchor of the Bombshells division that replaced the old anchor that held it back for years. Congratulations Courtney, you became ANOTHER Roxi Johnson in terms of holding back the division and stymying any real progress because holy crap, if I could sum up your entire promo? It’s literally two things: “I am the one because of all these people that I’ve beaten and all of this that I accomplished” with a whole bunch of chest puffing and “I am going to beat Julianna because I’ve beaten better people and I’m better than her because nobody cares about her”
Mix in some whining about lack of motivation and BOOM, you TOO can cut a Courtney Pierce promo aspiring 17 year old wrestling school trainee…
You’re really just a diet version of my own father when it’s all said and done because at least when HE tried to run me down and say the same old shit you’ve regurgitated at least HE hated me with a passion and guess what? I’m going to shut YOU up the same way I shut HIM up and it’s going to be just as amazing! But that’s not my main motivation. You think I’m playing about having the heart and the passion for this and wanting this more than you do?
You fight for your damn ego and acting like it’s another day in the damn office for you…
ME? This isn’t just for me! My mother just got her kidney removed after dealing with cancer there for a second time. This match is for HER too! GOD, if only she COULD be at High Stakes but she’ll be there for me in spirit! That woman sacrificed everything for me and winning this championship from you at High Stakes to give back to her for not just giving birth to me and raising me, but for effectively saving my career when it was at rock bottom at one point? THAT’S my motivation! THAT is what is driving me! It’s not just YOUR lack of motivation and passion for this match and for the championship that you hold… it’s MY fire… MY fuel… MY motivation! Hell, I’ll even be honest and say that I want this for my mother more than I want this for me because unlike YOU at least I know how to fight with a damn purpose.
At least I took the time to actually KNOW who you really are. At least I’m NOT some insecure little BITCH that doesn’t know a damn thing about what it’s like to REALLY move the needle in the Bombshells division. You had plenty of time to prove you can be that ‘move the needle’ champion, but sorry not sorry Courtney… ultimately? The only one that was in over her head all along was you…
When I was a world champion where I was a world champion, I changed the game. I obliterated the status quo. I became the measuring stick! I became the champion that EVERYONE and their mothers wanted to dethrone. When I was previously a world champion, I stepped into the ring and I got shit done: no complaints, no excuses, no admitting that I had no motivation for this…
And come Sunday, I’m about to do it all over again! I’m going to make history! I WILL be the SCW Bombshells World Champion at YOUR expense and you’re going to have NOBODY to blame but yourself. You made your own damn bed with your own self-loathing and insecurities, Courtney. You buried yourself in the hole with being passionless about this match and resorting to petty high school level insults and stupid, vapid opinions with virtually no substance.
YOU did that… not me…
But come Sunday?
Not only am I going to put the damn grave on your own burial…
But I’m going to make your title reign EXACTLY like the hotel I am staying in right now…
A MIRAGE!
Not bad for a “nobody”, right?
At this point, I shut off the camera…
No regrets…
No worries…
And the knowledge that I was about to shock the world at large… even if it never was a shocker for me…