“Jace is you okay?” Lash asked through the door of the bathroom in their suite on The Royal Monarch.
“Does it sound like I’m okay,” Jace groaned back sarcastically.
“No, it sound like you puke up dinner,” Lash responded back
“Well thank you Capt. Obvious,” Jace grumbled as he shoved the door open and practically fell through the opening. He crawled across the floor and curled up beside the bed.
“I close port thingy, you can lay on bed now.” Lash told him.
“NO!” Jace groaned. “no no no, I just wanna lay here and die, please, Lash, just go find a dolphin to ride, or a fish to wrangle, or a damned sea urchin to torment and leave me be.”
“I no leave you here sick, it no be nice.” Lash pointed out.
“Yes, yes it would be very, very nice actually, in fact it would be the nicest thing you could possibly do for me at this moment in time.” Jace pleaded.
“But Jacey, we need talk about the match, Raynin and Gothy lady is mad at us, they think we be mean to them, what we do?” Lash asked.
“First, don’t ever, ever, ever in life call me Jacey again, and secondly, appearently Raynin and Gothika think we were lying when we said we respected them and didn’t care what gender they were as long as we got to have fun defending our titles. “ Jace said.
“But we no lie, dad say he wash out mouths out if we lie, since is okay to curse he use soap for lie.” Lash said earnestly.
“I know that,” Lash groaned. “Now will you please go away so I can finish dying now?”
“No. Now we got prove we no lie to them, then they no be mad at us no more. I want good fight, not pissed off people making meanie faces at us.” Lash pointed out.
“Oh good god Lash does it fucking matter, I’m dying here, please, please, dear god, just go away.” Jace muttered, yanking a blanket down off the bed and pulling it over his head.
“Yes it matter,” Lash told him, reaching over and removing the blanket. “Dad say angry opponent make mistake, we no want angry opponent, we want keep our belts ‘cause they do best but we do better, not ‘cause someone make mess up.”
“If you include the words “dad said” in another sentence, I am gonna find the strength to get up off this floor and puke on you.” Jace told him.
“EWWWW!” Lash said, angrily blowing bubbles at him in response. The bubbles were lemon scented, making Jace gag and wave the bubbles away from his face.
“Nothing that smells like food, please, damnit Lash!” Jace grumbled as he swatted at the offending bubbles.
“You want drammamint?” Lash asked him.
“That’s Dramamine and I just finished puking the last one.” Jace said miserably. “Can’t you just get them to stop the boat?”
“Nope, this cruise, boat move from port to port, we won’t stop till time get off.” Lash said.
Muttered curses and groans of misery are the only thing to follow those words.
“I think maybe I make Raynie lady and Gothy lady presents and then they no be mad at us no more.” Lash said in contemplation.
“No, dear god please no! You’ve gotten us in enough trouble on land with your “presents” please don’t get us thrown off the boat and into a raft, I’m begging you Lash, as your only brother, please, I couldn’t handle a raft, all that rocking…”
“And don’t forget the sharks,” Lash added in happily.
“I hate you.” Jace grumbled.
“Beside, I no give them pets, where I get pets on a boat?” Lash pointed out.
“PLEASE, don’t say that too loud, Batee will have us wrestling on boats for the rest of our time in BACW if he thinks it will keep you and those creatures out of his office.” Jace said.
Lash just laughed, before settling in the chair across the room
“I think I give them chocolates, everyone like chocolate, we give them chocolate and they be happy,” Lash said.
“This is neither Halloween nor Valentines Day Lash,” Jace said “Now please promise me that you will leave them alone until our match, okay?” Lash begged. “We’re already the youngest tag team in NWA history, we don’t need to mess that up by having them add the tagline “shortest reign” on the end of that do ya?”
“Fine, fine, I give them presents after the match, “ Lash said “Then they no feel so bad when they loose.”
“Nothing you could give them would make them feel better about losing Lash, so will you please just drop it so I can get back to dying here?” Jace whined.
“Know what I think?” Lash asked.
“I’m not sure I really want to,” Jace began “In fact, that is one of the stupidest questions there is, how would anyone know what someone else is thinking, I’m not in your brain! What a dumb question, or lead in, or whatever the hell it’s called. Who would want to know what you’re thinking, my luck you’ll tell me you’re thinking of purple spotted chaos worms and then what the hell am I supposed to say?”
“Purple spotted chaos worms?” Lash muttered, and than sat quietly for a good five minutes staring off into space, trying to imagine what purple spotted chaos worms actually looked like.
“It’s official,” Jace grumbled.
“What?” Lash asked, his attention turned back to his brother at last.
“You’re 17 fruit loops shy of a box,” Jace told him, shaking his head “now please take, snap, crackle, pop and the rest of the voices you talk to and get the hell out of here so I can rest.”
“I no like rice crispies,” Lash pointed out.
“I know, I know, forget I said anything…” Jace said desperately.
“It no right, cereal is no supposed to talk,” Lash said solemnly. “They are plotting something evil, I know it, it why they no have no cool marshmallows in the box, cause they mean.”
“How in the bloody blue hell can breakfast cereal be mean!!!” Jace thundered.
“But it IS mean!” Lash told him. “They won’t never let the poor bunny have any Trix, that no nice, it just like the coyote never gets to have no road runner dinner, they should let try just once, it no fair he chase and chase and just get thinner and thinner.”
“I am in hell.” Jace grumbled.
“The boat is no so bad.” Lash said.
“Yes, yes it is, and that wasn’t even what I meant and you know it,” Jace grumbled, and Lash just chuckled.
“See, you are just doing this to torment me, I knew it, why would you be so cruel Lash, why can’t you just go out there on the deck and go on the slide or stare at the ocean or something?”
“Well cause Uncle Mike say I need stay with you so I no get in trouble or lost like at airport,” Lash pointed out.
Jace groaned.
“Lash, how am I supposed to help you defend our belts if I die from motion sickness and you harassing me?” Jace asked him.
“But no one is ever die from being motion sick and no one is ever die from talk to someone else either, so you okay.” Lash told him.
“How do you know?” Jace questioned. “I could be really, really dying here and you think I’m kidding, and then will you laugh when I’m dead?”
Lash’s face sombered and his eyes widened.
“Are you really dying, I go get ships doctor, I sorry, I think you just be drama, I no Know you dying, I get you help now, it be okay Jace!” Lash said, rushing for the door.
“LASH!” Jace yelled. “Damnit, I WAS being dramatic, okay, damn, I don’t need a doctor, I just need to lay here a little while, okay?”
Lash grinned widely.
“What?” Jace asked with a glare.
“I know you drama, that why I be drama too,” Lash said, laughing now. “You funny, you face get red and big vein stick out, you look like you head about to explode like Batsys Scotch bottles.”
A sigh
A grumble
A groan
“God I hate you,” Jace said at last.
“No you don’t,” Lash said, still laughing as he headed for the door. “I go find food now, surf and turf is yummy, I bring you back some.”
“Please…no.” Jace begged but the door was already closed. “God, please just kill me.”
