===============
Off-Camera
I woke up on the beach. I don’t exactly remember how or when I got there, but the air was cool and the clouds were low. I could feel the sand caked to my back, chunked together with sweat. It was midsummer, but the lack of people on the beach suggested that it was a weekday. I couldn’t keep track anymore. Everything and everyone seemed to run together like mud, filling up each crevice of my brain. I started to sit up but the pain in my side made it difficult to move. I laid back down. “Just five more minutes,†I whisper to myself.
The sky was a bright blue, brighter than most days. The clouds were puffy and soft in the sky. It was beautiful against the blue buildings in the skyline. I tried to orient myself to my location. Where was I exactly on the beach? And, how far was I from my apartment. Exactly how long had I been here.
I knew why I was out. I remember feeling smothered by my surrounding, completely drowning in the air that was around me. I need some wide-open spaces to forget. Oblivion. For some reason, I couldn’t clear my mind; it was always racing. The engine that always could. I needed a break from myself, but I could only find it when I slept. I must have wandered to the beach, stared out into the green sea and fallen asleep. It had been 12 days, but it only felt like 12 minutes. I knew if I went home it would all be over, but I desperately needed a shower. I should eat, even if I can’t keep it down.
While rolling onto my side, I realize just how vast the ocean was. I try to take it all in, absorb it into my mind, to make the rest of the stuff go away. To fill the void and take over my mind in its entirety. I sat up slowly, cradling my knees in my arms and resting my head on them.  My back was burning under the rays of the sun, and I could feel the sand falling off piece-by-piece causing me to itch. I didn’t have the energy to scratch it. The wind blew against the small of my back, which was exposed by the ending of my shirt. I stood, struggling to compose my stance. Paying special attention to where my feet landed, I walked along the edge of the ocean towards the city.
The windows of the skyscrapers were covered in reflective glass, taunting me as I walked past. It was as if they wanted me to realize how low I had fallen, how bad it had gotten. I was tall, but not enough to make me stand out. My once tight figure appeared frail. I was underweight but not by choice. My hair, disheveled and shaggy stuck out all around my head. It was clearly dirty before my nap on the beach. As I walked, grains of sand fell out of the dreads. The circles under my eyes made me look much older than a 24-year-old should.
I was only a few blocks from my apartment now, but it felt like I had miles to go. The nausea had come back, causing me to walk in a hunch. The sweat was pouring from my pores, running down my lower back and calves. I made it to my door and slowly turned the key. Reese had been here. I could tell because the dishes were done. She left a note on the counter that read, “you are better than this.â€
“If my brain would stop churning for just one second, you might be right,†I answered even though she wasn’t there to continue the conversations. She spent many nights over here over past two weeks, holding my hair while I vomited, wiping the sweat from my face while I slept. I couldn’t ask for a better friend. She could. And she should. She deserves so much more than to care for me. Â
Under her note sat my cell phone. I hadn’t realized until this moment that I had left it behind. I clicked the screen to wake it. 37 missed call, 36 from Reese, only one from Jason. The first call came in at 11:00pm the night before. Is it possible that I spent almost 10 hours on that beach, sleeping? I know she is worried, but I don’t have the courage. I’ve let her down again, and this time I actually can’t remember what I was doing. I rummage through the cabinet for food. I settle on a pack of ramen. As they boil, I sit in the bar stool and rest my head on the counter, drifting off.
I wake up minutes later to the mooing vibrations of my cell phone. Reese, again. I silence the buzzing and attend to the noodles that are dangerously low on water. Mixing in the flavor pack, I settle on the couch. I look around, realizing that this was the only room she hadn’t cleaned. It was my mess to get rid of; I knew that. She couldn’t bring herself to clean it, neither could I. I pick up my food and move to the bedroom. It smelled of dirty laundry and vomit, but I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with my disease. The first few bites struggled down my throat, but I forced myself to eat the majority of the bowl before I set it down to rot until the next time Reese came over. I should call her back, but I lay down to sleep, instead.
I stared at the ceiling for a long time, my mind racing. It played over and over again the last few years of my life: countless jobs, failed relationships, lost friendship, but always Reese. She was the shining star in my life. She kept me grounded, even as I floated through the galaxy with her. I imagined the way life would be if I could get my shit together. Her, sitting next to me, always smiling. I imagined the life we could have together if I were someone else. Someone better. The sweat came back, and I leaned off the side of the mattress to puke in a small trashcan. I take a handful of pills on the nightstand, hoping they’ll calm the nausea just long enough for me to sleep.
“Goddammit, Kristopher. Where were you?†I wake up to Reese hastily throwing things into a garbage bag. She’s already disposed of my vomit and the half-eaten ramen. She used my full name. It was the only clear indication she was angry. Her words came out in the sweetest voice.
“I’m… sorry,†I mutter. I meant it, but it had been said so many times that I knew she wouldn’t believe it was genuine. She looked tired. There was no doubt that she spent the last two days worrying about me. I don’t know how long I had been asleep, but I assumed it was well into the evening. She probably came by on her way home from work. She was still dressed in her office attire. God, did she look beautiful. Her hair hung softly halfway down her back, swishing slowing as she chucked things around the room.
“You don’t have to do this,†I say. “It’s my mess.â€
“I know,†she snapped, “but clearly you can’t manage on your own.â€
 Couldn’t she see that I was trying? Did she even stop to think how hard this was for me? I stopped my train of thought again. I was being selfish. I never stopped to stop to think of her and her feelings. All she ever did was think about me.
 “You still haven’t answered my question. Where were you?â€
 “You wouldn’t believe me even if I told you?â€
 “Yeah? Try me?â€
 “I needed to get away, you know. Escape for a while.â€
 “And that’s exactly what got you in this situation to begin with. You needed an escape.â€
 “I know. I’m sorry. I just couldn’t do it here. It’s all around… the reminders of it all. I went for a walk and woke up on the beach this morning. I should have called you back, but I couldn’t. I’m sorry.â€
 “Stop apologizing if nothing changes.â€
 That struck a chord with me. Hadn’t it changed? Isn’t it changing? It’s been 12 days, even if it feels like a lifetime. There was a difference. I felt different. She stormed out of the room when I didn’t respond, taking the bag with her. I sat on the bed, dazed. I didn’t know what else I could do if this wasn’t enough. I heard the clinking of glass in the kitchen and then the door slam. She was gone again.
 I yearned for her. I could feel her presence shrinking as she walked away from my apartment. I knew she was crying. Again. And there was nothing I could do about it. I thought about chasing after her, but I knew it wouldn’t make a difference, not now anyway. I had waited just a little too long for it to matter. Staring blankly at the wall, I made a choice: enough was enough. Disrobing, I walked into the bathroom. Cleaning myself physically was the first step, I thought.
 I showered for longer than usual, paying special attention to all the places you never think to wash. In a sense, I was just delaying the inevitable. One more minute in here was another minute spent in this life, clinging to what I knew for so long. I waited until the water turned to cold and then to unbearable. Keeping in form, I dried just as slowly. I threw on a pair of boxes and walked into the living room. The mess was all around. Beer bottles, broken needles, empty baggies flung about in chaos. I started in the corner of the room, picking up the bottles and discarded food. It smelled awful, the odor oozing about the room as I interfered with its resting place. It took about an hour to cut through the mess, but the room was clean except for the coffee table, which held the still-usable supplies. A full bag of caps, with that sweet white powder inside, sitting untouched on top of an empty Maxwell container.
 I shook open a brand new garbage bag and hung it clumsily off the end of the table. Using my arm like a well-oiled machine, I slid it down the table, ridding myself of all of the shit in one, clean motion. Panic set in. There lay the spoon, right on top of the syringes and papers, shiny yet dull in the light of the room. It was my masterpiece; I had spent hours perfecting the shape of the spoon to sit perfectly against my fingers by rolling the handle around into the impeccable circle, which would nuzzle itself around my middle finger. It was almost as if it had been its purpose all along. Slowly, I reached in. “I can just touch it,†I whisper. “One last time.†I had a sort of love for this spoon. It might have more control of me than the heroin itself.
It was then that Ava sat down on the bed, waking me, for real this time. It was all a dream. It hadn't felt like one. It had smelled and tasted real. The urges were as alive as ever. Then again, could reliving a memory really be called dreaming. It was one of the many times I came up short. One of the many times that I let people down. My feelings for Reese bled through the dream and back to the front of my mind. It made me look at Ava differently. I looked away from her and wiped the sleep from my eyes before she could notice that hint of regret in them. She wasn't Reese. I had bent that relationship just like that old spoon. Difference was, one of them I bent so far it broke. Here Ava was, picking up the pieces of my life like Reese had picked up the mess of my apartment more than a year ago now. I didn't deserve her. I didn't deserve either of them.
I push myself up off of the bed and kiss her cheek.
It was all a dream..... just a memory now. I am NOT that person anymore.
With a laugh that receives a queer look from Ava, I try to convince myself that it is true.
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On-Camera
The scene opens in a bar. The first named contender to the Roulette Championship is leaning back against a pool table. There is a man that is almost disgustingly fat standing on the other side of the table, to Kris’ left. He wobbles on his feet, clearing intoxicated. Halich looks sober as can be though. He tosses the pool cue back and forth in his hand, finally finding his words as the camera draws close.
Kris
A humble person can admit when they were wrong. Now, I am far from humble, but I was indeed wrong… about how my first match would turn out here. See, I lost. I came in cocky and I got beat. But then something magical happened.... I got into this Roulette Championship match.
A smile crosses his face, and he shrugs his shoulders, not too worried about the fact that the very man who beat him in his debut happened to be joining him in this match. He looks back over at the man who he is apparently playing against, and shakes his head, turning back to the camera.
Kris
Now that guy over there is clearly wasted. Normally I would be standing here attempting to look as though myself. Its called hustling. I figured I could knock off the ruse. A joke like that isn’t funny when you're attempting ut for the third time in a night. Besides, I am tired to moving to knew back. The problem with hustling people is that, eventually, they pick up on your game and then you lose the advantage. Luckily for me, that didn't happen in my qualifying match. I stayed quiet the whole match. I didn’t dirty my hands being fancy. I was content to slide my way to the end before using any real talent at all. Turns out, I played my cards right.I got the first slot into this match. Technically I was I'm even before the champion.
He turns away to the camera, and goes to the end of the table. He takes the cue ball in his hand, and slides it to the edge of the table. At the other end is three balls, formed up in a triangle. Kris levels the stick in his hand, takes a few practice thrusts, and then blasts the ball to the other side of the table. It makes contact with the head of the triangle and shoots the other two balls back at an angle, sinking both of them in the end corner pockets of the table. He nods, and waits for the cue to stop almost back in the same space he shot from the first time.
Kris
So, in essence, I lost a battle and then I won another. However, a career is war.
He turns back to the table, aiming his shot and striking the cue dead center. He catches the only remaining ball center left and sends it into the right corner pocket on the end of the table. Kris looks up at the fat body in front of him with a smile.
Kris
That’s two shots, or you can just give me my $20 and we can call it a game.
The man looks at the table in disbelief, and throws the bill on the table before walking off, probably to the bar. Kris picks up the bill and leans back against the table, almost in the same space he started his rant.
Kris
Now, personally, I don't mind any of the men in this match. Asar and I have exchanged blows. Equinox and I have exchanged tweets. Ryan Kidd? We haven't shared so much as an awkward glance at each other. This isn't your typical superstar match, is it? Normally you get a couple of guys with a score to settle coming up at each other full of aggression. You see matches that are personal, like this business with the Mean Girls. This is missing that element. There is no heat here.
He turns and drops his pool cue on the table and starts to step away. The camera follows as he heads to the bar.
Kris
.... However, there is a title. A shiny one. One rooted in odds and fun instead of blood, sweat and tears. The Roulette title isn't something that you see people claim as their crowning achievement. This isn't the end game for people in this company. SCW should take that as an insult. See, this belt has a smile practically pasted to my face. This is my kind of gig. This is the kind of thing that I live for. Its not the same generic belt you will find in any company. Its different. Its unique.
He finally gets to the bar, and drops the twenty on the counter. The bartender comes over to him, looks at the bill, and then back up at Kris. The SCW newcomer shakes his head and reaches down into his pocket, unfolding some of the stack and throwing a handful more on the counter. it was the same routine fans of his will have seen time and time again by now. It was a bribe to not throw him out for hustling the clientele. The man behind the counter reaches down and grabs a glass, throwing some ice cubes in it and then filling it from the signature “Brandon’s Gin†bottle that Kris was carrying around even before his contract with SCW.
Kris
Looks can be deceiving. This match might look like a flop from the outside. It might look like something something hasn't been built up by its competitors nearly enough. It might look like the spot in the card where you might change your watch or refill a drink....
He kills his drink and refills it with a refreshing sigh.
Kris
All I am saying is that if that is what you people choose to do, you'll be missing out. I don't disappoint. I don't let people down in the ring. Most importantly, I see something that I want. I see something that would look damn good around my waist. I'm going to be getting that. I'm going to be taking that home..
He kills his second glass and drops it hard to the table. Without a not word he scoops up his bottle and heads towards the door as the scene cuts to black.