Under the Bridge
Wisdom of the Troll
The opening shot is nothing but darkness. That is, at least, until the cap for the video camera is removed and promptly dropped on the floor with a clatter…The Troll: Whoop, hold on.
The Troll leaned down out of view from where he sat in his amateur studio in the basement of the house he lived in with his mom. The Troll then sat upright and tossed the lens cap to the surface of his studio desk, calmly leaning back in his chair with a smug grin on his face. That is until he almost tilted too far backwards and he quickly caught himself.The Troll: I meant to do that, you know. So…!
He nods graciously to the viewer(s) watching this (en)grossing web broadcast, clasping his pudgy fingers together on the edge of the desk.The Troll: My Peeps! You of course know me as YOUR Champion!
The Troll reached off camera and picked up his Troll Championship belt and set it front and center in front of the camera. He then held up two fingers.The Troll: Two months! That is how long it’s been since your boy has been allowed to grace everyone with his presence inside of the ring! Give or take a week! And on one hand, I can understand why Mark Ward and Christian Underwood waited until now before bringing me in to show all of these pantywaists how a real man competes inside of the ring. Too much of a good thing, y’know? They don’t want to make my in-ring appearances a weekly thing and water down the Highest Rated Superstar in Sin City Wrestling history. That just wouldn’t be fair to the plebians who tune in to see some excitement in my name and are instead forced to settle for second best like Miles Kasey and Alexander Raven and Malachi… oh wait. I sent that loser packing. Never mind! But this week? This week I was not going to take no for an answer. This match…
He jabbed his fat finger onto the desk, then into his own sternum.The Troll: This was all my idea! I demanded this match against Justin Decent because that loser has been wasting too much airtime every week! He thinks he’s so pretty and all the girls adore him, well let me tell you something! Just because that girly man holds a win over the luckiest World Champion in SCW history - and yes I am talking about YOU - J2H! Justin thinks he can kick back every week and waste everyone’s time calling the introductions to the matches. Why is this such a bad thing? You say the man is just doing his job?
The Troll scoffed.The Troll: If that was true, someone tell the man to put a shirt on and to stop wearing Lycra pants the world can see his pulse through! I am GLAD to have this Hardcore opportunity to teach him that he is not the star of the show! I am! And I am going to beat him down until…
**THUD!** **THUD!** **THUD!**
And there was the tell-tale sound of you-know-who!Mom: GABRIEL!The Troll groaned, rubbing the bridge of his nose in faux annoyance.The Troll: Yeah, Ma!?
Mom: Are you ready to take me shopping!?
The Troll: In just a minute Ma! I’m telling my Peeps about my match this weekend against Justin Decent!
Mom: Justin Decent…? Sweety! I told you to wipe the ketchup off of your contract! It’s Justin Smith you’re wrestling!
The Troll: Justin … Smith…? That really old dude who carries around a beer can!?
Mom: And the Singapore cane!
The Troll’s eyes widen and his skin pales.The Troll: Singapore cane…?
Mom: You’re going to make your mommy proud, like always! Now hurry up and change your clothes so we can go to the store!
The Troll: Why do I need to change my clothes???
Mom: Because we’re going to Target! It’s not like we’re going to Wal-Mart or something! Target is classy!
The Troll turned and stared into the camera and mouthed ‘classy?’ before the camera switched off.
