“A fork! A freakin’ FORK!!!”
The words echo through the empty parking lot after Climax Control 377. Kandy carried the leftover donuts while Matty carried s trash bag full of candy back to the car. Kandy almost seems oblivious as she whistles “I Want Candy”. She gets to that pink Jeep Wrangler off to get side and the alarm chirps and the lights flash. Matty kicks s pebble across the lot.
Matty: The man I have to face next week stabbed somebody with a fork! There's laws against that sorta thing…
Kandy: Ohh that was years ago… He learned his lesson and I'm pretty sure his wife tamed the beast.
Matty scoffs as he lifts the bag of candy into the trunk.
Matty: Doubtful. His eyes tell a different story. so instead of having one angry roughneck on my trail, I'll have two. Do the bosses just want me to squirm or something?
Kandy sets the donuts on the back bench if the Wrangler before closing the door and opening the driver's door to get inside.
Kandy: Hmmm… maybe. I mean you do make the cutest faces when you're nervous.
Matty: Well then I must be cute as a button right about now!
Kandy: Mmm hmm…
She reaches over and pinches Matty’s cheek. He bats get hand away, being a little grumpy now.
Kandy: You turn that frown upside down Mr. Sassypants. It takes more energy to frown than it does to smile.
Matty: Well I need all of the exercise I can get to go up against Barnhart, so…
The door opens and Tessa Flannigan gets in back. She sighs and ruffles Matty’s hair.
Tessa: Calm yer tits, mate. It's not like yer going after J2H or something. It's just Bill Barnhart…
Once Tessa buckles up, the vehicle goes into drive. Tessa's long blonde hair blows in the cool breeze. Matty lowers his head.
Matty: I'd rather fight J2H. Least he doesn't misuse cutlery. I don't have to worry about a fork to the face, or a spoon digging in where a spoon should not dig.
Tessa: Don't give the plonker any bright ideas.
Matty pushes his hand through his hair to stop it from blowing in his face. He shakes his head both for the same purpose as running his hands through as to answer Tessa.
Matty: He doesn’t need any more ideas of torture.
Kandy: Hey you! Look at me.
Matty does as he’s told, turning to face Kandy with a bit of fear written across his face. Kandy rubs his scruffy cheek in an adorable manner.
Matty: Yeah, I’m just cute little Matty Mallow, for now anyway! So get those cheek scushies in while you still can, ma’am.
Kandy: First of all, ma’am was my mother, Cherry Kaine, AKA ma’am. Second, has he dug a fork into anyone here in SCW? No, that was back in AWA. You really think that Mark Ward and Christian Underwood would allow something like that to take place inside of their ring?
Matty’s mouth opens in surprise. He waits for a second and then begins nodding his head repeatedly.
Matty: Uh, yuh! Yuh with a capital YUH! They would! They get off on it like torture porn. I mean, have you seen some of the matches that have taken place here?
Kandy: And have you seen Bill Barnhart win more than one match in a row?
Matty goes to argue, but he can’t recall one of those moments in SCW. Instead, he turns Kandy’s head to look at the road as she swerves to hit a car, running a red light and causing a moment of pandemonium in her wake as horns blare loudly.
Kandy: Oopsie…
Matty: Everyone is saying that I got lucky beating Justin Smith last week.
Tessa chortles in the back as she raises her eyes up from her phone.
Tessa: Yeah, and they said Kandy got lucky beatin’ Georgie tonight. It’s what people do when they don’t know yer a proper bad arse, mate. They don’t want you to be confident in your skills, which you somehow have considering your trainer.
Matty: Jamie’s not that bad. He’s put on some classics in his day… before the head injury… maybe once or twice since. But he never taught me how to skip getting forked. He’s crazy enough to just take the fork.
Tessa shrugs her shoulders and her eyes go back to her phone.
Tessa: Point is, you got skills. Yer just not quite sure how to use ‘em yet. Easy fix.
Matty: Oh yeah? How is it easy?
Tessa: Beat Bill Barnhart next Sunday. Do ye know how many people’s done just that?
Matty shakes his head in the negative. Tessa smirks, while still eying her phone.
Tessa: Only the entire men’s roster. You got slung an easy win this week. Next think you know, Kandy’s gonna have Bea next week. They want ye to do well, likely because of Kandy’s time in SCU.
Kandy: Really? I thought everyone called it the basement brand.
Matty: Some of the shows were crazier than SCW shows. You and everyone there took it to eleven almost every week. But that’s you. What about me?
Tessa sighs and places her phone in her lap.
Tessa: Anyone who has come from the Staggs Dungeon is respected. Think of it, you’re the only member on the roster purely trained by a Staggs. Kandy was worked with, but you went through the programme. They throw the bottom of the barrel at ye in the beginning so that ye can look good whilst finding your footing. It makes total sense.
Matty takes it in while Kandy bounces excitedly in her seat. Matty slowly turns back around to look forward.
Matty: I guess you’re right. But, what can we do about the whole fork thing?
Tessa: Don’t worry. I got ye covered since ya been blabbering on about forks since ye seen the card.
Matty: Oh? How so?
Tessa picks her purse up and dumps out several dozen forks onto the back seat. Matty chuckles as Tessa smirks at her own genius.
Tessa: I don’t think plastic forks pack the same punch as the silver ones. Yer good, mate. Now take it down a couple notches and focus on the match.
The crew smirks together as Matty sighs a breath of relief as their tail lights fade down the road before disappearing completely.
A wise man once said “Let It Snow”, and he couldn’t have meant it literally. Not in Flagstaff, Arizona. But what about the Arizona Snowbowl? Matty and Kandy rise up in the gondola from the bottom of the slopes. Kandy holds a camera in her hand as she turns it on to aim it at Matty. Matty takes a deep breath as he soaks in the beautiful surroundings.
Matty: Hey SCW Universe. It’s me, Matty Mallow, the Prince of Puff Pow. I decided to take you along for the ride. When someone told me there was snow in Arizona, I laughed in their face… sorry, Tessa. I wonder if that’s why she didn’t come on the trip.
Kandy: It could be!
Matty: Gee, thanks…
Matty pauses, taking in a deep breath. As the gondola goes higher, and the view becomes more open and beautiful, he takes a moment to appreciate it before continuing.
Matty: Anyway, I figured I’d do something fun while in Arizona, and although there were lots of museums and parks to check out, who would pass up this opportunity???
Matty shrugs his shoulders and flashes a cute smile.
Matty: And I wanted to share the experience with everyone. I was told that locker room promos were boring, and I wasn’t trained to be a bore. Puff, Pow, baby… So skis and snow in Arizona, here we come! Once this metal death trap reaches the top.
Kandy: Why don’t you talk about your match some while we wait? We’re almost to the top!
Matty: Well, as most people know, I’ve got a match against the one known as Bill Barnhart. It’s set to be the second match of the night. After Justin Smith and The Troll open up hot…
Matty pauses as something hits him suddenly.
Matty: Justin is opening the show. That means I could go out to ringside to cheer him on so that he knows there’s no hard feelings. And I didn’t mean to call him a psycho or something. I really didn’t. I meant he was… psychic. Like, he knows that one day we’re going to look back at this and laugh at it while we share butterbeers and pickled eggs or whatever people eat at bars.
Kandy: I’d have gone with pretzels or peanuts, but live your dream, Matty…
Matty looks at Kandy for a second, shrugging before his eyes focus on the camera.
Matty: It seems like people want to see Justin beat me up again because I’ve got the second most positive attitude in SCW, next to the Princess of Positivity. I guess people find that annoying. But guess what? You can’t change me. I am who I am, and I’m going to use my winning personality to win over Justin, and probably Bill as well. We could be the four amigos!
Kandy: I’ll sit out of the boys club, I promise. You have your fun, Matthew.
Matty: Either way, I can’t let Justin live in my head right now, because I’ve got a match against Bill Barnhart, and that’s an unsullied chance at making a friend in the business that’s a dude. Sorry, Kandy.
Kandy shrugs as is evidenced by the pointed movement of the camera. Matty smirks.
Matty: Look, I’m a wrestler. I’m going to go down to that ring on Sunday, and I’m going to give it my all. And you know what? I just might win. Yeah, I said it. I might win. I might win by a landslide of pows and punches. Or, I might lose. I might lose by a plastic fork to the cheek. I might get bested by Bill Barnhart. I’m man enough to admit that.
Matty looks as the gondola comes to a stop at the top of the ski range. He and Kandy exit as the camera gets bumpy on the take. It steadies once Matty is safely on the ground. He walks awkwardly with his skis toward the flags, but he stops and turns around slowly to look at the camera again.
Matty: I’m a total mushroom, because I’m a fun-guy. I like to take random ski trips when I’ve never skied before. I’d make a great friend. And I’m loyal to a fault.
Matty slowly backs up toward the path and Kandy follows him. He stops just short.
Matty: I’m not going to take it easy on you, Bill. I’m going to give it one hundred and ten percent in our match on Sunday. You won’t know what hit you. Win, lose, or draw, it’s going to be a good match, because I know that you’re going to go out there and give it two hundred percent to prove to the naysayers that you’re the big bad bulldog, baring your teeth at the world. You’re going to give me a really tough match, and I dare say it might be the toughest match of my career. But at the end of it, I’m going to shake your hand. Even if you hate me for beating you, or feel you’re too good for me after winning, I will extend my hand toward you. Do what you will with that, but I have mad, mad respect for you, Bill.
Matty takes a deep breath and nods at Kandy, who comes up behind him. She gives him the slightest of pushes as he begins moving. Kandy quickly follows, squealing.
Matty: WHOOOOOA! Okay, you got this, Matthew. Anywayyyyyyys! Anyways, I respect you, Bill. I’ve seen enough of your matches to know that you’re not the joke of SCW. The joke’s on them if they think that. I intend to win. That’s no secret. I want to continue my undefeated streak to two and oh. I’m going to do everything in my power to keep the streak alive.
Matty turns a corner, and Kandy narrowly misses a tree, as one of the pine trees jostles the camera a bit. However, she finds her way back behind Matty as they continue down.
Matty: Holy Shhhnickers! Okay, wow… As I was saying, I’m not going down without a fight, but know that I am man enough to accept when I’ve lost. And with that said, regardless of what happens in that ring, I’m a man of my word, and I will offer a handshake. Are you man enough to accept?
Matty tries to skid to a stop, but he topples over and rolls down the last few yards on his side. He shields his face until he’s at the bottom, and he crawls out of the way. Kandy skids properly and turns just in time to help Matty back to his feet. Snow coats his hair, but he doesn’t seem to mind.
Matty: Come Sunday the 19th, Climax Control 378, It’s going down. We’re taking it to pound town!
Kandy giggles, causing Matty to blush and furl his brow.
Matty: We’re gonna fight our pants off…
Kandy squeals and points at Matty who growls.
Matty: We’re gonna get all hot and sweaty together. We’re going to make each other sweat with how hard we hit…
Kandy: Just stop! Stop while you’re ahead!
Matty: I might as well say we’re gonna clap each other’s cheeks at this point…
Kandy: I don’t see anything wrong with that.
Matty rolls his eyes until he realizes that Kandy is being serious.
Matty: We’re gonna throw hands, you and me, Barnhart. May the best man win.
Matty tips his invisible hat to Bill before Kandy turns the camera off.
