{Our scene opens with Roxi, alone, staring out the window of her room. It’s at night and the city is quiet, minus a few vehicles on the road. Roxi just seemingly watches the stars until there is a knock at the door.}
Roxi – Come in.
{Roxi’s mother, Elizabeth opens the door, and Roxi only briefly acknowledges her mother before returning her gaze to the window. Elizabeth notices this and speaks.}
Elizabeth – Everything okay?
Roxi – As good as it can be, I guess.
Elizabeth – Just wasn’t sure you normally sit alone in the dark with the window open.
Roxi – I don’t.
Elizabeth – Then something must be wrong.
Roxi – A lot is wrong, mom. And I don’t know if I can fix it.
Elizabeth – Well, what seems to be the most pressing?
Roxi – Work. I don’t want to feel like I’m a bad person, but recently, I have been feeling that way. Maybe I’m just pressing or something. But I know what I feel and every instinct is saying “yes, this is bad, and we need to make sense of it” but nothing makes sense.
Elizabeth – The heart does that sometimes I suppose. It does tend to try and overrule the brain.
Roxi – But even my brain is giving me all kinds of warnings and telling me I’m not wrong.
Elizabeth – Well, take it from me, the heart wants what it wants. It will try and act on anything that it desires. Even if you know it’s wrong and you know what it wants is bad. I know that first hand.
Roxi – Has it happened recently?
Elizabeth – Actually no. But obviously, I fell pretty hard and the booze was the only thing that made me feel good. My heart loved it. Even though it was bad for both my heart and my brain. I couldn’t control it, I let it consume me and I nearly lost everything thanks to it.
Roxi – I may not have a vice like that. It’s my heart telling me that maybe Amber, this girl in SCW isn’t a monster, after everything that’s happened, and my brain is telling me that a leopard doesn’t change it spots.
Elizabeth – People can do strange things when they are guided by what they feel is a purpose. People can change their behavior once they see it gets them somewhere. It happens all the time.
Roxi – Those people are called sociopaths, mother.
Elizabeth – They’re still people. Maybe this girl is being sincere, maybe she isn’t. And I know that people who have that kind of issue can and will do anything to get what they want.
Roxi – I don’t think she’s an alcoholic.
Elizabeth – That part doesn’t matter. Whatever the vice is, people will do anything they can. They will say and do whatever works. Whether it’s money, power, drugs, or whatever they want. They will smile in your face and stab you in the back. They will lie and steal and manipulate and guilt you into thinking what they’re doing is just and on the level.
Roxi – And you had to do things like that?
Elizabeth – When I lived in Vegas? Shit, anything I could do to get my hands on the money for booze, the money for the slots and card games. Why do you think most of the time I was in jail.
Roxi – You made poor choices.
Elizabeth – I made a lot of poor choices, that must is an understatement. But my heart convinced my head that it was all worth it. That everything was just going to be better if I have alcohol.
Roxi – Do you… think it was worth it? In any way?
Elizabeth – No. For what I lost, the thousands if not tens of thousands of dollars spent and lost on a temporary fix. And I had that moment of weakness being alone. I figured before that I was better off alone, only destroying myself instead of other people. But… I was wrong. I was wrong and my attempt to gain solace was fleeting.
Roxi – I don’t think I’m ever going to convince Amber to ever truly… reform or anything.
{Elizabeth walks forward, putting a hand on Roxi’s shoulder and leaning in for a hug.}
Elizabeth – You do a lot for people, myself included. I know you and Keira try your best to help every single person you can, regardless of their past transgressions. And I also know that no matter how hard you try, you cannot save everyone. That’s the problem that comes with it. You have the ability to help, but you can’t help everyone. And then, there are some people who don’t want to be helped. People who refuse it. You just have to make the distinction.
Roxi – You didn’t want my help to begin with.
Elizabeth – You’re right, I didn’t. Because I had convinced myself that who I was, was who I always was. And I wasn’t like that from the start, you know that. You remember that. Up until… high school for you and Nicole, I was there. I let something take hold of me and I lost sight of who I was. I was resistant, but I did come around.
Roxi – Do you think that I have a chance to do that?
Elizabeth – Maybe, maybe not. But completely dismissing the idea isn’t out of the question.
{Roxi nods and leans her head against her mother.}
Roxi – That’s the hard part. But… thanks. I really needed that.
Elizabeth – A Mother knows. Now, you going to be okay?
Roxi – There’s still plenty I have on my mind, but that was a big thing.
Elizabeth – What else is on your mind?
Roxi – Tomorrow.
Elizabeth – Tomorrow?
Roxi – It’s our anniversary.
{Elizabeth’s eyes open widen as she leans back.}
Elizabeth – Oh.
Roxi – I don’t know, I just… I wanna do something for Keira, but with everything going on and how she feels, I didn't have time to really plan anything. So now I feel like I’m letting her down.
Elizabeth – What about what you were practicing?
Roxi – I think I can do that part, but I want to do more.
Elizabeth – Well, if you want my advice… speak from the heart. I’m sure she’ll appreciate it as much, if not more than some big elaborate thing.
Roxi – You don’t know my wife.
Elizabeth – Oh, stop it. I know her enough.
Roxi – Well, I’ll give it a go.
Elizabeth – I know you will.
{Elizabeth kisses Roxi on top of the head, before turning to leave.}
Roxi – Mom?
Elizabeth – Yes?
Roxi – Thank you.
{A knowing smile crosses Elizabeth’s face as she exits the room and Roxi stands up, turning on the light.}
Roxi – Well… let’s get to work.
{The scene fades.}
{It’s the next afternoon and Keira is waking up from a nap. She stretches and yawns, before heading to the kitchen, grabbing herself a snack. She turns and sees Elizabeth watching Nate play with toys, but Roxi is nowhere to be found. Keira begins looking for her, and Elizabeth notices.}
Elizabeth – What’d you lose?
Keira – My wife.
Elizabeth – Oh, I think she’s down in the basement. She told me she needed to talk to you about something.
Keira – Really? What?
Elizabeth – She didn’t say, she just wasn’t very happy.
{Keira groans.}
Keira – Great, what did I do this time?
Elizabeth – I don’t know. But she’s waiting.
{Keira finishes her snack and sighs, heading down to the basement, and then through the training room door. The lights are off in the room.}
Roxi – Don’t turn on the light.
{Roxi’s voice startles Keira, who jumps and sighs.}
Keira – You nearly gave me a heart attack!
Roxi – We need to talk.
Keira – In the dark?
Roxi – For now. But it’s important.
Keira – Okay then… what did I do this time?
Roxi – Nothing. But I know we’ve both been stressed lately, had some spats about things and the world is going crazy and we’re caught in the middle of it, but what I learned today just made me so upset that I didn’t want to bring it up in front of everyone. Especially Nate.
Keira – Now.. wait. We agreed about the free pass
Roxi – That’s not what I meant. I just want to know how you feel about it.
Keira – About what? I didn’t do anything! And if I did, it was justified! Wait… I don’t even know what you’re referring to! But I didn’t do anything bad! You would know it if I did!
Roxi – Maybe. But maybe you’ve been hiding things from me.
Keira – Roxi, I don’t know what this is about, but it’s not funny. I don’t know why you’re upset with me, but this isn’t the way to go about it!
Roxi – Maybe you’re right. Maybe we need to do this in the light. Go ahead and turn it on.
{Keira flicks the light on and sees a small table, with a radio and a vase full of roses. Roxi is smiling at her, her acoustic guitar in hand. She begins to strum “Can’t Help Falling In Love’” to Keira. As she finishes the song. She puts the guitar to the side and kisses Keira.}
Roxi – Happy anniversary.
{Keira is actually speechless for a while, until she begins to cry.}
Keira – Roxi….
Roxi – With everything going on, I figured we needed this. I know it’s not much, but I figured it would mean more if it was more intimate. It’s not elaborate, but it’s just us. Despite it all, just a reminder that even after 5 years together…. We will always have each other.
Keira – I love you. So much.
{Roxi puts the guitar down, and walks to the radio, turning it on to some old music. She walks forward as the slow dance music plays, and extends her hand.}
Roxi – Dance with me?
{Keira smiles and the two begin to slow dance as the scene fades.}
You don't know how I question myself and everything I've become. The right of it. The wrong of it. Not allowing myself any reward for the good. Damning myself for every mistake. Thinking of everyone who's sacrificed themselves in my war. Everyone close to me. Everyone who cared.
- Batman (Robin Vol 2 13)
Hello SCW.
I come to you at this moment in a state of flux. There are just so many things going on right now and it’s been hard to make heads or tails of a lot. I know that normally I don’t really ever speak about things like this and I try to stay positive. But obviously things have changed and I find myself almost having this moral crisis and I’m just really not sure what exactly I need to do. And really, it’s for the first time in a long time I haven’t felt this way since… well… the last time I had this type of feeling and that resulted in some of my darkest days both as a person, and as a wrestler.
I left you because it was planted in my head that you didn’t care. I know now that that was wrong and I have worked a very long time to make that up to you. In the recently months and days, I have felt that feeling again. I feel like the whole place has gone topsy-turvy and I feel like I’m the only one noticing and no one else will understand even if I explain it. And I feel like the bad guy in this whole thing when I know I’m not. I just feel like shouting about if everyone is taking crazy pills. Or is it me, that’s been taking them and I can’t make heads or tails of things. Nothing makes sense.
So, let me just get to the elephant in the room. Amber Ryan. Now, for a long time Amber and I have been… cordial. It wasn’t a huge deal, but we had a quiet respect and things just played out normally. It was always an exciting fan fantasy match type situation. We just never wrestled in the same place, at the same time, save for one night, in a company that no longer exists. It wasn’t much, just a nice appetizer for a possible match down the line. But, it just didn’t materialize. We went our separate ways. Life went on. But this entire time I’ve known just how dangerous and violent Amber is, and how she can be. It's not like I stopped paying attention to this. I have seen the way she has treated enemies and friends, and what she is willing to do to win. And it rubs me the wrong way.
So you’ll have to forgive me trepidation to just have Amber standing in front of me, and in the same sense, all of you, and declaring that despite challenging me to a match, that she wants to now be my friend. That now, she wants to erase that history and get a clean slate.
Now, I know, this is hypocritical of me. I know that and every fiber of my being is telling to give Amber a chance. That maybe, deep down, she isn’t that person I remember. Maybe all of this is just a fresh start in a new place and she truly means it. That I should stop being hostile, and defensive and on edge the entire time, waiting for her to make the first move. In the back of my head, I want to just say “Okay, we’re starting over, clean slate.”
I did that with Amy Marshall for goodness sake. She is one of the best friends I have. And yet, for a while, she was one of my biggest enemies, constantly attacking or coming after me. But that, that I always felt was a business thing, and it was never personal. Maybe I’m wrong on that, but it’s just how I felt. But this… this is completely different.
There is just this aura of insincerity every time I look at Amber, regardless of what her actions and words have shown. Because it’s all too… perfect. It’s all too convenient. Everything has been just falling in Amber’s favor and making me look like the bad guy. It all just seems like it was manufactured. The words, the actions, everything. And it makes me suspicious that this tag team match is just a set up for a 3 on 1 assault. I feel like I’m walking into a trap.
I mean, Twisted Sister and Iron Maiden being here out of nowhere is a red flag. Sure, a few years back, Twisted Sister tried to take off…multiple body parts of mine with a chainsaw. But to think she would remember that, much less attempt to finish the job just seems highly unlikely. And it wasn’t like Amber rushed down there to help me.
But… she did.
I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t scream for it, if those two wanted to beat me up, I was going to make sure I got mine in just as well. But, at the end of the day, Amber came down and helped me. I mean, she had the perfect opportunity there and she didn’t take it. She could sprung the trap and she didn’t. I kept thinking it was coming, and it didn’t. Now, this… this match here, clearly looks like a setup. There’s no way that it isn’t.
But Amber has succeeded at one thing so far. She actually has made me second guess this entire situation.
Because this is so obviously a setup, that it can’t be a setup. It makes too much sense to be a setup. It would never end that easy. All of these games would never end with just the most basic and hit-you-over-the-head style plan. Which only leads to on conclusion… That there’s more to this, even now.
And that’s the part that annoys me the most. I’ve allowed Amber to control this narrative and it’s made me think twice about things I wouldn’t even normally think about. It’s one of the most frustrating things about this whole deal. To know that something is coming. Something is going to happen, and I can’t prepare for what it is. It has only contributed to my annoyance and anger.
And now… we’re teammates.
Now, I’m going to be a professional, as I’ve said previously. I will be a team player on Sunday. I cannot say the same for my partner, but it stands to reason that it hey, Twisted Sister and Iron Maiden wouldn’t listen to Amber anyway. They have no connection and obviously march to the beat of their own drummer and they are extremely dangerous because they don’t care about the rules. Another reason to think about why Amber would try and get them on her side. It just doesn’t add up. But then again, a lot of things don’t add up anymore. Why would this be any different?
And yes, I still plan on holding up my end of the deal we made last week. I’m going to be a woman of my word, providing everything goes like it’s supposed to. If Amber proves to a reliable and competent partner, then yes, I will in fact shake her hand. It’s paining me to say that out loud. But I’m going to put my own better judgement on the backburner in place of my morals. Hell, everything about this goes against my better judgement. But, thankfully, I’ve been able to think about this in a different way.
If Amber is setting me up, and this thing goes down like that, Amber will have proven that she has been being insincere this whole time, and I was right. Amber having to admit that she has been manipulating myself and everyone else, will at least be cathartic in way. So, I’ll have that. That all my actions and reactions have been justified. But would Amber risk all that, just to beat me up?
For some reason, and maybe that too is against my better judgement, but I don’t think so.
Amber’s too smart for that. And she wouldn’t want me having excuses. No, it’s a simple thing. It’s the old “nobody kills you but me” deal. And you know what? That’s okay. That, I can handle. I just wish it would just get to that part instead of this waiting game.
None the less, I go into this tag match prepared to wrestle against two women, possibly three, and I’m out to survive. I know full well what Twisted Sister and Iron Maiden are capable of and if we’re going to fight like that, I’m not afraid to do it. And if this is the point where Amber wants to make her move, then that’s fine too. If I have to fight for my life, then I will. I know that Amber can handle herself, and while that should be reassuring, it really isn’t. But I know… that if she’s being sincere about all this… we would make a great team.
And if Amber truly is… as sincere as she seems, then it will make me more apt to give her the benefit of the doubt. I can admit my faults if it comes to that. I can. I’ll do it without a second thought. But my only hope is that one way or another this whole thing ends and all the speculation and all the games are over after Sunday.
I hope that all of you will help me see this thing through…
