[Andrew]

 SMART?

Narrator:  Bill Barnhart is one of the smartest wrestlers you will ever meet. Too bad other things, and other people, in the world are not as smart as Bill Barnhart. In fact most people are so downright dumb they make village idiots look like geniuses.

OFF CAMERA

Bill, Bea, and their English Bulldog Iris, are driving around the Lawrenceville, Georgia, area just to get out and drive around. They are in their 2016 Hyundai Elantra. As they are driving Bill suddenly starts laughing.

Bea Barnhart:  What are you finding so funny?

Bill Barnhart:  Look over there! There is a dealership selling Smart cars. I do not think they are smart at all. I think they are dumb. I am going to pull into the dealership and take a look so I can make fun of them and tease the sales people.

Bea rolls her eyes.

Bea Barnhart:  Here we go again.

The three get out of their car and walk over to look at one of the Smart cars. When the salesman walks over Bill launches into full jerk this guy around insult mode.



Bill Barnhart:  Where is the rest of the car?

Salesman:  What do you mean where is the rest of the car?

Bill Barnhart:  This thing is half the size of my Hyundai Elantra which means it is only half a car. From what I see, looking in the windows of the Smart car, if you can call it a car, is that you can only seat two people and maybe throw a laptop computer behind the seats and then you are out of room. Geez! Nothing smart about a car half the size of my Hyundai Elantra.

Salesman:  Well, uh, honestly I do not know what to say.

Bill Barnhart:  Considering a Smart car is only half a car, and I classify it as a motorized shopping cart with the only difference being the shopping cart can hold more stuff than the Smart car, I would say you only need to say HALF what you normally say during a sales pitch. Ha ha ha! Har har har! *SNORT*

Salesman:  *sigh* Is there anything else you might want to know about the Smart car?

Bill Barnhart:  What is the price of this so-called car?

Salesman:  The suggested retail price is $30,000.

Bill Barnhart:  No, seriously, what is the price of this so-called car?<

Salesman:  Sir I am being serious. The suggested retail price is $30,000.

Bill Barnhart:  Do you realize a brand new 2020 Hyundai Elantra, fully loaded, has a suggested retail price of $25,000? I can purchase twice the car the Smart car is by purchasing the Hyundai Elantra and pay $5,000 less! Why in the hell would anyone pay $5,000 more for half a car in a Smart car?

Salesman:  They save on fuel costs or course. This model, which is a hybrid, gets a combined gas/electric mileage of around 75 miles per gallon. That is a lot of savings over your Hyundai which probably gets a combined gas mileage of around 25 miles per gallon.

Bill pulls out his cell phone and pulls up the calculator application. He punches in numbers and comes up with the results.

Bill Barnhart:  According to my calculations at 75 miles per gallon for the Smart car if you drive 10,000 miles per year you would use around 133 gallons of gas. At $3.00 per gallon that would be $450 per year. With my Hyundai Elantra I get 25 miles per gallon so if I drive 10,000 miles per year I would use around 400 gallons of gas. At $3.00 per gallon that would be $1,200 per year. That means with the Smart car you would save around $800 per year in gas costs over my Hyundai Elantra.

Salesman:  There you go! You just proved that owning a Smart car would save you $800 in the cost for gas for one year! That is a major savings!

Bill Barnhart:  Let me calculate that savings out okay? So you can save $800 per year on the purchase of gas for the car. But you paid $5,000 more for the Smart car than you did for the Hyundai Elantra. That means it will take you six or seven years to recover the $5,000 more you spent to purchase the Smart car. That means you are only at break-even at the six or seven year point. That is not a savings at all! Take your dumb ass Smart car and stick it where the sun does not shine!
Bill turns and walks away to return to his Hyundai Elantra. Bea and Iris follow and all three get into the car and drive off.

ON CAMERA

GOLDEN OPPORTUNITIES ARE NEVER TO BE IGNORED

We are now real time on camera with Bill and Bea Barnhart, and their English Bulldog Iris, at the Charlotte Sports Park in Port Charlotte, Florida. They are standing on the platform in front of the entrance area where wrestlers make their entrances for their matches. Bill is in his normal casual attire of blue jeans, a black pullover shirt, and black athletic shoes. Bea decided to wear her trademark blue dress she usually wears when serving at ringside as the Manager for Bill during his matches. Bill has a cameraman available, as always, to ensure what he does and says is recorded so when people accuse him of doing or saying something he can prove them wrong by showing him the saved information from the broadcast.

Bill Barnhart:  Well, well, well, Climax Control 259 has been announced and I will be facing off against Alex Jones in a Standard Rules Singles match. From the comments flying around it appears since the Championship scene is still what you would call open for My Bloody Valentine III that the winner of our match, me of course, will have an offer, or offers, to challenge for a Championship at that event.

Bea Barnhart:  I hope so Bill. I only have two matches accomplished so I do not expect to see any Championship shots coming my way for a long time.

Bill Barnhart:  Try not to think like that Bea. You never know when you will make an impression on Management and they will toss you into a Championship match to see what you are capable of. For now, since you are not wrestling at Climax Control 259, enjoy your job duties as my Manager and be at ringside with Iris to ensure Alex Jones does not try to pull some illegal stuff to cheat me out of a win.

Bea Barnhart:  I am on it!

ALEX JONES IS LIKE A SMART CAR THAT COMES UP SHORT

The scene closes and there is a commercial break. When the commercial break is over we now get a shot of Bill, Bea, and Iris, in their hotel room which is located near the Charlotte Sports Park. Bill and  Bea are sitting on the large couch while we notice Iris curled up on the smaller couch that is across from the large couch where Bill and Bea are located. Both Bill and Bea are in the same type of outfits for this portion of their presentation which consists of what Bill wore earlier in his presentation which is blue jeans, black pullover shirts, and black athletic shoes.

Bill:  Bea do you remember that day we were driving around Lawrenceville, Georgia, and came across a dealership that sold Smart cars?

Bea:  How can I ever forget that incident? You totally disrespected the salesman at the Smart car dealership.

Bill:  I did not disrespect him or the Smart car! I told the truth that in the long run you spend twice the amount of money and you get only half the car you would get purchasing a different brand of car. I also made the point that they do a lot of talking about what good they can accomplish with that worthless so-called car but when you crunch the numbers it does not add up and shows the car is a failure and a waste of time and money.

Bea:  Your comment to him that he and the Smart car came up a little short was classic. That gave me a great laugh that day.

Bill:  I just came up with an analogy between that incident at the Smart car dealership and my opponent Alex Jones.

Bea:  And that would be?

Bill:  I honestly told the salesman at the Smart Car dealership that someone would pay way more for the smaller Smart car than if they purchased a Hyundai Elantra like we did. Then I honestly showed him how long it would take to recover those extra costs even with the Smart car getting great gas mileage. In the end even he had to agree a Smart car is a waste of money and when you cannot get two persons and more than two small grocery bags into the car that means the car just comes up short not only in size but in other ways also.

Bea:  So the analogy referring to Alex Jones?

Bill:  Alex Jones, like a Smart car, comes up short all the time. Like a Smart car Alex gets a lot of talk but cannot back up those claims. Like a Smart car Jones costs Management tons of money for half a wrestler and half a performance. For the money Management wastes on a wrestler who does not seem to care to try hard any longer they could hire several highly talented and aggressive and dedicated wrestlers to take his spot.

Bea:  I will be there in your corner during your match and so will Iris. We will ensure nothing illegal takes place to try to take your win away from you.

Bill:  With the added incentive that the winner of our match is likely to receive a shot at a Championship at My Bloody Valentine III there is no way I am going to lose this match. From the moment the bell rings until I win the match by pinfall, submission, or knockout, I am in this match one hundred percent for the win just like I was one hundred percent in my match against you on December 1, 2019 at Climax Control 255. You remember that match Alex right? That is where I defeated you by submission using my Barnhard Shoulder Breaker Flying Hammerlock to make you submit to me. So how about you Alex? With all the losses you seem to have racked up lately, including the one against me I just mentioned, I am surprised you continue to sign contracts to wrestle and even more surprised you signed to wrestle against me again. You know me. You know I am aggressive. You know I am talented. You know I already defeated you. You know I never back down from anyone or anything. I will take you out, and by that I do not mean take you out for dinner, and I will move up the ladder of success and most likely be in a Championship match at My Bloody Valentine III while you sit at home, licking your wounds, and watching me win matches while watching the wrestling events on your television. Just remember my comments today. I warned you ahead of our match. I told you what I was going to do. And, by golly, I will do what I promised I would do and that is win our match and send you home as the loser. Have a great time leading up to our match on January 26, 2020, because when that day comes, you step into the ring with me, and the bell rings to start the match, you will lose the match to me before the sound of the bell of the Timekeeper fades out.

Bea:  Damn! That is all we will present for today. Thanks for joining us to listen to our comments. See you on January 26, 2020, at the Charlotte Sports Park in Port Charlotte, Florida!

The cameraman calls into the Network to inform them Bill and Bea are done with their comments and the Network cuts to previously scheduled programming.