[Andrew]

 * ON CAMERA *

DISTRACTIONS

Narrator:  James Tuscini lost to Kris? How did that happen? I I was sure Tuscini was gonna clean house and take Kris out in the trash. I could speculate for days and not come up with the answer so I’ll turn the air time over to James Tuscini to let him comment on the situation.

The scene opens at an undisclosed location in Reno, Nevada. When the image comes in focus we see the inside of a restaurant and we see three figures sitting at a table. One of them is James Tuscini, the other is Pinky del Ferrando, and the third is Dmitri. The cameraman approaches and informs the three he was sent by Sin City Wrestling to air their comments leading into Climax Control 186. The three men greet the cameraman and ask him to set up his camera to be able to get a good shot of each of them in order to avoid distractions. Once the cameraman is set up they return to their conversation they were having when the cameraman showed up.

Dmitri:  You lost to Kris? How in the hell did that happen? I was sure you had that match won before you stepped into the ring! What happened?

James:  To be honest I was distracted and the distractions cost me the match by allowing Kris to take advantage of the distractions.

Dmitri:  You humans talk in circles. No wonder people don’t understand what you’re saying.

Pinky:  Back off Dmitri. James hasn’t even told me what’s going on so let’s give him the chance to explain what happened.

Before James can begin his explanation the waiter arrives with their food order. He places the food and drinks on the table and returns to the kitchen.

James:  At Summer XXXTreme V we defeated Members of the Elders, Jon Dough and Eyesnsane, for the nth time. After that win I was positive Unholy Alliance would get the first shot at the Bad Boys for the World Tag Team Championship. Then the card for Climax Control 185 is announced and  it turns out that Monstimals get a shot at the Tag Team Championship instead of Unholy Alliance! Then I look at the card and I see I’m assigned to wrestle Matt Spears. I was ready to get into the ring, kick his ass, and then demand that with that win I should have possession of the Golden Briefcase. Then Matt Spears is unable to show for the match so Management assigns Kris to face me but without the Roulette Title Belt on the line. Going into my match with Kris, at Climax Control 185, I was distracted with why we didn’t get a shot at the Tag Team Championship, why Matt Spears failed to show for our match, and why Kris wasn’t willing to put the Roulette Title Belt on the line against me. Those thoughts, those distractions, didn’t just go away, they walked into the ring with me and Kris took advantage of it. I don’t blame Kris for that. I blame myself. What I need to do now is get focused again and not allow distractions to come between me and a win in the wrestling ring.

Dmitri:  Damn! I had no idea what was going on. I’m sorry I went off on you James. We’re still in line for a shot at the World Tag Team Championship and we will get that match soon. And as far as your Singles wrestling goes I’m sure you’ll be challenging for all the available Title Belts soon.

Pinky:  Yeah, James, you always counsel me to be patient and stay focused so you need to do the same thing. You’re an outstanding wrestler and it will all come together again soon.

James:  Yeah that’s true. I need to shake off this loss to Kris and focus on the next assignment. Thanks for being here for me guys. But, damn, I did this before when I was Roulette Champion. You remember what happened? I had already moved up into the position of the 3rd longest-reigning Roulette Champion and I immediately put my sights on Equinox and Goth with my goal to over-take them as the longest-reigning Roulette Champion. While I was focusing on those two I had Johnny Tsunami sent to challenge me for the Roulette Title Belt. What happened is I was so successful in defeating tough opponents to retain the Roulette Championship that I took Tsunami lightly. What happened is I let the distraction of eclipsing Equinox and Goth for the top spot in the Roulette Division get in the way of totally focusing on my match and it allowed Johnny Tsunami to get over on me and he defeated me to obtain the Roulette Championship. I regained the Title Belt a few weeks later, so I vindicated myself, but it doesn’t eliminate the fact that I allowed myself to be distracted. And, damn, I did it again at Climax Control 185!

Dmitri:  Don’t be so hard on yourself James. Everyone has done that and I’m guilty of it too. The key is to forget about it and move ahead. Remember the saying you live by? It is the Chinese Proverb:  Failure is not falling down but failing to get up.  We all take losses, either due to something we did or didn’t do, or due to the actions of others cheating us out of a win. If we focus on all the things that prevented us from winning a wrestling match then we fail to focus on the things that allow us to win wrestling matches. Take a deep breath and move ahead.

Pinky:  James you’ve always been a man of your word. You said if Kris could defeat you in your match you would congratulate him on his win and support him in his quest to become the longest-reigning Roulette Champion. You did that after the match by walking over to Kris and offering to shake his hand and thank him for a great match. Even though Kris laughed in your face he did accept your handshake and your congratulations on his win so everyone knows you are true to your word. Stay focused and those Championship matches will come your way.

A phone call comes in and Pinky answers the call. He listens intently at what the caller is saying. Pinky has a shocked look on his face and when he ends the call both James and Dmitri want to know what the call was about.

Dmitri:  Uh oh! I don’t like that look. Is everything okay Pinky?

James:  Yeah, Uncle, you’re scaring me with that look. Did something bad happen?

Pinky:  That was Sin City Wrestling Management. They said the Main Event at Climax Control 186 is a six-man over-the-top-rope elimination Battle Royal and when it comes down to the two final men in the ring the winner has to win by pinfall to become the World Heavyweight Champion for the Title Belt J2H vacated recently.

Dmitri:  Who are the six wrestlers?

James:  Yeah, come on Uncle, don’t hold back on us. Give us the names of the wrestlers going after the World Heavyweight Championship.

Pinky:  Let’s leave now and get over to our dressing room at William Perccole Park. I need to gather some statistics on the way over there and then when we get settled in I’ll give you all the information you need to know.

The three stand up, pay their bill, and head out of the restaurant. They hail a taxi and head off to the William Perccole Park where Climax Control 186 will be held.

SURPRISE!

The three men arrive at William Perccole park. They get out of the taxi and Pinky pays the driver and hands him a huge tip. The three enter and make their way to the dressing room of James and Pinky. The cameraman is set up to broadcast the action. The three sit down on the couch and Pinky delivers the news.

Pinky:  Sorry to make you two wait until we got to our dressing room but I wanted to be in a private location, rather than being in a restaurant, and I wanted everyone to be relaxed and sitting down as this news is tremendous.

James:  Stop with the long-winded lead-in Uncle! Tell us what’s going on!

Dmitri:  Pinky you sure can be an asshole at times.

Pinky:  Well, gee, Dmitri, I must be slipping then because I try hard to be an asshole ALL the time! The Main Event at Climax Control 186 is an over-the-top elimination six man Battle Royal. After eliminations the last two wrestlers must remain inside the ring and the winner has to win by pinfall. The winner of the match becomes the Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion obtaining the Title Belt vacated by J2H recently.. The six wrestlers involved in the ring are...

At the same time both James and Dmitri blurt out and interrupt Pinky.

James:  Who are the wrestlers?

Dmitri:  Who are the wrestlers?

Pinky del Ferrando rolls his eyes.

Pinky:  Dammit you two! I was in the middle of a sentence, about to tell you the names of the six wrestlers, and you cut me off and delay the announcement. You two are so damn pushy! You demand to know the names of the wrestlers in the match and then you delay my announcement by interrupting me. Geez! The wrestlers in the match are Calvin Harris, Steve Ramone, Eyesnsane, Samuel McPherson, Dmitri, and you James.

The look on the faces of Dmitri and James Tuscini are priceless.

Dmitri:  Wow! I sure didn’t see a shot at the World Heavyweight Championship coming my way this soon!

James:  Same here! This shows that Management has see what we are capable of and they feel we are deserving to receive this chance to represent Sin City Wrestling as their top Champion.

Dmitri:  Earlier you said you were gathering statistics. What do you have?

Pinky:  I have statistics on how many times, if any, James has faced the other five wrestlers involved in this match. Unfortunately, Dmitri, I haven’t been around long enough in your career to gather the same statistics on you, so please forgive me. For now let me run down the statistics James has with each of the other five wrestlers and I would like to have James comment.

Pinky starts to read the statistics he has concerning how many times James Tuscini has faced each of the other wrestlers involved in this Battle Royal.

Pinky:I will start with the least amount of confrontations to the most concerning James and the other wrestlers and I will end with Dmitri. James you have never faced Calvin Harris in a wrestling match. Do you have any comments?

James:  When I came into Sin City Wrestling I told Management, and I made it public in announcements, that I wanted to face anyone who wanted to challenge me. I’ve made it clear that I wanted to face the toughest wrestlers around. The fact that I’ve been in Sin City Wrestling for 17 months and Calvin Harris has never challenged me, or accepted a contract to wrestle me, tells me a lot of information. I assume, since he talks a lot of smack, but has never stepped up to face off against me, that he did that deliberately to eliminate having to take a defeat at my hands. If Harris was just half the wrestler he claims to be he would have challenged me and signed contracts to wrestle me numerous times. The fact that he has not done so tells me all I need to know. I will beat so many hairs our of Calvin’s beard that he won’t need to go to the barber to get a shave for months. I will make sure Harris is eliminated quickly in this match.

Pinky:  You’ve been in matches involving Samuel McPherson two times and both were Tag Team matches. Now that you are in a Singles match, albeit a Six Man Battle Royal, how to you feel facing off against Samuel?

James:  In the two Tag Team matches both myself and Dmitri easily handled Samuel McPherson. It always came down to Monstimals double-teaming us or having interference. When you consider who will be at ringside cheering McPherson on you already know they will attempt interference. I honestly hope they do try to get involved in the match. I would love nothing more than to watch Pinky and his “associates” beat the shit out of them for trying to interfere.  But I don’t want anyone to get me wrong in what I’m saying. Samuel McPherson is a quality wrestler and if he is given the chance, and if Lord Raab and others associated with him would back off and stop distracting him, one day we will see Samuel holding a Singles Title Belt. Unfortunately for McPherson that day for him to hold a Singles Title Belt is not this Sunday. Samuel will also not last long in this match before he is eliminated.

Pinky:  James you’ve faced off against Eyesnsane three times and all three were also Tag Team events. Your thoughts?

James:  I suppose the only reason Management would place Eyesnsane in this match is to provide entertainment for the fans as they watch him be the first wrestler eliminated in the match. Eyesnsane, like Samuel, have a lot of people lurking around ringside to try to interfere in the match to help Eyesnsane remain un-eliminated for more than five minutes. Same concept applies to them as applies to those associated with McPherson. If they try to interfere to help Eyesnsane I would hate to see what Pinky and his “associates” will do to them. With interference attempted, and with Pinky and his “associates” going into full Mafia Hit mode on them, I would say the Emergency Rooms at the local hospitals will be working overtime fixing the damage Pinky and his friends inflict on morons who want to interfere in this match. Eyesnsane may have high expectations coming into this match but when he is eliminated from the match he will realize his expectations come up no higher than his ankles.

Pinky:  The fourth wrestler is Steve Ramone. You’ve faced Ramone six times and you have won the majority of those matches. Just to ensure that Kris doesn’t have a shit fit I won’t mention how many times you defeated Ramone but for sure it is more times than he has defeated you.

James:  Ramone has been performing poorly lately. After his last loss to me, and then his loss to Ryan Keys, I would say Steve Ramone isn’t half the wrestler he used to be. Although I could classify Ramone as a wild-card in this match the chance of him winning is about the same chance a snowball in hell has of remaining frozen. Ramone will not be one of the last two wrestlers in the ring. When he will be eliminated I cannot predict, and won’t predict, but he will, for sure, not be one of the two to end the match. And on the subject of how many times I’ve defeated Steve Ramone I will state that my calculator fried and blew up when I tried to calculate numbers that high.

Pinky:  Well, you two, it comes down to the last, the fifth, wrestler you will be facing in the Battle Royal and that is Dmitri. You have never faced Dmitri in a wrestling match. I also know you hate having to face a friend, Stable mate, or Tag Team partner. With that in mind what are your thoughts on having to face Dmitri in this Battle Royal for the World Heavyweight Championship?

James:  I have to be honest that I never like having to face a friend, Tag Team partner, or Stable mate. The fact that I have to be in this Battle Royal with Dmitri pains me. However as we discussed earlier I have to take every opportunity as it comes. To be assigned to this Battle Royal with the top World Heavyweight Title Belt as the prize, after I lost at to Kris at Climax Control 185, is a thrilling surprise and I will not waste this opportunity.

James turns to his long-time friend, Stable-mate, and Tag Team partner, Dmitri.

James:  Dmitri when this match is down to you and me, when we are the last two wrestlers remaining, and one of us has to pin the other to earn the World Heavyweight Championship, I don’t want you to treat me differently than anyone else you’ve faced over your career. When we are the two going for the win I want everything you’ve got. I want you to push me hard, hit me hard, and show no mercy. I want it like that for many reasons. I want the fans to get the best performance for their money. I want the fans to be thrilled. The entire Roster will be watching and I want the winner of our match to be the one who gave it all, risked it all, and won a decisive victory. If either of us were to back off on the other and allow for a cheap win it would be a travesty to the sport of Wrestling. Will you promise me that you give me all you’ve got in the match?

Dmitri:  James we’ve been through it all as friends, Tag Team partners, and Stable-mates. I respect you and I know you respect me. There is no way I would take a dive for you or make it easy for you to gain a win over me and I know you give me the same in return. I’m with you on this one. When we are the last two wrestlers in the ring I want us to go all-out holding nothing back. Even though the match will be brutal, and both of us will end up with damage, the fact remains that we will still be friends when the bell rings and one of us has our hand raised in victory.

James:  Sorry to inform you, Dmitri, that I will be the wrestler with his hand raised in victory and with the win, and by becoming Sin City Wrestling’s World Heavyweight Champion, I silence all the doubters and I proudly take my place in the history books as the top Champion in Sin City Wrestling.

The group meeting is over and Dmitri excuses himself as he has errands to take care of such as finding out where Ekaterina is lurking and to ensure Gothika is safe. Dmitri leaves the dressing room and when he closes the door behind him the cameraman return his attention to James and Pinky. As soon as the camera is on them Pinky orders the cameraman to cut his feed and let the Network run some commercials until he tells him he can reactivate his camera feed.

* OFF CAMERA *

James:  Now that Dmitri is gone I can speak what’s really on my mind. Uncle I could care less who is involved in this match. They could have thrown in King Kong, Godzilla, Superman, Batman, Spiderman, The Hulk, and Deadpool, and I’m still gonna win. I know I told Dmitri that I fully expect both of us to be the last two wrestlers in the ring but Dmitri is in for a huge surprise in our match. In this type of match there are no friendships, there are no “watch my back” things, there is only the need to eliminate four of the six wrestlers while remaining in the match to be one of the last two in the ring for the World Heavyweight Title. Although there is a chance that wrestlers like Calvin Harris and Samuel McPherson could stumble around and miraculously end up as one of the two wrestlers at the end I would say those odds are around 10,000 to 1 against them. As far as Dmitri goes he needs to understand that when the bell rings to start this match he is just another wrestler assigned to this match and so am I. I’m not risking getting eliminated just to watch his back.

Pinky:  That be some brutal comments James. If Dmitri finds out what you said that may end your friendship. Oh well whatever happens as long as you become the next Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion.

Pinky del Ferrando informs the cameraman to reactivate his camera feed and to inform the Network they are broadcasting their comments again.

* ON CAMERA *

THE REALITY AND HONESTY OF THE SIX MAN BATTLE ROYAL

When the cameraman returns his camera feed the first thing we see is a shot of the tee shirt James Tuscini is wearing. No explanation of the tee shirt is required as the graphic on the shirt is self-explanatory.



Pinky:  We are back from commercial break. Damn James! That’s a brutal tee shirt!

James:  This is what needs to be said to my five opponents. They can all *bleep* off because I’m in this match to win!

Pinky:  I’m usually the one to talk smack but to close our comments for today I am going to back off and let James address each of his opponents for this upcoming match. James the air time is yours.

James:  Does anyone seriously believe I should be scared of Samuel McPherson? Other than Lord Raab, Henry, and a few other paid mouthpieces, I don’t hear a lot of talk from non-paid-off people that Samuel is a threat to me in this match. For sure I’m not hearing you, Samuel, claiming you are a threat to me. Then again you can’t talk complete sentences but you do  utter one word. Not sure why I’m talking directly to you Samuel since I doubt you uderstand me anyway. Honestly McPherson is a one-word mumbling fool. Some in his association claim it is the year of Samuel McPherson. I say it is the ”Yearrrp” of Samuel McPherson. But come Sunday night, during our match, Samuel is going to learn several new words. He will learn words such as OUCH! HELP! DAMN! and several others I cannot mention here without the censors bleeping me out. Sunday night Samuel McPherson steps into the ring as a challenger for the World Heavyweight Championship. Within a matter of minutes Samuel will be standing on the outside of the ring, eliminated from the match, and ordered to leave the ringside area. I would hate to be Samuel McPherson on Sunday night.

Pinky:  Well-stated James.

James:  Then we have Steve “I Can’t Defeat James Tuscini” Ramone.  Steve Ramone shouldn’t be in this match, or any other Championship match, since he’s failed time and again to regain or retain a Title Belt and he’s washed up and over-the hill. Steve I’m not sure how you continue to get into Championship matches except that you must be performing “very special” favors for the people scheduling matches. Considering that your wrestling career is dropping faster than the panties of a porn star, it is better for you to retire. At least in the Retirement Home you can sit around telling the other residents wrestling war stories. You can relive your glory days through story-telling to the other retired inmates of the Retirement Home. There’s no need for you to get into the wrestling ring and humiliate yourself again. And, Steve, trust me that I plan on humiliating you big time in our match.

Pinky:  Preach it James!

James:  Oh boy! Now I get to address Calvin Harris. Talk about someone who is fun to talk about! Calvin Harris? More like Calvin from the Calvin & Hobbs comic if you ask me. In that comic strip you have Calvin, a spoiled rotten brat kid, who has such a vivid imagination that he believes his stuffed toy Tiger, Hobbs, is real. The poor deluded dipshit doesn’t realize Hobbs was nothing but cloth and stuffing, a friggin’ toy, and he never could understand why people told him he was crazy for believing Hobbs was real. That’s you in a nutshell Calvin. You are exactly like Calvin in the Calvin and Hobbs comics. You are a spoiled rotten brat. You believe the World Heavyweight Title Belt is actually a reality in your warped world of make-believe, and you can’t understand why everyone tells you that you are crazy to even remotely think you can become World Heavyweight Champion. Well, Calvin, since you are in an alternate-reality dimension, and I operate in the reality dimension, where truth, honesty, and reality rule, I’m here to tell you that I will smash your made-up alternate-reality world with my real-world reality. You may think you are bad ass but in reality you are just bad. You may think you are a overly talented wrestling but in reality you are just overly deluded. This Sunday evening you will find out what wrestling reality is when I ensure you are eliminated from the match and that your alternate-reality world come crashing down around you. And, Calvin, when that happens please don’t whine, bitch, moan, and complain about it because I warned you in advance that it would happen.

Pinky:  That’s shoving reality down his throat!

James:  Now I come to Eyesnsane. When I look at what Eyesnsane hasn’t accomplished in the sport of wrestling I can understand why he calls himself the name that he does. I mean, come on, there has never been a more perfect name for an insane wrestler, who believes he can win wrestling matches but the reality is that he can’t win matches. Eyesnsane for you to run around calling yourself  I’S INSANE is funny as hell, and true because you are insane if you think you can win this Battle Royal or any other wrestling match, and nearly as funny and pathetic as Calvin Harris believing him earning the World Heavyweight Championship is a reality. Eyesnsane you are only in this match for amusement purposes. The fans need to see wrestlers eliminated quickly in Battle Royals so to have you in this match to be eliminated quickly feeds the fans what they want to be fed. Eyesnsane let me be totally honest with you. You couldn’t win this Battle Royal if you were the only wrestler in this match and all you had to do to win was toss a balled up sheet of paper over the top rope to the arena floor.

Pinky:  HAR HAR HAR! James stop! HAR HAR HAR! You’re making me laugh so hard. HAR HAR HAR! But you are telling the truth! HAR HAR HAR!

James:  I’m not sitting here telling jokes Uncle. I’m telling the truth to my five opponents and it just happens that some of them are so lame when it comes to wrestling that they are jokes. Finally I come to Dmitri. Yes I do have things to say about Dmitri. Most of them are nice but some will not come across as nice and perhaps Dmitri may take offense. Oh well that’s life and that’s wrestling. When we step into the ring Sunday night and the bell rings to start the match it is 100 percent business. I have to put our friendship aside for the duration of the match. So, Dmitri, although it pains me to have to tell the truth, to be honest, and to say some things that might hurt your feelings, here it is. The two times you faced J2H for the World Heavyweight Championship I felt you should have won. But you didn’t win. There were too many odds against you in that match and J2H figured out a way to overcome the odds that were against him. In the other match you were in a brutal and totally bizarre Hardcore Rules match that basically took place in a Voodoo infested swamp. What happened is that many friends of J2H got involved in the match and caused you to lose. But you want to know something Dmitri? That was 100 percent within the concept of the Hardcore Rules match. It is No Rules and Anything Goes and it cost you the match.

Pinky:  Please don’t be too hard on Dmitri.

James:  I will be as hard and honest as I need to be Uncle. Dmitri needs to know that with the World Heavyweight Championship on the line I will allow NOTHING to get in the way of my winning the World Heavyweight Title Belt. Dmitri, whether you are eliminated early in our match, or if you manage to stay in the match until just you and me are left to decide who is the next World Heavyweight Champion, the end result remains the same in that I win the match and I walk away a Sin City Wrestling’s World Heavyweight Champion. Sorry to have to be brutally honest with you as you are my friend, my Stable-mate, and Tag Team partner, but sometimes brutal honesty is what others need shoved down their throats.

Pinky:  Is there anything else you wish to state before we make our official closing comments to end our air time?

James:  I just schooled my five opponents. Pinky schooled all the people associated with my five opponents about if they attempt to interfere in the match they will be severely dealt with. I’m not here to sugar-coat my comments just so the other wrestlers in my match feel all sparkly and tingly. This is not an episode of My Little Pony, Littlest Pet Shop, or Shimmer and Shine. This is wrestling. This is reality. This match is my destiny. I will be the next Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion!

Pinky:  It don’t get any more real than that.

James: Yep. Real!

CLOSING COMMENTS

Pinky:  Please allow us to lay out our closing comments and then we will let you go about your regularly-scheduled boring lives. I have confidence that James will become Sin City Wrestling’s World Heavyweight Champion on Sunday evening. There’s nothing holding him back. For sure none of the other wrestlers in the match are going to stop him. And if those who are associated with Calvin Harris, Steve Ramone, Eyesnsane, and Samuel McPherson, so much as take one step toward the ring to interfere in the match me and my “associates” will take you out so quickly that we will break the Sound Barrier and cause a Sonic Boom in the process.

James:  Have you watched movies concerning the Roman era in world history? Do you remember those events in the Coliseum where they would starve Lions for weeks and then they would bring a dozen or more prisoners into the Coliseum? Do you remember what happened next? The Roman soldiers would leave the arena and lock the doors so the prisoners wouldn’t escape. Once the Roman soldiers were safe behind the locked doors they opened the doors where the starving Lions were located and the Lions would rush out and devour the prisoners. Oh, yeah, the prisoners would try to run away but they had nowhere to run. They would try to fend off the attacks of the Lions but it was futile and still ended in their demise. The fans in the Roman Coliseum would cheer wildly as the Lions ripped apart the prisoners. You five are the sacrificial prisoners and I am the hungry Lion. You can run away from me but you cannot escape the inevitable. You can try to fight off my attacks but your attempts will be futile. I, the Lion of Sin City Wrestling, the King of Beasts, will win this match, I will be crowned Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion, and you can only stand there and serve as five sacrifices to me.

Pinky:  Go, James, Go!

James:  I’m going all-out to win and everyone in the match will realize that  the instant the Timekeeper rings the bell to start the match. Elimination of the first four wrestlers is by throwing them over the top rope to the arena floor. While the other wrestlers are probably going to mill around and try to avoid confrontations I will be going after everyone and eliminating them so quickly they won’t know what hit them. Then when those four are eliminated I will turn and look at the last remaining wrestler I need to eliminate by pinfall for the win. It doesn’t matter which of the five it ends up to be as I will win. You can throw all the insults, degrading comments, and jealous rage at me that you want but that will never deter me from obtaining the biggest prize in Sin City Wrestling. Laugh at me if you want but you will not be laughing when I’m announced as the World Heavyweight Champion. Insult me if you want but your insults are useless once you see the World Heavyweight Title Belt around my waist. Go on Twitter and hurl your vile comments all you want as it only shows your jealousy as I accomplished what you could not do. When the dust settles, and the Timekeeper’s bell rings to end the match, the world will watch as my hand is raised in victory, and my name is announced as the newly-crowned World Heavyweight Champion. Deal with that assholes because I will be your next Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion for an extremely long time!

At that comment Pinky del Ferrando stands up and walks over to a table to pick up a large bottle of Champagne. Pinky shakes it up before popping the cork to unleash a shower of Champagne all over the two of them, the cameraman and his equipment, and their dressing room. James and Pinky, are laughing uncontrollably as the cameraman is hoping the Champagne doesn’t damage his equipment. Pinky informs the cameraman they are done with their comments for today but Pinky has one last surprise for the viewers before the cameraman leaves and cuts his camera feed.

Pinky:  As most of you know I love parody songs which is one of the reasons I loved the work of Weird Al Yankovic. So while the cameraman is getting ready to back out of our dressing room, and while the Network prepares to cut his camera feed, I would like to entertain you with my parody song. It is a parody of the song The Ballad of Jed Clampett, by Flatts and Scruggs, which was the theme song for the television sitcom The Beverly Hillbillies. I call it The Ballad of James Tuscini and I would like to ask the Network to play the song and then cut their camera feed when the song is over.

THE BALLAD OF JAMES TUSCINI

Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named James
Highly esteemed among all the wrestling names
Then he challenged for the top Title Belt
He wins to the hurt that his opponents felt
(Major pain, excruciating, life-threatening)

Well first thing you know James kicked some ass
His fans said James you’re the best SCW has
Stand on the pedestal where World Champions stand
And that’s when the music struck up from the band
(World Heavyweight Champion, honor, distinction)

Well it’s time to worship James Tuscini now
As he’s the World Champion and he’s taking a bow
You’re all invited to watch his championship run
And it will be the longest reign under the sun
(World Heavyweight Champion, that’s what they call James now,
Deal with it because that isn’t gonna change)

Pinky’s parody song is over and the lyrics come off the screen. Then in a flash the Network cuts the feed for the cameraman and they cut to a commercial break.