Pinky: It don’t get any more real than that.
James: Yep. Real!
CLOSING COMMENTS
Pinky: Please allow us to lay out our closing comments and then we will let you go about your regularly-scheduled boring lives. I have confidence that James will become Sin City Wrestling’s World Heavyweight Champion on Sunday evening. There’s nothing holding him back. For sure none of the other wrestlers in the match are going to stop him. And if those who are associated with Calvin Harris, Steve Ramone, Eyesnsane, and Samuel McPherson, so much as take one step toward the ring to interfere in the match me and my “associates†will take you out so quickly that we will break the Sound Barrier and cause a Sonic Boom in the process.
James: Have you watched movies concerning the Roman era in world history? Do you remember those events in the Coliseum where they would starve Lions for weeks and then they would bring a dozen or more prisoners into the Coliseum? Do you remember what happened next? The Roman soldiers would leave the arena and lock the doors so the prisoners wouldn’t escape. Once the Roman soldiers were safe behind the locked doors they opened the doors where the starving Lions were located and the Lions would rush out and devour the prisoners. Oh, yeah, the prisoners would try to run away but they had nowhere to run. They would try to fend off the attacks of the Lions but it was futile and still ended in their demise. The fans in the Roman Coliseum would cheer wildly as the Lions ripped apart the prisoners. You five are the sacrificial prisoners and I am the hungry Lion. You can run away from me but you cannot escape the inevitable. You can try to fight off my attacks but your attempts will be futile. I, the Lion of Sin City Wrestling, the King of Beasts, will win this match, I will be crowned Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion, and you can only stand there and serve as five sacrifices to me.
Pinky: Go, James, Go!
James: I’m going all-out to win and everyone in the match will realize that the instant the Timekeeper rings the bell to start the match. Elimination of the first four wrestlers is by throwing them over the top rope to the arena floor. While the other wrestlers are probably going to mill around and try to avoid confrontations I will be going after everyone and eliminating them so quickly they won’t know what hit them. Then when those four are eliminated I will turn and look at the last remaining wrestler I need to eliminate by pinfall for the win. It doesn’t matter which of the five it ends up to be as I will win. You can throw all the insults, degrading comments, and jealous rage at me that you want but that will never deter me from obtaining the biggest prize in Sin City Wrestling. Laugh at me if you want but you will not be laughing when I’m announced as the World Heavyweight Champion. Insult me if you want but your insults are useless once you see the World Heavyweight Title Belt around my waist. Go on Twitter and hurl your vile comments all you want as it only shows your jealousy as I accomplished what you could not do. When the dust settles, and the Timekeeper’s bell rings to end the match, the world will watch as my hand is raised in victory, and my name is announced as the newly-crowned World Heavyweight Champion. Deal with that assholes because I will be your next Sin City Wrestling World Heavyweight Champion for an extremely long time!
At that comment Pinky del Ferrando stands up and walks over to a table to pick up a large bottle of Champagne. Pinky shakes it up before popping the cork to unleash a shower of Champagne all over the two of them, the cameraman and his equipment, and their dressing room. James and Pinky, are laughing uncontrollably as the cameraman is hoping the Champagne doesn’t damage his equipment. Pinky informs the cameraman they are done with their comments for today but Pinky has one last surprise for the viewers before the cameraman leaves and cuts his camera feed.
Pinky: As most of you know I love parody songs which is one of the reasons I loved the work of Weird Al Yankovic. So while the cameraman is getting ready to back out of our dressing room, and while the Network prepares to cut his camera feed, I would like to entertain you with my parody song. It is a parody of the song The Ballad of Jed Clampett, by Flatts and Scruggs, which was the theme song for the television sitcom The Beverly Hillbillies. I call it The Ballad of James Tuscini and I would like to ask the Network to play the song and then cut their camera feed when the song is over.
THE BALLAD OF JAMES TUSCINI
Come and listen to a story ‘bout a man named James
Highly esteemed among all the wrestling names
Then he challenged for the top Title Belt
He wins to the hurt that his opponents felt
(Major pain, excruciating, life-threatening)
Well first thing you know James kicked some ass
His fans said James you’re the best SCW has
Stand on the pedestal where World Champions stand
And that’s when the music struck up from the band
(World Heavyweight Champion, honor, distinction)
Well it’s time to worship James Tuscini now
As he’s the World Champion and he’s taking a bow
You’re all invited to watch his championship run
And it will be the longest reign under the sun
(World Heavyweight Champion, that’s what they call James now,
Deal with it because that isn’t gonna change)
Pinky’s parody song is over and the lyrics come off the screen. Then in a flash the Network cuts the feed for the cameraman and they cut to a commercial break.