(OOC Note: Guest appearance in this is with permission of handler)
“When you have an opportunity for a world championship and it doesn’t go your way, that’s one thing. That’s a path that I am familiar with as I had been through it a couple of times before I pulled it off and won the world championship a few months ago. It’s not something that would drag me down at this point because I’m used to it. But what about when you’ve been there… when you’ve lost it… when you have that one opportunity to win it back and it slips right through your fingers? What’s that feeling like?
I’ll tell you what it was as I sat alone in my Saxon hotel room seven days after Summer XXXtreme.
Hell.
It’s a torturous, soul crushing hell.
When the window of opportunity is shut and you know it, it leaves you questioning EVERYTHING. It leaves you wondering what the hell is next. It leaves you wondering where you could possibly go from here. When you go from thinking you have all the answers to realizing you have NONE of the answers… when the yo-yo finally snaps from the string and falls into a bottomless pit…
Then what?
August 9, 2020
I had been living as a total recluse since that cruise trip to “Hell”. I spent most of the time either training or just being alone in the room. I had seen a ton of missed text messages: from my mother, my brother, Myra, Clarissa… anyone that was inside of my inner circle. It’s not like anyone from that locker room was going to check on me… and nobody has…
Knowing that? Well… that definitely had me thinking about things in a perspective I had never thought about before. All I could think about was the window of opportunity that had been slammed shut… and how it hurt more than every pre-world title reign opportunity I had missed put together. It didn’t feel like I was snapping out of it anytime soon and a knock on my door wasn’t giving me any reason to feel happy.
“For the LAST TIME Myra…” I said with anger, indicating that Myra Rivers had been trying to check up on me but in vain. I paused, listening to see if she said anything, but this was complete silence which caught me off guard as she’s never been the quiet type. I heard another knock, which incensed me a little further.
“I don’t remember ordering room service…” I sighed as I reluctantly went to answer the door. It wasn’t Myra, as I had suspected… but who I was seeing… I honestly WISHED it was Myra…
“...what?” I said at an oddly determined, yet interestingly concerned Christina Rose who at this point was the last person I wanted to see considering the feelings that had been built up between us in the past.
“Can we talk?” she said, instantly bringing out the skepticism within me that had always been associated with her.
“Why should I listen to anything you have to say?” I asked. “You know how things are between us…”
“I wanted to check up on you…” she said, which further confused me.
“You actually care? And here I thought I was the pariah of the whole locker room.”
“You’ve been oddly quiet lately…”
“You think?”
“I know things have been hard for you ever since… you know… your dad…”
I only bit the inside of my lower lip trying to hold back from saying anything that would be construed as mean.
“...and I’m really sorry about your dad… I do mean that… you know… considering the history our dads had with each other back in the day…”
“Thanks… but honestly…” I paused and let out a sigh. “...I REALLY don’t want to talk about him right now… especially with you. But thanks… now… goodbye! I’ll be seeing you.”
I was about to close the door, but out of nowhere, Christina threw me a curveball.
“Where did things go wrong between us, Andrea?”
This curveball definitely had me stunned.
“Wow, you really DO care about me” I said half-sarcastically. “...I’ll let you in… because you have to have a real good reason for wanting to talk to me right now that goes even beyond my dad…”
Reluctantly, I let Christina into the room and I had closed the door behind her. The tension in the room was already picking up.
“I know you’re not the most popular person in the locker room but I looked past that, Andrea…” Christina reminded me. “...I had always admired you from the moment you walked in that door. I tried to be your friend. I wanted to test myself against you not because I wanted to be better than you or because I had any ‘evil intentions’ in mind, but because I really wanted to unlock that potential you’ve always had in you… and I did… but…”
Christina took a pause, almost as if she wanted to hesitate on some of the words that she had on her mind.
“...but?”
“You pushed me away…” she said. “...you never gave me a chance. You just went off of what you heard about me to make a judgment on me. I know that I haven’t been perfect and I get that I have a checkered past… but that doesn’t give you the right to treat me the way you did…”
“You showed me some of those colors I was concerned about as we went along…”
“Maybe I did… but you did push me to that to a degree…”
I sighed with annoyance considering I really carried quite a bit of disdain for Christina, even at this point.
“You treated me just like you treat everyone else…” Christina said. “...you have this really toxic attitude toward everyone… well almost everyone... like… you don’t even TRY to be friends with other people. You don’t even make the effort to get to know anybody. You just judge them based on their past and you treat them all like you’re beneath you. Do you even go back and watch your own promos sometimes? You carry yourself like you’re better than everybody. Maybe you don’t mean to… but think about it: if you’re not telling me you hate me, you’re screaming at Evie to shut the fuck up… or you’re throwing a lot of fire at Kate that she never deserved from you at all… Kate respected you a lot going into your Blast from the Past match with her and you repaid her how? By running her down?”
“Running her down? How do we even get to that? Okay… so I haven’t exactly been the greatest diplomat in SCW bombshells history and I’ve hardly made an effort to make any friends… yeah, I get that, I admit to that… but that doesn’t mean that you can just stand there and judge me and twist my words around saying that I’m treating people like I’m beneath me… that doesn’t mean YOU… of all people YOU… get to…”
“You’re doing it again…” Christina interrupted.
“What?”
“Treating me like I’m beneath you…”
I let out a frustrated, angry sigh at this, clearly wanting nothing to do with the conversation at all.
“Do you really want to burn all your bridges in this company, Andrea?”
“No… but… I don’t understand how there can be resentment toward me from anyone… sure, maybe I’ve said some harsh words… but I’ve never actually harmed someone to the point where they’re carrying a grudge against me… at least not to my knowledge… and now I’m here being told that I’m ‘toxic’...”
“If you actually spent time in the locker room, you’d realize how unpopular you really are… and a lot of that has to do with the way you talk to people and how you treat them. It wasn’t so bad at first, but after the way you’d been treating me… a lot of people were absolutely rooting for you to lose the world title…”
“Well, they got what they wanted. Are they happy now?”
“I’m just trying to be straight with you on this. How much longer are you going to let yourself be alone? How much longer are you going to keep carrying on like nothing is wrong?”
“Even if that’s all true, why do you care so much?”
“Because I never stopped WANTING to be your friend…” Christina said to me, leaving me shellshocked.
“You mean to tell me…” I began, as I started to calm down. “... that after all the shit that we ever put each other through… after all the things I said to you… after all the hatred that ever happened between us… you STILL want to be friends? I… I don’t know what to say about that…”
Deep down inside, I was far more touched than I would ever want to admit.
“...I guess you really do care…” I said with a sigh. “Listen… I haven’t been an angel…”
I paused as I pulled out a chair from underneath a counter, sitting on it and thinking about every chapter of my Sin City Wrestling journey so far.
“I was pretty damn harsh toward Mercedes Vargas when I faced her in my second match here. I know that there were moments that I haven’t handled well. I know that with you… I had this huge prejudice against you because of your shady past and that I said some things that were over the top. I know that I’ve been distant… I know I’ve hardly made an effort to be friends with anyone… and I’m starting to see how I’ve pushed you away. I’ve been through a lot… I haven’t really mastered how to handle the spotlight well… as you can CLEARLY see with what’s been going on with me lately… or maybe that’s just my dad dying hitting me harder than I thought… now I’m sitting here… not knowing what the fuck to do… knowing that my window of opportunity is closed… feeling lost… feeling… honestly… a bit hopeless… and I don’t know WHY I am even venting about this to you of all people but… there’s some shit I have to figure out…”
“We’ve all been there… what you’re going through now. You think I haven’t been through it?”
“I bet you have… you’ve definitely been going through it ever since we had our two world championship wars… I slammed the window shut on you when I retained against you…”
“It’s not a good feeling is it?”
“Nope…”
“You’ll get back on your feet in no time,” Christina said. “You’re too good not to do so and you can believe me when I say that.”
“If you’re really being sincere about that…” I stopped my sentence, realizing that being skeptical was what had partially put me in the situation that I had found myself in to begin with. “...sorry…”
Pausing once more, I found myself feeling like a complete idiot. It was in this moment where I realized that I had been a massive bitch to quite a lot of people and that the way I had treated Christina in the past was, to a big degree, largely uncalled for.
“...sorry…” I said again. “I should’ve given you more of a chance. I should’ve been more open minded. I should’ve been better about this whole thing. You said some harsh words to me too… that much is true… but if I didn’t treat you the way that I did, you wouldn’t have had to go there. So… I really take full responsibility for that. I’m better than that. My mother raised me to be better than that and… I let it all get to my head… I really did… and now I’ve got to face this void… this long, hard, hellacious climb back to the top… no more window of opportunity… starting small… going back to basics… and I’ve got to do it knowing that the only woman that is less popular than me in the Bombshells locker room is probably Hillary Clinton at this point…”
“I don’t think you’re necessarily HATED, Andrea… you may have a few that might hate you but whatever contempt that locker room may have for you is not as bad as you may think it is…”
“Yeah… perhaps you’re right, Christina…” I said with a regretful breath. “...but I’ve got to make this climb alone…”
“Do you?” Christina asked me.
“Well… yeah there’s Myra but she and I both agree that I’ve grown beyond needing her to be a long term mentor for me again…”
“I wasn’t thinking about Myra when I asked that…”
“Oh…” I said with my eyes briefly widening when I realized Christina was inferring about herself. “...look… I’m sorry for the way I’ve treated you… and I appreciate that you still want to be my friend after all that. I’ll gladly bury the hatchet and let bygones be bygones… if that’s what you want…”
“Of course… that’s why I came here. I understand that SCW can be a pressure cooker and that at heart, you’re probably not that type of person. You’re forgiven… and I’m sorry if anything I said was harsh toward you to any degree…”
“You’re forgiven yourself…” I told Christina, as I extended my hand to her, showing that bygones were about to be bygones. She grabbed my hand and shook it, officially burying any hatchet between us.
“If there’s anything I can do…” Christina began.
“Thanks… yeah… um…” I paused, still having a slight degree of uncertainty. “...the thing is… burying the hatchet? I was ready for that. But being friends? I’m… not so sure… it has nothing to do with the past or anything it’s just… being so introverted and all… you know?”
“I get it… but whenever you want to hang out, or play some video games or go to a party together or anything of that nature…”
“For now… I’m going to have to pass…” I told her. “And right now? I really do want to be alone.”
Christina nodded and turned, beginning to head right for the door.
“But thank you…” I said, stopping her in her tracks. “...it means the world to me that at least someone cares. Maybe someday I’ll go to that party with you or play some Nintendo Switch or whatever console you like to play… just not today… I need some time to be ready for that kind of thing…”
“The door’s open whenever you’re ready…” Christina said to me as she walked to the door and exited my room. I remained seated on my chair with a new perspective to think about with the reality of having to start all over again. Some thoughts ran through my mind as I looked ahead to the next chapter of my Sin City Wrestling career.
“...I really let it all consume me, didn’t I?” I thought to myself. “First time being in that kind of spotlight and it was too big for me, as much as I hate to admit that. But maybe it’s a good thing that I’m starting over. Maybe this is what I needed considering that I have really lost it ever since my father passed away. Perhaps now’s the time to really quit it with being so introverted and keeping to myself so much and actually making the effort to have some kind of camaraderie with the locker room… even though I know I am always going to have those select few that are going to hate me. It’s time to go back to basics… to remember where I started from when I signed with this company a year ago.
This match that I found out about earlier today… against Candy… maybe that’s going to help me. She’s everything that I was as a person before this whole wrestling thing got really super serious. I used to be outgoing, I used to be extroverted. I used to know how to have fun and to wrestle just for the sake of living the dream and letting everything come to me. I had that naive, bubbly attitude… before Myra stripped it away from me in GCW anyway… and… well… I hate to say it… my dad did the same when I began training for this…
The longer my career has gone on… the less fun I’ve allowed myself to have. The more successful I’ve been, the more I’ve kept to myself… maybe I need to quit putting pressure on myself and just put aside the ‘burden’ of being the standard bearer of my own family…
Candy’s not a bad opponent to experiment with in regards to that approach…”
I started to think about my match a little bit more, knowing that while I couldn’t underestimate her… that perhaps a better, less pressuring approach to things might be a better route to go as I started all over again…
August 14, 2020
“Let’s go back to basics…” I said as the camera came on me. “...let’s just start this whole thing over and do things the right way. As much as I don’t like to admit it, maybe I do need this break from this massive spotlight. The pressure got to be too much… especially when certain personal life events got in my way and just made things far harder than they had any right to be. Still, I’m not going to sit here and think about everything that’s gone wrong. It’s over and done with and there’s no way I am going to be able to change that. What I am going to have to do is focus on what’s next and focus on what I can do to be better the next time I become the SCW Bombshells World Champion. I’ve tossed aside the stones in the river, shedding the weight that had been dragging me down for weeks and I’m going to try to be more loose and relaxed out there instead of being so tense and closed up as I had been since I was thrust into the spotlight. True to form in this company, I didn’t get an easy opponent to start off with when it comes to this ‘starting over’ thing…
Candy is a very formidable foe… it goes without saying. She was the Roulette Champion around here for a long time, even beating someone like Sam Marlowe which is NOT to be overlooked in ANY case at all. But the thing with Candy… and this goes for both the wrestler and what you buy at the store… is that sometimes there’s this great big rush of joy where things are going great and you feel invincible and all of these wonderful things… and then there are other times where you have that crash… Candy… she had that big rush when she was the Roulette Champion… and she had that huge crash when she lost that title to Violet Amelia Holt… of all women to lose the title to… that is probably the one that she wanted to lose to the least.
At least she got revenge for Fluffy…” I said with a scoff, before I took a quick pause. Refocusing back on the match, I continued my point.
“The thing with you Candy… is that I like you. I don’t have a reason to hate you. I don’t see a reason to want to hurt you. But, I have to tell it like it really is and know that I am not trying to be outright mean when I say what I am going to say but the fact of the matter is… you’re too inconsistent. You have these moments where you do these amazing things… you go out and you beat a Sam Marlowe… but you have these moments where you crash and burn and you go on and lose to someone you’re superior to in Violet… and yet… I’m not going to slam you for losing the title to a woman that I consider as a type that needs a hell of a lot more seasoning to be a top contender because of what I’ve mentioned before… where you beat someone like Sam. Moments like that, Candy, prevent me from even having the temptation to relax and take it easy… especially when I know that the conditions are ripe for an upset I REALLY can’t afford to suffer right now. Sure, I’ve accomplished more in this company than you have… but you’re in great shape right now. Me? I’m going into this starving to get some momentum back after the way things have gone for me the last couple of months in and out of the ring. I’ve got people rightfully questioning if I’m psychologically broken after all that I’ve been through… and I’m planning on answering that question with a resounding no. Someone like you SHOULD be able to take advantage of where I’m at mentally… or where I’ve BEEN mentally…
But I’m not going to let that happen, Candy… and I don’t give a shit about how much I like you. This is the professional wrestling business at the end of the day! This isn’t a business where you can be successful with kittens and rainbows and candy and playing a superhero and acting like such a big kid and being this big sweetheart, this precious princess… always smiling and being SO happy and SO hyper and… UGH… there’s a part of me that WISHES I could STILL be that… but those days are dead and gone for me…
If you’re just here to have fun and to have a good time and to be this smiley, happy, bubblegum princess… then great. That works for you. You can enjoy having a carefree attitude and having fun and all of these wonderful things. But… if it’s your dream to rise up the ranks and to be a world champion then… sorry… but coming from my own experiences living in a fantasy world when I was a little girl and thinking that when I began my wrestling training that the business was all puppies and rainbows and all of that… then… it’s not going to work out well for you. Because women like you in this business? They’re a lot easier to take advantage of… and it pains me to say it because I DO like you… but being naive and seeing the bright sunshine of everything can only take you so far. But being realistic and knowing what you’re in for and seeing the forest for the trees and what they really are… something I LONG learned how to do… something that you haven’t learned since you like to live in Candyland… that’s what takes you places.
Sure, you’re the girl that can beat a Sam Marlowe or a Roxi Johnson every once in a while…
But I’m the woman that did so on a consistent basis to become a world champion.
Sure, you can have a strong, lengthy Roulette Championship reign…
But I’m the one that took this company and this division by storm and made a sudden impact. That’s the wrestler I am going to have to be again to get back to the top… and starting with you… that’s exactly what I am going to be on Sunday. It’s nothing personal Candy… I do mean that… and I don’t want to come off as being so mean, rude and condescending… but when Climax Control comes around and you face me in that ring, even for a second, I’m going to give you a little bit of a dose of reality for how this business really works.
Are you going to come into this wanting to win? Are you going to give me BETTER than your best? Do you have that killer instinct in you to try and take advantage of someone who’s got to deal with the psychological fallout of what she’s been going through lately? Or… are you just going to come into this excited about the challenge, with your devil may care attitude and acting like a loss is no big deal? Are you just going to be happy to give me a real fight… or are you actually going to go for the win? I don’t think you have that killer instinct… I don’t think you want to win… at least not as much as I do. I hope you prove me wrong, Candy… I hope you give me a hell of a fight and push me to my limits. But regardless… the reality is… come Sunday?
I’m not going to let you win.
I’m not going to let you rise up the ladder at my expense.
I’m going to start over again… the right way… going back to basics… and I’m going to remind the world exactly who the fuck Andrea Hernandez is…
There was a piece of me that was feeling some slight guilt over what I had said to Candy during that promo… but I knew that I couldn’t sugar coat anything… that I had to tell it like it is even if the truth hurt sometimes. Still… even though I’m taking the pressure off of myself… I’m no idiot. I still have to give it my best no matter what the situation, no matter what the opponent. Not for a second can I take my eye off the ball against a wrestler such as her. My focus is purely getting a victory and getting the hell back on track… and that’s all I was thinking about when I shut off the camera and began my final psychological preparations for Sunday...
