Enough
Kris’ Apartment - San Diego
24 December 2014
OFF-Camera
"I can't believe I didn't abort you when your father begged me to...."
Maybe it wouldn't have hurt so bad if that was the worst thing she had called to say. Honestly, I didn't even know she was out of prison. Her sentence wasn't up yet. She must have gotten off for good behavior or something. If she were calling from the inside I would have been able to deny her call without even hearing her voice. If she were calling from the inside her words wouldn't have been slurred from however many gin and tonics she had put down.
"You are the reason Lindsey died. It was your fault. It should have been you. Look what you have made of yourself. You're a no good drug addict living off his brother."
That one had crippled me. My shoulder still hurts from sliding down the wall down to a sitting position and hitting the windowsill on my way down. Soon that pain would fade from my mind though. I mean, she was right. What have I done with my life? Failed career. Failed relationships. Jason has to shell out money for me to live like I do. The fact that I have cleaned up doesn't change any of that. How could anyone love or care about me? I don't deserve that in this life.
"You know, your father didn't even drink before you. We were happy. He loved us. And then you came along and ruined all of it. You cry and bitch about the things he allegedly did to you and your brother. You brought it on yourself Kristopher. Even if it is just your wild drug addled imagination slandering a good man."
I thought I had killed off all of those memories. The nights he had come home after mom was gone and beaten the hell out of us, those were the good nights. I didn't even get the worst of it then. It was always Jason. He has always been the one to take the fall or penalty just so I can slide by. Hearing her accuse me of none of it ever happening brought it all back and reliving it all was too much to even try to push through. I thought time... drugs... therapy... would have dulled that pain. She cried at that point, I think. I was already trying to slip the details.
"I wish you would just die already. You should have never been here and you have all stolen twenty-four happy Christmases from us. You shouldn't be allowed to see another. You’re garbage Kris. I'm glad I never wasted time loving you."
Maybe she was right. Maybe I don't deserve to make it to see another happy Christmas. Looking down at the needle on the desk, the several empty caps, a quickly drying spoon, I can't help but agree with her. There's really only one thing left to do before I pull the rubber band from my arm and forget any of this ever happened. I tap the home button on the back of the phone twice to light up the screen. His face was right there on the main screen. I tap it, typing the text message with one hand.
Mom was right. I'm so sorry Jason. I love you. I wish that I could have been a better brother.
I watch the circle spin until it stops. The message sent. I close my eyes, and feel tears start to roll down them. I pull the rubber band off. It won't be long now.
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The Past Has Passed
Jason’s House - Seattle
25 December 2020
OFF-Camera
Just as he felt himself slipped away, a jolt surges through Kris’ body and shakes him awake. He sits up instantaneously, sweat falling down his face. He does what he can to slow down his heart rate before his chest explodes. As he turns to the edge of the bed and swings his feet down to the cold floor, the memory starts to recede into the back of his mind where it belongs. He was six years removed from that day, the worst of his life. Luckily for him, his brother had managed to scrape him off the floor all those years ago, and paramedics were able to breathe life back into him shortly after. It was the lowest point of Kris life, and this time of year, it always haunted him. He had hoped it would stop once he found success. When that hadn’t worked, he thought maybe the death of the dreadful woman that birthed him would be enough to put it in his rearview. However, it appeared that this yearly ritual would continue until the day that Kris was finally allowed to check out of this existence.
He had no interest in going back to sleep. There was a chance that he was going to see the woman every time he closed his eyes for days. So instead of forcing himself back down into bed, Kris rises, shooting a glance towards an analog clock hanging on the wall. It was still the middle of the night. There was a good chance that he was going to be the only person meandering around the house at this hour, which felt perfect. He found comfort in the silent solitude. He put on a pair of basketball shorts, and was in the process of pulling his red hooded sweatshirt over his head as he was walking out the door when he was startled.
Kris: Jesus fuck!
Kris had almost run directly into his brother as he came through the doorway of the guest room and into the hallway. The older and wiser half of Jet City didn’t seem surprised to see his little brother out roaming the halls. Had they not been under the same roof, his phone likely would have been ringing in the near future anyways. As much as Kris’ nightmarish memory had become a yearly tradition, so too had their conversations afterwards. Jason needed only to see the look on his brother’s face before realizing what had roused Kris from his sleep.
Jason: Sometimes you just wish she would stay dead, eh?
Kris wipes the sleep away from his eyes and tries to straighten himself up. Jason was always dissecting the little details in order to answer questions without having to actually ask them, so there was no reason for Kris to try and hide how he was feeling.
Kris: Is it that obvious?
Jason shrugs with a small smile coming across his lips.
Jason: It’s been on my mind too. It always is this time of year. It’s not everyday that you have to bring your brother back from the dead.
Possibly for the first time, Kris started to see his memory from his brother’s perspective. The text message had been enough to send Jason rushing to Kris’ aid. However, the sight of his younger brother face down on the floor and unresponsive wasn’t something that he was ever going to forget. Jason could still hear the EMT’s arguing about throwing in the towel when it looked like Kris wasn’t going to come back. Yet he had, at the last possible moment. The two of them had been through a lot together, but that was the scariest moment of all for Jason. Both of them had been helpless children when their sister had died. Jason had been able to let go of the guilt over that. Standing by as an adult while his brother checked out of his plane of existence early would have been the worst way for history to repeat itself. He wasn’t so sure that he could have overcome the guilt of being the last child standing.
Kris: I’m not sure if I’ve ever act---
Jason shakes his head and cuts the sentence off before Kris can get it out.
Jason: You do every year, and everyday in the hospital afterwards. You don’t have to apologize anymore. Come on...
Jason pats his brother on the shoulder as he moves past him in the hallway. Two doors down from Kris’ bedroom was Jason’s office, which is where it looked like the two men were headed. As soon as they stepped foot into the room, the low yellow lights flipped on overhead automatically. Kris hadn’t been inside the office in several years, but was shocked as he looked around. Not only were all of the various championships and accolades from Jason’s career, including pictures of the two of them winning the SCW World Tag Team Championships, but there was an entire section with headlines and pictures of Kris and his successes. The first one that caught Kris’ eye was a picture of him holding the SCW Internet Championship over his head.
Kris: I didn’t know that you had all of this...
As Kris’ eyes wander across the wall in front of him, a smile crosses his face. His brother had been paying attention to everything he had done in SCW for years. He even already had the headlines from the SCW World Heavyweight Championship match with Jack pinned just overtop of a picture of the two of them celebrating as Jet City.
Jason: Just because I didn’t go back doesn’t mean I’m not watching. You’re putting together a career to be proud of.
Kris’ eyes find an article that Jason had printed out of the announcement of Jet City South’s grand opening just a few months ago. He was surprised. Jason hadn’t been the most pleased with Kris splitting away from JCSL in Seattle when he went back to Sin City. Kris thought that maybe his sibling may have written him off the same way most everyone else had.
Kris: I’m not sure there’s anyone in the world proud of me.
Jason sits down at his desk with a heavy sigh, and leans back in his chair.
Jason: That’s just your head playing tricks on you. The girls wouldn’t have wanted you to come back and spend the holidays with the kids if they weren’t proud of how you’ve turned yourself around.
Kris wasn’t willing to bet that his brother hadn’t already heard the whole story. He had to know that Kris hadn’t really turned himself around. Two months ago he was still spiraling out of control. He was lucky that when he was given the chance to prove himself, he had been able to step up. Kris wasn’t going to give himself too much credit for that though. He hadn’t known the girls were coming. He was just in the right place at the right time.
Kris: A couple of months of sobriety isn’t much to brag about…. Six years and I still can’t prove mom wrong.
The two of them had this conversation yearly, so Jason knew where it was going. Kris couldn’t see that the woman that pushed them out into this world was wrong, despite how many times had proven it. He had a family that cared about him no matter how much he tried to push them away. He wasn’t creating messes that Jason needed to clean up. Even more importantly, not only was he running his own gym but the days of Kris living in his brother’s shadow were long over. Kris had miraculously risen from the dead and achieved everything he ever wanted. Yet, he was still hung up on a drunken conversation with a spiteful woman. Jason knew hammering that subject wasn’t going to work though. He needed to get Kris to look past it.
Jason: How many people in this world can say that they had a dream as a child, and are actually living it as an adult?
Kris turns away from the wall to look at his brother puzzled. After a couple moments of consideration, Kris played along.
Kris: Probably not a lot. Why?
Now that he had his brother’s attention Jason doesn’t break from his gaze. He was hoping that the reason that this yearly pep talk never worked was because they were always talking over a phone. If Kris had to look him in the eye, maybe things would finally start to sink in. He wasn’t going to waste the opportunity to try, and if he failed, he knew he would get another shot in 365 days.
Jason: Well you are. That’s what makes it so miraculous from my perspective. Since you were a little kid fighting for your life, the only thing you’ve ever wanted to be was a fighter. You do that in Sin City week after week. You get to live your dream in front of thousands of people… some that cheer for you no matter how horrible you are.
Kris shrugs. He loved his career, but looking back at everything it had cost him to get to where he is, he wasn’t sure that it was the best path. His desire to be inside the ring cost him his past relationships. Being on the road so much had always limited his ability to make and maintain friendships. He may have been living his dream, but he was doing it all alone. It almost didn’t seem worth it.
Kris: It’s just another addiction. I like the attention. I like not knowing if I am going to be able to win. Everything in the ring feels like being backed into a corner, and having to fight your way out. It’s...
He couldn’t find the right word, but Jason had it immediately.
Jason: Familiar.
It catches Kris off-guard, and he almost shakes his head to disagree with his brother. However, just before he does, the word really sinks in and stops him.
Jason: For someone that has been fighting for as long as they can remember, sitting still is hard. Believe me. I’ve been there. There’s no shame in that. You went back because it is where you feel that you belong, and that’s why you’re so good at it. People don’t understand that the six-sided ring is actually your comfort zone. It’s being out in the world that actually scares you. I have always thought that’s why you started doing drugs in your down time. It passes the time, and stops you from having to actually figure out why you’re not happy.
Kris steps away from the wall and moves to the opposite side of the desk that his brother sits behind. He wasn’t angry. He wasn’t going to take offense, or lash out at his brother for his honesty. Kris falls into the chair across from his brother and looks up at the ceiling.
Kris: I don’t even know where I would start...
This was progress. Jason sits forward in his chair, nearly dumbfounded that Kris was participating in the conversation without becoming combative.
Jason: Who is saying you haven’t already started?
Confused, Kris looks down from the ceiling and back to his brother without sitting up in his chair.
Kris: I’m not following.
Jason shrugs.
Jason: You cleaned yourself up without help this time. And without anyone having to beg you to do it. You did it on your own. You’re running a gym that is becoming just as successful as what we built up here. You’re carrying two championships in the company you love, and have apparently pulled your head out of your ass lately. You’re growing up, whether you see it or not.
Maybe Kris was too close to all of it to be able to see it as progress, but he was willing to take the compliment anyways. Usually these conversations involved being called a fuck up. He was enjoying the more positive spin this one was taking.
Kris: I thought we promised that we weren’t going to do that though?
The two laugh.
Jason: Never intentionally. It just has a way of sneaking up on you.
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>There is one thing that everything that I have accomplished in this company has in common.
I earned it.
I earned every opportunity that I was given. I relied on my abilities to win the championships that I have in this company. Every award, victory, and championship reign cost blood, sweat, tears, and broken bones. I have been injured in the six-sided Sin City ring more times than I remember. I have broken walls backstage with my body. I have been beaten with every weapon that this roster can think of. I have suffered setbacks, and overcome all of them.
I never wanted a championship handed to me. I didn’t even want an opportunity to challenge for one that I didn’t earn. Look at how Mikah and I worked our way up the mixed tag team division before challenging for the championships. Look at how I waited until I had won more than ten consecutive matches before redeeming my opportunity to regain the SCW World Heavyweight Championship. I am not sitting here as a dual SCW champion for the second time in my career because I took shortcuts. I put the work in. I lost a lot of matches, and rose from the ashes to earn the championships that I have carried, and the awards that I have won. That is why there are people that buy tickets to the shows just because my name is on the card.
That is not a status that Caleb Storms is going to rise to by being handed a championship by J2H3. Especially not when the only reason for Caleb getting the title was because he was the biggest joke on the roster. You see, people look at Caleb as a guy that has to be handed everything because he can’t do anything right on his own. I mean, I closed out the year with fourteen consecutive wins over some of the best that this company has to offer. On the other hand, Caleb made a lot of noise for someone that lost like eight straight at one point last year. The guy has his ass handed to him more often than he pulls out victories, and it has been like that since he made his way to Sin City. Nobody is surprised to see Caleb lose. They are surprised to see Mark and Christian allow him to hold a championship that he has no hope of successfully defending. Maybe it is a slightly better option than forcing it to be vacated, but not by much. Caleb is never going to better himself or his craft by being handed things.
As a champion, I am insulted by how this match is being sold to the public. This isn’t a champion versus champion situation. This is a champion taking on a pretender. It might be the main event of the night, but there won’t be any surprises for the audience. The SCW World Heavyweight Champion is going to begin the year doing what he does best, and Caleb Storms will be well on his way to another losing record in 2021. We couldn’t be any more different from one another, and that is never going to change until Caleb takes a hard look at himself. Only he can make the changes that he needs to in order to break out of that mediocre shell of his. I’m not saying it’s not possible. I’m not saying that he isn’t talented enough to do it. It’s not like everyone thought that I was going to make it to where I am. Think about it. I am referred to as The Miracle, because I should have never risen to the level that I am at. I started out my time in this company getting beaten regularly. I have grown, adapted, and evolved over the years in order to keep inching closer and closer to the top spot in this company. Nothing and nobody was going to stand in my way or prevent me from getting to where I wanted to be. All that hard work has paid off not once, but twice in my career. I am once again the face of this company, and it was just as miraculous this time as it was last time.
I am going to say something that most will laugh at me for: I believe that Caleb Storms could do everything that I have done in this company and more. I mean look at me! I did it, and I am not the biggest, or the strongest member of this roster. I am not the smartest, or the most well-trained. However, being at the top of a company like this was my dream since I was a child, and I never let it go. I wanted it bad enough that I refused to accept no for an answer. I fought, I clawed, and I eventually got to where I wanted to be. Over the years we have all seen those same flashes of brilliance but they are few and stuffed between some really bad losses. For every step forward he takes, there are several that move him backwards. He has been a talented member of this roster for years, and the only thing he has to show for it is being an easy target for a punchline. I feel bad for him, but I feel worse for the championship belt that he holds. Without the Internet Championship in his possession, Caleb Storms is just an athlete that hasn’t quite found his rhythm yet. With the championship, he is a disappointing waste of potential.
So Caleb, unfortunately I have to make an example out of you on Climax Control. I have been trying to be a better role model for this company. What you are doing with that championship is not something that I can let slide. The people in the locker room, and the fans in the crowd deserve something better than you have proven yourself capable of offering. You haven’t earned the right to be called a champion, and I refuse to treat you like one until you stand toe-to-toe with me and prove me wrong.
There is part of me that really, really hopes that you are able to rise to that occasion this Sunday. I think we all know that the chances of that happening are nearly zero though. If it’s any consolation, maybe this match and these words will wake up something inside of you that I really hope is there. Maybe this is your time to miraculously rise up and skyrocket to the top of this company like Jack Washington did in 2020. I don’t see it happening, but am inviting you, daring you even, to show up at Climax Control and make it happen.
Step up and become The Miracle...
...or shut up and take the L.
