Jessie and Caleb’s bid to win the Mixed Tag Team Titles from Wolfslair didn’t end the way they wanted as Jessie ended up taking the pin from Johanna after a competitive match, meaning that Caleb’s upcoming match against Tiberius the Great of Elysia was still going ahead, however Jessie faced a new challenge at the staying home show (AKA the going home show of Into the Void IX) as she was taking on the newcomer Amber Ryan in her debut match, Jessie was initially just treating this as a regular match, however Amber’s first promo aired today, and she compared Jessie to vanilla ice cream, Jessie was angry now but can she win?
Jessie’s hotel room, Las Vegas, Nevada
Thursday the 21st of May 2020, 18:00pm
Who the fuck does she think she fucking is?!
I was just going to go into this match as any other match, a match against a new Bombshell on the roster calling herself Distorted Angel, gee, I fucking wonder why the bosses put us in a match together, it’s not like I’ve been calling myself an angel for the past few years now, albeit not anything like your typical angel if we’re being honest, and a good a warm up for the show after this which just so happens to be Into the Void IX.
AND THEN HER FIRST PROMO AIRED!
Look, I don’t usually make a habit of watching my opponent’s promos until after the show, I try not to let that affect me heading into the match but I saw some buzz circling around twitter about my opponent’s promo so out of curiosity I watched it whilst the boys played Mario Kart on the Switch.
A game they had to abandon when they realized that I was about to throw a chair through the TV.
“Jess, put the chair down.” Jake tried to talk me down as I measured up the TV behind him, for a bit of context, I’m 5ft 2, Jake is 6ft 10, Shane is 6ft 2, yeah in hindsight there was no way I was going to get that chair over their heads. “Not only will the bosses make you pay for the new TV, you also risk vandalism charges if you actually hit that TV!” Jake added as I continued to do the math in my head whilst Shane moved to my side.
“Err, Jake, don’t you mean destruction of private property?” Shane asked with a look of confusion on his face and Jake shook his head. “We don’t even know what she’s mad about anyway!”
“She compared me to vanilla fucking ice cream!” I responded bluntly and my two male companions shared a look of disbelief. “I know you weren’t paying attention to her promo but that’s what she fucking did!”
“Okay, that’s certainly an insult that I haven’t heard before and, well, I’ve been with you on this wrestling journey for eight years now!” Jake admitted before pausing. “Jesus motherfucking Christ on a pogo stick, that makes me feel so old!”
“But is it really worth throwing a chair through the TV because she compared you to vanilla ice cream?” Shane asked as I finally let go off the chair and he moved it across the room from me. “I happen to like Vanilla Ice Cream!”
“Yeah, I fucking noticed, that’s like the only flavor you ever order from the Ice Cream Vans at Bloodstock!” I responded as I sat down on the bed and let out a deep breath. “But it wasn’t just that, she called me that because she thought I was a bland nice girl, like the past eight fucking years of my fucking life didn’t matter to her.”
“Well, she is a newcomer.” Jake pointed out as he and Shane went back to where the Switch was set up. “And you can use the match to prove her wrong.” Jake added unintentionally giving me the idea to get my promo done now so I got my camera out to do my promo.
“You know what? I’m not going to talk about the Mixed Tag Team Title Match last week on Climax Control because clearly, Caleb’s mind was elsewhere during the match, no instead I’m just going to focus on my match this Sunday at the “Staying Home Show” of Climax Control before we head into the next PPV Into the Void IX where I’m taking on the newcomer “The Distorted Angel” Amber Ryan, my first thoughts were “how original, at least this will be a good warm-up for Into the Void”, and then her first promo aired and she compared me to vanilla ice cream, at which point my thoughts went to “WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK?!”.”
I yelled out making the boys jump as they realized that I was doing a promo.
“Who the fuck do you think you are Amber? Oh, you’re the fucking Carnage Champion for some garbage fed. Whoop de fucking do………”
“Err, Jess?” Jake chimed in as he glanced over at me. “Should I get the swear jar we normally reserve for when your playing a new Pokémon game, or any Pokémon game for that matter, ready?”
“Go the fuck ahead.” I responded with an annoyed sigh as Jake got the swear jar out and the boys put several dollars in it. “Where the fuck was I? Oh yeah, whoop de fucking do! Those titles don’t mean shit to me because clearly, my accomplishments here in SCW don’t mean shit to a fucking moron like you! Why? Because if you had bothered to do five fucking minutes of research, you’d realize that the vanilla fucking ice cream comment doesn’t make any fucking sense!”
“We’re going to have to use this thing as a collection plate aren’t, we?” Shane asked as he motioned to the swear jar after they had put several more dollars into it.
“Either that or we grab another swear jar.” Jake responded and I shook my head before continuing.
“Let me break it the fuck down to you Amber, I joined SCW back when it was a fledgling company selling out high school gyms, national guard armories, I’ve held every almost every title that’s been available to the Bombshells including the now defunct Bombshell Tag Team Titles three times, don’t fucking compare me to vanilla fucking ice cream! I’m not just some bland nice girl who’s happy to be in the fucking company, I’ve earned my spot here in SCW five times over and your fucking ignorance is astonishing!”
U added before running a hand down my face.
“Oh, what’s that? You like to fucking hurt people, like a give a fucking shit! I’ve been in some of the most violent fucking matches in SCW history, the first Tai Pei Death Match? Check, the Chamber of Extreme match last fucking year? Check! An extreme rules match with a psychopath called Twisted fucking Sister. Motherfucking check! There’s bound to be some fucking overs that I’m fucking forgetting about but there is someone you can fucking ask, her name is Mercedes fucking Vargas, she’s old as shit and remembers fucking everything! Go ask her after I beat the living fucking shit out of you!”
“Is it bad that I think “Mercedes fucking Vargas” has a nice ring to it?” Shane asked out loud as the boys put more money in the swear jar.
“No because I was thinking the same thing.” Jake admitted before looking at the swear jar’s contents. “We could probably buy a new guitar with this.”
“To fucking summarize you ignorant shitfaced bitch, I am not just some fucking newbie you can beat up in your debut and call it a day, I’ve been around the fucking block and I’ve done more in this company than you have as the fucking carnage champion so when I fucking embarrass you on TV in your debut maybe people will see that other fucking fed for the fucking joke that it fucking is! In the fucking meantime, feel free to go fuck yourself with a rusty fucking shotgun!”
And with that I decided to fucking wrap things up!
“I swear to fucking god, the fucking bosses are going to book a fucking rematch between us for the PPV just so they can see how many more fucking swear words I can fucking fit into a fucking promo! Amber, you’ve made the biggest fucking mistake of your SCW career during the fucking build up to your fucking debut match which has to be some kind of fucking record and all because you fucking compared me to vanilla fucking ice cream! This is the fucking Unsainted Angel Jessie fucking Salco signing the fuck off! Amber, you don’t know what the fuck you’ve fucking stepped into with that vanilla ice cream comment but at the end of the night you’ll fucking resemble a bloody fucking Mary!”
I looked over to see the boys counting up the contents of the swear jar as the scene fades.
