I lost.
I'm not going to cry about it.
I'm not going to be angry either.
I'm just going to take it and learn from it. I mean I did end up the runner-up. Even though I didn't make it be the last woman standing in that ring, I beat out the woman who claimed I had no business being here and that, is better than a win in my eyes.
There is nothing sweeter than watching someone have to eat their words.
It's too bad that this will be my last match.
I had so many things planned. So many things I wanted to accomplish and I know I only just began this adventure, but family has to come first.
My father has taken ill. His blood pressure has soared and that doesn't look good for a man who has already had one heart attack. I need to go back home and take care of him because obviously that nurse of his is a hack.
But I digress.
Back in the day, I would have taken this time to cut up my opponent. I would have pointed out all her flaws, belittled her and then hung her out to dry simply because I enjoyed the humiliation I bestowed upon those I faced. It's a classic tactic.
I realized after my last match that at 27 I am no longer in the same realm that some of these other young women are in. My mind keeps going back to my other responsibilities. To wanting more out of life when for the longest time I really thought that winning a big title was the thing I wanted most. I guess it took being away from that and then coming back for me to realize that it's no longer what it was.
My swan song is going to be giving Sam everything I have because she deserves that. She doesn't deserve me to give her half of myself simply because I have decided to retire. I sure as hell don't want to retire having lost my last match.
this is it Sam.
You get to come out of this knowing that you were the last to face the great Bliss Fischer.
And to top it off, at the end. Win or lose I'm going to shake your hand. Heck, I'll probably be feeling generous and give you a hug.
I have everything going for me right now, besides the retirement and my Dad being sick, but both of those things are not things that I wanted, but they aren't the end of life as we know it. Dad will get better with a diet change and someone to supervise him. Yea it will suck not getting the opportunity to go on a title run.
but I'll live.
And live a great life I shall.
Because I realized, finally that the thing I ran from the last few years was really the thing I wanted the most. More than titles. More than fame. More than the super model looks. it was love.
I just wanted to be loved for who I really was. Not for some persona, I put on for the cameras. Not for my bra size or my tiny waist. Not for my playboy spreads.
Love for who I was inside. Love for all the things that others would despise. My anger. My vanity. My attitude.
and I honestly think I've found that. I honestly cannot picture myself with anybody else and I'm finally okay with that. Two years ago I was dreading my marriage to Jackson. I was thinking that I was going to be attached to this man for the rest of my life and it scared the shit out of me.
Chris doesn't scare me.
It makes me feel complete.
I think that's why I'm really okay with how this is going down.
I'm okay that this is my last match, probably ever.
Maybe we'll get married down the line. maybe I'll even have a kid before I turn 35. Maybe I'll just be ridiculously happy with the fact that this time... I made the choice myself and nobody can take away from me the things that I have accomplished.
If there's one piece of advice I can give you Sam, it's this. Do not take anything for granted. Live every day like ti might be your last and certainly do not let anybody put you down or steal your thunder.
So on that note, I want to make this match count.
So as I started...
This is it Sam.
You have a big opportunity in front of you.
What are you going to do with it?
Make it count.
