[Andrew]

 IF YOU TWO THINK THIS IS FANTASY ISLAND WHERE YOUR FANTASIES COME TRUE YOU ARE SADELY MISINFORMED

NARRATOR:  You know how the saying goes. Closies only count in Horseshoes and Hand Grenades. James Tuscini and Dmitri, as Unholy Alliance, went into the Tag Team Championship Battle Royal at Blaze of Glory VI, with the intent to win, but they ended up being the third Tag Team eliminated from the match. That’s all I’ll state as I’ll leave the rest of the comments for James and Pinky to elaborate on.

Our television screen goes black for a few seconds. When it comes up again we are in the dressing room of James Tuscini and Pinky del Ferrando at the Joseph J. Gentile Arena in Chicago, Illinois. The two are sitting on the couch having a discussion. James is casually dressed in blue jeans, a dark blue pull-over shirt, and black athletic shoes. Pinky is a bit more casual wearing sweat pants, a wife-beater halter tee-shirt, and flip flops. The cameraman walks into the room where he previously set up his camera and when James and Pinky realize they are going live on the air they sit up straight, look toward the camera, and…

JAMES:  I guess holding Blaze of Glory VI in Stockton, California, which is like the third most violent crime-ridden city in California, wasn’t bad enough, now we have to perform in Chicago, Illinois? I believe Chicago is in second place for the number of violent crimes and murders after Oakland, California. Why does Management keep scheduling us in such violent locations?

PINKY:  I agree James. We have wrestlers who protest, and go on strike, claiming that the profession of being a wrestler is too violent and hazardous to their health. Then while they’re whining about the tough sport of wrestling they are more than happy to travel to Oakland, Stockton, Chicago, and other cities known for hate, crime, violence, and murders. Dumb shits!

JAMES:  Although we could talk about horrible places for Sin City Wrestling to be performing we’re not here to discuss that. We’re here to discuss what happened at Blaze of Glory VI and what will happen at Climax Control 175. That Tag Team Championship Battle Royal at Blaze of Glory VI was brutal. We had the match won but everyone saw what happened. It took four wrestlers, both Team BJ and Monstimals, to eliminate me and Dmitri from the match. Did you get that? It took FOUR wrestlers to eliminated the TWO of us in the match. If that’s not desperation on the part of Monstimals and Team BJ then I guess I don’t understand the meaning of desperation. But it was sweet justice watching Monstimals get defeated. After they cheated us out of a victory in the previous Tag Team match we had with them Karma raised its head and delivered retribution. Congratulations to Team BJ. Oh, by the way guys, which Tag Team easily defeated you previously? Oh yeah it was us, Unholy Alliance, on Sunday, August 26, 2016, at Climax Control 157. Yeah, I know, I didn’t need to give that much information on the date and place and show, as it is forever burned into your memory, but rubbing salt into your wounds sure is fun.

PINKY:  Rubbing salt in open wounds you created on your victims and breaking kneecaps with baseball bats and tire irons and then when they go down you start stomping on their broken knees is also fun.

JAMES:  Where are you getting this stuff from Uncle?

PINKY  You learn a lot of amusing tricks of the trade working with the Italian Mafia.

JAMES:  Speaking of the Italian Mafia did you contact them about helping Raynin find Michael? I remember he was going to check into rehab and the next thing we know he disappears and Raynin believes he’s been kidnapped.

PINKY:  I put in a call to the leaders of the San Francisco Italian Mafia and they said they will contact all the other organizations in the United States to keep a look out for Michael. I sent them his photo and also a photo of Raynin so if they see them they know who they are looking for. I also told them the last time anyone saw Michael was on February 19, 2017, in Santa Barbara, California.

JAMES:  Thanks Uncle. I wish to talk about our match at Climax Control 175. We are entering into the Blast From Past tournament where names were drawn to create mixed Tag Teams and I was paired up with Trish Newborn. Although she has been out of action in Sin City Wrestling for a time she is a two-time Tag Team Champion, with two different partners, here in Sin City Wrestling. I did some research and in addition to the two runs as SCW Tag Team Champion she has about a dozen Title Belts to her name from various organizations she’s worked with. This shows me I have someone who knows their way around Tag Team wrestling and Trish, like me, can work well with anyone as a partner. This also tells me that Trish is used to success so I feel confident we will win this match and the Blast From The Past tournament so we each get a shot at the top Title Belts.

James makes a call to the Network to ask them to be ready to run the video he provided them earlier in the day. He informs them to wait until he tells them to run it as he needs to give a lead-in on the video.

JAMES:  Pinky and I had fun doing a parody video for Climax Control 175 and we would like to present it to you. I will give you a lead-in on the video. We did a Fantasy Island parody where I’m made up to look like Mister Roarke, Pinky is made up to look like Mister Roarke’s assistant Tattoo, and we have two actors, one male and one female, made up to look like Max Burke and Mercedes Vargas who are our opponents in our Tag Team match at Blast From The Past this Sunday.

PINKY:  With that information would the people at the Network please run our Fantasy Island parody video?

The video begins with a shot of Fantasy Island which also shows Mister Roarke (James Tuscini) and Tattoo (Pinky del Ferrando).



After the Fantasy Island introduction music is done that graphic fades off the screen. A sea plane is coming in for a landing and Pinky, as Tattoo, utters the famous line, DA PLANE! DA PLANE! and the two watch the plane land and approach and tie up at the pier. After all the passengers get off the plane, and Mister Roarke has had time to greet them, he singles out the last two off the plane. These are the two actors made up to look like Mercedes Vargas and Max Burke.

MISTER ROARKE (JAMES):  Welcome to Fantasy Island! We don’t usually get couples here as people usually come alone. What brings you to Fantasy Island as a couple?

ACTOR MADE UP TO LOOK LIKE MAX BURKE:  I’m Max Burke and this is Mercedes Vargas and we’re wrestlers in Sin City Wrestling. Our names were drawn to be teamed up in a Mixed Tag Team for the Blast From The Past tournament and we’re going to wrestle against James Tuscini and Trish Newborn.

ACTOR MADE UP TO LOOK LIKE MERCEDES VARGAS:  We heard that here at Fantasy Island you can make fantasies come true. Our fantasy is that you will be able to give us the wrestling ability and ring knowledge and lots of luck to defeat James Tuscini and Trish Newborn.



When those words are uttered we see Tattoo (Pinky) give a look that doesn’t need words to explain what he’s thinking but he utters the words anyway.

TATOO (PINKY):  What the f*ck? Did I just hear them ask for what I thought they asked for?

Mister Roarke (James) and Tattoo (Pinky) bust out in uncontrollable laughter. It takes over a minute for the two of them to regain their composure. When they do a very stern Mister Roarke (James) gives his comments to the two actors made up to look like Max Burke and Mercedes Vargas.



MISTER ROARKE (JAMES):  You apparently don’t know how Fantasy Island works. When guests come to Fantasy Island my assistant Tattoo and I help them to achieve something they desire. You can call it their fantasy which is why we call our island Fantasy Island. We cannot give something to a guest they don’t already possess. It is like the Wizard in the movie the Wizard of Oz. He didn’t give the Scarecrow a brain, he didn’t give the Tin Woodsman a heart, and he didn’t give the Cowardly Lion courage. Each of them had those abilities inside of them and all the Wizard did was help them understand how to use the talents and abilities they already had. I’m sorry but I’m not going to be able to help you with your fantasy. I’ll gladly refund double your money and you get back on the plane and leave our island immediately.

ACTOR MADE UP TO LOOK LIKE MAX BURKE:  That’s not fair! We paid tens of thousands of dollars for this Fantasy and we expect you to fulfill your part of the contract. I can sue you for failure to honor the contract you made with us!

MISTER ROARKE (JAMES):  My part of the contract specifically states that I can help you understand and use the abilities and talents you already have. There is nothing in my part of the contract that says I can give you abilities and talents  and luck you don’t currently have. I’m not God, for crying out f*cking loud, who can give you talents and abilities you don’t already possess, and for sure I couldn’t find enough luck in the Universe to get you a win over James and Trish. Therefore the contact is null and void. You’ll either get on the plane and leave now, and I’ll refund you two double the money you paid, or I’ll have you arrested for trespassing! What the f*ck is it going to be?

The actors made up to look like Mercedes Vargas and Max Burke realize they have no legal case against Mister Roarke, so they get on the plane and the plane takes off as Mister Roarke (James) and Tattoo (Pinky) look on.

TATTOO (PINKY):  DA PLANE! DA PLANE! It’s leaving. Good riddance to two punk asses!

MISTER ROARKE (JAMES):  Yes, Tattoo, it’s nice that they left so we didn’t have to have them arrested and forcibly removed from Fantasy Island. I don’t know why people come to Fantasy Island and try to tell me I have to give them abilities and talents they don’t already possess. I can only help they understand what they already have, develop what they already have, and use what they already have, but I cannot perform f*cking miracles.

The Fantasy Island parody video ends and we return to James Tuscini and Pinky del Ferrando in their dressing room. They each have a glass of beer and they toast their upcoming win at Blast From The Past.

JAMES:  Cheers! Good riddance to two punk asses!

PINKY:  Here’s to our continued success in the wrestling world with a win at Blast From The Past this Sunday night.

The two click their glassed together and drink their beer before continuing with comments. However before James can launch into his comments he receives a phone call.

JAMES:  Hi Dmitri. … Yeah I have a few minutes but I’m live with my segment so I hope you don’t mind if I place my cell phone on speaker so everyone can hear both sides of the conversation. … Thanks.

James places his cell phone on speaker.

JAMES:  I feel bad for you as you have to face off against your good friend, Gothika, in the Blast From The Past tournament. I’ve always hated having to face a friend, Tag Team partner, or Stable-mate in a match. How do you feel about it?

DMITRI:  James wrestling is our profession. I happened to get assigned against Gothika in this Tournament. It happens and when it does you have to put personal feelings aside and realize this is business and you approach the match as you do any other match. The benefit of facing off against a friend, Stable-mate, or Tag Team partner, is that after the match you remain friends. I will be fine and so will Gothika.

JAMES:  Thanks for the advice. I’m extremely confident in our match against Mercedes Vargas and Max Burke. I feel a bit sad for Mercedes having to have a partner who will drag her down but that’s the way the draw for partners came out. I’m sure we’ll move on to the Quarter Finals.

DMITRI:  I believe you will advance in the Tournament. I also feel confident that my team will also advance. It may come down to us facing off against each other so be ready for that.

JAMES:  I’m always ready for everything. Also while I have you on the phone I wanted to let you know that although we have five wins as Unholy Alliance Tag Team, since we didn’t snag the Tag Team Championship yet, I would like to focus on Singles competition for a while. If Tag Team opportunities come up for us then I will, as always, give it all I’ve got. Right now I feel the urge to challenge for the Roulette Title Belt again and I’ love to have another shot at the Internet Championship. Maybe down the road, once I climb back up the Contendership ladder, I will challenge for the World Championship.

DMITRI:  It’s like you’re reading my mind James. I also want to challenge again for the World Championship. I’ve been so close to getting it and now that Rage has it I want to challenge for it and prove to the world I deserve to be World Championship. Thanks for taking my call but I have to go now to let you finish your segment. Sorry for taking some of your air time.

Tuscini ends the call and then he looks into the camera to continue his comments concerning his match as Climax Control 175.

JAMES:  I’m willing to admit that with the impressive successes and title history of Mercedes Vargas we took a bit of liberty in how the actor in our video portrayed her. With Mercedes involved in the match it will not be as easy to obtain a win over them but we expect to win anyway as we feel we are the superior team.

PINKY:  The problem is that Max Burke negates the accomplishments and abilities Mercedes brings to this match. Our team, on the other hand, brings in two top-notch wrestlers who are very familiar with the concept of Tag Team wrestling.  Mercedes, although she possesses outstanding wrestling ability, and she has held more title belts in Sin City Wrestling than most other wrestlers, having a drag chute like Max Burke on her team is like her trying to take off from an Aircraft Carrier in a Navy Jet while the tail hook is still connected to the drag cable. The jet is going full blast and yet the cable on the tail hook prevents it from taking off. Sorry, Mercedes, that you got stuck with a bad draw of Max Burke as your Tag Team partner.

JAMES:  My current overall Tag Team win-loss record is 5-4-1.  As Unholy Alliance with Dmitri my Tag Team win-loss record is 5-3-1 as one of my Tag Team losses came as a result of being forced to team with Steve Ramone while being involved in a major feud with him over the Roulette Title Belt.  Of the three losses me and Dmitri took all three of them were victories caused by cheating or double-teaming on the part of our opponents. So what do we have left? We have 5 legitimate wins and zero legitimate losses and one legitimate draw.

PINKY:  I want to put something out there so everyone can chew on it, taste it, smell it, and comprehend it. Trish Newborn is successful in Tag Team competition. Trish is so competent in Tag Team competition, and she can work well with anyone as a Tag Team partner, that she could be assigned a partner who is blind, deaf, and a paraplegic, and still win this Tag Team match. The fact that she is teamed with James Tuscini, who has great success as a Tag Team wrestle, you see we have a pairing in this Tournament that was made in Heaven. Ladies and Gentlemen take a good look at James and Trish as they will be the overall winners of the Blast From The Past Tournament.

James and Pinky take a short break. The Network runs commercials while the two take care of a few things around their dressing room. When the commercials are over we return to James and Pinky and this time both are standing near the dining room table.

PINKY:  James do you mind if I make two comments right now?

JAMES  Say whatever you want Uncle.

PINKY  We’re honoring Gorilla Monsoon at this Blast From The Past event. His real name is Robert Marella and he was one of the great Italian wrestlers in the good old days of wrestling. I used to watch him wrestle at the Cow Palace, the Oakland Auditorium, and Veterans Arena in Richmond, California. After he retired he made a great announcer for American Wrestling Association.

JAMES:  That’s only one item. You said there were two.

PINKY:  I’ve been keeping this to myself because I wasn’t sure how you would react but I have to get it out in the open. The leaders of the Italian Mafia in San Francisco have been in contact with the leaders of the Italian Mafia in Atlanta, Georgia. They have asked me to move to the Atlanta Metro area to live there and support the Italian Mafia in the area. James I cannot accept this position unless you give your approval and move with me. Would you be willing to leave our home in San Francisco to move to the Atlanta area?

JAMES:  Would we have to sell our house in San Francisco?

CYAN:  No we wouldn’t. I worked out a deal that some of our relatives could stay in the home to make sure it stays safe and in good condition. We can rent a nice apartment, or purchase a home, in the Atlanta Metro area and when this assignment is over we can return to San Francisco. But please don’t ask me how long the assignment will be James as I honestly don’t know. They told me it would be an initial two-year assignment and there are only a few things that would change the length of the assignment.

JAMES:  And those “things” are?

PINKY:  If I complete the full two-year assignment without messing up or getting killed then they release me and we are free to return to San Francisco if that is our desire. If I mess something up before the two years are finished I get reprimanded and I get kicked out of the Italian Mafia permanently. And if I get killed before the two years are up that pretty much ends everything including the two-year assignment.

We see a cringe come on the face of James Tuscini.

JAMES:  You’re creeping me out Uncle. Let’s not talk about this subject any longer as I want to get back to commenting on Max Burke and Mercedes Vargas and our match at Climax Control 175.

PINKY:  Just one last comment on the Atlanta thing. We have to move there before the end of April 2017. Okay let’s continue our discussion about Burke and Vargas.

JAMES:  Max you returned to active service in Sin City Wrestling at the wrong time. You should have waited until after Blast From The Past so you wouldn’t be seen as the chump partner who screwed Mercedes Vargas out of a win in the Tournament. It sucks when you’re a talented wrestler like Mercedes only to have to drag you along and hope you can do something against me. I know, without a doubt, that Trish can take care of Mercedes so I have no worries when she is in the ring. I know Mercedes is going to be freaking out when you have to enter the ring against me. To put it as plainly as I can, Max, you are about as successful as the Edsel model car Ford produced. About as effective as a screen door on a submarine. More idiotic than tits on a Bull. As dumb as a Sloth wearing running shoes. And for sure less effective in the wrestling ring than Frankie Williams. Do a Google search on him Max. When you find out how un-successful Frankie Williams was, and that this Sunday you will manage to eclipse the pathetic-ness of Frankie Williams, I’m sure you won’t be able to look at your reflection in the mirror for months.

PINKY:  As far as Mercedes goes I have some words of wisdom for you. I’m in the corner of James and Trish to lend moral support and cheer them on. I’m sick of this crap that in a lot of matches James has been in that there was cheating and interference. So in addition to cheering on Trish and James I’m at ringside to ensure there is no cheating or interference. If you arrange to have someone interfere in the match, to try to over-compensate for the crappy partner you had assigned to you, then be ready for me to place a few people in the Intensive Care Unit. I’ll sacrifice myself to protect the integrity of my Nephew James. If that means people get seriously hurt in the process so be it. I don’t give a f*ck about hurting people any more. Don’t for a split-second think that my conscience will take over and make me back down. To hell with my conscience let the ass kicking begin!

James and Pinky allow the Network to run another commercial break. During the several minutes of commercials they put some additional things away and they get some snacks and drinks from the kitchen and when the commercials are over we see James and Pinky again on the couch with their snacks on the coffee table.

JAMES:  To refer back to our Fantasy Island video we played for you earlier I want you two to know that although your fantasy is to defeat me and Trish Newborn that fantasy will not come true this Sunday evening. This is a marvelous opportunity for me and Trish and we’re not wasting our opportunity. I don’t care if you’ve held two title belts as Max Burke has or if you’ve held many more as Mercedes Vargas has, what matters is this one match, this Sunday night, and who wins and who is forever eliminated from this year’s Blast From The Past Tournament.

PINKY:  Mercedes, Max, keep something in mind. You are going to lose and James and Trish are going to win. Don’t whine when it happens. Don’t complain when it happens. Don’t threaten us when it happens. Just accept it and move on.  Anything else you wish to say James before we call it a wrap on this segment?

JAMES:  We’re going to have some boneheads in Sin City Wrestling, most likely our opponents, Mercedes Vargas and Max Burke, ask why we, meaning myself and Trish, are not in the Gym working out to ensure we work well as a Tag Team. Seriously? First of all when and where we work out is none of your business as we try to keep that private. Even if we didn’t show you our workouts, and even if we never worked out at all, Trish and I could each have one arm tied behind our back, have a blindfold put on us, and our ankles in shackles, and we would still defeat you. Working out in a Gym is meaningless when you have two outstanding Tag Team wrestlers teamed up in a Tournament like this. But you two wouldn’t know anything about that when you have a Mercedes teamed up with a Yugo right?

James and Pinky bust out in uncontrollable laughter. They are not able to recover from the laughter at the comments James made so all the cameraman can do is call into the Network, inform them the segment of James and Pinky is over, and the Network cuts to a commercial break. After a few commercials run the Network switches over to regularly scheduled programming and we turn out television off.