You know a dream is like a river
Ever changin' as it flows
And a dreamer's just a vessel
That must follow where it goes
Trying to learn from what's behind you
And never knowing what's in store
Makes each day a constant battle
Just to stay between the shores...and
I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
Like a bird upon the wind
These waters are my sky
I'll never reach my destination
If I never try
So I will sail my vessel
'Til the river runs dry
~*~
Oh what a tangled web we weave...
It's a very common phrase that we use when things are just a giant mess with no end in sight. Now not only was I entangled with Roxi and trying to free her from the Tyrant Cyrus, but I was also stuck in-between a woman I'd known for 16 years; considered a little sister no less and an Ex-boyfriend that I'd started to rekindle a friendship with.
Not to mention that this week... This week I had to tag with Roxi, a woman that tried to take me out one week, and then run from me the next. To say Roxi's actions bothered me was an understatement. All this was on my mind still as I stared at my little boy on the computer screen.
"Mommy? Are you okay mommy?"
I shake myself free of the thoughts, feeling guilty that I'd let it actually interfere with what little time I had with my son
I give him a smile, "Yes, I'm sorry baby."
The little boy that looked so much like me there was no denying he was mine gave me the same worried expression that I was sure that I gave others more times then I liked.
"It's okay mommy. I know you're going to win again in this match right? And me and Aly will be cheering for you so loud you'll here it all the way over there!"
His face lights up and every time I see that smile I fall in love with him all over again. I still remember the moment I'd looked at him for the first time and then giving him up to my sister and brother in law has pulled me apart. Hind sight is 20/20. If I had to go back I would do things differently for sure, but I thanked god everyday that I'd been able to keep a great relationship with him despite him thinking I was his Aunt for the first 3 years of his life and now, it was as if nothing had ever happened. I can't help but laugh at how animated he is. He continues by telling me about how he is always telling everyone at school how his parents are famous wrestlers and that his mommy is going to win a big title. Of course I'm sure the teachers simply humour him by looking interested but I knew that Matthew Styles was my biggest fan
"Daddy says he wants to talk to you now. I love you mommy!"
I can't help but smile, "I love you more. I will talk to you tomorrow."
He blows me a kiss, and I pretend to catch it and place it on my chest where my heart is. He smiles as two large hands grab him and drop him down to the floor where he runs off. In seconds, my handsome husband has replaced him on the screen. He smirks at me before speaking
"So how are you holding up out there without me?"
I roll my eyes and shake my head, "Barely. I do miss you guys really bad. I wish we were closer to home for this run"
He takes a big sigh before responding, "You are doing great out there Lex. Only one loss so far and even that loss wasn't too bad, I mean you did make it to the final opponent eliminated after all, that's still nothing to scoff at...and now... did I hear right that you're going to have a title shot at the supercard?"
"That's the rumour floating around, but nothing is confirmed. I don't expect to be already getting title shots. I am a big advocate for earning your spot in those kinds of things and if they're already giving me a shot well... that's great, I am excited to be able to have a chance at it so soon. I just don't want anybody to think that I'm doing backstage favours to get ahead because you know I'm not that kinda girl and I want everyone else to know that as well." I chew the inside of my cheek with the worry of that thought being on the mind of anybody else on the roster. Not that I particularly care what others think of me per say, it was more that I didn't want to be a disappointment to the fans. If I was going to be their next bombshell champion, I wanted it to be because I legitimately deserve to be so.
Ryan smiles and winks, "That's right, I'm the only one you give backstage favours too..."
I roll my eyes at him again, "You are never going to let me forget that are you?"
Yes, I wasn't ashamed to say that in the last year when Ryan had been a major part of WWO, there had been many times that we'd had a little fun backstage away from the eyes of everyone else. There was certainly something to be said about having sex in a public place, it makes it so much better when you think you could be caught at any moment
I can't help the heat that rises up in my cheeks and of course my darling husband notices it right away and laughs. "Damn you Ryan. I hate that you love torturing me with that all the time.
He shrugs, still smirking in that cocky way that often makes me mad. There were certainly times his non-chalant attitude actually pissed me off, but this was not one of those times. No right now I was only mildly annoyed but in the end... I did like the naughtiness the action had been. Every girl had her moments, whether she was a good girl or not
"Could we possibly talk about something else now? How is Alyson? Still giving you trouble eating?"
His look turns to one of frustration. Knowing our daughter, she was really pushing his limits
{The scene fades out as Ryan starts to complain about coping with his Baby daughter on his own}
***
I was feeling rather lonely. Both Drake and Kahlan were both avoiding me. I was slightly pissed off over Kahlan's childish tweet to me when I had expressed how I didn't want to be in the middle and Drake had gone into some kind of frenzy over how she had ended the match. I was glad that she'd re-kindled things with her estranged husband but I didn't expect that. She had confessed to me months ago about her alter personality 'La Diosa Alada' and I had promised to keep quiet about it but I had no idea that she'd been planning to turn it all around on Drake. How she had pretended to be intimated by Drake and his partner Omega simply to stall so Jackson could come out. I had to admit it was clever and it really did show how far Kahlan had come but on the other hand my heart ached for Drake because I knew now what little was left of his control had been stretched way to thin....and then Violet.
I had sent him a text to tell him he was making a mistake letting her go, but it remained unanswered...which usually meant that I was right and he just didn't want to admit it by replying.
However, I had a hard time thinking on one straight thing, especially since right at this moment I was standing in front of the most majestic animals I'd ever had pleasure to be this close too. The elephant towered over me, looking calmly ahead, not nearly as enthralled with the taller than average human standing in front of her. She even uses her trunk to pluck off some leaves from a nearby tree and stuff them into her mouth as if nothing special was happening. I look over as the tour guide walks calmly over and smiles at me.
"Hello there, could I get your name miss?"
I can hear his accent very clearly, but his English is still clear enough that it's easy enough to know what he's saying...actually most of the people that I've met on this whole tour had been pretty fluent. I answer him while still staring at the "cow", "Electra Styles..."
"Eleanor is a beauty. One of the gentlest we have on the tour. I hope you don't mind but since you are here alone, we've paired you up with a gentlemen that is also alone on this tour." He points and I look up to see where his hand is pointing too. My voice catches in my throat. He's very good looking and if i were single, this would be a very cliché starting to me flirting relentlessly. He walks over and looks at guide, "This is her?"
The guide nods before walking away to the aid of someone else trying to get up on another Elephant. The man, with dark shaggy hair and cargo shirts over a stark white polo gives me a shy smile. He extends his hand to shake,"I'm Francis Halton.. the third but you can me Jimmy."
I give him a curious look, it was an unusual nickname and very different than his given name but who was I to judge."Electra Styles, but you can call me Lexi."
We shake hands and his are clammy, indicating that he's nervous. Maybe from the idea of being so close to the Elephant or maybe because he was talking to me. I got the impression that he was rather shy. I walk closer, placing my hand on the girl's flank and rub gently. She turns her head toward me, using her trunk to sniff at my hair and I can't help but laugh a little. I was definitely glad I'd decided to fly to the main land for a few days to do some touristy stuff. "Jimmy" looks at me with interest. He's furrowed his brow watching me and it kinda makes me suspicious. I continue to gently rub the animal as he watches and then he finally takes the couple steps to stand beside me again
"I know you...You work for SCW don't you?"
I can't help but smile. It was probably the first time I'd been recognized in public for my actual identity. There had been times I'd been mistaken for someone else but I was kinda excited that this guy knew who I was. I give him a bright smile, "Yes I do."
He begins to pet the elephant as well and I know he's been thinking in his head of something intelligent to say because the silence is almost on the verge of being uncomfortable before he breaks it with more questions"I'm a fan. I...I... I hope you win this weekend, even if you have to pair up with Roxi
"Why do you say it like that? I know that a lot of people think that Roxi is the bad guy now but really... it's not about being good or bad, it's about the fact that she's had someone sitting on her shoulder for weeks convincing her that every single person has been out to get her. I don't know how he was able to do it, I guess he just happened to find the perfect time to drawn her into his propaganda"
Jimmy doesn't seem convinced."I think you're being far too nice to her. Especially with how she came after you the week before last and then last week she ran... ran away like a coward. I really don't know why you want to help her."
Then he kind of cowers back from me as if I'm going to lash out at him but I remain calm because it's not really his fault that he's believing everything Cyrus has been feeding him and every other fan "Because I don't believe anything she says, or that he says for that matter. I just know deep down that the real Roxi is still there, she just needs help coming back to us. And... I don't intend to give up on it either. It's quite possible that I'm going to be fighting a 3 on 1 battle this weekend because I'm sure Cyrus is going to be chirping in Roxi's ear to destroy me and make it easy for my defeat in Cape Town, but I'm not going down that easy.
He gives me a little smile as if he approves but doesn't want to say it out loud. "I think you'll defeat them all, including Emma Rose."
I give him a smile. I had my work cut out for me against Emma, especially since she'd been the one to defeat me in the battle royal and went on to become the Roulette champion. "Thank you. That means a lot to me."
After a few minutes, the guide returns to say that it's time to get on the Riverboat which will travel down the Zambezi River. I follow along, with Jimmy right behind me. While boarding, i go to step into the boat when a child, about the same age as my oldest, zooms past his parents and nearly pushes me out of the way to board ahead of me. It causes me to lose my balance and in my head I'm thinking I'm about to land in the water but Jimmy grabs my arm, pulling me back upright. the parents of the tyke offer me profuse apologies before I board and find a seat near the Bow. Jimmy of course takes the empty seat beside me
"So I've always looked forward to what you have to say... are you doing another podcast this week?"
The boat jerks to a start and I can't help but admire his interest in me. I can tell that part of his knowing who I am is probably due to the fact that I know I'm fairly attractive...I'm not being conceited or egotistical here, if anything I was always quite modest when it came to me talking about my looks...I never openly admitted that I was beautiful, despite other people saying it, or in the Mean Girls case, hiding their jealousy by calling me things such as 'homely'...ok there Delia, perhaps you need a new mirror...but I humour this man by answering him
"Not this week. I've been trying to fill my time with either training or by doing touristy stuff. Just trying to keep myself busy so I'm not thinking about either the conflicts in my life or the fact that I insanely miss my family."
"That's too bad.... he's legitimately disappointed by my answer. He must look forward to my podcasts or even just a regular video that I'd sometimes do when I was short on time. I almost felt bad for causing that little frown on his face. I could tell just by the look of him that he was significantly younger than my own 31 years. Far be it from me to disappoint a fan
"Tell you what, I'll tell you what I would have told a camera, will that make you smile?" His face lights up and he shakes his head. It's enough to make me feel like if at least one fan felt this way about me as a wrestler then maybe I was doing something right. I clear my throat before beginning
"Emma is going to be a challenge but I have stood up to almost every 'challenge' I've been presented Thus far in SCW. She's obviously a great competitor and I hold nothing but respect for her, especially after eliminating me and going on to actually win the roulette belt...but that respect isn't going to stop me from doing everything in my power to get yet another win in SCW. I may be modest on some things but when it comes to reaching my goal to be everything I couldn't' before... unfortunately when we get in that ring she won't be the woman I respect outside the ring, she'll be just another number on my list of people I won against. Mercedes.. well I don't know much about her but I do know that when it came to our match in the battle royale, not only did she not even mention me as if I were not worth it, but she also lost. She claimed she was a favourite to win. Glad I didn't bet money on that assumption. I'm not discrediting that fight she gave. There is a big reason why all of us were selected for that match but as I've been saying the whole time I've been a part of SCW I came here to win. Not to cry in front of a TV and talk about my short comings, not to talk up my opponents and certainly not to lose. I like winning.
His eyes are wide with glee and I can tell that's on the edge of his seat because he's waiting to see what I have to say about Roxi. God... I don't think there was enough time in one day for me to talk about everything I had issue with but I'd attempt to sum up a few good points on my tag team 'partner'
"And Roxi, they've got me paired up with her and it's like asking for me to get a few unfair shots. the old Roxi I would trust with my life, but the Roxi that's out there right now... I can't trust her with anything...and so unfortunately not only do I have to watch out to see what Mercedes and Emma are going to try to pull, I also have to keep one eye in Roxi's direction as well. It's very frustrating to know that right below the surface that real Roxi is sitting there, waiting for the right moment and opportunity to pull her back from this abyss she's fallen into. I find it really funny that Cyrus complains and tries to convince people that everyone has turned their back on her and only want to use her when in reality... Cyrus has been using Roxi this whole time. I only wish I knew what his main motive was...because that's really the thing that is needed to break his hold on Roxi. if i could just get some leverage...but I'm not giving up on her....and the one thing that Cyrus cannot say about me is that I have turned on her...because this whole time I have been doing everything I can to be there for her and to try and get her to see reason...On Sunday... it's going to be a crap shoot about how it's all going to turn out. Who knows maybe Roxi will be more like her old self and actually be honourable in the way she tags with me. maybe she'll actually have my back against Emma and Mercedes...or maybe she won't. maybe she'll stand at her corner and watch and laugh. Regardless I will win this match on my own if I have too."
I smile and then I hear a resounding applause and look up to see that this end of the boat had all listened to my monologue with interest. Jimmy is clapping the loudest of them all. I can't help but blush a little but still I give them all a shallow bow. I hadn't expected that I'd been with a group of fans, or at least they seemed to be now.
The day was fun. The scenery was breathtakingly beautiful. I exchanged social media information with jimmy and then wished him the best on the rest of his trip. I made the solo trip back to my hotel where I walked in and collapsed onto the soft bed. Tomorrow I had to head back to Madagascar and spend most of the weekend training for this match. As my phone connects to the Hotel wii fii my phone gives me multiple notifications, including texts from Drake. Responses to my questions about what happened between him and Violet. I wanted to know why he'd suddenly gone from thinking that she was different to basically calling her a 'slut' on twitter. When that went unanswered I finally text him stating how much I think he's going to regret what he's doing
Drake Hunter: I've got thousands of regrets. You starting all of this is one of them. I think I'll make that mistake. In fact, I have...Multiple times...
Electra Styles: She's Different than me...Then Kahlan. You can't treat her the same
Drake Hunter: This isn't and never was your business. And your Right, She isn't the same. She's so much better. And she's still going to cut me open
Electra Styles: Alright Drake, I know I deserve your anger. How I left was shitty. Kah deserves it too but not her. She wasn't going to leave you. but it's not up to me to change your mind. Goodnight from Johannesburg
Drake Hunter: You don't deserve my anger Electra. Unfortunately I don't actually hate you. I hate what you did to me, I hate what you've become and I hate the fact that you're blinded by Kahlan. I don't want to hurt you, but I won't be hurt again. I will not be the victim again. And Violet isn't worth the trouble
The texts end after that one. He doesn't want to admit what he knows to be true. I knew it was killing him that he'd been so harsh and that he couldn't go and take care of her while she was breaking down, or at least that's the way it seemed based on her tweets...and now she'd broken into a third personality. That couldn't be good either. He wanted to lash out at me, fine. I could take his brow beating. He hadn't had a chance to do that when we broke up. I knew that once this little episode was over, he'd talk to me again. I could wait. As long as he needed. Until then, I wouldn't bother him again.
Feeling exhausted I strip off the sundress I'd been wearing that day and walk to the bathroom in my bra and underwear I pull my hair down and stare at my face in the mirror. I was ready for anything they threw at me. I was ready to knock some sense into Roxi. I was ready to win that Tag Team match even if It might end up a handicap. I was ready to tell both Kahlan and Drake to keep me out of the nasty mind games they were playing with each other because it had nothing to do with me, besides I had enough of my own problems to deal with. I continue to stare into my own brown eyes. So full of worry, so full of determination and so very tired.
"So ready to be done with all of this!"
I give myself a smirk before leaving the bathroom, turning off the light and plunging the bathroom into darkness
