“Da Damsel in Dat Dress” Azurine Vebbins sports a Granny Smith green ballgown with matching ballet flats. Her Camerasphere VRD (Video Recording Device) captures her kneeling, head bowed, and scrubbing a kitchen floor vigorously. “Da Hardheaded Housewife” continues cleaning until she receives a taut tug on her halo. A fierce female figure looms behind our crimson-curled competitor holding a leash connected to the gimmicked neck collar. Overwhelmingly obedient to her “Big Swoon,” Ms. Vebbins establishes immediate eye contact with an attention-absorbed audience.
Azurine Vebbins: Notion it’s time for an intense introduction? I’m a pleasant peasant preparin’ to pummel Lady Apple Coren durin’ my primary promenade for Sin City Wrestlin’. Some of you probably know me as “Da Adorkable Angel.” Dat reminds me I should polish my halo before enterin’ da Encore De-a-tre Saturday night. Additionally, you might’ve heard me referred to as “Da Damsel in Dat Dress” since my grapplin’ gear garners gorgeous gab. Den again, maybe you view dis little lady as “Da Vivacious Variable” ’cause I solve every enemy equation via extreme, eloquent execution. Still, dis particular promotional material could be your first time vicariously viewin’ “Da Hardheaded Housewife.” Dat moniker came from survivin’ a pulverizin’ piledriver most maidens wouldn’t waltz away from. Of course, some chanters claim it’s accurate considerin’ I’m a redhead who enjoys cookin’, cleanin’, and dutifully tendin’ to my girlfriend’s gratification garden.
A joygasmic jolt jaunts down Vebbins’ spine when another tug resynchronizes her kinesiology. Azurine proudly pirouettes while continuing to deliver her diatribe.
Azurine Vebbins: Mentioned it since I’ll be performin’ on a broadcast known as “Climax Control 298.” Best way to achieve is by keepin’ a campy composure, right? Right. Yet, I recognize restraint would’ve smood-ed din’s over, too. When booked against Lady Apple Guylaine Sophia Coren, I viewed her as an entitled emissary who eschews discipline. Since I’m questin’ to cross names off my Dream Dance List, a select few seedy slices deserved to be dropped. Specifically. Corlen sounds like a fairy tale tart gettin’ cherry popped back into da toaster. Dis Saturday, on Independent Bookstore Day, I’ll pollex every page of her paperback from cover to cover. It’s why I’ll leave Las Vegas after unleashin’ an “Unhappily Ever After” of my very own in da form of my Pearly Gatekeeper. Cherish your jawbone and clavicle, ’cause bode are endin’ up cracked followin’ our openin’ orchestration.
Before her streaming signal shorts out, Vebbins kneels back down and reads a novel called “Once Upon A Princess” by Claire Lydon and Harper Bliss. She thumbs through each page and speed reads to demonstrate what rhythm her rumba with Coren will be.
